SageHealth Network

New SageHealth Network Column on Toronto Community News

2012-01-14T11:48:00.003-05:00

This is my first column for Age Well, my monthly blog for Toronto Community News.

Aging Positively

2011-12-25T12:44:00.001-05:00

Why do we age? Although this eternal question has yet to be answered, we know for a fact that aging is an unavoidable part of life. As people age, some may develop feelings of anxiety depression and decreasing confidence. However, it’s imperative that we approach aging with a positive attitude and live life to the fullest for as long as possible!

The first step towards positive aging is to debunk the common misconception that aging must somehow equal decline. While older adults and seniors may not have the same energy levels compared to someone in their 20s, this shouldn’t prevent anyone from enjoying an active and fulfilling life.

Two of the most important aspects of positive aging are maintaining a positive attitude and leading a healthy lifestyle. A combination of regular exercise and a healthy diet has not only proven beneficial to one’s physical health but has many positive effects on mental health as well. The old saying: “when you look good, you feel good” certainly rings true for everyone, both young and old.

Maintaining a positive outlook on life can certainly be difficult at times with all the challenges and uncertainties of day-to-day living, especially as we get older. Nevertheless, resilience to life’s setbacks and having an optimistic attitude allows one to approach aging in a more positive way. It’s equally important for older adults to maintain friendships and outside hobbies that engage them physically as well as mentally. Staying active and busy equals happiness and fulfillment!

Staying active, healthy and maintaining a positive attitude plays a huge difference in the way we age. Aging is inevitable, but doing so in a positive way can lead to a longer, happier and more fulfilling life during our later years.

Alex Vainberg

Real Love Stories on the Big Screen

2011-12-20T10:08:00.001-05:00

By Michele Cauch, Executive Director
SageHealth Network

In the past few years, we’ve begun to see more movies featuring mature adults as the main characters. Finally, Hollywood has taken note that a huge chunk of the global population is aging. It has become more realistic to see older adults and seniors as protagonists in feature films. Adventure films, chick flicks, drama and love stories….These speak to the growing market of 55+ and better reflect the world in which we live.

Romance movies featuring older adults are a wonderful step forward from the traditional Hollywood fare. Love stories depicting older adults help change dated stereotypes and negatives myths about this demographic seeking companionship, love, romance and intimacy. For the longest time, we’ve been stuck in a formulaic cycle of love stories focusing on and targeting youth. Senior-centric films thrown into the mix were meant to placate and amuse audiences like Cocoon, Grumpy Old Men and On Golden Pond.

The Rise of Senior-Centric Movies

Thankfully, with the increase in senior-centric love stories, we are seeing genuine relationships and romances that optimistically reflect real lives, are much more inclusive of people of all ages, and are more respectful of the needs of mature audiences. Movies such as The Notebook, Something’s Gotta Give, Love in the Time of Cholera, Space Cowboys, It’s Complicated, Nights in Rodanthe, and Bridges of Madison County vividly illustrate that romance doesn’t end at 55 years old. Seeing mature actors and actresses in these romantic roles is not only optimistic, but it also helps alter attitudes towards older adults, seniors and aging.

Such movies show us that romance is possible for anyone. Love can endure over decades or can be as fleeting as one week. Love can bloom at any age and become a deeper, more meaningful experience; or it can spark into an all-consuming flame and burn out quickly. And sadly, there are never any guarantees for how long it will last no matter how old we are.

Love in movies as in real life can be chaotic, complicated, profound, comforting or tumultuous. It can be a tragedy, comedy, or a blessing. It knows no age limits and no one is ever completely immune to it.

Cambodia condom demonstration

2011-12-07T06:52:00.000-05:00

Older people are taught how to use a condom in Cambodia as part as an education and prevention program on AIDS

From Global Action on Aging: http://ca.mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1h5qbfujluc0g

HIV Does Not Discriminate

2011-12-07T06:49:00.001-05:00

In light of the fact that World AIDS Day was December 1, here is a post written by Sanna Klemetti, intern with Global Action on Aging December 2, 2011.
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Let's face it, sex never gets old. Turning 50 does not mean sex life automatically stops. For a long time stigma around age and sex has shaped how many people feel; discussions about aging and sex have been behind closed doors. This stigma contributes to how persons in the US and Europe see the increase of newly HIV infected older adults and seniors. Studies show that many people over age 50 do not use condoms. They seem to ignore or be unconcerned about HIV and AIDS. At the moment, the 50 years and older population is the fastest growing population in Europe and the US. In the year 2000, approximately 605 million people were 60 years or older. By 2050 that number is expected to be close to 2 billion. This is very large group of people. Why should this group be ignorant and excluded from the fight against HIV/AIDS.

What can we do to make older adults realize they are at risk? How do we get older adults to get tested for HIV? How can we change the general view on aging and sex?
To solve this problem we need to attack the problem from different angles. I believe popular culture is encouraging a slow change in the image of older adults and seniors. More TV shows and films portray mature women and men living a happy life including sex. Pop culture has started to show more dimensions of people over 50. This development will help change the view younger people have about aging and sex. It may also serve as a form of identification for older adults, helping them to be more open and comfortable about sex and their sexuality.

However, health care systems must take more responsibility when it comes to older adults and their sex lives. This is a good place to start dealing with the taboo around sex and age. Older adults and seniors may not feel comfortable talking about their sex lives with their doctors, a holdover from their earlier experiences when talking about sex was something one did not didn't do. Sexual activity was a very private matter rather than the sex education that is taught in schools today.
Today, doctors should ask their patients about their sexual life and if they are protecting themselves against infection. Since signs of HIV/AIDS can be the same aches of normal co-morbidities of aging, it is important that doctors talk to all their patients about risky sexual behaviors and encourage them to get tested for HIV.
Another important part in making older adults and seniors aware of the risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases is to create HIV/AIDS campaigns that specifically target older people. Most campaigns target young people. By not including the older population in these campaigns, organizers are reinforcing existing stereotypes around aging and sex. These campaigns can serve several purposes, not only prevention and awareness, but also encouraging people to know their HIV status by getting tested.
These are not impossible goals. It is about time we stop thinking that HIV/AIDS is a “young person’s disease.”

HIV does not discriminate. No one who has sex is safe, no matter what gender you have or what year you were born.

Sanna Klemetti s.klemetti@globalaging.org

Original link: http://www.globalaging.blogspot.com/2011/12/hiv-does-not-discriminate.html

Curious Victorian Invention Keeps On Buzzing

2011-11-14T21:04:00.005-05:00

This summer, the movie Hysteria caused quite a buzz at the Toronto International Film Festival. The movie is about the invention of the vibrator in Victorian England. The big news is not that it was invented during the oft-cited prudishness that characterized the Victorian Period, but rather the vibrator was invented by a physician! If only my doctor was so open minded! It’s true. A doctor invented the electrical device to help alleviate the malady known as hysteria characterized by fatigue, ennui, nagging, and irritability. Coupled with electricity, doctors treated their female patients not even being aware that they were inducing orgasms since women were believed to be incapable of orgasm. It was just another day’s work. Research into the female nether regions was not a priority in the medical field at the time. Yet this did not bother the ladies who left the doctors’ office with a spring in their step and a smile on their face.

As the fifth electrified household appliance after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle and toaster, the vibrator has come a long way.

According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, out of 26,000 people surveyed, 1 in 5 (21%) use vibrators and more than one-third (34%) use lubricants as part of their sex lives (Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey 2010, http://www.durex.com).

Today, many people are well aware of the fact that older adults and seniors are sexually active. There is a world of intimacy aids waiting to be discovered that can really benefit older men and women. These products can be enjoyed by couples or singles. Everyone has the right to sexual pleasure no matter what their age. It’s time that older adults educated themselves on what is available to enhance their intimate relationships and individuals sex lives.

[Stay tuned for Part 2....]

NEW SilverSparks Speed Dating Event December 4, 2011

2011-11-06T20:28:00.001-05:00

SageHealth Network, an agency focusing on health promotion and positive aging workshops for older adults and seniors, will be hosting its second SilverSparks Speed Dating event at the Granite Brewery on Sunday afternoon, December 4, 2011.

Speed dating has proven to be extremely popular in the last few years and SilverSparks is bringing this fun and exciting concept to the 55+ crowd! If you are looking to meet new people in a safe, casual and fun environment, SilverSparks Speed Dating is definitely an event you should not miss! Speed Dating has proven to help millions of people form meaningful and lasting connections, whether friendship or romance.

How it works: Each participant spends six minutes conversing with a partner. If you happen to like one another, you are asked to check each other off on match cards. Organizers forward contact information only if both participants select each other. Then, the rest is up to you! You are free to explore your connection.

This event is designed to connect mature adults between the ages of 55-70 in the Greater Toronto area. The cost of this event is $35.00 (plus tax) and includes light appetizers as well as free parking. If you are interested in purchasing a ticket, please visit our website at: www.silversparksdating.com.

Be part of the excitement and join us at the Granite Brewery (245 Eglinton Avenue East, South East Corner of Mount Pleasant and Eglinton Ave E) on December 4, 2011 from 2:00pm to 4:00 pm.

By Alex Vainberg
SageHealth Network

Health Officials Urge Adults to Counsel Elderly Parents on Safe Sex

2011-10-04T06:39:00.002-04:00

King Broadcasting Company
September 26, 2011

Just when you though those sex talks were over, the Florida Department of Health wants to turn the tables, asking children to have that awkward conversation with their aging parents.

These days, health experts say the conversation is imperative.

"The increase is in asking them to consider using protection. Whereas in the past, previous generations were not as sexually active with so many different partners," says Diane Holm from the Lee County Health Department.

Many seniors may now be more sexually active but might not be practicing safe sex.

"They definitely have sex on their mind, because I live in a place where, oh my, I would say eight out of 10 are looking for men," says Yuanita Laffon.

Yuanita's daughter, Jaye Dobson, plans on having a conversation with her mother about practicing safe sex in order to help lower a few potentially deadly statistics.

"Back in the day, they didn't have to worry about it. It wasn't what it was like today," Jaye says.

In 2009, a fifth of HIV cases and a quarter of new AIDS cases in Florida were in people over the age of 50.

The state of Florida projects that by 2015, most HIV/AIDS cases will be found among people 50-years-old and over.

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/health%20officials%20urge%20safe%20sex.html

Con: Is online Dating safe?

2011-09-19T06:57:00.003-04:00

Online dating removes needed social interaction from process
Erin Pradia
September 19, 2011

The age of technology has increased speed and convenience, but it has brought its own variety of spam and scams.

While many people testify they found happiness through online dating services, do your chances of finding love outweigh the risk of potential danger of running into a scam or an online predator?

Mary Cay Barker, 48, of Victoria, met her husband of 18 years at college.

"I think there are concerns with dating in any setting," Barker said. "The concerns are just different dating online."

Barker said presenting a different persona online is easier than it is when interacting with someone face-to-face in some other social setting.

Cameron Gomez, 21, of San Marcos, who was visiting friends in Victoria over Labor Day weekend, agreed.

"I think it's a bad idea to date online because you don't know who a person really is until you meet them in-person," Gomez said. "You are basically just talking with a computer."

Gomez said the same setbacks apply with any kind of social networking, including Facebook or Myspace.

"It is hard to even be friends with someone you've never met," Gomez said. "I mean, they could say, 'I'm outgoing,' or 'I love the world,' but how do you really know if you don't have any personal interaction with them?"

Jeanna Bryner in an article for Live Science said online dating can set unrealistic expectations that are shattered when a couple meets in-person.

Michael Norton, of Harvard Business School, conducted a study with his colleagues to target why couples were dissatisfied with online dating.

"We were working with a couple of online dating companies who were finding that their users got very unhappy very quickly with online dating. And the question was why," Norton said. "Inevitably, I'm going to find something we don't agree on. And as soon as I find that one thing, then things start to cascade so everything else I learn about you suddenly now feels like more evidence that we are dissimilar and we don't get along."

Original link: http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/news/2011/sep/18/ep_con_online_dating_091911_151642/?print

Older women lack important information about sexual health

2011-09-15T07:00:00.002-04:00

Many women over 50 years old date and are sexually active and thereby face many possible health risks. Yet, most educational campaigns designed to prevent sexually transmitted diseases target younger generations. Older women also need and want more information about sexual health and wellness. A study in the new special issue of the Journal of Consumer Affairs on older consumers found a critical need for improving communication between older women and their physicians about sexual health and for providing these women with tools on how to negotiate with partners about safe sex practices.

Dr. Cynthia Morton and her colleagues at the University of Florida examined women's knowledge about sexual health and their concerns about safe sex practices as they continue to pursue active sex lives into their senior years. Women aged 50 years and older participated in focus group discussions to talk about the challenges in finding male partners, negotiating condom use, and seeking credible information sources to help them make the best decisions about sexual health.

Results of the study revealed that older women are aware of the risks for sexually transmitted diseases yet are uncomfortable about seeking sexual health information from their regular physicians who may erroneously believe that they already possess the knowledge. Although older women know the importance of condoms in preventing sexually transmitted diseases, they may avoid negotiating condom use with their partners in an effort to avoid conflict or rejection. Senior-aged women are receptive to strategies that give them tools for negotiating with partners and for communicating with their physicians, but there are limited resources directed to their age group.

"The findings generated from our research offer a rich foundation for better understanding the motivations and concerns that influence senior-aged women's attitudes about dating at their present stage of life," said Morton.

According to the authors, efforts are needed to help older women gain confidence to talk with primary care physicians about sexual health and to make those physicians aware of their need. The authors also call for social marketing campaigns that aim to educate older women about their sexual health risks and encourage them to take greater ownership in the negotiation of safe sex practices with their partners.

Original source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-09/w-owl091211.php

SilverSparks Speed Dating Event Huge Success

2011-09-11T11:07:00.001-04:00

September 10, 2011

On the afternoon of September 6th, close to 20 older adults and seniors gathered at the Duke of York in Toronto Ontario for the kick off of SilverSparks Speed Dating for 60-75. Participants registered and received a clipboard and name tag before they took their seats at their assigned starting tables. With the instructions provided and with the words “go”, the speed daters began their 6 minute intervals of talk time with their table partners.

The event was a huge success! Both the men and women were undeniably engaged and interested in their “dates.” There was a din of conversation punctuated by periodic laughter as chemistry sparked. With each “ting” of the glass, the men moved from one table to the next, while the women stayed in their assigned place. As the daters met and talked with each other, they were asked to check off a yes or a no as to whether they were interested in their specific date. They were also encouraged to write notes about each man or woman in order to remember some detail after the event was over. After the fifth round of dates, appetizers were served by the terrific staff at the Duke of York (Thanks to Candace, Mark and Jeb).

The results of the event showed that there was definite chemistry amongst the daters. Out of 18 speed daters, 15 got a match—over 80% matching success! Contact information was forwarded to only those that struck a mutual match. The feedback results were all positive and gave high praise for the event itself, venue and many reported that they would attend another event and recommend it to a friend. Also, all the participants filled in the in the Post Date Check In form—a unique built in safety feature offered only by SilverSparks.

Such a high success rate is encouraging to SilverSparks organizers. Whether participants in fact met a match for a long term relationship remains to be seen, but the experience was fun, exciting, and unique for all the speed daters involved.
The success of the event is a further indication that mature adults are indeed looking for companionship, romance and intimacy. With speed dating events happening all over the western world, very few if any are geared to the specific demographic of 60+.

Most importantly, we’d like to thank all our sponsors who made this event possible and also helped promote it across the GTA: Senior Tours Canada, Comfort Life Magazine, Silver and Gold Magazine, LinkingBoomers.com, Art Gallery of Ontario and DanCap Productions

Be sure to check out website www.silversparksdating.com for more details on the next SilverSparks Speed Dating event or call 647-831-6630. You can also like our Facebook page and follow our Twitter feed at @MicheleSHN

Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network

Starting The Positive Aging Movement!

2011-08-31T21:06:00.001-04:00

Thanks to everyone at Kensington Place Retirement Residence in Toronto for inviting me to come and present my workshop on The Positive Aging Movement. The workshop discusses self esteem and positive aging for older adults and seniors. We discussed changing attitudes and times, shared personal stories and our greatest achievements, goals for the future, and tips for maintaining good self esteem.

Approximately 30-40 showed up to participate in the workshop and enjoyed activities like writing down personal reflections and coming up with our own affirmations. The audience was wonderful and had a great time. I really enjoyed meeting everyone, hearing their thoughts and learning from their experiences.

Many thanks to Lisa Ludmer for the invitation to come and speak with the residents. And thanks to Zoe Hawkins, my Ryerson summer student, for doing a great job on presenting and facilitating.

Seniors' "in Love" on The Big Screen

2011-08-23T08:35:00.000-04:00

Seniors’ “in Love” on The Big Screen

It is so refreshing to see an abundance of movies these days focusing on the love between two older adults. When previously younger love was demonstrably displayed as the normal form of love and what we all seemed to dream of, it would seem that the increase in senior-centric romances are ever present on the big screen lately.
Movies like Cocoon, The Bucket List, The Notebook, Grumpy Old Men, Something’s Gotta Give, Letters to Juliet,Away From Her and my personal favourite, Feast of Love portray romantic and true love between seniors. Movies like this represent the desire of so many of us romantics who want to grow old with our partners and show quite aptly, the negative and positive aspects of aging. A body may be young at the beginning of a marriage or long term relationship, but the friendship, knowledge, respect and acceptance that takes over through time, seems much more desirable. Sex may become challenging, but with age comes a deeper respect for our partner and a new understanding of what “sex” means and can be.

Perhaps this increase is due simply to the demographic changes currently underway in the developed world. However, I would like to think that this change in cinema is occurring because attitudes and ideas towards seniors are becoming all the more positive. The levity of such a change is beyond reproach. With media and societal standards previously flaunting youth as the most desired time of one’s life, having a medium such as film highlighting the optimism, excitement and open mindedness of getting older is absolutely ground breaking.

Whether we find our love in the youth of our lives, the middle or the end, whether we yearn for someone from a distance, whether we were separated from our true love long ago or whether we lost that one person tragically; it doesn’t matter. Love is messy, complex, amazing, life changing, and impervious to age. And to be perfectly honest, as much as I relish my youthfulness, I am very much looking forward to being Allie from the Notebook, Fiona from Away from Her, Esther Stevenson in Feast of Love, or any of the women from Cocoon. The best truly is yet to come.

2011-08-23T08:31:00.001-04:00

2011-08-23T08:29:00.001-04:00

Joan Price's Naked at Our Age

2011-08-20T19:35:00.000-04:00
Naked At Our Age

By Joan Price

If you are interested in immersing yourself in a book, both eloquently written and with unprecedented insight, Naked at our Age (Seal Press) is for you. Seniors’ Advocate, Joan Price conveys a message of reverent optimism towards sex and sexuality for older adults and seniors. The book explores a variety of subjects such as, chapters on communication, masturbation, sexual exploration and toys, chronic illness and sexuality, grieving and sexuality, dementia and how to deal with sex, and safer sex, Naked at our Age, is the bible of sex for seniors.

Throughout the book, first hand stories of men and women and their experiences with sex and sexuality, offers both positive and negative accounts of being older and maintaining a healthy sexuality and a nurturing sex life. Brutal honesty makes these stories relatable and many times, inspiring. Stories of perseverance, struggle, loss of self that can accompany aging, create a rhetoric that, even at my age, is poignant and brilliant. Price has well researched the varying aspects of senior sexuality and in this, has created a book with uplifting and realistic truths as to what occurs as we age. With informative excerpts from acclaimed senior sexuality experts, Naked at our Age, offers practical advice and relevant commentary on aging and sexuality

One expert noted in the book is SageHealth Network, Executive director, Michele Cauch. Cauch discusses the importance of safer sex, communication, and being responsible.

Joan Price is a life saver for those of us out there who perhaps feel that being older means all aspects of sexuality and sex are gone or lost. This book is a must read for older adults, seniors, caregivers and students in the field of healthcare and aging. It will quite honestly, change how you feel about yourself and ultimately, about your sexual relationship, whether with someone new or your long term partner.

You can get your copy of Naked at our Age bookstores or online at:

http://www.joanprice.com

Helen Mirren - Sexy at 66!

2011-08-19T19:11:00.000-04:00
What makes someone sexy? Is it perky breasts, skinny thighs, no wrinkles and a youthful appearance? Well, apparently not, because actress Helen Mirren has just won Sexiest Body with 17.65% of the votes...at the age of 66 no less.

Dame Helen Mirren began her television career on the British Series Prime Suspect. However, in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, Helen built a reputation as a sexy and serious actress in both Shakespearean and experimental theatre. Her career improved with age, as did clearly her physique. Mirren never had a problem expressing sexuality on the big screen, which perhaps had something to do with her uninhibited attitude and personality.

What keeps Helen Mirren looking so good? Well, she credits her taut figure to holding in her tummy. In her words, “holding your tummy is in another trick for making you look and feel good”, adding, “I don’t know why, but I do, by nature, hold my tummy in” (www.huffingtonpost.com). Some of you would be pleased to know that Helen has problem areas too. “Bits of my body are all right, but bits of me are horrible. To be honest, anything from the waist down I don’t really like”

She also adds that “four inch platforms give you great height and make your legs look unbelievably long. I used only to be able to get them in stripper shops, but now you can buy them everywhere – although, unfortunately, that means everyone else has discovered the trick too."

Helen Mirren was up against several younger celebrities for hottest body and consequently blew them out of the water --- Elle MacPherson, Jennifer Lopez and Pippa Middleton. Mirren says that she - “has been blessed with good genes, but also that she loves her WiiFit.” Tony Orme, a Los Angeles-based fitness marketing director , writes that “it’s great to see the public celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, and proving that you really can look fabulous over 40 and 50” (www.tipsonlifeandlove.com).

I couldn’t agree more. Well done Dame Helen!

By Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network

The 21st Century Identity of AIDS: People Over 50

2011-08-19T19:08:00.000-04:00
egpnews, August 12, 2011

The face of AIDS is not the gay, white representation it once was, according to a number of recent studies. The rate of HIV/AIDS infection among African Americans and Latinos has surpassed that of whites and now, according to AARP, 1 in 7 new diagnoses of HIV or AIDS is in a person over the age of 50.

With sexual health so heavily tied to family planning, HIV/AIDS is often seen as a consequence of irresponsible sexual behavior during youth. Add in that many older Americans mistakenly think condoms are only for preventing pregnancies or that a partner over 50 is less likely to have the disease—and it’s not hard to see why older Americans make up the fastest-growing segment of the HIV-positive population.

Of the estimated 1.1 million Americans with HIV, some 407,000 are over 50; by 2017, half of the total HIV-positive population will be over 50, AARP reported in the July/August 2011 issue of “AARP The Magazine.” Latino women make up 20 percent of all women diagnosed with HIV; 5.5 percent are aged 55 years or older.

Though HIV/AIDS is, in many cases, a manageable chronic disease, over thirty years after the first diagnosis of HIV/AIDS, the virus is still deadly, especially for those who don’t get tested in time and go untreated, says Dr. Jane L. Delgado, president of the National Alliance for Hispanic Health.

According to a study in the journal Aids Care, Latinos are already more likely to test late for HIV infection compared to other racial/ethnic groups in the United States, making them more susceptible to contacting full blown AIDS, which is less manageable and more likely to lead to death than HIV.

So regardless of age, “if you’re thinking of becoming sexually active or changing partners, you need to get screened,” says Vanessa Cullins, M.D.

“It might not occur to most doctors to ask older patients about sex or to offer sexual health screenings so you’ll often have to bring it up,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., professor at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine. “You have to advocate for your own sexual health. Getting tested, and making sure your partner does the same, is one way to do that.”

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/people%20over%2050.html

Launching SilverSparks Speed Dating Tuesday, September 6, 2011

2011-07-30T14:24:00.004-04:00
SageHealth Network, an agency focusing on health promotion and positive aging workshops for older adults and seniors will be launching SilverSparks Speed Dating. Speed dating has been around for a while for younger participants and now it’s finally available for 60+ crowd. This event is perfect for you if you want to meet new people, and hopefully spark a connection in a safe, relaxed setting.

It becomes increasingly difficult to meet people as we get older. Events like SilverSparks Speed Dating helps connect participants in person and encourages socialization in a safe environment. Each participant spends 6 minutes talk time with a partner. If you like each other, you must check each other off on match cards and the rest is up to you. Contact information is only given out to participants if there is a mutual match and then you are free to explore your connection. Speed dating can lead to a meaningful and lasting connection with someone, whether friendship or romantic.

SilverSparks connects mature adults from the ages of 60-75 in the Greater Toronto Area. Be a part of the excitement and join us for our first event on Tuesday, September 6, 2011 from 2:00-4:30pm at the Duke of York (39 Prince Arthur Ave at Bloor and Bedford Road, Toronto).

The cost of this event is $20.00 and includes light appetizers. If you are interested, please visit our website to purchase your ticket at www.silversparksdating.com or contact Michele: 647-831-6630.

Introducing Zoé Hawkins: SageHealth Network Intern

2011-07-20T17:15:00.000-04:00
Meet Zoe Hawkins, SageHealth Network’s Newest Staff:

I would like to say “hi” to current readers and welcome to new readers of this blog. For the next three to four months I will be writing for SageHealth Network’s blog site, seniorsex.blogspot.com. My name is Zoe Hawkins and I am an intern for SageHealth Network. Currently, I am completing my Masters degree in Immigration and Settlement at Ryerson University and part of the degree requirements is to complete a 150 hour placement. I am extremely excited to be working with Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network and helping to achieve its goals to educate and inform seniors on the importance of healthy sexuality and socialization. To begin, I will tell you a bit about myself.
When I graduated from high school, I was accepted to Dalhousie University into the International Development program. Although a very rewarding experience rich with intellectual stimulation, the program was not for me. After some time, I decided to accept a job at a long term care facility and jumped at the opportunity. Never having worked with seniors before, I was both nervous and excited and almost instantly, fell in love with working with older adults. I had found my calling. Perhaps different from the other employees, my approach to working with seniors took the form of patience, compassion, treating them as unique individuals and finding ways to engage them on a daily basis. Because this experience made me realize the problems associated with society’s attitude towards the elderly, I enrolled in the Gerontology program at Laurentian University in Sudbury. Being an extremely small program, I was given the chance to explore avenues which larger programs would be unable to provide. I took a myriad of courses from ethical issues, counselling, palliative care, and optimal aging. For my thesis, I decided to focus on environmental issues as it pertained to senior perceptions and attitudes, the entirety of the time I spent studying Gerontology was unbelievably humbling, stimulating and heart breaking, quite simultaneously. After some time, I decided to go back to school. Although there were many alternatives to applying for a Masters degree, such as Law school and Medical school, I eventually ended up choosing Ryerson University and was accepted the following year. Due to the wonderful friendships and experiences of teaching immigrants, the choice of program was very much an easy one; immigration and settlement. As I previously mentioned, I am in the process of completing the requirements for this particular degree and will graduate in October. Not only is the placement with SageHealth Network part of this requirement, but also a Major Research Paper similar to a thesis. This MRP will focus on the personal relationships of immigrant seniors, pre and post settlement, highlighting how settling has changed cultural attitudes, sexual attitudes, beliefs and intergenerational changes etc. I feel that this compliments my placement perfectly. All this being said, my personal belief and passion that aging can, should and will be a vivacious time filled with learning, discovery, sexuality, honesty, integrity and independence will hopefully show through the blogs I will write and post, as well as through assisting SageHealth network with its current and future workshops and endeavours.
Please feel free to post any comments or questions directed to myself or anything to do with SageHealth Network and its upcoming workshops and speed dating events. Additionally, I will be posting on a regular basis on topics such as aphrodisiacs and food, physical appearance, aging and confidence, sex and disability, foreplay vs.sex, intimacy aids, lubricants and condoms and sexy celebrities over 60, as well as many others.
If you have any suggestions or topics you would like to bring to my attention, please email me at zhawkins@sagehealthnetwork.com or comment on seniorsex.blogspot.com
Thank you,
Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network

Successful Secrets to Intimacy

2011-07-10T19:28:00.000-04:00
Evan Rosser, Zoomer Magazine
December 2009

The following is an excerpt from Zoomer Magazine on It may seem like a harmless way to avoid an uncomfortable subject, but the social stigma surrounding sex and aging can have harmful and lasting consequences for the 45-plus set. “Health- and mental health-care professionals may not necessarily … feel comfortable talking with their older patients/clients about their sexual life,” says Susan Silcox, a social worker employed by St. Joseph’s Health Care in London, Ont. It’s a problem that runs both ways, she explains. Older patients may also feel uncomfortable discussing their concerns, especially if the health-care professional seems reticent or embarrassed, which belies a growing desire among aging Canadians to live open and informed sex lives. As Silcox notes, “Older patients/clients … are often relieved to be able to discuss their sexuality as it affects their relationships and quality of life.”
According to Barry Worsfold, Zoomer’s resident sex expert, “The most important [thing] to learn about sex and aging is to be comfortable in and with our own sexuality.” So why the embarrassment? In the 15 years she’s spent writing about all aspects of human sexuality, Josey Vogels, syndicated sex columnist and author, has seen the extent to which, “aging and sexuality [are] marginalized at best, but more commonly just completely ignored.” But things are changing. “Boomers who grew up in the ’60s and through the sexual revolution, free love and the birth of the Pill are now getting older and realizing that they don’t want their sexuality to suddenly disappear or be ignored.” Thankfully, for older Canadians looking for information about sex and sexuality, there are experts ready and waiting. We asked a number of them to provide some advice for maintaining a healthy, active sex life at 45 and beyond.

ON THE MYTH THAT SEXUAL INTEREST DECLINES AS WE AGE

Vogels takes it as a given that “most of us simply assume that interest in sex will decline as we age. Even if the mind is willing, the body won’t be able to keep up.” Yes, aging can cause physical changes that may affect your sexuality, but the effects of these changes are usually overstated. “Unfortunately,” she says, “older people tend to limit their sexual expression and their sexual experiences as a result.” Sex is good for your health no matter your age. Nurture your sexuality by finding doctors and clinics that “will assume that you want to continue enjoying a healthy and active sex life and will help you make medical decisions accordingly.”

ON PRACTISING SAFE SEX AT ANY AGE

Silcox advises anyone reentering the dating world to educate themselves about safe sex practices and ask questions about their partner’s sexual health. Questions you need to ask your partner: How many sexual partners have they had? Are they currently sexually active with anyone else? Do they practise safe sex? Have they been tested for a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? “It’s a different dating world out there, than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago, when pregnancy may have been the primary concern,” she says. “Adults need to be proactive in protecting themselves and their partners.”
Devan Nambiar is the training and education co-ordinator for Rainbow Health Ontario, an organization that works to identify and address the broader health issues faced by LGBT communities across Ontario. Within the LGBT community, Nambiar says, “It’s important to recognize that [people] from different cultures or communities, especially as they age, are often not engaged in a discussion of safe sex.” The North American image of beauty to which people must subscribe in order to be desirable can have a damaging effect on those who don’t fit. Nambiar explains: “[Our research] found that people had a really difficult time trying to fit in and, in order to be accepted and wanted and needed, people would do whatever they felt was necessary to subscribe to that program, which could mean risky behaviour.” Regardless of whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship, there’s a “need to have an honest discussion with whomever you choose to be partnered with and find out their sexual history — in all communities.

ON RE-ENTERING THE DATING WORLD

In 35 years as an Anglican priest — 27 as a pastor — David McKenzie identified a pressing need among those who sought his counsel for advice on sex and sexuality. In 2000, he left his ministry to set up a private counselling practice in the Vancouver area. One of the biggest issues when re-entering the dating world is to make sure you’ve “unloaded the baggage of the former relationship,” McKenzie says. You have to allow the bulk of the grieving to unfold so you can move on. “Don’t try to replace that person,” he advises. Dating after 45 may be frustrating, he notes. “You’ll come across many people who’ve been hurt and become jaded. Don’t let that discourage you.”

ON SEX AS A MOTIVATION TO STAY HEALTHY

Alex McKay is the research co-ordinator of the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN). He points out that, as you age, “there is a definite feedback loop between sexual vitality and physical conditioning.” People who continue to value the sexual part of their lives have an added motivation to eat well and stay physically fit. Completing the loop, the “improved strength and cardio-vascular condition” afforded by a healthy diet and regular exercise “builds self-confidence and a sense of well-being, which tends to go hand-in-hand with increased desire for sexual activity.”

ON THE IMPORTANCE OF INTIMACY

Pega Ren is in private practice as a marriage and family counsellor specializing in sex therapy and is a regular contributor to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. “Young or old,” she says, “humans thrive on touch, and sex is a wonderful way to experience that touch.” Physiologically, we need sex to prevent prostate problems and vaginal atrophy; the endorphins that accompany orgasm and arousal have myriad psychological benefits; and emotionally, sex strengthens our connections to one another and heightens our sense of well-being. “Besides,” Ren says, “research tells us that most of us do not stop having sex as we get old, and as with everything else, we get better at it with practice.”

ON SEX AS A CONSTANT

Merryn Gott is a professor of health sciences at the University of Auckland, N.Z. A pioneer in the field of sex and aging, Gott published the first interview-based study exploring older peoples’ views of the role and importance of sexuality in their lives.
“The research I have done,” says Gott, “has led me to conclude that sex after 40, or indeed 80, is not so different from sex before 40.” Regardless of age, sex is defined and valued differently by different people. “One advantage of aging,” she points out, “can be an acceptance of this diversity and a letting go of anxieties about ‘what is normal.’ ” Gott stresses that sexual problems can be experienced at any age, “and being older shouldn’t be a reason for not seeking help. It is as appropriate to seek help for a sexual problem at 85 as it is at 25. It is also as important to maintain a responsible attitude to being safe. See, not so different after all!”

original link:
http://www.zoomermag.com/health/sex/relationships-romance-7-pro-secrets-to-intimacy/1605

Speed Dating Among the Senior Set

2011-06-26T20:24:00.000-04:00
Delray Beach, Fla. — Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.

And make it fast.

Risa Demato, site director for the Weisman Delray Community Center, heard the call and she answered it. Quickly. “A lot of people came to me and said, ‘You need to have a singles group,’” says Demato, who launched a weekly series of senior speed-dating events in March, with the help of Sherry Bernstein, a volunteer instructor for the center. “There are a lot of widowed people here, and they’re lonely and they want to meet other people.”

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The majority of the center’s clients are older than 60, many are 70-plus. The bar scene is not an option. Nor were the regular singles discussion groups that drew upward of 120 people to mingle and chat – “too big, not intimate enough to really meet people,” Demato says. So she and Bernstein tossed around some ideas, one of which was speed-dating. It works for younger people, they figured, so why not for older ones?

Whether younger or older, the origins of speed-dating are credited to Los Angeles Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, who envisioned it as a way to help Jewish singles meet.

Delray’s center built its noontime speed-dating on the standard model. Demato and Bernstein agreed on the numbers: 10 men and 10 women each week; five minutes of chat per couple, then the men would shift to a new table. They agreed on a venue: the Card Room, a cozy setting with its dark hardwood floors, pale yellow and pale blue walls, panel of floor-to-ceiling windows and small wood-topped tables that hold floral centerpieces. A volunteer, Harvey Wallet, constructed wooden number-panels for the tables.

Getting people to sign up, at the registration desk or by phone, was easy. Finding enough men? Not so easy. On a given day, 50 women might sign up but only a dozen men.

“It’s not about attracting men,” Demato says. “It’s not that they’re scared to come. It’s about the statistics. I’ve always read that men often die first. It’s true. It’s about the percentages. So now Sherry and Harvey go to other singles groups and to the [retirement] communities…” “… looking for recruits,” interjects Millie Barasch, a Brooklyn native who has attended two sessions since her husband’s death a year ago, after 62 years of marriage.

“It wasn’t long enough,” she says of her marriage. And, no, she isn’t looking to marry again. “I’d like to have a friend, a male friend, a companion. I have lots of women friends. I’ll tell you the difference: A male friend will flatter you, take you out to dinner, pay the bill,” says Barasch, who exudes warmth and humor.

The allotted time before the bell signals “move on” is enough to learn what she needs to know. “It’s not how he looks,” she says. “It has a lot to do with presentation. Out of the 20 men I’ve met, I gave my phone number to one. ‘OK,’ I said, ‘we only have five minutes,’ so he started talking fast. I thought that was cute. He’s tall. He’s pleasant.”

One man asked if she cooks; she fibbed and said ‘no.’ Another, widowed just four months, began crying. One man wore leather slacks and a leather jacket open to the navel, a gold chai around his neck. She asked if his motorcycle were parked outside. But she’s still seeing the tall, pleasant man who got her phone number.

Gertrude Bial was volunteering at the center’s desk one Tuesday afternoon when she was asked to substitute for a no-show. One of the men she met during that speed-dating hour still calls her at least twice a day. He’s “a gentleman,” she says. And he’s the first man she’s dated since being widowed three years ago.

“I make it clear: no hanky-panky,” she says. “I’m not ready. But he likes to hold my hand; he can give me a kiss.”

A half-hour coffee-and-cookies nosh session follows each speed-dating event, allowing any potential connections to connect a bit longer. Senior speed-dating isn’t a universal. Not yet, anyway. But online stories from places as diverse as Berlin, Md., and Riverside, Cal., and Bergen County, N.J., showcase a number of success stories. And the proliferation of such events, plus online dating sites geared toward seniors (JDate has a 55-to-99 age category), is keeping pace with the country’s growing 65+ population: 35 million in 2000, more than 39 million in 2010, according to figures from the U.S. Census.

The Delray center’s Risa Demato recently shared her enthusiasm and experience on the subject with the JCC in Rochester, N.Y. “With great thanks for your time and endless insights into the world of speed dating for the senior crowd,” Steven Loring, a researcher who is documenting issues involved in the search for companionship and love among older adults, responded in an e-mail. “We’ll be pushing ahead up here in Rochester, hoping to launch this summer.”

Former Brooklyn-ite Myron “Mike” Raff, widowed 11 years now, tried a speed-dating event, not long ago, that wasn’t aimed at seniors. It was not a happy experience. “The young ladies were not interested, but they were too polite to say so,” he recalled. “This was better because it was more our age group.

“I’m a quiet person, basically, but face-to-face I can talk to the ladies. I can’t talk to them in a bar. (Here) I sat down, a woman sat next to me: ‘Where are you from? What did you do for a living.’ In five minutes, you’re not gonna talk about Spinoza.”

Contact Mary Jane Fine at feedback@forward.com

Original link: http://forward.com/articles/138909/

Try Speed Dating For A Fun Time!

2011-04-02T15:42:00.000-04:00
We are busy securing a venue to host our first speed dating event for older adults and seniors. Silver Sparks speed dating will be launching this summer. As with most speed dating event, finding enough men to participate is always a challenge. However, I came across this article that discusses the pros, minus the cons, of speed dating for men. Speed dating is always fun, never boring for men and women. It is always an enjoyable way to spend an evening or an afternoon. So enjoy the article and feel free to pass it on to any older, single men you know!

MCauch
SageHealth Network
-----------------------
Try Speed Dating For A Fun Time!
Written by Alex Decoto
30 Mar, 2011

When is the last time that you have attended a speed dating event? Most men have never gone to a speed dating event. Why? Because most men are afraid to do something like that. Most guys would rather avoid it because of fear. Most men aren’t even aware of how speed dating can help them. Even guys that do attend these events don’t usually have success with women there. Well, I will tell you why you need to attend these events.

What’s so cool about speed dating anyway? Well, a lot of things. You get to meet so many women in one place. You don’t even need to try hard in order to meet these women. There is no approaching involved. The biggest plus of attending an event like this is that you get to see what you’re truly made of. You are testing your courage and your social skills. It’s like picking up women in the mall or in a club. You have a few minutes and that’s it.

Why don’t most guys succeed at speed dating? You first have to know that only a small number of men show up at these dating events. Most men don’t even come. In most cases, there are too many women there and men are missing. This is great news for all you enthusiasts. Just coming to a speed dating event is already enough. Just come to the event and you’ll already be ahead of most men.

But what if you aren’t that relaxed when talking to women there? Well, that’s the whole point of these sessions. No one is expecting you to master your confidence in one week. You will have to talk to many women there before you’ll start relaxing in front of them. And being relaxed in front of women is the most important thing for succeeding in these events.

The good news is that you won’t stay nervous forever. With time, you will improve.

Try cheesy pick up lines for guys when attending these events events. Try them in a funny way. Just make sure that you initate the conversation. Don’t use them in a serious way. She needs to know that you’re not using them for real.

Original link: http://thebreakingstory.com/marriage-and-relationships/try-speed-dating-for-a-fun-time/717.html

It’s science: We get happier with age

2011-03-31T06:47:00.000-04:00
By Nadine Bells
Good News, March 29, 2011

Seniors relax by the sea in Andernos, Southwestern France
Despite what we might assume about the aging process and the misery anticipated with creaking bones and thinning hair, scientists are reassuring us that we actually grow happier with age.

Lewis Wolpert, 81-year-old emeritus professor of biology at University College London, tracks the happiness life cycle in his book "You're Looking Very Well." He found that those in their teens and twenties were "averagely happy," a state that declines in family-raising and career-building years.

And then things get better:

"But then, from the mid-forties, people tend to become ever more cheerful and optimistic, perhaps reaching a maximum in their late seventies or eighties."

Why the happiness upswing?

There are numerous factors associated with old-age happiness. University College London professor Andrew Steptoe points out that good health and financial security are very important and that greater opportunities and health are benefits to today's seniors that weren't as prevalent in previous decades.

And "good health" doesn't have to mean perfect health. Professor John Bond at Newcastle University points out that advances in medicine combined with healthy relationships can contribute to extended happiness.

He tells the Daily Mail, "Even people with serious degenerative illnesses like Alzheimer's can retain their well-being for a long time if they have good relationships with the people around them."

"In the end, it's your friends and family that count most."

It's been mentioned before that the aging brain can actually improve in the areas of language and decision-making skills. This carries over into how older adults choose to use their time; according to an "emotional selectivity" theory, older adults are determined to make the most of their time, focusing on doing the things they enjoy and rejecting things that don't contribute to happiness.

Loneliness and affluence appear to be major factors. In a study of 341,000 people by the National Academy of Sciences in America, differences between genders and income brackets proved most significant:

"More affluent individuals have fewer depressive symptoms, greater life satisfaction, better quality of life and lower levels of loneliness," the study concludes.

Stay connected, stay healthy and save for the future. The best is yet to come.

..

Sex: Why Slower (and Older) May Be Better

2011-03-27T15:50:00.000-04:00
By Ian Kerner, CNN
March 17, 2011

Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.

Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.

As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.

Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.

Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.

As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.

And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.

One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.

In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.

For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).

Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”

I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/Sexwhyslower.htm

What’s Up, Docs? Training Medical Students to Talk about Sex with Older Patients

2011-03-03T19:10:00.002-05:00
By Bill Taverner, MA

“Sex Week” is the nickname of the human sexuality educational program for medical students held at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey. The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum (a Sexuality and Aging Consortium founding member) and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago to teach medical students about the importance of sexuality in their patients’ lives. Until recently, however, older patients’ sexual lives were virtually ignored. That’s changing, thanks to several Consortium members who presented workshops on sexuality and aging this year. In this article, I will describe the workshop that I presented based on the “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter” curriculum. I’ll begin with an historical perspective:

At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.

Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30- or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students:

A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?” “Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”

After some hesitatant laughter from the students, we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people — including doctors — wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.

Having broken the ice and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging.

We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!

We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters (Vogelaar, 1999). While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.

For the practice activity, I read this scenario:

Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.

The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.

As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!

I also remind the students that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues (Barrett & Rand, 2009). I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults, which I present in table form. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.

References

Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.

Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.

Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.

Original link: http://www.sexualityandaging.com/whats-up-docs-training-medical-students-to-talk-about-sex-with-older-patients/

Why Women Lose their Sex Drive

2011-02-19T12:21:00.000-05:00
By Eve Marx
February 16, 2011 5
ThirdAge

People seemed astounded by Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Lisa Vanderpump’s (and you’ve got to love that name) admission on Bravo TV that it’s not true that she and her husband Kenneth Todd only have sex twice a year. “Well, not every year,” Vanderpump explained. “Christmas and birthdays, and that’s his birthday, not mine. Mine is another day off.”

On Andy Cohen’s show, “Watch What Happens Live,” Vanderpump, whose nickname to close friends is “Pinky,” laughed off the notion that just because she seems to talk about sex a lot (and she does), doesn’t mean that she has a lot of sex. “Look, she said, “my husband and I have been married 29 years. We’re very secure in our marriage.”

It seems Vanderpump was making an important statement about the state of many long term happy marriages, i.e. marriages built on commitment, common values, love, respect and affection. The Vanderpumps have children; their daughter Pandora is 24, their son Max is 18. At one time, it’s easy to believe they had a vibrant and healthy sex life. But viewers of the show seemed uneasy to learn that the couple were no longer engaging in frequent – or even weekly or monthly –sex. Is that healthy, people wondered. Or could it possibly be true as one viewer wrote in, “Don’t rich people like sex?”

While how much money a woman has doesn’t necessarily have an effect on her sex drive, the real issue worth discussing is Lisa Vandercamp’s open acknowledgement of her lack of physical desire. It was refreshing, I think, and probably has to do with her age. Even if it’s true that Vanderpump was “snatched from the cradle,” when she married Kenneth Todd, the actress (she appeared in a number of films in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, including one called “The Wildcats of St. Trinian”) is 51 years old, and it’s a safe bet to guess she’s in menopause. Or post-menopause. And that explains it.

Contrary to what our youth-oriented culture continues to hammer at us, it’s perfectly natural and normal for a woman to experience a decrease in sexual desire during and after menopause. That’s because of the drop in hormones. The reason for this is biological. Sex drive is connected to procreation, and after menopause, the body knowsthe time for making babies is done. To outsmart the body’s natural instinct to shut this down, women ask their doctors to prescribe hormone replacement therapy. But while the therapy does work to restore lubrication, which is a key element to successful sex, there still is no pill or drug or cream that can stimulate or restore the female libido.

What to do? Well, you can be like the Vanderpumps and find other paths to intimacy. Or you could take hormones, at least for awhile. A healthy and more natural approach is to go out of your way to find alternative ways to give and receive physical pleasure: a massage, plus lots of kissing and cuddling. If you’re still interested in having intercourse or simply wish to please your partner, the main thing is lubrication. Without it, intercourse is painful and pain leads to further avoidance.

Here’s something else good to know. The vagina is a very forgiving organ. Even if you haven’t used yours in awhile, it can “come back.” That old adage, “Use it or lose it,” isn’t completely true. Once you start using it again on a regular basis, your vagina will respond and become as good as new.

About the author: Eve Marx, is an award-winning journalist, columnist, and bona fide “Sexpert.” As an authority on sex, dating and relationship advice, she is a contributor to Cosmopolitan, Savvy Miss, Men’s Health and iVillage.

Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/why-women-lose-their-sex-drive

How to Have Great Sex After 50

2011-02-19T12:16:00.000-05:00
By Barbara Hannah Grufferman
February 18, 2011
ThirdAge

My husband and I met in the sweltering summer of 1992 and started rocking and rolling immediately. But from the moment we got married a year later, we were 1) thinking about getting pregnant, 2) in a state of pregnancy, 3) recovering from pregnancy, or 4) enjoying (and coping with) the results of pregnancy: babies, toddlers, and now, two teenagers. It wasn’t exactly conducive to swinging from chandeliers.

During those early years, sex was focused more on a result (children), but that’s no longer the case. Like most couples over 50, we are free to have sex pretty much whenever we want. But do we?

I tried to find some statistics about how many times per week married Americans over 50 made love (with each other), but there were so many different studies saying so many different things, it was hard to suss out the truth. One stated that married couples over 50 had sex once or twice a week, while another claimed it was closer to once or twice a month.

Confused, and in need of more information, I met with Dr. Margaret Nachtigall, a reproductive endocrinologist in New York City, and daughter of Dr. Lila Nachtigall, one of this country’s leading experts on menopause, who shared some statistics from a study done by The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior:

A study of married couples found age and marital satisfaction to be the two variables most associated with amount of sex. As couples age, they engage in sex less frequently, with half of couples age 65-75 still engaging in sex, but with less than one fourth of couples over 75 still sexually active. Across all ages couples who reported higher levels of marital satisfaction also reported higher frequencies of sex.

This study left me feeling that the older we got, the less we got it. Not good.

I brought this topic up with some girlfriends one night over a bottle of wine, hoping to get insights into their concerns, and (yes, I admit it) how often they had sex (with their partners).
We all had the same question: I love my husband and he loves me, so why aren’t we having more hot sex together, like we used to? We want to have sex, but sometimes we just aren’t into it. How do we get in the mood? We all hated thinking that things were slowing down, and that they might slow down even more. For sure, menopause can sometimes make sex uncomfortable for some women and our libido can drop off. But, just because a woman is post-menopausal, does she automatically lose interest? Forever? Was that my future? Was I supposed to lock this door and throw away the key?

I was getting worried. Whenever I get worried, I do research. The more research I did, the more worried I got . . . so the more research I did. Finally, someone suggested I meet with Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity”, in which she explores many of the questions my friends and I were confronting, specifically why couples who have been together for a very long time often can’t sustain a rich, enjoyable sexual life . . . together. Esther was eager to find out because in her view . . . sex after fifty may be the best sex we’ll ever have.

First, Esther said, we had to address some long-held views about sex after 50 that may not be true.

oWomen over 50 are sexually dysfunctional due to menopause. According to Esther’s research, the majority of women over 50 are sexually healthy. Sexual problems that are menopause-related can be addressed with simple solutions like lubricants or estrogen.
oMen think women over 50 are sexually undesirable. Esther has rarely encountered a man who says his low sex drive is related to how his wife looks, or her age. But he will be turned off if she has stopped being interested in sex. Men want women who want sex.
oIf you’re not having spontaneous sex, it must mean your sex life is over. When, Esther asked, was sex ever spontaneous? When you were first together, you had sex on your mind for hours, maybe even days, leading up to the experience. In many cases, you set the date, thought about it, planned the evening, even what to wear. It may have seemed spontaneous . . . but it wasn’t. Good sex is planned sex.
oIf a couple is having less sex, it’s her fault. News flash: if a woman over 50 is having less sex, chances are it’s him, not her. With men, his low sex drive is often related to health problems or medications he may be on, many of which are known to create some sexual functioning challenges. Men aren’t used to needing stimulation, and it can be troubling. Sometimes he’ll just avoid it, causing the woman to think he’s no longer attracted to her, which results in a sexual Catch-22.
oIf you want to have a better sex life, you need to get closer. On the contrary, Esther says, excess information and over-sharing can put the kibosh on desire, while a little mystery can fuel sexual attraction.

Creating an erotic space between you and your partner is essential for good sex. I share lots of tips on how to do that in The Best of Everything After 50 ( www.bestofeverythingafter50.com.)

Then, we explored the three main tools that women can use to get into the mood, when we may be thinking about watching reruns of Seinfeld, instead of having sex:

oArousal – Watch a movie or read a book, have a fantasy, put on some sexy lingerie. Many things can arouse us. Arousal can lead to desire, and desire leads to sex. Figure out what gets you going and use it when you need it.

oDesire – Desire is wanting to be turned on. With this entry point you want to get aroused, and you want to actively engage in getting turned on with your partner.

oWillingness – This is the most important entry point for women over 50. It’s the willingness to be engaged in desire. If you’ve been ignoring, neglecting or denying your sexual self for a while, then you must consciously decide that you want sex in order to even let yourself feel desire. We talk ourselves into doing things all the time – going out to an event, cooking dinner – but people don’t think about talking themselves into having sex, and they confuse it with “pity sex.” This made complete and total sense to me . . . and, even better, it works!

What I learned: After 50, we’re at a sexual crossroads, and need to make a choice: We could go through menopause, and realize that our experience of sex is changing and decide that we are done with it, and shut down that part of ourselves, lock the door and throw away the key. Or, (the much more fun choice) we could embrace this new life with a sense of freedom and fun – no more periods, no more worries about getting pregnant, no more doing it because there has to be a result, . . . and you may very well find yourself having the best sex . . . ever.

One little bit of advice: stop looking for studies about how often other people have sex. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors (no matter what they say to the survey interviewer), and . . . who cares?

About the Author: Barbara Hannah Grufferman is an author and blogger.If you would like more information about The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More, please visit my website: www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Interested in having a “The Best of Everything After 50 Book Club”? Email me at Barbara@bestofeverythingafter50.com.

Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/how-have-sex-life-after-50

Seniors looking for love in five minutes of speed dating

2011-02-13T09:21:00.000-05:00
Keila Torres Ocasio, Staff Writer
CTPost.com
Wednesday, February 9, 2011

BRIDGEPORT -- Leigh, who never gives away her age, smiled as she explained to Seymour why she likes living at Watermark 3030 Park, a senior living community.

"I love it here," she said. "There is a swimming pool and..."

"And a lot of men that are not as good looking as me," said Seymour, 85, who lives at Embassy Towers.

"What else do you do, besides fooling around with me," he asked, obviously flirting.

"Well, what else is there to do besides fooling around with you," Leigh said, playing along.

Leigh and Seymour, like the others participating in Watermark's first senior speed dating event declined to give their last names, had fun getting to know each other Wednesday afternoon -- if only for five minutes.

The event, which was hosted by CTMatch.com, got off to a rough start. Only 16 of the 20 men who registered actually showed up, while about 24 women participated.

But, the single seniors quickly got into a groove. Although the men were supposed to visit a different lady's table every five minutes until they had met everyone, some men doubled back when no one was looking.

Peter and Lynn, for example, chatted twice, discussing the government bailout and deficit. An hour into the event, Peter was the only person Lynn thought had potential for a second date. Everyone else, she said, was well, too senior.

The 57-year-old said she hadn't expected all of the men to be 70 or older. "The guys over there, they can't hear you and they get tongue-tied," the part-time aerobic instructor said. "The last guy I dated was 44 and couldn't keep up with me."

Westport resident Lois, 71, whose husband died two years ago, also wished the men were younger.

"My husband would have been the age of some of them," she said, "but he looked much better."

Every participant had a different tactic Wednesday in the speed dating event.

Richard liked to tell the women about his love for watching the stock market on television, which elicited very different reactions. "Oh, I love it; I love the stock market," was Lois' response.

But Jeanette, 72, who was hoping for instant attraction or chemistry with someone, preferred traveling over television.

"How depressing," was her response to Richard's daily entertainment choice. "What do you do for fun?" she asked him.

"What do I do for fun? I watch the stock market," Richard said.

"Oh, that's not fun," Jeanette replied.

Dottie, a Fairfield resident in her early 70s, said she was looking for someone who shared the same interests. "I would like to go to a movie or dinner or a walk or a concert with someone else, with a man," she said. But alas, five minutes was not long enough to determine whether someone was worth seeing again, she determined.

Only men and women who had circled "yes" next to each other's names would be given contact information.

"What I tell people is if the time goes by quickly, circle yes," said Robert Tamiso, the CTMatch.com event organizer. "If the time drags on, circle no."

Kevin Hunter, executive director at Watermark, said the purpose of the event was to get the seniors to socialize and meet new people, especially in time for Valentine's Day. "The folks here still have a lot of years ahead of them," he said. "So many folks are so isolated if they are not active in their church or a senior center. That's not healthy."

A second speed dating session scheduled for March is already booked and the Watermark is considering making the event a monthly occurrence. Of the hundreds of residents living at the Park Avenue facility, there are only 14 married couples.

http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Seniors-looking-for-love-in-five-minutes-of-speed-1006341.php

Maintaining Relationships: A project aimed at sexual health provisions for seniors

2011-01-22T13:02:00.000-05:00
By Robin Krishnan
Nursing Program, Humber College
January 21, 2011

Are you comfortable talking about sex related issues? Is sexuality still considered a taboo? According to Public Health Agency of Canada (2008),12.2% of all reported AIDS cases were in people 50 years of age or older as of 2006. The rising numbers in HIV, Chlamydia, and gonorrhoea cases in seniors indicates that they are not practising safe sex. Studying the overall survey results, social profiles and demographics of the community of Weston by Humber nursing students, I realized that there is an increasing number in sexually transmitted infection/diseases in the aging population. During discussions conducted by nursing students at the York West Active Living Centre, the majority of seniors focussed on chronic illness and hardly anyone mentioned anything about sexual health. Common reasons for such behaviour involve lack of knowledge, misconceptions, and myths that prevail in our society. I felt that there is need to talk about and address this issue, and talk about how important it is to have a healthy sexual relationship and view sexuality as an essential core element of healthy body, mind and soul.
Our project, Maintaining Relationships, presentation took place on November 24, 2010 with about 20 people from the York West Active Living Centre and public housing took part. The audience was interested, supportive and actively participated in various phases of the presentation. A very friendly, interactive environment was maintained throughout the presentation. Audience members were welcome to ask questions. The presentation was divided into 5 subheadings such as affection and closeness; how to keep romance and friendship alive; body image and self esteem; physical changes; and safe sex practices, which were addressed by the students. The effects of aging on various aspects of maintaining relationships (i.e. sexual health) were the focus of the presentation. I demonstrated proper condom application as a way to educate the seniors on safe sex practices. Some of the seniors asked questions which were appropriately responded by the students. The students provided some scenarios and suggestions as to why and how to enhance relationships with their partners.
Evaluation forms were filled out at the end of the presentation to gain feedback from the seniors. Brochures summarizing the main points of the presentation, and condoms were provided to the audience to take home. The rest of the brochures and condoms were left at the Centre. Refreshments were also served.
Overall, the presentation was well received by the audience. It was a great learning experience for me, my peers and senior members who were present. There were some positive outcomes from this experience, like being able to address the challenging issues of sexual health in the elderly population of the Weston community. There are many strategies that older adults can incorporate into their sexual life to enhance or improve. Using condoms, masturbation, foreplay, lubricant, toys/vibrators and communication with one`s partner are essential. Furthermore, a chronically ill individual (for example, hip surgery) can still involve himself/herself in a sexual act by trying new positions and different times such as in the morning when the body has the most conserved energy. Seniors can also try various other forms of sex such as intercourse, masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, outercourse that involves touching, caressing, kissing etc. Consult your doctor if you have any concerns and also get tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections/diseases. Finally, following a healthy lifestyle; reduced stress; exercise; eating good food; drinking plenty of fluids; avoiding alcohol and smoking can definitely works as a catalyst in having a positive outlook on life and maintaining a healthy sexual life.
I would like to thank Ms. Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network for guiding me all the way and making it such a positive learning experience. I would also like to express my gratitude to the senior members and staff of the West York Active Living Centre for accommodating our group for a period of three months. It was a great pleasure to be part of the Centre and Weston community. I would like to thank all the people who came and participated in our presentation. I would recommend all our senior friends to participate in such learning sessions in the coming future and spread the word to your family members, friends, neighbours, and in the community.
There is need to enlarge this issue of sexual health for seniors and to bring it up front on a large scale. Senior couples need to understand that with age, there is a need to rejuvenate your sexual relationship and it can blossom to the fullest, and to a new horizon.
Good luck to all my senior friends.

Having Fun Sex at Every Age

2011-01-15T13:40:00.003-05:00
Enjoying a healthy, fun sex life is possible no matter how old you are. If medical conditions or simply being in a rut has dampened your desire, consider these sex tips to revitalize romance.
By Krisha McCoy, MS
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Having satisfying, fun, and healthy sex should be part of your life at every age, even as you get older. But sometimes age-related physical changes or sex that has become routine can lead to dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

If your sex life has deteriorated or if you feel that you and your partner are in a sexual rut, there are sex tips that can spice up your relationship and help you enjoy fun sex again.

Healthy Sex and Aging: Why the Spark Sometimes Fades

In a recent survey conducted by the AARP, researchers found that almost half of men and women 45 years of age and older report being less satisfied in their sex life than they were a decade earlier.

There are many reasons researchers believe sexual desire and function tends to decline over the years, including:

Menopause. As a woman's hormonal levels fluctuate around the time of menopause, the vagina becomes shorter and narrows, the vaginal walls stiffen, and there is often a reduced amount of vaginal lubrication. These changes can make sex uncomfortable or even painful for both the woman and her partner.

Erectile dysfunction. The inability to produce or maintain an erection becomes more common with advancing age.

Pain and discomfort. Certain age-related health problems, including arthritis and chronic pain, can make having sex uncomfortable and interfere with your ability to have a fun sex life.

Other health conditions. Your chances of developing diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and dementia increase with age, and men and women with these conditions often have difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life. Medications.

Certain medications, including blood pressure medications, antidepressants, and antihistamines, have been associated with erectile dysfunction in men or lack of sexual desire in women.

Emotional issues. As you age and your body changes, you may become insecure about your appearance, which can get in the way of your enjoying a fun sex life. You may also have to face difficult issues, such as illness, which can put sex on the back burner of your relationship.

Putting the Fun Back Into Your Sex Life

If you are looking for ways to maintain a healthy sex life or put the spark back into your intimate relationship, consider the following sex tips:

Get creative. Trying different approaches when it comes to sex is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. In the AARP sex survey, only 29 percent of respondents described their partner as being imaginative when it came to sex. So if there is a sex toy you have always been curious about or a new position that you want to try, consider introducing it into your next sexual encounter.

Be more adventurous. Any change from your regular sexual routine can put the excitement back into your sex life. If you always have sex in the evening, try having sex in the morning. If sex usually happens in the bedroom, try a new location.

Fantasize with your partner. It can be difficult to talk with your partner about sexual issues. But instead of focusing on your dissatisfaction in the bedroom, try opening up about your sexual fantasies and ask your partner to share sex fantasies with you. Talking about your innermost desires can be a great form of foreplay.

Take the lead. If your partner is always the one to initiate sex, try initiating it yourself. Changing up who takes the lead in the bedroom can be a great way to get excited about sex again.

Rediscover foreplay. People in longstanding relationships tend to skimp on foreplay, but if you are having problems getting aroused, spending more time caressing can help you get fully in the mood for sex and enjoy it more.

If you are having problems with arousal or sexual function that are interfering with your ability to enjoy sex, talk with your doctor. Often, simple treatments are available to help you have an active and healthy sex life again.

Learn more in the Everyday Health Sexual Health Center.

Sex Remains Important to Elderly Men

2010-12-30T10:40:00.000-05:00
By Shari Roan, Los Angeles Times
December 6, 2010

Sexual activity still ranks high on the list of older men's interests, according to a new study. While often ignored as important to well-being, the study found that even some men in their 90s remained sexually active or desired to be.

Researchers from the Western Australian Centre for Health and Ageing surveyed 2,783 men ages 75 to 95 three times over 13 years. Hormone levels were also measured during the second and three rounds of questioning. About one-third of the men reported a sexual encounter in the last year. Of those men, 43% said they had sex less often than they would like. About half of the men described sex as at least a somewhat important part of their lives. Only four men -- 0.5% -- said they had sex more often than they preferred.

Medical conditions that could interfere with sexual function were common, especially prostate-related diseases. Sexual activity declined with age; only 11% of men ages 90 to 95 said they had sex in the last 12 months compared with almost 40% of those ages 75 to 79. Of the men who had not engaged in sexual activity in the last year, physical problems or limitations were cited by almost half and lack of interest was reported by 41%. Almost 40% said their partner lacked interest or had physical limitations that interfered with sex.

Men with higher testosterone levels were more likely to be sexually active. More studies are needed to determine whether treatment with testosterone would improve sexual activity in men ages 75 and older, the authors said.

". . .the belief that sexuality is not a concern of older persons remains entrenched, and they are often overlooked in sexual health research," the authors wrote.

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/sex.htm

New Rules for Dating After a Divorce

2010-10-16T18:20:00.000-04:00
Third Age

The dance of dating has rules which provide common expectations between two strangers and limit the number of uncomfortable situations. After all, it can be disastrous when a man and his date have very different expectations about when he will get a kiss (or more), who will pay for dinner, and when to meet the parents. These rules are fairly simple for young people, with a primary purpose of preventing unwanted pregnancy.

Dating after divorce is far more complicated, involving big money, mortgages, career compatibility, integrating children, and emotional scars from being burned by a bad relationship. The game has changed for middle age dating, and so have the rules.

Know what you want

There seem to be two kinds of late-life daters: Those who want to marry again and those who absolutely refuse to consider the possibility. Know which type you are and don’t mix with the other kind because someone will get hurt. If you want to get married again, allow yourself to learn from the process of dating. After each date or relationship, take the time to think about what you liked or didn’t like in the relationship, and hone your list of desirable qualities in a mate.

Talk about religion, politics and money on the first date

At this stage of life, we have established world views which aren’t likely to change. Don’t waste time avoiding topics that help you understand the perspective and thinking process of your date. A Catholic Republican and a liberal Buddhist simply aren’t likely to click, and that’s okay.

Since money is the leading cause of divorce, you need to have a sense of your date’s spending habits, income and debt. No, you don’t need to ask outright. However, you can make some basic determinations as you learn about his career, his complaints about paying bills, and whether he winces when you order an appetizer or dessert.

Have the guts to ask the big questions

Life is too short and we are getting too old to wonder what our date is thinking, so ask. Ask everything you’ve always wanted to ask starting on the second date. Are you interested in marrying again someday? Do you want more children? What are your career goals? What do you think about me? You may have been terrified to ask these questions as a young adult, but maybe having asked these questions would have steered you away from a bad marriage. At this stage of life, there is no sense in wasting time. If your date is offended, then he or she is not serious, and that’s your cue to move on.

Protect the kids while testing your date

Every family therapist says that your kids don’t need to know about your dating life, so don’t introduce your kids to your date unless you are very serious. The problem with that approach, according to author and comedian Steve Harvey, is that you won’t know how your date truly reacts to children. He may say he wants your children, but he may run away screaming when he finally sees them in person. Harvey says you need to know before you invest too much time in a relationship. If you’re getting serious, arrange for your date to see your children in a public place where your children won’t notice him. A soccer game, a playground, church or a friend’s party all offer innocent ways for your date to see your children in action, and allow you to gauge his reaction.

Sex?

Because virginity and the newness of sex are long gone, there are few rules about sex when dating after divorce. When to have sex becomes a personal choice and ranges widely, so you need to know what your plans are. More spiritual individuals often choose to avoid sex until commitment, while others view it as yet another personality test, and fun to boot. It is certainly revealing to learn that your date has no idea how to sexually pleasure the opposite sex after years of marriage.

There are also conflicts over birth control methods. Many formerly-married men spent years having sex without condoms or have a vasectomy, and they detest using a condom. Yet the high rate of sexually transmitted diseases among divorced singles should be enough for you to think twice. Incessant demands may also providing interesting insights into your partner’s character.

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Source URL: http://www.thirdage.com/dating/dating-after-divorce
Article Source: McClatchy Tribune

Bawdy boomers often cast condoms, caution to wind: survey

2010-10-07T20:08:00.000-04:00
By Pamela Fayerman, Postmedia News
Ottawa Citizen

VANCOUVER — Baby boomers — especially those newly single — are rediscovering their zest for sex as their children are leaving the nest, a new national survey shows.

But they aren't always practising what they preach to their kids when it comes to safe sex: 70 per cent of survey respondents say they tell their kids to practise safe sex, yet 30 per cent of unmarried boomers admit they've had unprotected sex with a new partner.

An equal proportion said they aren't worried about contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).

According to the survey, commissioned by the Canadian Liver Foundation (CLF), those aged 46 to 64 are boldly going where they likely told their kids not to — with one-night stands, multiple sex partners, online dating and failing to use condoms.

"Perhaps it's not surprising that there is a lot of risk-taking going on, judging by the frequent commercials for (male-impotence) products on . . . apple pie mainstream shows like Hockey Night in Canada," said Dr. Eric Yoshida, University of B.C. head of gastroenterology, who is also chair of the CLF medical advisory committee.

Yoshida's patients are those with advancing liver disease, many of whom don't even realize they might have contracted hepatitis from sex or that the main three types of the virus (A, B and C) can be transmitted through sex.

Apart from using condoms for protection, there are vaccines to prevent hepatitis A and B, but not for C. Across Canada, there are 250,000 cases of hepatitis C.

Yoshida said 45 per cent of hepatitis B infections are diagnosed in baby boomers.

Younger people have a much lower risk of getting it because of immunization programs for infants and school-age children.

Newly single baby boomers who have been out of the dating scene should realize the risk of contracting several types of sexually transmitted infections, he said. But the national survey of nearly 1,000 baby boomers found that many people are naive about this.

While the liver foundation is mostly concerned with hepatitis as an STI, public health agencies like the BC Centre for Disease Control track other reportable STI's like HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. STIs like herpes and HPV (human papillomavirus) are considered common but aren't subject to mandatory reporting.

Dr. Mark Gilbert, physician epidemiologist at BCCDC, said baby boomers who are being bolder about their sexual behaviours constitute one factor driving the rising incidence of some STIs — but does more frequent testing.

"There is a need for anyone, regardless of age, to think about STIs because people can get infected at any age," he said, adding that even though baby boomers may not worry about pregnancy, condoms are the best insurance against STIs.

If baby boomers are in new relationships or having sex with multiple partners, they should tell their doctors so that they can do routine screening for such infections, he suggested.

According to the 2009 BCCDC STI surveillance report, there were 11,173 new cases of genital chlamydia in B.C. (including 320 women over age 40 and 458 men); 1,307 cases of gonorrhea, (50 women over age 40 and 244 men); 216 cases of syphilis (eight women over 40 and 83 men); 338 cases of HIV (29 women over age 40 and 145 men); and 91 new cases of AIDS (20 women over age 40 and 55 men).

The survey of 877 baby boomers' sexual behaviours and attitudes was sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, one of the makers of hepatitis vaccines. The sponsorship was given as an unrestricted grant to CLF.

Leger Marketing says the survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3.3 percentage points and is considered accurate 19 times out of 20.

Some of the findings in the survey:

-82 per cent of baby boomers believe it's important to have an active sex life at every age.

- 57 per cent feel freer about sex.

- 81 per cent say it's important their kids use protection during sex; 70 per cent have doled out such advice.

- 16 per cent admit they don't always follow their own advice to practise safe sex.

- 30 per cent of unmarried boomers have had unprotected sex with a new partner.

- 33 per cent of unmarried boomers have done online dating.

- 40 per cent of men and five per cent of women are open to one-night stands.

Original link: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/story.html?id=3624878

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day is September 18, 2010

2010-10-02T14:27:00.000-04:00
By Elizabeth Batt, September 14, 2010

September 18, 2010 marks the 3rd annual National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. The campaign highlights complex issues of HIV in aging populations.

In a statement released on September 13, 2010, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), issued details about the third National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. Set to take place on September 18, 2010, the campaign focuses on challenges that older people infected with HIV or AIDS currently face. With the emphasis on research, development and quality of life issues, the NIH and other government entities, hope to raise awareness for the virus nationwide.

People with HIV infections are now living longer but aging faster

Changes to the way HIV is being treated allows many HIV individuals to live into their 50s and beyond. The use of powerful combinations of antiretroviral drugs, which suppress HIV replication, is keeping the HIV virus in check for many and is preventing progression to AIDS. Unfortunately, says the institute, treatments are causing a growing number of HIV-infected adults in their 40s and 50s to experience symptoms resembling premature aging.

Premature aging, reports the institute, is just one issue of many caused by extended exposure to HIV and antiretroviral drugs. Long-term, HIV adults face increased risk of illness and death from cardiovascular, bone, kidney, liver and lung diseases as well as many cancers. With HIV progressing more quickly in older groups, it's important says the institute, that HIV testing is encouraged in older groups, particularly as an early diagnosis lessens the risk of progression to AIDS in older adults.

New AIDS cases rising faster in middle-aged and older people than those under 40

The National Institute on Aging (NIA) says that almost one quarter of all people in the US with HIV/AIDS are aged 50 and older. Furthermore, adds the NIA, new AIDS cases are on the rise for this age group, which has now surpassed the 40s age group in testing positive. Reasons for the rise, says the NIA, is partly due to a lack of awareness of HIV/AIDS, and partly due to embarrassment. Older generations are less inclined to publicly share details of their drug use or sex lives and health care workers seem reluctant to ask.

Reticence by both patient and doctor, says the NIH, results in older people with HIV completely unaware that they carry the virus. As a result, family members are also placed at risk and early treatment of the virus with antiretroviral drugs is prevented. Minus drug combinations, HIV progresses faster, eventually evolving into AIDS. The NIH therefore is urging all individuals to emphasize the importance of testing and knowledge for older adults.

Helping in the fight against HIV and AIDS

AIDS.gov is asking local organizations to get involved on September 18, and offers several options for promoting the fight against HIV and AIDS at Aids.gov. Ideas on event hosting for National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day include town hall meetings with local media and school participation. Organizations may also want to consider arranging for free HIV testing coupled with incentives to boost turnout.

Testing for HIV is a simple procedure, says the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), who report that 97% of persons develop detectable antibodies within the first three months of contracting HIV.

Untested and minus treatment, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus attacks so many CD4+ T blood cells, that it leaves people vulnerable to infection and consequently AIDS. With early treatment, reports the CDC, HIV-related illness and AIDS can be prevented for several years.

Sources: National Institutes of Health; Nih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Centers for Disease Control; Cdc.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
National Institute on Aging; Nia.hih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Aids.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/18.htm

Talking Sex at York West

2010-09-11T16:59:00.001-04:00
I presented on seniors' safer sex tips on September 9th at the York West Open House.There were about 60 people sitting in the audience and milling about. It was alot of fun! I love doing what I do. Where else can you talk about sex and condoms and lubricants and make bawdy quips? It's a pretty enjoyable and liberating way to get people's attention focused on the facts of safer sex.

The audience enjoyed the frank discussion on sexuality. For the added oomph, I pulled out the bananas and persuaded the participants to give it a try. Guffaws, jokes, red faces.....no one returned my half dozen bananas by the way! As long as they go to a good home and provide fun memories for the rest of their shelf life--I'm happy.

I also had a table with condoms and lubricants for passers by. The interesting thing is that these passers by fell into two distinct groups: 1) those who picked them up, realizing they were condoms and quickly threw them back in the basket as if their hands were burned by fire, and 2) those who picked them up, realized they were condoms, picked up a couple more and put them in the bag.

One woman stopped at my table, smiled, and held her bag open at the edge of the table very discreetly. I slipped some condoms into her bag so no one could see.

I had an interesting, telltale exchange with one older woman:
Woman: What are these?
Me: Condoms. Have a couple.
Woman: Oh I don't need them, I have a boyfriend.
Me: So! Take a few
Woman: He doesn't need them... He's 86.
Me: So.....take some!

I enjoyed meeting the clients and exhibitors at the event. My thanks to the staff at York West Active Living Centre for inviting me to partipate in their open house.

Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only

2010-09-06T11:36:00.002-04:00
July 28, 2010
by Peggy Brick

This is an invitation to join the new sexual revolution—the one validating the sexuality of people in mid and later life. This revolution challenges the old mores and encourages both men and women to re-envision their sexuality by exploring new ways of being sexual as they age. Knowledgeable professionals are key to this vital social change: in giving permission, providing information, and offering specific suggestions that enable people to overcome barriers to sexual health and happiness. It’s a movement whose time has come as the baby boomers—and their parents—increasingly assume their right to remain sexual.

Ideally sexual reeducation will begin when people are in their forties, before loss of an erection causes men to panic and fear of reoccurrence becomes self-fulfilling, before women internalize old menopause myths. My undocumented hypothesis (after thirty years as a sexuality educator and eleven years focused on sexuality and aging) is that when people become sexually smarter—understand normal life changes, examine sexual scripts, and discover the many ways of keeping their sexuality alive—many of the sexual problems common in later life will disappear.

If you believe you will some day be fifty—or eighty—start with educating yourself about the changes you can expect: physical, psychological, social; explore the resources available; if possible, take a workshop. If you choose to go to counseling, ask your therapist for suggested books, films, and websites. Seek workshops at community centers, adult schools, churches, synagogues, and mosques, and if you cannot find any, consider organizing one. My new manual, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only provides a full annotated bibliography plus step-by-step directions and handouts that enable a facilitator who is comfortable talking about sexuality to provide exciting interactive sessions.

If you decide to lead a group, be sure to start with jokes—the web is full of jokes making fun of the very idea of older people being sexual. Jokes enable us to laugh at the stereotypes that perpetuate images of non-sexual or foolishly sexual older people. The laughter reduces anxiety, begins to build a sense of community, and starts the process of examining our sexual attitudes, values, and beliefs. The goal is to evaluate “sexual scripts,” those ingrained social messages that we have learned from birth, especially those about sexuality and aging. When we consider the facts about our changing bodies, changing relationships, and changing lives, we can envision ways to continue to enjoy our sexuality into the future.

In any group anonymous questions are the key to understanding the concerns of participants. As a workshop facilitator I have responded to common ones such as these: How soon is too soon in a new relationship? Oral sex: should it be expected? Should it be offered? How can I adjust to my partner’s physical handicaps? Can you discuss female orgasm? What about sexual deprivation from loss of a partner (divorce or death)? How can I get my partner to communicate? And my favorite from a twelve session course at the Academy of Lifelong Learning, University of Delaware: What about the men in this course who have not told their wives they’re taking it?!

When I tell people I teach about sexuality and aging, there are two typical responses: “Oh!” (end of discussion) and, “Oh, good. I hear there’s a lot of HIV in some of those retirement communities!” This assumes the old prevention model of sex education. Surely “safer sex” is important, but it warrants only one (albeit very comprehensive) lesson in Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter. Twenty-nine other lessons recognize the multiple issues that participants identify, including: early learning that discourages communication, masturbation, and female initiatives; the awesome changes in sexual attitudes, beliefs, and values during the beyond-sixty-five years; bodily changes that require new positions and new expectations; the grand possibility of “outercourse” with the potential of solving all those unenthusiastic erections; special problems for people with disabilities and chronic illness; children’s negative responses to a parent’s new relationship; the medicalization of sex by pharmaceutical companies; the media’s fascination with young bodies; and the brave new world of cyber sex.

Everyone can create opportunities. Living in a continuing care retirement community, I have many. One of my favorites is when a new couple (labeled “an item” means this relationship is serious!) asks to borrow some of my books or videos. Or, when a resident asks me to join her in urging the heath services nurse to recommend masturbation to help women sleep. Or, I may simply challenge a friend’s comment, “Oh! I’m too old for that!” So, I welcome news about how you promote education for sexuality in mid and later life as we join in this movement that, at last, acknowledges humans are sexual from birth to death.

Peggy Brick is a sexuality education consultant, specializing in sexuality through the lifespan including mid- and later-life. She is the recipient of numerous awards, including the National Family Planning & Reproductive Health Association’s Outstanding Educator Award and Robert Wood Johnson Medical School’s Award for Outstanding Contribution to the Field of Human Sexuality. She is the co-author of Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only.

Source: http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/

Aging Gracefully, the French Way

2010-08-01T10:12:00.009-04:00
By Ann M. Morrisson, NYTimes
July 14, 2010,
France

I often see an elderly woman in my Paris neighborhood waltzing down the street to her own imagined music, flashing a slightly demented smile at everyone she passes. Anywhere else, I would cross the street to avoid her. But she always wears a matching, if slightly kooky, outfit — like the red print skirt, loose cardigan and scarlet cloche hat she wore one day this spring — has great posture and is beautifully made up.

She clearly loves being herself. And she makes me think that in France, women might forget everything else as they age — but never their sense of style.

If there is a secret to aging well, Frenchwomen must know it. At least that’s what Americans think. We look at actresses like Juliette Binoche, 46, or politicians like Ségolène Royal, 56, or superstars like Catherine Deneuve, 66, and figure that they must have special insights into the “maturation” process.

And even the average Frenchwoman — say, shopping along the Rue du Faubourg St.-Honoré or enjoying a leisurely lunch on the Left Bank, or strolling through the Luxembourg Gardens — seems to defy the notion that, as one grows older, you either have to disguise that process with Botox, eye-lifts, lip plumpers and all sorts of procedures that convey a desperate “youthful” look, or else just give up altogether and let the ravages of time take their toll.

But do these women really have the answers when it comes to the aging process?

Women on both sides of the Atlantic realize that the keys to aging well are obvious, but challenging if you have bad genes, spend too much time in the sun or smoke a lot. But while American women, like me at least, approach personal care with practical efficiency, the Frenchwomen I know regard the pampering of the skin, hair and body as an enjoyable, gratifying ritual.

Looking attractive, at any age, is just what Frenchwomen do, especially the urban ones. For Parisiennes, maintaining their image is as natural as tying a perfect scarf or wearing stilettos on cobblestone streets. Beauty is a tradition handed down from generation to generation. “My grandmother always told me, ‘Never neglect yourself, not even in the tiniest details,’ ” my friend Françoise Augier said, with a sweeping head-to-toe gesture. The French actress Leslie Caron, still Gigi-like at 79, told me her mother’s favorite saying: “Women’s skin is too fair to go bare.”

Not that French adolescents are any more likely than their American counterparts to heed their mothers’ advice. My neighborhood esthetician, Martine, is concerned that so many of her young clients (age 12 and up) go outdoors without sunscreen. Maybe she shouldn’t worry. A survey by the market research company Mintel found that 33 percent of French girls between 15 and 19 are already using anti-aging or anti-wrinkle creams.

Though Frenchmen are clearly interested — they shamelessly ogle women on the street — beauty is a female topic. When, over dinner, I asked a grandmother of three how she managed to stay beautiful, she deflected my question, saying, “I never discuss these things in front of my husband.”

The No. 1 response to my informal survey of Frenchwomen about the years of magical aging is not gaining weight. Ever. If a Frenchwoman happens to see an additional kilogram or two on her bathroom scale, she will do whatever is necessary to force the needle back where it belongs. “I keep my weight steady, no ups and downs,” Ms. Caron said. “I avoid all excess.” She claims to eat all kinds of food in small — her friends say minuscule — portions, and she doesn’t drink alcohol. It’s not so much that “French Women Don’t Get Fat,” as the title of Mireille Guiliano’s best seller had it. Rather, Frenchwomen won’t get fat.

Not that they exercise. When my husband and I arrived in Paris and asked our personal banker — everyone has one — for a gym recommendation, her response was: “Why? Gyms are a form of torture.” It seems the only acceptable way to burn calories is to walk.

If Frenchwomen don’t walk enough to stay en forme, there is always a pill, a lotion, a machine or a treatment to do the trick. Pharmacies have counters full of diet and figure-improving remedies. One cream promises “accelerated reduction in the areas resistant to diet” (hips, thighs and buttocks). Capsules assure a flatter stomach in four weeks. A poster recently plastered all over Paris Métro stations advertises a tiny Slendertone “Electronic Muscle Stimulation” belt that claims to provide, in a single session, the equivalent of 120 abdominal crunches. (It’s available in the United States, too.)

Frenchwomen also recommend facials, massages and spa “cures” in their campaign against wrinkles, cellulite and saggy bottoms, bellies and breasts. One spa favorite is thalassotherapy, the seawater-based treatment that originated in France. It involves water jets, seaweed wraps, mud baths and sea-fog inhalation, meant to improve circulation, promote sleep, tone muscles and reduce cellulite.

Some women are resourceful enough — or have legitimate medical reasons, like arthritis — to get doctors’ prescriptions for weeks at their favorite spa. That means government health insurance covers much of the bill.

As for makeup, Frenchwomen of almost every age (except those teenagers) regard less as best. Heavy foundation has a tendency to emphasize wrinkles and pores, and most women avoid it in favor of a bit of blush. Those who do use foundation make sure that it blends with the skin, often by applying it just after moisturizing. The idea is to look as natural as possible: a little color on the eyelids, mascara, maybe a bit of eyeliner and lip gloss.

Of course, it’s easy to look natural if your skin is great. And that may be where the French secrets really are. According to a 2008 Mintel report, Frenchwomen spend about $2.2 billion a year on facial skin care — as much as Spanish, German and British women put together. If you happen to use the bathroom in a French home — something that is not considered polite, by the way — you might see a line of skin care products rivaling a shelf at Duane Reade.

There will be day creams (with sunscreen), night creams (without it), re-pulping creams, serums, moisturizers, cleansers, toners and salves for anything from orange-peel skin to varicose veins. But you might not find much soap. Ms. Caron says she doesn’t use it on her face or her body (except for “certain places”). Madame Figaro magazine recently quoted the French actress and TV presenter Léa Drucker as saying, “The day I stopped using soap, my life changed.” Post-transformation, she uses a hydrating cream.

As in America, some women in France turn to dermatologists for their skin care, and their visits are likely to be covered by health insurance. Even the generous French system does not pay for Botox, collagen or hyaluronan injections, nor for “lifting” and most other cosmetic surgery.

That doesn’t stop Frenchwomen from having “something done.”

The objective of plastic surgery in France, according to Dr. Michel Soussaline, a Paris surgeon with more than 30 years of experience, is “to keep the natural beauty and charm of each individual woman, not to fit some current ideal of beauty.” After all, trends change. In the United States, he says, women who spend a lot of money on face-lifts want to show off their investments. (Maybe that explains the pumped-up lips and smooth cheeks that the American actress Ellen Barkin, 56, recently displayed on the Cannes red carpet.)

By contrast, Frenchwomen prefer results that look as natural as possible. (Cannes photos of Isabelle Huppert, 57, show elegant, un-enhanced aging.) In France, I have only one friend who has confessed to having had surgery, a discreet operation to firm up a sagging chin and flabby neck. She is thrilled with the result: no one notices.

Hair rituals come in two kinds: getting rid of the unwanted stuff on legs and underarms (older women tend to prefer depilatories), and making the most of what’s on top of the head. That means a good cut every three to four weeks, and a reasonably natural color. A plethora of beauty salons (50 of them in my arrondissement) and mostly low prices (as little as 18 euros, or about $22, for a cut, shampoo and blow-dry) make frequent hair maintenance easy.

Frenchwomen use conditioners and other post-shampoo treatments, followed by a cold-water rinse. “It helps the circulation,” said a friend.

Of course, the whole idea that Frenchwomen age better than Americans is debatable. Obesity rates are rising in France, though they are still far lower than in the United States. And not every movie star or politician remains ageless.

The midcentury sex symbol Brigitte Bardot, now 75, is gray, wrinkly and overweight. Martine Aubry, the chubby head of the French Socialist Party and almost 60, is not known for her sense of style. And when I asked Katie Breen, a Frenchwoman who is a former editor at Marie Claire magazine, to name a woman who had aged particularly well, her answer was decidedly un-French: Meryl Streep.

For Frenchwomen, aging seems to be a matter of mind over makeup. If women feel good about themselves, right down to their La Perla 100-euro panties, they look good, too. Françoise Sagan once wrote, “There is a certain age when a woman must be beautiful to be loved, and then there comes a time when she must be loved to be beautiful.” And many Frenchwomen seem to be well loved as they get older — by their tight-knit families, their friends and, perhaps most importantly, themselves. Case in point: my loony neighbor — completely coordinated, perfectly made up, thoroughly French.

Source: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/world/2010/grace.htm

Grey Matters! Trivia Launch Success

2010-07-31T14:29:00.004-04:00

Grey Matters! Trivia for Mature Adults Launch

June 30th marked the national debut of Grey Matters! Trivia for Mature Adults at St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre’s Canada Day Event. Grey Matters! is an exciting, live-hosted, interactive trivia game for older adults and seniors. The game is divided into 4 quarters: short answer questions, music clips, true or false questions and multiple choice. Trivia exercises the pathways to long-term memory and mental stimulation. Grey Matters! is the perfect way to exercise your brain, have fun and meet new people in a friendly environment.

Grey Matters! Trivia is a collaboration between Braintrust Games and SageHealth Network, an agency offering health promotion and positive aging workshops and services. For more information on Grey Matters!, please visit: www.sagehealthnetwork.com

STDs in the Viagra Age

2010-07-17T10:49:00.002-04:00
MARILYN LINTON
St. Catharines Standard
July 12, 2010

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope," quipped comic George Burns before he, or anyone, had ever heard of Viagra. Today, the little blue pill and other erectile dysfunction (ED) drugs offer a solution to the estimated one in 10 North American men who suffer from ED. But better sex doesn't mean safer sex. Even though sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are more pronounced among younger men, a study by Boston's Dr. Anupam Jena found that men over the age of 40 who used ED drugs were more likely to have STDs than were non-users.

"Anyone who does not practice safer sex, no matter their age, can contract an STD," says Dr. Jena of the Massachusetts General Hospital's Department of Medicine, whose study investigated the associations between STDs and ED use among 1.4 million privately insured U.S. men over the age of 40.

His report echoes the findings of other studies when it comes to the increase in STDs among older adults, including one from the United Kingdom which showed the doubling of STDs among adults aged 45 years or older from 1996 to 2003. An earlier study from Harvard showed that STDs rose by 83% for older, recently bereaved men from 1998 onward.

Safe sex reminders do appear on ED drug company websites (along with warnings of possible four hour erections). But there are many reasons that older men may be ignoring or not processing the safe sex message. One is that many older men are simply unaware of STDs fithink of Austin Powers' quip of "Only sailors wear condoms, baby" after time-travelling from the 1960s to the late 1990s. Others, having come from an age when the language of sex and the courtship dance was different, would rather eat nails than ask someone their sexual history.

Older men are often the ones not using condoms, says Dr. Jena. "The reason is that their awareness of STDs is lower, and, even if they know they exist, they think STDs are not that common." The main reason that young adults use protection is to prevent pregnancy, something that older couples don't usually worry about, he adds. Older people over the age of 50 are also less likely to be tested for HIV infection.

In the study, Dr. Jena and his co-authors discovered that in both the year before and the year after users filled their first ED drug prescription, they had significantly higher rates of STDs than non-users.

"The first implication of that finding is that men who are using ED drugs aren't necessarily men who aren't having any sex at all. That's not the public you see these ads directed to," says Dr. Jena. (Indeed, the medical community has expressed concern that ED drugs have become lifestyle drugs used to enhance sexual pleasure, even in men who have no ED.)

Dr. Jena stresses that the study does not conclude that ED drugs cause STDs but that the men who use them have a higher sexual risk profile (and STD rates two to three times higher) than men who are non-users. These rates include HIV infection.

An editorial in last week's Annals of Internal Medicine, which published the July 6 report, notes that despite the study's limitations, the findings are both "believable and alarming."

This study, writes Dr. Thomas Fekete, "reminds us that STD counseling should not stop at age 40."

And that doctors shouldn't assume that older people don't have sex. Dr. Jena adds that doctors routinely address lifestyle and sexual issues fieverything from tobacco use to safe sex fiin younger patients: "We ask if he or she is monogamous, or if they have multiple partners, are they practicing safe sex. We ask that whole set of questions to men and women who are young, but we haven't been asking them of adults over the age of 40 or 50."

marilyn.linton@sunmedia.ca

Original source: http://stcatharinesstandard.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=2664453

When it comes to your mind, you need to use it or lose it

2010-07-02T12:57:00.001-04:00
Maria Tzavaras
Inside Toronto
June 7, 2010

As we age, it's just as important to keep our minds healthy as it is our bodies.

For seniors, brain fitness is extremely important because once people's mind begin to deteriorate their quality of life can quickly follow.

St. Paul's L'Amoreaux Centre in Scarborough have a variety of programs to keep their seniors' minds healthy, and take a holistic approach to their care, said Roberta Wong, director of client care and community services.

Wong said physical and mental health go hand in hand so staff at St. Paul's try to provide activities to exercise the brain and promote an active lifestyle and healthy nutrition.

"We try to make sure they have enough stimulation to keep their minds active," Wong said, adding brain fitness is important in staving off certain conditions and diseases.

Memory loss is one thing brain fitness helps to fight against.

Wong said people often think memory loss is a given when you age, but that's not entirely true. And while everyone experiences some decline, unless there is a real health reason, sometimes people use age as an excuse for memory loss when it's more often a case of use it or lose it.

"They think 'if I am forgetful that's normal' but it's not always true; it's because they did not keep their minds active," Wong said. "You have to exercise your mind to keep it sharp."

Some of the activities St. Paul's provides includes playing Jeopardy and Brain Beats, a game that uses beats and rhythm of music to help memory to keep the player on his toes.

Seniors also play Wii twice a week. Wong said Wii is popular amongst their seniors, but it's also extremely beneficial because they're using their bodies and their minds to play the game, plus they are being social because they play with a partner.

Wong said companionship and being social is another important component to maintaining a healthy mind.

Seniors are often encouraged to read, do a crossword or sudoku puzzle, and while these things are useful in keeping the brain fit, these are solitary activities and it's important for seniors to socialize.

"They need to develop friendships and be social because depression is one of the No. 1 diagnosis for seniors," she said.

Wong said if seniors, many of whom also have mobility challenges, become isolated and depressed, their mind function can deteriorate and any physical ailments may become pronounced and they begin to slowly fade away.

"People who are depressed and not being looked after, they will most likely die earlier and they will certainly die earlier than others who are not depressed because they don't have interests in their life," Wong said. "Some even go to the extremes and end their life."

Keeping an active lifestyle can also be helpful in staving off some forms of dementia.

Wong said there are different philosophies about dementia with some researchers thinking its inherited while others say there are other factors.

"The air that we breathe, the food that we eat, different things can contribute to dementia," Wong said, adding keeping your mind healthy and active is huge factor in fighting the disease.

Because brain fitness is so important to St. Paul's, they've decided to introduce something new to the senior community, a trivia game called Grey Matters.

SageHealth Network, an agency providing seniors' health promotion, has teamed up St. Paul's with PubStumpers Trivia League, the creators of Grey Matters, to launch this new game geared toward older adults and seniors.

Christopher Wright, president and creator of PubStumpers, said the original PubStumpers trivia is played in bars and other social establishments in a team format for 12-week seasons. A host asks a series of questions using visual and musical clips and multiple choice that covers a range of topics.

"It can be anything. I try to spread it around...there's pop culture, science, geography, history and sports, religion and philosophy, anything you can imagine," he said.

Using the same format, Wright, who writes and researches the questions, has created Grey Matters, tailoring it to seniors by offering trivia they can relate to.

"The question will be relevant to them. Things they may have learned in school or pop culture form the eras in which they grew up," Wright said, adding topics will span from the 1940s to the 1970s.

Seniors will play six rounds with five short answer and multiple choice questions as well as identify music clips. Wright said he not only feels seniors will enjoy playing the game, but it will be beneficial as well.

"What we're trying to do with Grey Matters is to promote the idea that using your brain is a healthy thing to do and helps you to keep mentally acute," Wright said. "It's good to keep the brain active. If you let your brain go stale, you will probably go stale, too," Wright said.

He said PubStumpers also encourages seniors to be social, play as a team and use their minds.

"It gives them something to do and it's beneficial in the long run to maintain their quality of life and stave off the potential senility and the loss of mental faculties that would naturally come with age if you didn't fight it," Wright said.

Wong said St. Paul's is always looking for new ways to bring beneficial activities to its seniors, and this game is a new way to challenge seniors while they have fun.

"If you just ask them questions, people find it dull and they don't want to participate," Wong said. "But if it's in a game format, people find it both challenging and interesting and it encourages them to stay with the game."

Grey Matters! Trivia Keeps Older Adults and Seniors Active and Engaged

2010-06-23T20:07:00.003-04:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
June 23, 2010

(Toronto, ON): Question: What is a fun way for older adults and seniors to meet new people, keep their brains active & improve their memory? Answer: Play Grey Matters! Trivia.

SageHealth Network, an agency providing seniors’ health promotion, has teamed up with PubStumpers Trivia League to launch Grey Matters!, an exciting live-hosted trivia game for older adults and seniors.

With 10 years combined experience in senior care and event planning, SageHealth Network and PubStumpers have been providing fun, interactive and stimulating events to approximately 200 establishments including charitable & healthcare organizations, seniors’ centre, legions, pubs & taverns, and country clubs & golf courses.

Trivia exercises the pathways to long-term memory and mental stimulation which keep brains healthy, functioning and active. Questions exercise listening and verbal skills, strengthen mental and cognitive abilities and encourage seniors’ socialization. Overall, more exposure to non-routine activities demanding the brain to process new information can help lower the risk of diseases such as various forms of dementia and Alzheimer’s for seniors.

Sponsored by RBC, Grey Matters! national debut will be at St. Paul’s Canada Day event on Wednesday, June 30th at Bridlewood Mall (2900 Warden Ave @ Finch Ave E. NE entrance near Price Choppers). The game is divided into 4 quarters: short answer questions, music clips, true or false questions and multiple choice. Plenty of prizes will be awarded for individuals or team players. Grey Matters! will begin at 11:00am and participants can play a game every 45 minutes until the last game at 2:00pm.

Come out and test your memory, have fun and meet new people. Brainiacs welcome. For more information, contact Michele Cauch at SageHealth Network at 647-831-6630. For information on SageHealth Network health promotion workshops for older adults and seniors, visit www.sagehealthnetwork.com.

Happiness May Come With Age, Study Says

2010-06-20T10:28:00.001-04:00
By Nicholas Bakalar, The New York Times
May 31, 2010

It is inevitable. The muscles weaken. Hearing and vision fade. We get wrinkled and stooped. We can’t run, or even walk, as fast as we used to. We have aches and pains in parts of our bodies we never even noticed before. We get old.

It sounds miserable, but apparently it is not. A large Gallup poll has found that by almost any measure, people get happier as they get older, and researchers are not sure why.

“It could be that there are environmental changes,” said Arthur A. Stone, the lead author of a new study based on the survey, “or it could be psychological changes about the way we view the world, or it could even be biological — for example brain chemistry or endocrine changes.”

The telephone survey, carried out in 2008, covered more than 340,000 people nationwide, ages 18 to 85, asking various questions about age and sex, current events, personal finances, health and other matters.

The survey also asked about “global well-being” by having each person rank overall life satisfaction on a 10-point scale, an assessment many people may make from time to time, if not in a strictly formalized way.

Finally, there were six yes-or-no questions: Did you experience the following feelings during a large part of the day yesterday: enjoyment, happiness, stress, worry, anger, sadness.

The answers, the researchers say, reveal “hedonic well-being,” a person’s immediate experience of those psychological states, unencumbered by revised memories or subjective judgments that the query about general life satisfaction might have evoked.

The results, published online May 17 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, were good news for old people, and for those who are getting old. On the global measure, people start out at age 18 feeling pretty good about themselves, and then, apparently, life begins to throw curve balls.

They feel worse and worse until they hit 50. At that point, there is a sharp reversal, and people keep getting happier as they age. By the time they are 85, they are even more satisfied with themselves than they were at 18.

In measuring immediate well-being — yesterday’s emotional state — the researchers found that stress declines from age 22 onward, reaching its lowest point at 85. Worry stays fairly steady until 50, then sharply drops off. Anger decreases steadily from 18 on, and sadness rises to a peak at 50, declines to 73, then rises slightly again to 85. Enjoyment and happiness have similar curves: they both decrease gradually until we hit 50, rise steadily for the next 25 years, and then decline very slightly at the end, but they never again reach the low point of our early 50s.

Other experts were impressed with the work. Andrew J. Oswald, a professor of psychology at Warwick Business School in England, who has published several studies on human happiness, called the findings important and, in some ways, heartening. “It’s a very encouraging fact that we can expect to be happier in our early 80s than we were in our 20s,” he said. “And it’s not being driven predominantly by things that happen in life. It’s something very deep and quite human that seems to be driving this.”

Dr. Stone, who is a professor of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, said that the findings raised questions that needed more study. “These results say there are distinctive patterns here,” he said, “and it’s worth some research effort to try to figure out what’s going on.

Why at age 50 does something seem to start to change?” The study was not designed to figure out which factors make people happy, and the poll’s health questions were not specific enough to draw any conclusions about the effect of disease or disability on happiness in old age.

But the researchers did look at four possibilities: the sex of the interviewee, whether the person had a partner, whether there were children at home and employment status. “These are four reasonable candidates,” Dr. Stone said, “but they don’t make much difference.”

For people under 50 who may sometimes feel gloomy, there may be consolation here. The view seems a bit bleak right now, but look at the bright side: you are getting old.

Source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2010/happiness_maycome.htm

Tips for Talking about STDs

2010-06-11T22:29:00.001-04:00
by Gloria G. Brame
03/31/2009

One of the most difficult conversations for new lovers concerns the sticky issue of sexual health. At the same time, finding out your partner's STD status it is the single most important sexual conversation you may ever have. So here are tips on getting the info you need to make that critical talk go smoothly, and ensure that you are left with a happy memory and not an unhappy disease.

Why You Gotta

No one WANTS to have this conversation. It's clinical and embarrassing and thwarts spontaneity. Unfortunately, you gotta. STDs are at an all-time high in all age groups (particularly college-age kids and the elderly), and some of them (HPV, herpes and HIV) are incurable. If you get one of those diseases, your life will change for the worse. Sterility, pain, cancer, and even death are the price Americans are paying for their inability to talk about STDs. So learn to make the STD conversation a healthy priority in your sex life. The benefits of staying healthy far outweigh any temporary awkwardness.

Time It Right

Talk to your partner about STDs before the sex-play begins. Don't wait until your clothes are off and your desire is boiling. Arousal and nudity have a funny effect on people: it makes them fib, fudge, and get fuzzy about specifics. It also makes them willing to take crazy risks. Talk about it on the drive home; discuss it by phone. Just don't wait until your brain is clouded by lust. Also important: It may be fun to have sex when you're tipsy or high, but this conversation should only take place when you and your partner are stone cold sober.

Take the First Step

A diplomatic approach is to start the conversation by telling your partner about your own status. Remember that if you want honesty, you must give honesty: if you have any concerns about former lovers or if you haven't been tested for something you think you could have picked up, it is your moral obligation to inform a potential partner of the risk. So set the example: give your partner a clear picture of your sexual health. Most people will volunteer the same information in response. If your lover refuses to have this conversation, walk away. In my clinical experience, people who conceal their STD status have something (big) to hide.

Deal With It

It's human nature to want something so much that we overlook red flags. This is especially true when we're dying to sleep with someone. But be prepared to deal with reality if you don't get the answers you were hoping for. Ask how many partners they've had; ask if they regularly use condoms or others types of STD protection; ask if they've been screened for STDs. If your partner is vague or treats the subject as if it isn't important, don't brush it off. If they can't discuss the subject openly with you they probably didn't discuss it with their former partners and that is very bad news for you. Sexually active adults who don't make an effort to prevent STDs usually end up getting them and infecting their partners.

Don't Over-React To It

So your hot and sexy partner just revealed that he or she has an STD. Don't freak out: it doesn't mean you can't have great sex. It just means you have to have safe sex. There are many happy, long-term couples out there where one partner is infected and the other never catches it. Virtually every known STD can be prevented so don't think someone's STD means the end of your sex life together. Educate yourself on the particular STD, and follow the CDC's guidelines on prevention. Meanwhile, don't hesitate to explore safe-sex options, such as mutual masturbation, using adult toys, and role-play.

Source:www.loveandhealth.info

Sex in nursing homes

2010-06-10T20:21:00.004-04:00
This is an interesting story about a pair of residents in a long term care facility. Both have Alzheimers disease. It is sad and emotional but it illustrates the plight of individuals in long term and how ignorance and and ageist attitudes can infringe on the rights and freedoms of seniors in long term care. Narrow minded and incorrect beliefs about aging, sexuality and morality not only infringe on human rights but also prevent individuals from attaining moments of happiness and contentment.

Long term care staff and families of residents need more education about Alzheimers and related dementias and how these illnesses can affect the sexuality of seniors. Families in particular need to understand how to handle their emotions when a parent or grandparent or even spouse develops desires and intimacy needs for another resident---one who is not mom or dad. Families need to understand the reality in which their loved one is now living. It's an excruciating process for families to disassociate the loved one they knew, from the loved one who doesn't recognize them anymore. Allowances have to be made to accomodate and acknowledge the sexual and intimacy needs of residents, allowing them freedom of expression all the while trying to find an ethical balance that works for the family. It's a very difficult and tenuous peace and much more work needs to be done in the area of freedom of sexual expression and intimacy of seniors in nursing homes.

My thanks to Kathy McDonald at HEARTH for sending me this article from Slate.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
---------------------------
An Affair To Remember
She was 82. He was 95. They had dementia. They fell in love. And then they started having sex.

By Melinda Henneberger, Slate
Posted Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Bob's family was horrified at the idea that his relationship with Dorothy might have become sexual. At his age, they wouldn't have thought it possible. But when Bob's son walked in and saw his 95-year-old father in bed with his 82-year-old girlfriend last December, incredulity turned into full-blown panic. "I didn't know where this was going to end," said the manager of the assisted-living facility where Bob and Dorothy lived. "It was pretty volatile."

Because both Bob and Dorothy suffer from dementia, the son assumed that his father didn't fully understand what was going on. And his sputtering cell phone call reporting the scene he'd happened upon would have been funny, the manager said, if the consequences hadn't been so serious. "He was going, 'She had her mouth on my dad's penis! And it's not even clean!' " Bob's son became determined to keep the two apart and asked the facility's staff to ensure that they were never left alone together.

After that, Dorothy stopped eating. She lost 21 pounds, was treated for depression, and was hospitalized for dehydration. When Bob was finally moved out of the facility in January, she sat in the window for weeks waiting for him. She doesn't do that anymore, though: "Her Alzheimer's is protecting her at this point," says her doctor, who thinks the loss might have killed her if its memory hadn't faded so mercifully fast.

But should someone have protected the couple's right to privacy—their right to have a sex life?

"We were in uncharted territory," the facility manager said—and there's a reason for that. Even the More magazine-reading demographic that thinks midlife is forever (and is deeply sorry to see James Naughton doing Cialis ads) seems to believe that while sex isn't only for the young, exceptions are only for the exfoliated. We're squeamish about the sex lives of the elderly—and even more so when those elderly are senile and are our parents. But as the baby boom generation ages, there are going to be many more Dorothys and Bobs—who may no longer quite recall the Summer of Love but are unlikely to accept parietal rules in the nursing home. Gerontologists highly recommend sex for the elderly because it improves mood and even overall physical function, but the legal issues are enormously complicated, as Daniel Engber explored in his 2007 article "Naughty Nursing Homes": Can someone with dementia give informed consent? How do caregivers balance safety and privacy concerns? When families object to a demented person being sexually active, are nursing homes responsible for chaperoning? This one botched love affair shows the incredible intensity and human cost of an issue that, as Dorothy's doctor says, we can't afford to go on ignoring.

Dorothy's daughter, who contacted me, said that, in a lucid moment, her mother asked her to publicize her predicament. "We're all going to get old, if we're lucky," said the daughter, who is a lawyer. And if we get lucky when we're old, then we need to have drawn up a sexual power of attorney before it's too late. Who controls the intimate lives of people with dementia? Unless specific provision has been made, their families do. And for Dorothy, which is her middle name, and Bob, which isn't his real name at all, that quickly became a problem.

"Who do you love?" Dorothy asked me, right after her daughter introduced us. She'd married her first—and only other—sweetheart, a grade-school classmate she'd grown up with in Boston and waited for while he flew daylight bombing raids over Germany during World War II. Together they had four children, built a business, and traveled all over the world, right up until she lost him to a heart attack 16 years ago. But she never mentions him now and doesn't like it when anyone else does, either, because how could she not remember her own husband? Her daughter visits every evening, and because Dorothy loves kids, her daughter pays the housekeeper to bring hers over every afternoon, "and she thinks they're her grandchildren, and it makes her happy."

But even showing me around her well-appointed, little apartment in the nice-smelling assisted-living facility was an exercise in frustration for Dorothy: She joked and covered, but she might as well have been guiding me through Isabella Stewart Gardner's house, because all around were tokens from her past that have lost their meaning for her. There were tiny busts of Bach and Brahms, a collection of miniature porcelain pianos, Japanese woodcuts, and some Thomas Hart Benton lithographs she picked up for a few dollars in the '40s. "These are all my favorites," she said, pointing to shelves of novels by the Brontes and books about Leonardo da Vinci and Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. But her expression said that she couldn't recall why she liked these volumes best, and what I think she wanted me to know is that she once was a person who could have told me. When her daughter mentioned Bob's name—Bob, who was led away in January, shouting, "What's going on? Where are you taking me?" right in front of her—it wasn't clear how much she remembered: "He came and he went, and there's nothing more to say."

So it was left to her daughter, her doctor, and the woman who runs the assisted-living facility to explain how this grown woman, who lived through the Depression and survived breast cancer, managed a home and mourned a mate, wound up being treated like a child. "Come back anytime," Dorothy told me sweetly.

Downstairs, in her bright, tidy office, I met the woman who runs the facility—one of the nicest I've seen, with tea service in the lobby and white tablecloths in a dining room that's dressed up like a restaurant. In 30 years of taking care of the elderly, she's seen plenty of couples, but none as "inspiring" or heartbreaking as Dorothy and Bob. Which is why she keeps a photo of the two of them on her desk. In the picture, Dorothy is sitting at the piano in the lobby, where she used to play and he used to sing along—with gusto, usually warbling, "I dream of Jeanie with the light brown hair," no matter what tune she was playing. She is all dolled up, wearing a jangly red bracelet and gold lamé shoes, and they are holding hands and beaming in a way that makes it impossible not to see the 18-year-olds inside them.

Before Dorothy came along, the manager said, Bob was really kind of a player and had all the women vying to sit with him on the porch. But with Dorothy, she said, "it was love." One day, the staff noticed that they were sitting together, then before long they were taking all their meals together, and over a matter of weeks, it became constant. Whenever Bob caught sight of Dorothy, he lit up "like a young stud seeing his lady for the first time." Even at 95, he'd pop out of his chair and straighten his clothes when she walked into the room. She would sit, and then he would sit. And both of them began taking far greater pride in their appearance; Dorothy went from wearing the same ratty yellow dress all the time to appearing for breakfast every morning in a different outfit, accessorized with pearls and hair combs.

Soon the relationship became sexual. At first, Dorothy's daughter and the facility manager doubted Dorothy's vivid accounts of having intercourse with Bob. But aides noticed that Bob became visibly aroused when he kissed Dorothy good night—and saw that he didn't want to leave her at her door anymore, either. (Note to James Naughton: Bob did not need what you are selling.) His overnight nurse was an obstacle to sleepovers, but the couple started spending time alone in their apartments during the day. When Bob's son became aware of these trysts, he tried to put a stop to them—in the manager's view because the son felt that old people "should be old and rock in the chair." When I called Bob's son and told him I was writing about the situation without using any names, he passed on the opportunity to explain his perspective. "I don't choose to discuss anything that involves my father," he said, and he put the phone down.

But according to the facility manager, the son was convinced that Dorothy was the aggressor in the relationship, and he worried that her advances might be hard on his father's weak heart. He wasn't the only one troubled by the physical relationship. The private-duty nurse who had been tending Bob also had strong feelings about the matter, said the manager: "At first, she thought it was cute they were together, but when it became sexual, she lost her senses" for religious reasons and asked staff members to help keep the two of them apart.

Employees wound up choosing sides—as did other residents, including some women who were apparently jealous of Dorothy's romance. And because the couple now had to sneak around to be together—for instance, cutting out when they were supposed to be in church—their intimacy became more and more open and problematic. At one point, the manager had to make Bob stop "pleasuring her" right in the lobby, where Dorothy sat with a pillow placed strategically over her lap. In all of her years of working with elderly people, the manager said, this was not only her worst professional experience but was the only one that left her feeling she had failed her patients. She had a particularly hard time staying neutral and detached, she said, because she kept thinking that "if that was my mom or dad, I'd be grateful they'd found somebody to spend the rest of their lives with."

One day when Dorothy's daughter arrived to visit, she found Bob sitting in the lobby, surrounded by a wheelchair brigade of dozing people who had been posted around him by the private-duty nurse to block Dorothy from approaching him. That's when Dorothy's daughter got the state involved and started throwing around the word lawsuit, which only made things worse, the manager said. "Once she started talking legal, that pushed things over the edge." The state did send someone in to try to mediate the situation—but then the mediator was diagnosed with cancer and died just five weeks later. Though the mediator's replacement tried to pick up where he had left off, she was never able to establish a rapport with Bob's son.

Finally, Bob's family decided to move him and insisted that neither he nor Dorothy be told in advance. No one in either family was there the morning Bob's nurse hustled him out the door. Later, the manager called his son and asked if there was any way Dorothy might come and visit just briefly, to say goodbye. The son thought about it for a few days and then said no, his father was already settled into his new home and was not thinking about her at all anymore. The lawyers told Dorothy's family that there was no way they could make the legal case that Bob's rights were being violated by his family, because you couldn't put people with dementia on the witness stand.

Dorothy's son-in-law, who is a doctor, suspects Bob's son of fearing for his inheritance. Bob had repeatedly proposed for all to hear and called Dorothy his wife, but his son called her something else—a "gold digger"—and refused to even discuss her family's offer to sign a prenup. According to Dorothy's daughter, Bob's son told her, "My father has outlived three wives, including the one he married in his 80s, and your mother is just one of many." But surely Bob's safety was a true concern, too, and maybe his son had religious or moral qualms? "I don't think so," the manager said. "I don't think he meant his dad any harm, but he couldn't see what his dad needed. … He wanted his dad to have a relationship but on his terms: You can sit together at meals, but you can't have what really makes a relationship, and be careful how much you kiss and don't retire to a private place to do what all of us do."

Though Dorothy might or might not remember what happened, "there's a sadness in her" that wasn't there before, the manager said. Bob "gave her back something she had long lost—to think she's pretty, to care about her step and her stride." She eats in her room now rather than in the dining room where she shared meals with Bob. And she no longer plays the piano. A new couple in the facility has gotten together in the last few weeks. The manager called their families in right away and was relieved to see that they were happy for their parents, and the families have been taking them on outings together. As a result of the whole experience, the manager, who is 50, recently had a different version of "the talk" with her 25-year-old daughter, instructing her never, ever to let such a thing happen to her or her husband: "I hope I get another shot at it when I'm 90 years old."

Dorothy's doctor also took their experience personally. "Can you imagine as a clinician, treating a woman who's finally found happiness and then suddenly she's not eating because she couldn't see her loved one? This was a 21st-century Romeo and Juliet. And let's be honest, because this man was very elderly, I got intrigued; my respects to the gentleman." His patient was happier than he could ever remember; she was playing the piano again, and even her memory had improved.

And though the doctor never laid eyes on Bob, in general, he said, the fear of sex causing heart attacks is wildly overblown: "If you've made it to age 95, I'm sorry, but having sex is not going to kill you—it's going to prolong your life. It was as if someone had removed the sheath that was covering [Dorothy], and she got to live for a while." But after the trauma of losing Bob, Dorothy's doctor came close to losing his patient, he said, adding that most people her age would not have survived the simultaneous resulting insults of depression, malnutrition, and dehydration. "We can't afford the luxury of treating people like this. … But we don't want to know what our parents do in bed."

Then the daughter interjected that Bob's son certainly didn't want to see them having oral sex, and the doctor proved his own point. Holding a hand up to stop her from saying any more, he told her, "I didn't need to know that." But maybe the rest of us do.

Melinda Henneberger is a Slate contributor and the author of If They Only Listened to Us: What Women Voters Want Politicians To Hear.

Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2192178/

Launching Grey Matters ~ Seniors Trivia

2010-06-05T18:12:00.003-04:00
Q: What is a fun way for older adults and seniors to meet new people, keep their brains healthy and active and improve their memory?

A: Play Grey Matters Trivia

SageHealth Network has teamed up with PubStumpers Trivia League to launch Grey Matters Seniors Trivia Games. Grey Matters offers recreational trivia events for mature adults. It is a fun and exciting way to boost your memory power and engage all your mental faculties while making new friends.

With 10 years combined experience in senior care and event planning, SageHealth Network and PubStumpers have been providing fun, interactive and stimulating events to approximately 200 establishments including charitable & healthcare organizations, seniors’ centre, legions, pubs & taverns, and country clubs & golf courses.

Like to see how it's played? Come out on Wednesday, June 30th to St. Paul's Canada Day Event at Bridlewood Mall (2900 Warden Ave NW corner of Finch and Warden). Grey Matters will be played from 11:00am until 1:30pm.

You can also ask us about a promotional game to your residents and clients. Call us at 647-831-6630 or email: info@sagehealthnetwork.com for more details.

Scott Thomas blasts 'ageist' filmmakers

2010-06-01T19:54:00.000-04:00
May 29, 2010
By WENN.com

(WENN.com)
Kristin Scott Thomas prefers making films in France because she's convinced movie bosses in her native Britain are too "terrified" to cast older women in leading roles.

The English Patient star was born in Cornwall, England but has gained French nationality since moving to the country when she was a teenager.

And the 50 year old admits she has become disillusioned with the British film industry, where mature actresses are snubbed in favour of younger stars.

Scott Thomas tells Easy Living magazine, "I think it's because England tends to follow America so strongly or they're making films for children - and when I say children I mean anyone under 25. I'm really getting evil in my old age!

"French cinema is not afraid of women of my age. I think it's less terrified of disobeying the rules of what is beautiful and what is acceptable to look at...

"In fact, strangely, I feel much more confident about my appearance now, even with wrinkles on my face, than I did when I was 25. Which is bizarre, isn't it? If one could preserve oneself at 45 then I think that would probably be ideal - but you can't. Unfortunately lots of women try to do just that and that's where they come a cropper (fail) because it doesn't really work, does it?" (PAW/WNTEX/LR)

Original link: http://jam.canoe.ca/Movies/2010/05/29/pf-14183586.html

Naked at Our Age

2010-05-22T15:33:00.004-04:00
Thanks to Joan Price for inviting me to submit a piece on safer sex for older adults and seniors for her new book, Naked at Our Age: A Straight Talking Guide to Senior Sex. The book launch date is September 2011. I've written a piece on safer sex education which highlights condom use, communicating with your partner and your doctor, and HIV and seniors.

Joan is advocate of senior sexuality, a published author, speaker and instructor, and one of my heroines in the field of senior sexuality. You can visit her website here: http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/

For information on her upcoming book, Naked at Our Age, click here:
http://betterthanieverexpected.blogspot.com/2010/04/naked-at-our-age-straight-talking-guide.html

Florida Health Study: Sexually Active Seniors Particularly Vulnerable to STDs

2010-05-22T13:43:00.005-04:00
Interesting how every article that comes out on senior sexuality and the increase in STIs states that "experts are beginning to acknowledge.....". This is not news anymore as the trend has been going on for several years now. Particularly in Florida, which has the highest concentration of individuals 65 and older, seniors and sexually transmitted infections are not headline news. However, repetition of fact does not necessarily sink in. About 4 years ago, there was a piece on CNN reporting of the high incidence of STIs among retirees in a popular Florida retirement home. I contacted the president of this organization and asked if they do any safer sex education for their residents, citing the high rise of STIs among their clientele. I was told emphatically that they do not get involved in the private lives of their residents and they were not interested. If information on how to protect oneself is not accessible or does not filter down to those engaging in high risk behaviours, what can we do to protect this vulnerable population? We need the help of the administrators, the CEOs, the marketing and programming departments of retirement homes and senior housing complexes to make this information available. It is not interfering in clients' private lives, its presenting information to them that will inform on protecting their health and the health of their partner(s).

MCauch
SageHealth Network
May 22, 2010
------------------------------

Florida Health Study: Sexually Active Seniors Particularly Vulnerable to STDs
By Sandra Quinlan, JusticeNewsFlash.com
May 11, 2010

Teenagers and young adults have long been urged to practice safe sex as a means of preventing the contraction of sexually transmitted diseases. On the other hand, experts are beginning to acknowledge a different generation of STD-susceptible individuals: senior citizens. Specialists have even deemed unprotected sex to be a rising trend amongst Floridian retirees, according to an MSNBC report.

West Palm Beach gynecologist and sexual health specialist Dr. Maureen Whelihan noted, “The population over 60 is having a lot of sex… Some of the barriers to sex when you’re younger are: there’s not enough time, there are kids in the house, there’s no privacy, you’re tired. When retirement occurs, besides traveling, what else is there to do but have great sex?”

Since pregnancy is no longer a factor, seniors are less likely to use condoms during intercourse. However, their participation in unprotected sex thus leaves them increasingly vulnerable to STDs.

Floridians over the age of 40 reportedly had the “fastest growing rate of Chlamydia cases” in the last decade, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Health officials have apparently noticed an increase in the rate of seniors infected with herpes, gonorrhea, HIV and AIDS as well.

Dr. Whelihan admitted her patients commonly tend to disregard advice to use condoms. Nonetheless, she advised sexually active seniors to undergo routine screening for potential STDs as a precaution.

For more information on how to spot and treat sexually transmitted diseases, individuals are urged to refer to the Florida Department of Health’s Bureau of STD Prevention and Control Web site.

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2010/vulnerable.htm

Cougars-R-Us: The New World of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

2010-04-18T12:49:00.004-04:00

Diana Kirschner
Examiner, April 15

MSNBC April 13, 2010, Here is a report from EntertainmentAndShowbiz.com: “Demi Moore says that she wants to have a baby with husband Ashton Kutcher! That is something new. This new revelation has come as a good sign from the couple… she has married someone who is her junior and she is aware of it. So let her enjoy her family life. She says that she has observed it over the years that he is a good father to her daughters from previous marriage to actor Bruce Willis. She says ‘He’s an amazing father to my daughters already, so I have no doubt that if it’s meant to happen, it would be another incredible part of our journey together.’ … She further says “We talk about it and it’s something that we would like.” The couple married in 2005 and has been quite famous ever since then. The only thing is that they have a huge age gap …. Hope the good news comes in no time and we can call someone Ashton junior.”

Starting with the character of forty-something Samantha and her young boyfriend on Sex and The City, the media has helped in recent years to open up a whole new role model: “the cougar,” an older woman who dates or marries a younger guy. There now is an online cougar dating site called Cougared.com. And OnSpeedDating.com has cougar/boy toy speed dating, among many other older women/younger guy speed dating events. And there is also a popular TV show called Cougar Town.

Younger guys are often extremely attracted to cougars, who sometimes known as MILFs, according to the Urban dictionary, a MILF is “a sexy mom, whether married, separated or divorced, that a male individual sees as physically attractive enough to want to have sexual intercourse with them.” MILFs are viewed as being attractive because they are sexually savvy, careful about birth control and can be great teachers for less experienced men.

In this new Demi-Ashton world, many 45+ women have happily broadened their dating choices to include younger guys. But for them it is not just sexual: the rules have changed according to a recent study of 100 self-proclaimed cougars. The dated stereotype of the older man-eating woman, a la Stifler's mom from 'American Pie,' no longer applies. These days it is not about a sugar mama having a boy toy fling. It’s about finding a new form of lasting and fulfilling love, just as Demi has.

Most of these new cougars say they are not simply looking for a casual encounter, but rather a long-term relationship with a younger guy. They filter out the gold diggers and expect the guy to pay his way—to cover dinner or split the check. These women want the full experience of dating someone who is romantic, chivalrous and, best of all, relatively free of the emotional baggage of past relationships. 52% of the cougars in the study were in their 40s and their ideal guy is aged 24-27. 45% were ‘lifestyle cougars’ who have dated more than five younger men. Over-40 women are redefining the rules and roles of cougar dating. They know what they want in love relationships and are opening doors to new possibilities for themselves. And the younger guys are now hunting cougars!

Diana Kirschner Ph.D.’s bestselling dating advice book “Love in 90 Days” is just out in paperback with a chapter on Dating Games Men Play --plus a special section on successful dating for women over 45. Dr. Diana is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show. Connect with Dr. Diana and get her Free Relationship and Dating Advice E-course.

Source: http://www.examiner.com/x-29255-NY-Dating-Over40-Examiner~y2010m4d15-CougarsRUs-The-New-World-of-Demi-Moore-and-Ashton-Kutcher

HIV, AIDS Cases Rise Sharply for N.J. Senior Citizens in Recent Years

2010-04-17T12:59:00.003-04:00
By Barry Carter, The Star-Ledger
March 31, 2010

In New Jersey, one out of three people living with HIV is a female.

And one of them could be your grandmother.

Consider a 76-year-old grandmother from Irvington. The man she dated for years tiptoed outside their relationship seven years ago and turned her life upside down. She began to feel weak but had no idea what was wrong, why she didn’t have an appetite, why she felt sick all the time.

"I sure didn’t think I had long to live," she said. "I was fixin’ to leave this place."

Our elders are living longer these days and staying vibrant longer. They are a generation that never dreamed it would be vulnerable to HIV/AIDS. We didn’t think they were in danger, either.

"It all stems from people thinking that seniors are not sexually active,’’ said Caitlyn Flynn, program coordinator of the New Jersey Women & Aids Network. Consequently, doctors do not look for AIDS symptoms. "We are not asking them questions as if they are sexually active and not giving them the information they need."

As of December 2008, state health officials said, there were 1,282 people age 65 and older living with HIV/AIDs — 32 percent of them are women. Seniors have the fastest rate of increase of HIV/AIDS cases in the past few years.

Between 2007 and 2008, people 65 and over with HIV/AIDS grew 17.5 percent, said Marilyn Riley, spokeswoman for the state Department of Health and Senior Services. Much of the problem, she said, is education and seniors not believing they are at risk. They’ve been in long-term relationships, thinking their partner is not out there creeping. That’s what young people do, right?

Our Irvington grandmother lost over 60 pounds in a year, dropping from 160 to 96 pounds before doctors at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey in Newark tested her for the HIV/AIDS virus. The woman asked to remain anonymous for this column because she wants her condition to remain private.

She said she was embarrassed by her illness, which is an additional reason seniors with AIDS are a hidden population. The woman said only two of her children know. None of her friends do, and it’s going to stay that way.

"I have several patients, women in their late 50s who can’t tell their children," said Sally L. Hodder, executive vice chair and director of HIV Programs at the UMDNJ-New Jersey Medical School in Newark. "They wouldn’t know how to explain it."

The Irvington grandmother is better. Her T-cells, the ones that protect the body from infection, are up. So is her weight at 146 pounds. Vegetables never tasted better. She hopes seniors use protection, something she doesn’t worry about anymore. She’s finished with intimacy.

"I’m all by myself now,’’ she said.

Source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/HIVJersey.htm

Feeling Lonely Adds to Rate of Blood Pressure Increase in People 50 Years Old and Older

2010-04-17T12:41:00.003-04:00
It's not a surprise to hear loneliness is a common problem in older adults and seniors. However, this article addresses how high blood pressure can be a result of loneliness and lack of satisfying relationships. Silver Sparks Speed Dating for seniors was developed to address the issue of loneliness and companionship among older adults and seniors. The opportunity for social network is an exciting, innovative way to meet new people and establish friendships and enhance social and mental wellbeing.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
---------------------

University of Chicago
March 17, 2010

Chronic feelings of loneliness take a toll on blood pressure over time, causing a marked increase after four years, according to a new study at the University of Chicago.

A new study shows, for the first time, a direct relation between loneliness and larger increases in blood pressure four years later—a link that is independent of age and other factors that could cause blood pressure to rise, including body-mass index, smoking, alcohol use and demographic differences such as race and income.

The researchers also looked at the possibility that depression and stress might account for the increase but found that those factors did not fully explain the increase in blood pressure among lonely people 50 years and older.

"Loneliness behaved as though it is a unique health-risk factor in its own right," wrote researcher Louise Hawkley in an article, "Loneliness Predicts Increased Blood Pressure," published in the current issue of the journal Psychology and Aging.

Hawkley, Senior Research Scientist with the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience, is part of a University of Chicago research team that has been doing pioneering work on the impact of loneliness on health and quality of life issues. It includes Ronald Thisted, Chairman of Health Studies; Christopher Masi, Assistant Professor in Medicine; and John Cacioppo, the Tiffany & Margaret Blake Distinguished Service Professor in Psychology.

High blood pressure, often called a silent threat as it has few symptoms, undermines health in many ways. It increases the risk for heart attack and stroke and impairs kidney function. A systolic blood pressure measurement greater than 140 mm, also called hypertension, is the most common primary diagnosis in the United States and is the primary or contributing cause of about 18 percent of deaths in this country. It is estimated to cost $73.4 billion per year. However, any measurement greater than 115 mm increases risk for cardiovascular disease, according to a 2003 report by the Joint National Committee on Prevention, Detection, Evaluation and Treatment of High Blood Pressure.

Like blood pressure, loneliness is sometimes not easy to detect. People who have many friends and a social network can feel lonely if they find their relationships unsatisfying, Hawkley said. Conversely, people who live rather solitary lives may not be lonely if their few relationships are meaningful and rewarding.

The team based its research on a study of 229 people aged 50 to 68. The randomly chosen group included whites, African Americans and Latinos who were part of a long-term study on aging. Members of the group were asked a series of questions to determine if they perceived themselves as lonely. They were asked to rate connections with others through a series of topics, such as "I have a lot in common with the people around me," "My social relationships are superficial" and "I can find companionship when I want it."

During the five-year study, Hawkley found a clear connection between feelings of loneliness reported at the beginning of the study and rising blood pressure over that period. "The increase associated with loneliness wasn't observable until two years into the study, but then continued to increase until four years later," she said.

Even people with modest levels of loneliness were impacted. Among all the people in the sample, the loneliest people saw their blood pressure go up by 14.4 mm more than the blood pressure of their most socially contented counterparts over the four-year study period.

Lonely people's apprehension about social connections may underlie the blood pressure increase.

"Loneliness is characterized by a motivational impulse to connect with others but also a fear of negative evaluation, rejection and disappointment," Hawkley said. "We hypothesize that threats to one's sense of safety and security with others are toxic components of loneliness, and that hypervigilance for social threat may contribute to alterations in physiological functioning, including elevated blood pressure."

Contact: William Harms
w-harms@uchicago.edu
773-702-8356 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 773-702-8356 end_of_the_skype_highlighting
University of Chicago

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2010/Lonely.htm

Seniors and STDs on Scrubs

2010-04-04T13:28:00.005-04:00
I've been searching for this video clip-- an old episode from 2008--from the TV show, Scrubs. I was so impressed that the writers of this show actually address this subject and educate viewers on some important facts on aging and sexuality. It's a great example of how sexually transmitted diseases in the elderly can be misdiagnosed and also undiagnosed. Physicians may not address the issue of sexuality with their older patients due to embarrassment on their part and for their patients, and myths that seniors are asexual. As Dr. Cox so eloquently puts it, "the one thing they damn sure can do is have sex until they croak. The fact of the matter is thanks to a variety of male enhancement drugs, stds have increased among the elderly by 300%" Eliot's comment that "old people sex is disgusting!" sadly, is an attitude that is common among many health care professionals due to long held sterotypes of the elderly.

Helen Mirren edging out Megan Fox for Sexiest Woman Alive title

2010-03-28T15:14:00.004-04:00

Believe it or not, 63-year-old Helen Mirren is beating out hottie Megan Fox in Esquire's annual poll.
By Joanna Douglas

It's time again for Esquire's annual Sexiest Woman Alive, only this year the magazine is allowing readers to weigh in by voting through March Madness-style brackets.

The voting began last week, pitting 22-year-old Megan Fox against 63-year-old Helen Mirren. With Fox getting covered in motor oil in "Transformers" and playing a lesbian vampire in "Jennifer's Body" you'd think she'd be a shoo-in for the Esquire title, but such is not the case. And we're so glad.

Don't get us wrong, we actually kind of like Megan Fox for her interview candor, and there's no denying her sex appeal, but how completely awesome is it that the still gorgeous Mirren, 41 years her senior, has taken 59% of the vote?!

Esquire's ballot refers to Fox as "a bombshell who doesn't play coy," while they commend Mirren for her "great rack, and eyes that can cut a bombshell in half." Ha!

The magazine asked Mirren what she thought about the results thus far. "I was surprised and flattered to be included at all," she said. "Personally I think Ms. Fox is one of the smartest, coolest, and sexiest creatures in the Western Hemisphere. I am gobsmacked." Cast your vote here.

(Photo credit: Getty Images)

Original link: http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/fashion-beauty/articles/archive/yahoolifestyle/yahoolifestyle-helen_mirren_edging_out_megan_fox_for_sexiest_woman_alive_title

Companion Connections Speed Dating for 55+

2010-03-24T21:44:00.000-04:00
(Scarborough, ON): St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre is set to host another Companion Connections, a social networking event designed for adults 55 years and older on Saturday, April 17th from 2:00-5:00 pm. Promoted across the GTA, Companion Connections is a unique experience that enables participants to meet new people and make social connections.

A strong network of family and friends pro¬motes healthy aging physically, emotionally and mentally. As people get older, it becomes more challenging to expand social networks and meet new people. Single men in particular gain many positive health benefits from social events and community engagement. Companion Connections is a fun, relaxed, and safe environment to meet other single mature adults.

Companion Connections is modeled on a typical speed dating framework in which participants are given time to get to know each other in a relaxed conversation. Icebreaker questions are available for those who are nervous or shy. Men rotate seats every 6 minutes while women remain seated. If an individual is interested in their conversation partner, he or she will check off the person’s name on their score sheet. Contact information will only be given if both parties have checked off each other’s name.

Companion Connections is a collaboration among several community agencies, seniors’ centres, and business partners across the GTA.

Registration will be on a first come, first served basis. St. Paul’s will not be reserving spaces. The last day to register for this event is Friday, April 2, 2010. For more information, please call 416-493-3333 ext 271 or visit our website at www.splc.ca

Event aims to help seniors build relationships

2010-03-14T20:25:00.002-04:00
Congratulations to Kathy Bartz and Donna Tinker in Michigan. The two joined forces to offer seniors' speed dating and the events have been warmly welcomed by the community. Participants are also coached on keeping themselves safe and not sharing too much personal information with new friends. Companion Connections has a built in safety mechanism for participants that also ensures their safety as much as possible after their meeting with matches.
Keep up the good work!
MCauch
SageHealth Network
---------------------

Event aims to help seniors build relationships
By BARB PERT TEMPLETON

Finding new friends can be a challenge at any age and it seems for seniors, social opportunities can be ever more limited. Keeping that in mind, Kathy Bartz, vice president of sales and marketing at the Village of East Harbor, has planned a speed dating event.

"I give presentations in the community where I meet lots of seniors and there is a demand for programs where they can meet other people of the opposite sex," Bartz said. "We are providing this program because many seniors are reluctant to confront somebody on their own, so this should be comfortable and fun."

The first Speed Dating for Seniors event, for ages 62 and older, takes place Tuesday, March 23, with refreshments and sign-up at 1:30 p.m., followed by the meets at 2 p.m. The dating event will be followed by an hour of entertainment by Dusty Diamond Line Dancers. Seniors who wish to participate are asked to RSVP by March 19 to 725-6030. There will also be sign-ups at the door.

Stressing that this event is "absolutely open to the community," Bartz said seniors don't have to be residents at the Village of East Harbor and they won't be sitting through any presentations about the facility. In fact, the only information they will be asked for is their name, address and phone number; no other personal data is requested.

"This is just a totally fun and free event to give seniors a chance to meet new people," Bartz said.

To start the event, organizers will ring a bell and ask all the seniors to take seats in chairs provided around the room. Pairs of chairs facing each other will allow the men and women to sit and chat for three or four minutes before a bell rings and they move on.

"We give them some tips for sharing information with one another; maybe they should talk about where they grew up or went to school just to break the ice," Bartz said.

Once the bell rings, men in the room will remain seated as women move on to a new chair. The meets will go on until about 2:30 p.m., and then the live entertainment and dancing will begin.

"We thought adding the entertainment after the event would be nice so people could still meet and talk to each other for a little longer," Bartz said.

Planning the debut of speed dating at Village of East Harbor has been a lot easier for Bartz because she has help from another local senior center. Donna Tinker is the program coordinator at the Clinton Township Senior Adult Life Center and has hosted a number of successful senior speed dating events there during the last year.

"These are absolutely a success for us and really just a whole lot of fun," Tinker said. "In fact, we had one couple who met at our speed dating and now they are married."

Since the Clinton Township center offers a dinner dance once a month, they tied the speed dating to the same date about a half dozen times last year and got great turnouts.

"You don't have to be a resident of Clinton Township to join our center. Anyone from anywhere who's willing to drive can come in," Tinker said. "And our first speed dating event had 40 couples, which was way to big too handle, so the next ones we had we kept it to 20 couples."

By "couples" Tinker means signing up 20 men and 20 women, noting that sometimes getting that many men on board can be tough. She spread her advertising to local golf clubs and barber shops to try to ensure men would come out for the event.

"It is more challenging to get the men sometimes. I have to figure out where the men go and go there," Tinker laughed.

If on the day of the event some seniors who signed on don't show up, an overflow table is set-up to ensure even with odd numbers, everyone there gets to meet new people.

For those nervous to take on this new way of "dating," Tinker prints up a program that suggests good topics to talk about and also things people shouldn't share - like information about past relationships or ex-spouses.

Safety tips, for meeting a new friend beyond the senior center, are also offered with the standard ideas like make it a public venue at first and be careful how much personal data you reveal in the beginning.

Overall, the speed dating sessions at Clinton Township have been a lot of fun for everyone involved and Tinker will be planning another one this spring.

Bartz hopes to see the same thing at Village of East Harbor next week.

"This is basically a fun afternoon of dancing, refreshments and mingling with people," she said. "And socializing is a huge benefit for seniors, especially for those who live in their own homes who want to come in and meet new people."

Village of East Harbor is located at 33875 Kiely Drive in Chesterfield Township. The speed dating event will be at the main activity center. Reservations are required by March 19. Call 725-6030 or sign up at the door.

Original link: http://www.sourcenewspapers.com/articles/2010/03/10/news/doc4b97bfc8c97e3215382701.txt#blogcomments

Speed Dating for An Older Set

2010-02-28T13:40:00.003-05:00
Reading some of the comments on Colorado's 9 News sites, I posted my own:
SageHealth Network and St. Paul's L'Amoreaux Centre in Toronto, Canada implemented a speed dating event for 55+ last year. We've had 2 successful events already and are planning our third for April. SageHealth Network will be launching speed dating for the 55-70 year old demographic this spring also. Young people do not have a monopoly on love and romance. This is a great way to meet people, establish friendships and maybe make a romantic connection. Facilitating social interaction and companionship is key in healthy, positive aging
www.sagehealthnetwork.com

MCauch
SageHealth Network
---------------------------------------

Speed Dating for An Older Set
CENTRAL CITY - If you have ever been set up on a blind date, or attended a singles function, you know the feeling. Butterflies fill your stomach and you might feel flushed and need a glass of water.

A room full of people experienced all of those feelings recently on a trip to Central City.

They were not nervous about losing money in the slot machines. But while this gamble had nothing to do with cash, it certainly involved a little luck, if not guts.

Rocky Mountain Singles organized a first time ever "Speed Dating" event at Fortune Valley for seniors.

For those who do not know what speed dating is, it is an opportunity for a group of single people to meet several people in a short period of time. Each person is assigned a number and moves around a room from table to table to meet several people in roughly an hour's time.

Each date lasts just six minutes, enough time to hopefully decide if you want to meet again.

For this group, there is enough time for eight dates. There are 17 women and 13 men, from Denver, Greeley, Aurora, and as far as Montrose.

Joseph Brady is a Chinese medical doctor and a specialist in healthy aging. He applauds this type of thing.

"Anything to get people to make friends and have relationships, that makes a big difference when it comes to healthy aging," Brady said.

The people in this group are keenly aware of the importance of meeting new people and staying engaged in life.

Carl traveled from Greeley to take part.

"Even if you just make a new friend, you don't have to sit at home and be depressed," he said.

Carl is an outdoorsy type who likes to hunt and fish, but when asked what a woman should know about him, he said, "I'm a good dancer."

For many of the participants, this is a non-threatening environment and more like a social hour. Several told us they would never consider an Internet dating site, and really are not interested in a serious relationship.

Some say they will never marry again, but they would like the chance to go to dinner, dancing or even a movie with a new friend.

After their speed dating session, Rocky Mountain Singles will review the cards they filled out about their dates and match up those that express a mutual interest in seeing each other again.

What happens next? Only time will tell.

Source: http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=133310&catid=188
(KUSA-TV © 2010 Multimedia Holdings Corporation)

Finding love over 50... IT'S EASY!

2010-02-28T13:19:00.004-05:00
Although this article is from a British paper, it gives excellent,practical advice on dating after 50. It's also inspiring to hear about other women's experiences in the dating world. If you're single and over 50, it's imperative to stay positive, hopeful and optimistic, while still being alert and cautious. I particularly like the line of "be completely honest about yourself but don't expect others to be honest with you." Words to live by and 100% true for any age.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
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Finding Love Over 50...It's Easy!

Daily Mirror, UK
By Judy Yorke 22/02/2010

Fiftysomething, suddenly single and sure how to meet a new man? These three women know exactly how you feel - and what you can do about it ...

If you're over 50 suddenly finding yourself back on the singles market may sound like a daunting experience. But in fact this might be the best time of your life to meet someone new.

More and more women are now finding themselves alone later in life, whether due to divorce or a partner's untimely death.

And Government research reveals that they couldn't be happier.

Far from settling for quiet nights in with a good book, Britain's 600,000 single older women are more likely to be hitting the clubs, jetting off on hols and then Tweeting their friends about it afterwards.

Of 1,000 women surveyed, 17% said they were actively dating and looking for a new partner while 20% said they had a great social life.

"Women in their 50s seem to be more open to the possibility of a new relationship," says Dr Victoria Lukats, psychiatrist and dating expert for parship.co.uk. "Usually the children have left home and they're thinking what to do for the rest of their lives. And they have so much life ahead."

Jan Rook, 58, had been married for 29 years before separating from her husband in 2003. Three years later she felt ready to start dating again.

"I was looking for a bit of fun at first," says Jan, an administrator from Essex. "I got engaged at 18 and married at 21. Now I wanted to go out, meet lots of people, enjoy myself and see what happened."

Jan joined several dating agencies and estimates she's met about 50 men, several of them younger than her.

"I think men see women in their 50s as non-demanding," she says. "They don't want babies, they don't want to settle down and have a family.

They're enjoying new freedom and are relaxed about things. That's quite appealing to young blokes."

But Dr Lukats warns that there are some pitfalls in dating someone much younger than you. "The bigger the age gap, the less likely it is to work out," she says. "Only 20% of men in their 30s are open to dating a woman 10 or more years older than them, and the proportion actually looking for an older woman is even smaller."

Jan admits she did make some mistakes at the beginning of her dating career, and warns against being too flirtatious early on.

"I was flirting by text with one man even before our first date," she says. "He'd told me he was stout but when I met him he was enormous. Then after our date he lunged at me in the car-park.

"It's also important to remember that anybody can be anybody on-screen. I met up with one bloke who said he was 5ft 3in but was actually 4ft 10in.

"Every time I looked at him I was reminded of Ronnie Corbett in 'Sorry!'

"I've learned to have zero expectations when I'm going on a date. That way anything is a bonus and I don't come away disappointed. Even if a date doesn't go well I usually learn something from it."

At the beginning of the year Jan decided she was ready for a more serious relationship - and in August she met Del, a painter and decorator, at a singles event.

"It's going really well," she says. "He's lovely, caring and thoughtful. I was ready to meet someone special, even though I don't want to move in with someone or get married - at least for the foreseeable future."

Dr Lukats says that internet dating has made it much easier to meet people, but it's good to wait a bit if you've just come out of a long-term relationship.

"It can be tempting to see meeting someone new as a way to boost your confidence. But if it goes wrong you'll feel even worse," she says.

"And you may be tempted to overlook warning signs that this is not the right person."

She also advises reserving judgement on someone until you meet them. "It's easy to get carried away if someone starts saying how great you are but they haven't even met you! Don't be cold, but don't be flirtatious. Your relationship is very artificial at this stage.

"Beware of dating scams too - especially if you've never met the person. However plausible they appear, don't give away money or bank details, and don't give them your home phone number or address."

Georgina Mitzka, 52, emerged from a series of long-term relationships four years ago not quite sure how to set about meeting someone new. "It's hard to meet people in pubs because men always chat up the younger women," says Georgina, from London.

"I tried online dating, speed dating and singles parties. I enjoyed speed dating but it felt a bit like a conveyor belt and although I had a few dates, I didn't meet anyone through it.

"It also tended to be the same people after a while which got a bit embarrassing.

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"I've recently met someone through an agency but I think sometimes it's easier to meet people through sports clubs and activities. That way you have something else in common apart from the fact that you're both single.

"I met some nice people through online dating, but quickly realised that many men are only looking for casual sex. I prefer men who have been married and have children because then you know they're not commitment-phobes.

"But I try to avoid newly-separated ones as they try to use you as a marriage counsellor."

Georgina has met about 30 men in all - but many for only one date. And there was a major problem without half about dozen - they were married.

"There are obvious signs to watch out for," she says.

"Alarm bells should start ringing if they won't give you their home number after a few dates, or if they won't meet you at weekends.

"I've had a few disasters. One guy phoned his coke dealer while we were in the pub - I walked out. Another mentioned using spanking paddles on the second date... all right if you're into that sort of thing but I'm not."

Eileen Gildersleve, 53, was similarly naive when she started dating again a year ago.

"I met my ex-husband when I was 15 and we were married for 30 years," says Eileen, a secretary from Hertfordshire.

"He'd been my only boyfriend.

We separated two years ago.

"Luckily I have a big group of friends who helped me out and suggested ways I could meet people. I tried a couple of singles events but I thought they were a meat market. So I joined some online dating agencies but I was very nervous - I was actually shaking before my first date. Unfortunately, he was an octopus, but I decided I couldn't let one person put me off.

"I've realised it's very important to date people you have something in common with. I prefer to date men who have a family - Bill, who I've been seeing for a couple of months, has children and grandchildren like me."

Eileen is pleased she made the effort to start dating. "It's very easy not to do anything to meet new people but I didn't want to be on my own. I don't have children at home so I can do a lot more things. I think it's good to meet someone in your 50s as it's easier to merge your lives together."

EILEEN'S TOP 3 TIPS

(1) Don't meet anyone until you've talked to them on the phone. I met one chap after a few emails and discovered he was really boring. If I'd spoken to him first I wouldn't have wasted my time.

(2) Make sure you've seen a man's photo before you meet. I don't date anyone who's not smiling in their picture - I always think it means they don't have any teeth.

(3) Tell several people where you're going and who with and phone them at the end of the date to let them know you're OK.

JAN'S TOP 3 TIPS

(1) If you suspect someone is lying about their age, study what they're wearing in their photo - the fashion is often a giveaway that it's an old picture.

(2) Be totally honest about yourself - but assume that the other person isn't being as honest with you.

(3) Take care when meeting someone new - go to a pub where you know lots of people. Don't be persuaded to go somewhere you don't know or don't feel comfortable.

GEORGINA'S TOP 3 TIPS

(1) If you suspect a man may be married, look him up on 192.com - it will tell you who lives at that address.

(2) Don't have too many tick-boxes - give people a chance.

(3) Try different approaches - speed dating and singles parties, for example, to maximise your chances of meeting someone.

Life begins at 40!

Source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2010/02/22/finding-love-over-50-it-s-easy-115875-22060776/

Companion Connections in Zoomer Magazine

2010-02-06T12:05:00.005-05:00
Thanks to Evan Rosser at Zoomer Magazine for this piece on Companion Connections speed dating. ?The story was connected to the CRNCC Symposium: Keep on Rocking back in October 2009. It was decided to make senior speed dating a separate feature. Below is the full piece from the February 2010 issue of Zoomer Magazine:

Why Didn't We Think of This?
Last Fall, St. Paul's L'Amoreaux Centre held its second Companion Connections, an event of "speed dating" for older adults and seniors in northwest Scarborough, Ontario. The brainchild of St. Paul's Community and Corporate Development Officer Michele Cauch, Companion Connections isn't quite speed dating in the traditional sense. "It's based on the speed dating model," Cauch says, "with the purpose of facilitiating social interaction."

By battling loneliness, Cauch's initiative could provide genuine health benefits for its participants. A wealth of studies, including one conducted by Health Canada, have emphasized the importance of developing and maintaining social networks--for enhancing our sense of well being and control and by decreasing the risk of social isolation.

With the 40 available spots (20 men and 20 women) hotly contested, Cauch couldn't be happier. "That's a really good turnout, and we have excellent feedback." What's next for Companion Connections? "We would like to do one [specifically] for Chinese seniors," Cauch says, "because there's been a lot of interest from Cantonese and Mandarin speakers." The next event is scheduled for April. Civic groups and caregivers, listen up: perhaps there are people in your community who could benefit from a similar event.

Evan Rosser
Zoomer Magazine, February 2010

Wrapping up 2009

2009-11-22T19:41:00.005-05:00
This year has been very exciting for SageHealth Network. From the broadcast of The Current in January on CBC to the rush of conference presentations in October. I had a very busy fall preparing for 4 conferences and spreading the word of senior sexuality and intimacy.

October 19, I attended the Older Adult Centres Association of Ontario Conference. I presented workshops on safer sex over 60 to two enthusiastic groups of administrators, program directors and staff. There was alot of learning and sharing that day. My thanks to the all the staff at the OACAO. I'm glad I had the opportunity to present my work to peers in the field of senior care.

The following Tuesday, October 20, I was a presenter at the Keep on Rockin' Sexuality and Aging Symposium sponsored by the Canadian Research Network for Care in the Community. I presented on my experience implementing a senior speed dating program at St. Paul's L'Amoreaux Centre. I was honoured to be in a lineup of speakers that included two of my heroes in the field of senior sexuality--Dr. Merryn Gott, Professor, Health Sciences, University of Auckland and Peggy Brick, Author and Educator. The impressive list of speakers also included Michael Bauer, Lecturer, La Trobe University; Bill Ryan, Adjunct Professor, McGill University; Devan Nambiar, Education Coordinator, Rainbow Health Ontari. My sincere thanks to the organizers for inviting me and to the conference chairs, A. Paul Williams and Janet M. Lum.

Here is a link to the conference: http://www.ryerson.ca/crncc/sexualityandaging.html

I also presented on the topic of senior speed dating at the OCSA Great Ideas Conference held October 22nd. I talked about the challenges and rewards about implementing a senior speed dating event. Former participants were invited to talk about their experience to the audience. Thank you to Henry, Jenna and Tony for coming to share their stories about Companion Connections.

October 28 I flew to Minneapolis to attend Risky Business, a two day conference sponsored by the Minneapolis Association of Senior Workers. I spoke to about 200 people about The NEW Sex Ed 101:Seniors, Sex and STDs in the 21st Century. I had the audience laughing and enjoying themselves while learning essential tips and techniques for speaking to their older clients about safer sex and health sexuality. I had just enough time after the condom demonstration to rush to the airport to catch the last flight to Toronto! It was a successful event and many thanks to the conference organizers for inviting me. I always welcome every opportunity to speak about sex!

Are you ready to date again?

2009-11-15T11:16:00.004-05:00
Another piece by Chelsea Kaplan delves into the trials and tribulations of dating for older adults and seniors. It can be like landing on an alien planet, particularly if one has been in a long term monogamous relationship. There may have been a divorce or loss of spouse and you may feel that you'll never find a new companion. It can take a long time to heal from past relationships. Remember: Don't rush into anything. Take it slow and make sure you're ready and motivated to meet new people. This can be the beginning of an exciting new chapter in your life.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
------------------
Are you ready to date again?
By Chelsea Kaplan
Whether you’ve endured a divorce or the loss of a spouse, deciding on the right time to begin dating again can be difficult. Often it’s emotional baggage that’s keeping you from jumping back into the dating pool, but reasons like lack of confidence and feelings of guilt can also serve as roadblocks on the path to finding new love. How do you choose the right time to take another shot at finding The One? Below, Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos, offers her tips on when you can best gauge the right time to begin dating again.

1. When you have recovered from your grief
“Immediately following divorce or death, at the height of grief or during what may very well be the worst time in your life is not the time to jump headlong back into dating,” Fleet says. Like it or not, before resuming dating, you must first heal from the pain of the divorce or death of your spouse. Unfortunately, such recovery doesn’t occur overnight. “Before dating again, take the time and patience to sufficiently recover from the trauma that you have experienced and to get to know yourself as a single person,” Fleet recommends. Don’t let other people’s urgings that it’s time to get back out there again sway you. Trust yourself that you’ll know when the time is right.

2. When you realize that you are not guilty
When you have been functioning in life as one-half of a couple, you become conditioned to thinking of yourself in those terms, Fleet says. “It’s jarring when all of sudden — whether by divorce or by death — you are single, yet your emotional being is still in the ‘one-half of a couple’ mindset,” she explains. When you find yourself attracted to someone or you make a decision to resume dating, you may feel guilty, almost as if you are cheating on your ex or late spouse, not to mention your children, his family or all of the above.
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While guilt is a perfectly normal emotion to encounter during the healing process, it can nonetheless hold you back from returning to dating. “Your realizing and accepting that your previous relationship has ended and that there is no reason to feel guilty about dating or seeking companionship is a necessary step in the knowledge that you are ready to re-enter the world of dating,” Fleet says.

3. When you’ve let go of your anger
It is absolutely normal to feel angry at whatever circumstances ended your relationship. “Of course you’re going to be angry with an abusive or unfaithful spouse or at the circumstances surrounding a spouse’s death—after all, you’re a good person and you did not deserve this,” Fleet says. Sadly however, Fleet says many choose to stay “in the angry” or “in the bitter” to the point that they are unable to move forward with their lives. “These same people may take this anger out on their children, their friends, their work colleagues and yes, prospective dates as well,” she notes. The resolution of your anger is an important step toward readying yourself for dating again. “When you have made peace with the circumstances that ended your last relationship and you have begun to move forward from that loss into your new life, you are truly ready to begin exploring the world of dating again,” Fleet says.

4. When you’ve left the “ghost of marriage past” in the past
Fleet points out that many people who are widowed or divorced have “selective amnesia” when it comes to their previous relationship: Remembering only the good in the person no longer in their lives, the good times that they had with them and the good memories that they’ll have always. Sometimes, the case is just the opposite, and only bad memories remain. “Avoid using your previous relationship as a ‘yardstick’ against which you are measuring prospective dates—they will not be able to compete,” Fleet cautions. By all means, treasure the wonderful memories that you have and try as best as you can to let go of the painful ones, but before you begin dating again, you must put the ghost of relationships past in its proper place in order to enjoy someone new.”

5. When you’re happy being on your own
Are you content within yourself as a single person, on your own without the necessity of the presence of another person? Being happy by yourself means a contentment to be in your home by yourself—with or without children, and that you have a life that is your own and is fulfilling in its own right, Fleet says. “Do you have your own career, your own hobbies, your own pursuits, your own set of friends with whom you play sports, lunch, drink or dine?” Fleet asks. “When you are content with yourself, you are genuinely ready to begin the dating process again, because you are not simply filling the void that your last partner left behind; you are instead opening your heart and your mind to the possibility of a new relationship.”

6. When you can go out alone and have fun
The “companion” element to being happy on your own is the ability to go out alone and enjoy yourself, Fleet says: “As a society, we are accustomed to either traveling in packs or with a spouse or significant other; however, you must be happy and content with your own company both within your four walls as well as in the outside world before you should begin dating again.” To get to this point of self-sufficiency, Fleet suggests going out to dinner or to a movie by yourself. “Finding this contentment will enable you to make wise decisions in your dating choices and when you do meet that someone special, it will be for all of the right reasons,” she says.

7. When you’re truly emotionally available
According to Fleet, your emotional availability will have everything to do with not only the amount of time that you have spent recovering from your divorce or the death of your spouse, but also your willingness to make yourself emotionally available. “I once dated a man who had not recovered from being broken up with in high school—30 years earlier!” she remembers. “This gentleman made a conscious decision not to make himself emotionally available to anyone else because of a prior bad experience.” Her advice: Ask yourself if you are truly ready for the dating experience and if you are capable of making yourself emotionally available to another. “If you don’t feel quite ready yet, back up and take more time for you, but please don’t take 30 years!” she advises.

8. When you’re capable of trusting again
Nearly everyone has been taken advantage of and otherwise treated shabbily by a former mate. Should we learn from our past experiences in order to avoid repeating history? Definitely. Should we take our past out on our future? Absolutely not, says Fleet: “To make the unilateral decision that ‘All men lie and cheat’ or ‘All women are gold-digging opportunists’ rather unfairly condemns an entire sex because of the actions of a few.” Regardless of your history, you must have the ability to trust others before you begin dating again. If you judge others on the misdeeds and wrongdoings of the last person in your life, Fleet says you’ll be doomed to disappointment on the dating front.

Put all this advice together, and here’s the bottom line: The whole process of re-entering the dating world after divorce or death is rather like testing a bruise to see if it still hurts, Fleet says: “Have you ever had a really nasty, awful-looking bruise? After time, it may look like the bruise is all cleared up, yet when you push on the spot, it still smarts a bit. By the same token, there is a bruise of sorts on your heart as you recover from the loss of your spouse; whether by divorce or by death.” As with a bruise, Fleet advises that from time to time, you push on that spot in your heart. “If it’s still too painful… quit pushing—it means that it’s not time for you to be dating yet!” she says. However, she says that just like with a bruise, eventually that tender spot in your heart does heal—and so will you. “You will know when the time is right if you listen to and trust in yourself,” she asserts.

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor at thefamilygroove.com. Her blog, “I’m Somebody’s Mother?” can be found at www.rumymother.blogspot.com.

Source: http://dating.ca.msn.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/en-ca/landing/msnca/articles/article.html&articleid=7550&menuid=1&lid=429&ap=1&TrackingID=525771&BannerID=666611

Boomers: What do you want from a relationship?

2009-11-15T11:05:00.005-05:00
As SageHealth is moving in senior dating and relationships, this on relationships for older adults and seniors. Dating is difficult at any age. There's just a different set of issues involved when people enter the dating waters at 50+.
We know ourselves alot better than we did as teenagers. There is a more stable balance between compatibility and independence and family responsibilities. Read on for some timely advice on looking for love and romance.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
------------------

Boomers: What do you want from a relationship?By Chelsea Kaplan
When you’re dating in midlife, it soon becomes obvious that your — not to mention your date’s — idea of a good relationship has most likely changed since you were first single. Whether it’s that great sex has taken a backseat to great conversation or that desire to start a family has been replaced with a desire to blend families, midlife singles have different priorities when it comes to their idea of what makes a perfect partnership, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., author and host of Detroit’s popular “Love Doctor” television and radio programs. Ready for a real-deal midlife relationship? Below, learn the relationship components that she says are most desired by midlife singles looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. You’ll gain great insights into what you should be searching for, too!

1. A perfectly independent person
For many single boomers, finding a mate who is self-sufficient is paramount, says Orbuch. “Singles over 50 who are looking for love are usually turned off by a date who is unable to do things on his or her own or is dependent on others when it comes to performing general household tasks,” she explains. Larry, 57, a retired teacher in Bronxville, NY, remembers recently dating a woman who had never paid her own bills or balanced her own checkbook: “It really surprised me that she had lived her entire life being completely in the dark when it came to managing her finances. These days, I’m looking for someone who’s more independent than that — a woman who doesn’t need me to take care of her.”
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Carol, 61, a social worker in Englewood, NJ, feels similarly: “I’m always surprised at how many men my age can’t cook for themselves or even do their own laundry. I’ve already raised three kids; I’m not interested in ‘mothering’ anyone else. I need a man who is self-sufficient enough to take care of himself, someone who’s looking for a real companion and lover and not a caretaker in the domestic sense of the word.”

2. An understanding of the ex factor
When you’re dating in midlife, there’s a good chance your date’s been married before and, as a result, comes with some strings attached. Because of this, most midlife singles are looking for partners who are willing to take an interest in their kids — or at the very least coexist peacefully with their offspring and, in many circumstances, their ex and former in-laws. Gina, 58, a real estate agent in Bellevue, WA, says it’s vital that a partner accept the fact that her ex and his family are still a big part of her life: “My ex-husband and I actively share custody of our kids, so he and I frequently communicate about them. Additionally, because his parents and I are still close and they are a big part of my kids’ lives, I see them a good amount, too. If the man I date is threatened by this, our relationship won’t last.”

3. More romance, which doesn’t always mean more sex
Midlife singles say their definition of physical or sexual intimacy may have changed as they’ve gotten older, observes Orbuch, noting that touch, affection and other forms of intimacy are equally important to midlife singles. “I’ve had great sex in the past, sure, but getting into relationships that were not fueled by much more than physical passion led me to two divorces,” says Mary, 50, an office manager in Hendersonville, TN. “Now I need more from a guy to feel like we’re really connecting on a meaningful level, or at least one that qualifies itself as relationship-worthy. He’s got to be genuinely affectionate with me — holding my hand, kissing me sweetly and hugging me after a long day to really keep my attention and communicate to me that he loves me. I guess I’ve realized that sex doesn’t mean love and that this other kind of stuff does.”

As men age, they often discover the joys of nonsexual displays of affection too. “I’m all for cuddling these days, certainly in a way that I wasn’t when I was younger,” says Ben, 65, a writer in Hacienda Heights, CA. “Maybe it’s because I’m not the hormonal devil I was in my youth, or maybe because it’s that I’ve realized that establishing a really intimate connection with someone needs to exist in places other than just between the sheets.” While science suggests that a decline in testosterone production accounts for this shift, other doctors chalk it up to a mature man’s ability to better express himself emotionally.

4. Keep it harmonious, please
For many midlife singles, the emotional aftermath of a messy divorce leads them to seek as easy and pleasant a relationship as possible. “Toward the end of my relationship, my wife and I were fighting like cats and dogs, saying really hurtful things to each other. It had become like that movie The War of the Roses. The last thing I wanted was another relationship roller coaster,” says David, 52, a landscaper in Rockville, MD. “The number one quality I’m looking for in a partner is that she’s a caring, warm person.” Robin, 54, an executive assistant in Kansas City, MO, also says that her painful divorce caused her to truly value supportiveness. “My ex and I really battled it out in court; it was very one side against the other. I’ve had enough drama to last a lifetime! What I want is for it to be smooth sailing — none of this fiery stuff.”

Orbuch said she’s heard these types of sentiments repeatedly. “When I speak with singles over 50, they, especially the ones who’ve been divorced, always say they need and want someone who is emotionally mature,” she says. “When pushed to clarify, they laugh and say, ‘You know, someone who isn’t afraid to be loving, kind and understanding.’”

5. Excitement!
Who says excitement is only for the young? “I’m 58, but deep down I feel 35,” says Diane, a real estate agent in Pittsburgh, PA. “I want to meet someone with whom I can have fun and enjoy life. I once dated this guy who just wanted to stay inside and watch CBNC all day. What kind of fun is that? I’ve got a cabin at the lake and I love hiking, mountain biking and kayaking up there. I want to meet someone who will be able to participate in those activities with me.”

Randy, 60, an automobile-dealership owner in Lake Forest, IL, says he’s looking for someone adventurous enough to share his love of exotic travel. “At this point in my life, I’ve already put my kids through school and am now able to travel a lot for pleasure,” he says. “I want to enjoy traveling to all the places I’ve always wanted to see, like Belize to bonefish and Tibet to climb mountains and go on a yoga retreat. In the past, I’ve met ladies who, when I mentioned these ideas, said things like ‘Fishing?’ or ‘I’m too old for mountain climbing!’ I don’t feel too old at all! And it doesn’t have to be that exotic — just trying a new, exotic restaurant is fun. It’s about taking some risks and growing. Now is the best time of your life to do this kind of thing. Savor it!”

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of The Family Groove and a regular guest on Sirius XM Radio's “Broadminded.” Read more from Chelsea on her blog, “The Momtourage.”

Source: http://dating.ca.msn.com/cp.aspx?cpp=/en-ca/landing/msnca/articles/article.html&articleid=10426&menuid=1&lid=429&ap=1&TrackingID=525771&BannerID=666611

SageHealth Network Conference Line Up

2009-10-18T11:50:00.002-04:00
SageHealth Network Executive Director, Michele Cauch, will be appearing at several conferences this month presenting on topics covering senior speed dating and senior sexuality. See calendar below:

Monday, October 19, 2009: OACAO Conference(Older Adult Centres' Association)
Doubletree Hotel Airport, Toronto ON

Tuesday, October 20, 2009: Keep on Rockin' Sexuality and Aging Symposium (Canadian Research Network for Care in the Community)
Sheraton Parkway North, Richmond Hill ON

Thursday, October 22, 2009: OCSA Great Ideas Conference (Ontario Community Support Association).
Sheraton Parkway North, Richmond Hill ON

Thursday, October 29, 2009: Risky Business- 35th Annual Fall Aging Conference, Minneapolis Area Senior Workers' Association & St. Paul Senior Workers' Association
Earl Brown Heritage Center, Brooklyn Center MN

The CFLE's Bringing Laughs to Sex Ed

2009-10-17T11:44:00.001-04:00
By Joy O'Donnell, NSRC director of outreach
Created 10/07/2009 - 14:03

Let's face it: Old school sex ed, which focused on scare tactics and tales of “disease, disaster, and dysfunction” within a clinical presentation format, is so over.

The NSRC and many of our allies—including Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey's Center for Family Life Education [1](CFLE)—are increasingly promoting fresh ways to teach people about sexuality throughout the lifespan. At NSRC we have incorporated film, spoken word, Internet resources, comic books, and board games into sex education in order to engage people of all ages and ensure that the lessons learned actually stick.

But really until now, despite these and other new creative approaches, using humor as a tactic in and of itself hadn’t been explored. That's why I was completely thrilled when I learned of CFLE's 2009 annual conference theme “Using Humor to Teach Sex Ed [2].” I just had to take a few minutes and ask CFLE Director Bill Taverner, What's so funny?

Clearly, as Bill describes below, humor is one more powerful tool in our quest to give nationwide, lifelong sexuality education an A+. Hopefully, this will spark some ideas for your own work, and Bill’s words will inspire you to attend the conference on October 29 [2]!

NSRC: Why did the CFLE Annual Conference choose this year to focus on humor as a strategic approach to sex ed?

Bill Taverner: I think humor is a valuable resource for sexuality educators in any year. Sex ed is often presented in somber terms, whether it’s abstinence-only speakers using scare tactics or other teachers droning on with lectures about various aspects of sexuality. Even some teachers who present sex ed in a positive, comprehensive way would benefit by taking a step back and recognizing that while there is a serious side to sex, there is also a lot about it that is funny.

NSRC: What are some of the challenges and opportunities of using humor in a sex ed classroom? What about using it to teach adults and older adults?

Bill Taverner: While my copresenters, Allyson Sandak and Ashley Generallo, and I were preparing for our plenary session, we were very fortunate to come across someone who had done her dissertation on humor and sex ed. The research of Marcy Vogel greatly informed our presentation. The first thing we learned was actually kind of funny: That conferences on humor are some of the most boring conferences around. Of course we were determined not to have a boring presentation!

Dr. Vogel researched the use of humor in sex ed with sixth graders. One of her most significant findings was that the use of humor increased student comfort with the subject as the sex ed classes progressed. Dr. Vogel also explored the use of “tendentious” (disparaging, put-down) humor and “nontendentious” humor. She found that the use of nontendentious humor facilitated learning to the greatest extent. In short, when teachers used humor in their classes, students learned more than when their teachers taught the subject matter without humor.

Some teachers might avoid using humor because they don’t consider themselves funny. But teachers don’t have to worry about being standup comics! One example of humor that helps students retain information is the use of “comic action”. A teacher might employ this technique by making an exaggerated swimming motion to show how and where sperm travel. Students remember such information because the delivery is out of the ordinary. It catches them off guard and facilitates attentiveness as they await the next such moment.

As for using humor with older adults, my coauthors—Peggy Brick, Jan Lunquist, and Allyson Sandak—and I devoted an entire lesson plan to humor in our book Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter. In that lesson participants listen to examples of jokes about sex and senior citizens. Here’s a sample:

An eighty-five-year-old man tells his doctor that he plans to marry a twenty-five-year-old. The doctor warns him that too much sex could be fatal. The old man replies, “If she dies, she dies!”

After most people laugh we ask participants to examine the joke a little more carefully. Why is it funny? In this process we can explore stereotypes rooted in sex, gender, and aging.

NSRC: Could you share a couple of other examples of how you have used humor to teach sex ed? What were the results?

Bill Taverner: My colleagues at Answer developed an animated interactive learning program with Elizabeth Schroeder doing the voiceover in a funny German accent. (This is another example of comic action.) I am sure that the learning is enhanced because the students will want to continue the activity to see what Elizabeth says next!

Parody and satire provides great opportunities for introducing or exploring different sexual topics. Voluminous examples can be found on television, such as The Colbert Report [3], The Simpsons [4], Saturday Night Live [5], and whatever other comedy shows your audience might be watching. There are plenty of movies, too, such as a number of great scenes in The 40-Year-Old Virgin [6]. The Onion [7] news repeatedly tackles sexual topics, too.

One of my favorite ways to introduce the topic of menstruation is with a funny, ninety second video on YouTube [8] that features singing droplets of blood. Such a video relaxes the class, makes them laugh, before proceeding into a discussion about the mechanics of ovulation and menstruation. For that matter a careful examination of YouTube for sexual topics is a terrific idea for teachers because this is what young people are really watching.

Sometimes humor is intentional and strategic and sometimes it’s accidental. Peggy Brick was once asked what might make a condom fail. She replied, “Well, I suppose if there’s a little prick in it . . .” She was referring, of course, to a puncture, but the students took it the other way and had a good laugh!

NSRC: Are there any existing humor related resources out there for sexuality educators?

Bill Taverner: Humor resources are all at our fingertips: the email jokes we receive (often about sex), comics that can be accessed quickly using “Google Images”, videos on YouTube [9] and Hulu [10].

We also need to recognize students as important allies in using humor in sex ed. Let them laugh, let them be funny! We can explore the subject of sexuality seriously while maintaining a balance between somber and giddy.

We also have the stories we can tell. Elizabeth Schroeder told me once she was buying a series of seemingly unrelated items at Wal-Mart— markers, greeting cards, a bag of chocolates, Play-Doh, and . . . four boxes of condoms. When the checkout person continued to scan the items nonchalantly, Elizabeth stopped her and asked, "Ok, seriously? Aren't you dying to know what I do for a living?" Telling such a story lightens the mood and reminds participants that the presenter recognizes the innate humor in the subject.

Bill Taverner, M.A., is the director of The Center for Family Life Education at Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, editor-in-chief of the American Journal of Sexuality Education [11], and special projects consultant for the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality [12]. He has coauthored many sex ed teaching resources, including Making Sense of Abstinence [13]; Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter; and Sex Ed 101. He has received national awards recognizing his leadership in sexuality education, including AASECT’s first “Schiller Prize” for best workshop using interactive strategies and the “Golden Apple Award,” given by the Association for Planned Parenthood Leaders in Education.

Source: http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/article/bill_taverner_bringing_laughs_sex_ed_2

Adventures in Adult Sex Education

2009-10-17T11:42:00.001-04:00
By Amanda Robb from O, The Oprah Magazine, July 2009

With memories of mortifying class discussions led by the gym teacher, what grown-up in her right mind would sign up for another round of sex ed? Turns out, lots of them. Only this time, the lessons are intimate, the questions are provocative, and the homework is electrifying.

Nine middle-aged men and women are sitting in a circle in a cluttered, colorful classroom in a church annex in Austin. Judith, the oldest, is an artist, and her long, curly gray hair is piled into a messy halo atop her head. Larry is a gregarious man who works for the U.S. government. Elizabeth, an information technology manager at a local government agency, is an athletic woman, efficient in her movements. Her husband, Eugene, sitting nearby, was raised in Spain and has handsome features and courtly manners.

The teacher, Barbara Tuttle, begins class. "Touch one of your hands with the other," she says. "Feel the smoothness and roughness of all the various parts, the places where it's dry or moist." Some of the students close their eyes as they follow her instructions. Small smiles play on their lips. Tuttle's birdlike mouth breaks into a huge grin. "Congratulations," she says. "You all just masturbated. And in public!"

Next Tuttle, a retired sex therapist, asks the students about the experience of mindfully touching themselves: "How did it feel? Was that pleasant?"

"It made me wish someone else were touching me," Elizabeth says.

"It was just nice to be touched at all," says Judith.

Also see:

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How to reconnect when your love has gone stale
So begins the fifth session of Our Whole Lives (OWL): Sexuality Education for Adults, at the First Unitarian Church of Austin. Tonight's class is one of 14 in the seven-month course, which is the result of an initiative of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) and the United Church of Christ (UCC). Since 1998 the institutions have coproduced sex education materials for children ages 5 to 18; as church leadership reexamined the curricula, they noticed a need for age-appropriate material for grown-ups.

"We see sexuality as a very important part of the human experience that is lifelong," says Janet Hayes, public relations director for the UUA. "That's why we named our program Our Whole Lives. Your sexuality doesn't end after you stop having babies or get divorced or after you turn 60. It is who we are in our core. We feel it has to be integrated into our spirituality because, for us, spirituality is about wholeness." So in 2008, the churches -- which together have about 6,600 U.S. congregations and 1.4 million members -- introduced classes for adults 18 to 35. (In the past ten years, it's estimated, more than 40,000 children, young adults, and adults have taken at least one OWL class.)

How to talk to your partner about sex

Michael Tino, a Unitarian Universalist minister with a PhD in cell biology, cowrote the young adult OWL curriculum and understands why the adult classes have proved popular. "You can have the best high school sexuality curriculum in the world," he says, "but a lot of critical issues are not going to be addressed in those classes: How do I enjoy my sexuality if I've lost a breast to cancer? How do I manage being a parent and a sexual person? Can I feel sexually satisfied if I don't have a life partner?"

There's one simple reason those questions aren't tackled, Tino says. "Teenagers don't have them yet. Most of what affects our sexuality happens in adulthood -- long-term relationships, breakups, parenthood, illness, sheer exhaustion from managing life."

Although the courses the churches prepared were aimed at adults in their 20s to early 30s, to the organizers' surprise, middle-aged parishioners have stampeded the discussion-based program. Students in tonight's class, for instance, are in their late 40s to mid-60s.

After wrapping up the discussion about self-touch, during which Tuttle encourages students to "think about sensuality broadly and not shut off the pleasure of getting to know the whole body," she and her coteacher, Michael West, an economic development project manager in the Texas A&M University system, explain the next exercise: a sexuality timeline. (OWL facilitators are trained over three days, and the program is typically team taught, usually by a woman and a man.)

Thirty feet of newsprint is rolled out across two long tables. Red and black pens are placed on each table. The men are assigned one sheet; the women, the other. The students are asked to write down sexual experiences in chronological order, using the black pen for those that were in their control (such as a first kiss) and the red pen for those that were not (such as getting their first period).

The women are a flurry of activity, practically tripping over each other to scribble -- "played doctor," "found a pubic hair," "menstruation," "kissed a boy," "kissed a girl," "touched by a cousin," "fell in love," "lost my virginity," "had an abortion," "had a baby," "breasts sagging," "menopause," "discovered sex without love." The men look on and appear intimidated. Finally, Eugene picks up a pen and writes down "first time had sex." The other men slowly begin to join in. Together they manage to write: "accidentally masturbated," "masturbated," "first time had sex," "prostate," and "Viagra."

Tuttle calls time and invites the students to look at the timelines. "What comes up?" she asks.

Judith says the exercise made her realize that one huge thing she can't control about her sexuality is her fading looks. "Like, I'm still looking at 40-year-old men," Judith says, "but they're not looking back." A few of the other women agree.

Elizabeth stares at them as if they're insane. "I love being middle-aged," she says.

The women return her you're-out-of-your-mind look, so she explains: "When I was young, I'd see these older women and they just seemed as if they had confidence and were wise -- and more comfortable in their skin. I'm much more comfortable in my skin today than I was at 30, 25, 20, and definitely 15."

"How?" asks Judith.

Elizabeth thinks for a minute. "I didn't get any mileage out of being cute when I was young. Maybe that's the positive side of not being cute or flirty at 20 -- when you don't get that attention at 45, you haven't lost anything."

A little later, Judith admits that she can think of a few good things that result from getting older. "My husband of 13 years always accused me of being frigid because I never had an orgasm with him," she says. "After we split up, I definitely learned I wasn't frigid. Which was a relief. Which was fun."

The women marvel that virtually all of them have had distressful sexual experiences. One says her sex life was "messy," explaining that she means nonlinear. "I was always a little ashamed because I didn't do the perfect progression of first kiss, go steady, first love, first sex," she says. "It's nice to see that all the women were a littleout of order."

She turns to the men and asks if they ever felt that way. One says men don't think about sex in those terms. "Especially for young men, sex is very goal oriented," he says. "Get a kiss, get a girlfriend, get laid."

Larry agrees. In fact, he later explains, that's why he signed up for the course with his wife of 15 years. "We're past the Kama Sutra part of life," Larry says. "You want to—you need to—broaden the definition of sex. Like the other night, my wife was singing to me, and I said, 'Oh, you're making love to me.'"

One of the first pilot classes for the OWL program took place in Boston three years ago. Several of the participants say that the course lessons were not only useful but surprising. Sylvie*, a 35-year-old medical counselor, signed up for the class after seeing it advertised in the church bulletin. Speaking from her home near Boston, she explains that she'd always felt fortunate to have what she considered healthy feelings about her sexuality.

"My dad was a general practitioner and my mom was a counselor, and they were very open with my brother and me growing up," she says. Her parents didn't shy away from explaining things, and kept books like Our Bodies, Ourselves and The Joy of Sex in the house.

But in 2005, Sylvie and her husband began struggling with infertility. "It took all the joy out of sex," Sylvie says now. "We were always trying to get pregnant." So she signed up, with the hope of refiling sex under "pleasure" instead of "work" in her brain.

How far would you go to conceive?

The first few workshops turned out to be exactly what Sylvie was looking for. Jane Detwiler, a certified sexuality educator, and her cofacilitator led the group through "anatomy of pleasure" and "understanding sexual response" exercises. Contacted recently at her office, Detwiler says many people learn about the reproductive capacity of sexual organs in traditional sex ed, but not the "pleasure capacity."

She says that despite the sexualization of our culture, many of her students don't know what normal genitals look like, and she has discovered that loads of women worry that theirs are abnormal or ugly. In Sylvie's class, Detwiler used diagrams and photographs to explain that the truth is, of course, that there's a variety of "normal," as wide ranging as human faces.

Her students also discussed the parts of the body besides the genitals that are wired for sexual response—skin, lips, breasts, nipples, tongue, hands, brain. Then Detwiler pulled out a model of a penis and the "Wondrous Vulva Puppet." She had labels ready (clitoris, perineum, vagina, glans, PC muscle) and asked volunteers to place them correctly. As students moved through the lesson, they talked about how the different parts contribute to pleasure.

Next, the instructors asked the students to compare the Masters and Johnson linear model of sexual response—excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution—to a circular model of mutual pleasure. To explain the idea, Detwiler drew a large circle on newsprint and asked students to think of all sorts of sexy, fun activities and list them around the circle.

The students came up with "caress, oral sex, kiss, massage, lubrication, talking, fondling, phone sex, kiss again, snuggle." In a circular model, Detwiler pointed out, partners can start or stop sensual activity anytime they want, and the activities don't necessarily lead to orgasm.

Sylvie says that some students thought that type of sex would be an exercise in frustration, but others said they could imagine times in their lives when those options would work—when they were not ready to have sex with a new partner, when they were too tired to have intercourse with their current partner, when they were trying to liven things up with a longtime lover.

After most classes, Sylvie came home and described what she had learned to her husband (who did not attend, because the course was something she wanted to do on her own). "Oh, you know," she'd say at the end of each night's summary, "that reminds me. Let's have sex just for fun."

3 no-fail relationship tune-ups

Then a few sessions later came the "values voting" game.

During this exercise, the instructors asked the class to envision a line on the floor, with one end representing "I strongly agree" and the opposite end signaling "I strongly disagree." Then Detwiler read statements, directing students to stand on the line in a position that represented their values.

Detwiler called out things like "It is more fulfilling to be free of commitment than committed" and "If I made vows to my partner during a marriage or commitment ceremony, I would stick to them no matter what." Each person explained why they stood where they did and moved if someone said something to change their mind. About midway through the game, Detwiler said: "Viewing pornography is not healthy."

Sylvie stepped to a place she considered completely noncontroversial. The "sort of agree" spot on the line. "I'd gone to very progressive summer camps when I was a teenager, and a lot of my counselors were strong feminists," she says. "I guess I'd just gotten the message that pornography was exploitative of women." Sylvie did not boycott newsstands that carried Playboy or refuse to stay in hotels that offer adult pay-per-view. She didn't consider herself an extremist, so she figured she'd have plenty of company at her spot.

She was amazed to see that most of her classmates—each a very likable, not-perverse-seeming person, in Sylvie's opinion—were in the "sort of disagree" to "strongly disagree" part of the line. They explained that yes, pornography could be exploitative, but it could also be a safe form of fantasy.

Sylvie went home and told her husband the news.

"The porn I have is on my computer," he said. For the second time that evening, Sylvie says, she was shocked. Her husband said that he looked at it every few weeks; she asked if he could show it to her. He did. Sylvie was surprised to find some of it turned her on.

"I thought married men who look at pornography must be unhappy with their spouses," Sylvie says. "But my husband said, 'No, sometimes when I feel like being sexual I just feel like being alone.' And I thought about that. And I thought, 'Well, sometimes when I want to be sexual I want to be alone, too. For me, that doesn't involve porn, but if it does for him, so be it.'"

Over the next few weeks, as she discussed the subject more with her husband and her classmates, her opinion changed. "My parents had told us that smoking was bad," she says. "So my brother came to think that people who smoked were bad. I did a similar thing with pornography. I still don't think pornography is a great thing for women, but now I don't think people who look at it necessarily want to exploit them."

Another member of this pilot class, Kim, then 35, had been happily married for more than a decade; she had even taught the OWL classes to middle school students for three years. "I was functioning well," she says, on the phone from Framingham, Massachusetts.

"But deep down, I still had some weird, mixed-up feelings about sex left over from my childhood." Her parents had divorced when she was 3. "Afterward my mother was very free with her sexuality," Kim remembers. "I would hear a lot, and the sounds scared and confused me. I'd say, 'Mom, what are you doing?' She'd say, 'Kissing.' Well, I knew that wasn't it. I signed up for the adult OWL course to keep peeling back the layers, to keep getting better, healthier, happier."

The early sessions confirmed for her that she needed to deal with free-floating shame around her sexuality. In the same workshop that featured the "anatomy of pleasure" exercise (identifying body parts), the instructors led them through the "pleasure pinwheel" game. In this lesson, students arrange themselves in two concentric circles, with each person in the inner ring facing a partner in the outer ring.

One of the instructors asks questions regarding the messages students have received about sexual pleasure from their parents, schools, peers, and lovers. The students have one minute to give their answer to the person facing them; then the outer circle shifts one place. By the end of the exercise, Kim had a better sense of the messages she'd received throughout her life—many dating to childhood—and she began to see that the ones that made her feel the worst related to her libido, which was stronger than her husband's.

"There wasn't one moment in the class when I said, 'Wow, amazing, I'm okay, and [my classmates] are okay about my wanting to have sex more often than my spouse,'" Kim says. "But gradually, over 14 sessions, talking and talking and talking about how weird and wildly varied sexuality is for people, you get to feeling more and more normal yourself."

"Often the question behind a question in sexuality education," Detwiler says, "is 'Am I normal?'"

Although the unitarian universalist and UCC churches are among the leading organizations promoting adult sex education, they aren't alone. The U.S. government is in the field, too. In 2005 Congress passed an act that provides $150 million annually for healthy marriage and responsible fatherhood initiatives.

So far the government has paid to educate more than 290,000 Americans on the how-tos of building and maintaining relationships. One popular program that receives federal funding is a course called It's All About M.E. (Marriage Education), which is given in hospitals and community centers, as well as at the army base at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. The eight-hour curriculum was a product of WAIT Training, a 17-year-old Colorado-based nonprofit founded by Joneen Mackenzie, RN.

Mackenzie believes that the best and healthiest place for sex is a committed, long-term monogamous relationship, but she agrees with the UUA and UCC churches that sexuality education—especially for adults—is generally less about plumbing than about emotional issues. Because It's All About M.E. courses encourage young adults to wait until marriage to have sex, much of the training is focused on relationship skills.

For instance, participants learn the program's ten keys to successful dating (such as get a life of your own, take it slow, set clear boundaries, engage in healthy responses to conflict, and choose a partner who makes you feel affirmed, inspired, and challenged to be a better person). But they do discuss sexual relationships. It's All About M.E. instructors ask students to reflect on what has influenced their view of sexuality and then offer exercises to help the students imagine alternative ways of being intimate.

For example, in a lesson called Steps of (Physical) Intimacy, students arrange types of contact—eye-to-eye, hand-to-hand, hand-to-waist, face-to-face, French kissing, touching above the waist, etc.—from the least to the most intimate. They discuss the physical, intellectual, social, spiritual, and financial consequences of doing the steps too quickly or out of order.

Mackenzie says the All About M.E. curriculum includes sex education because couples who have satisfying sex lives have stronger, healthier marriages. "When you're talking about adult relationships," she says, "you're talking about sexuality, and when you're talking about sexuality, you're talking about adult relationships."

Jessica, 23, who works for a nonprofit in Denver, had attended WAIT Training abstinence workshops in college. When she and her boyfriend got engaged last year, she volunteered to attend the group's pilot program for marriage education. She says it gave them the tools for a happy sex life (both had chosen to be abstinent until marriage).

One hugely important concept they took from the course was discussing sexual issues in nonsexual moments. The idea is to make a potentially fraught conversation less emotional, less likely to hurt feelings. Jessica and her husband have these talks anywhere but the bedroom. "We talk about what we're comfortable doing or not," she says. "How often we want to have sex. What time of day. What feels good and what doesn't."

Jessica thinks the class gave them the skills to deal with conflict before they found themselves tangled up in an argument, as well as a means to explore their sexual desires in a way that felt comfortable. "Knowing how to communicate is empowering," she says.

Back in Austin after the OWL class, a group of students settle in at a nearby diner to discuss the value of the course. "It hasn't solved all my sex problems," says Judith, the lone single student. "It's still very hard to find older guys who don't have a truck full of baggage with them.

But it's been nice to have a place to talk honestly about things that are never talked about. Like how after a certain age you're not touched anymore. Certainly not lovingly. It's just 'Excuse me' if someone bumps into you at the grocery store. It's been nice to talk about my needs and have them taken seriously."

This is why the courses are so popular, says Elizabeth, the happy-to-be-middle-aged student. "There's those almost pornographic women in Sex and the City. There's a Victoria's Secret in nearly every mall." The other women at the table nod in commiseration. "So many TV shows revolve around some sex problem—someone cheats, someone wants someone he can't have.

But no one ever talks about sex in a meaningful way. It's always innuendo. It is always pretending to be about something else," Elizabeth says. Now the men are nodding. "Sexuality is this thing you carry around all the time. It grows and changes—it's part of your health and relationships and your age and your self-image, but our culture likes to talk about it in this really silly, trivial way," she says. "People—especially grown-ups—are sick of it. We want adult conversation about an adult subject."

Her husband, Eugene, gives her a smile, then raises his hand to the waiter and orders another round of drinks.

Amanda Robb is a contributing writer at O

By Amanda Robb from O, The Oprah Magazine, July 2009 © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Source: http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/love-sex-relationships/oprah-article.aspx?cp-documentid=20470594

For Common Male Problem, Hope Beyond a Pill

2009-09-05T11:23:00.001-04:00
By LESLEY ALDERMAN
The New York Times
August 29, 2009

IF you watch enough television, you’d think that treating erectile dysfunction was as effortless as popping a pill and then whirling your partner around the living room in a romantic dance. Correcting erectile dysfunction, alas, is not so simple — and it can be rather costly. One Viagra pill, for example, the most common way to treat erection problems, costs about $15.

Insurers can be chary of reimbursements. And despite the fact that E.D., as the dysfunction is known, becomes increasingly common after men reach 65, Medicare Part D does not cover drugs for it.

An estimated 30 million men in this country experience erectile dysfunction. Nearly a third of men in their 50s experience E.D., whereas more than half of those in their 60s have the problem.

If you’re hoping to have Viagra-aided sex twice a week, your bill for the entire year could run around $1,500. If you’re fortunate enough to have insurance that covers the medications, your co-pay will be on the high side, around $40 for a one-month supply of six to eight pills — bringing your annual bill to a more manageable $500 or so. There are no generic versions of E.D. meds yet.

Even among the name-brand drugs, which also include Cialis and Levitra, the medications do not work for about half of the men with E.D., says Dr. Ajay Nehra, professor of urology at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. He is also president of the Sexual Medicine Society, an association of health care professionals.

And yet, as it turns out there are other treatments for E.D. And some of them are more cost-effective than the brand-name pills advertised on television.

“There is not a man out there that cannot be helped in some way with his E.D. — even if money is an issue,” says Dr. Andrew McCullough, an associate professor of urology and director of Male Sexual Health and Fertility at the Langone Medical Center at New York University.

The first step is to see a doctor who specializes in E.D. (usually a urologist) and have your overall health checked out. If your primary care physician can’t make a recommendation, contact the Sexual Medicine Society and ask for a referral.

In many of cases, E.D. is the sign of an underlying disorder like diabetes or hypertension. In fact, in younger men, erection problems are often the first symptom of cardiovascular disease.

“Erectile problems may show up about three years before a cardiovascular event such as a heart attack or stroke,” says Dr. Ira Sharlip, clinical professor of urology at the University of California, San Francisco.

That’s because plaque will start to clog the small arteries in the penis before the wider coronary arteries. Your doctor will also try to determine whether your E.D. is the result of a psychological issue, in which case he will refer you to a therapist. Depending on your policy, your insurer may cover a set number of visits. (One way for you to check on your own whether your issue may be psychological or physical is try the postage stamp test, also known as nocturnal penile tumescence test.)

By adopting healthier habits, you may be able to improve your overall well-being and restore your erectile function.

“There is increasing evidence that we can reverse erectile dysfunction with lifestyle changes,” says Dr. Drogo K. Montague, director of the Center for Genitourinary Reconstruction in the Glickman Urological and Kidney Institute at Cleveland Clinic.

In a recent study of men with E.D., or at risk for developing it, researchers in Italy found that the men could improve their erections by losing weight, improving their diet and exercising more frequently. After two years of significant lifestyle changes, 58 percent of the men had normal erectile function, according to the study, which was published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in January.

But lifestyle changes, while basically free, can be difficult to make and may take months to take effect. In the meantime, your doctor will probably prescribe a phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitor, also called a PDE-5 inhibitor, like Viagra, Cialis or Levitra. These drugs enhance the effects of nitric oxide, a chemical that helps to increase blood flow in the penis. The three drugs work in the same way, but differ in how quickly they take effect and how long they last. If the PDE-5 drugs don’t work for you, don’t give up quickly, says Dr. McCullough, who theorizes that “in over 40 percent of drug failures the problem is with the user, not the drug.” Dr. McCullough adds, “it’s important to take these medications as directed, like on a totally empty stomach, rather than a full one, and not less than 60 minutes before sex.”

If the pills don’t work for you, you might want to try self-administered injections of alprostadil, a drug that helps blood vessels expand and facilitates erections. Granted, this may sound onerous, but the shot, which is sold under the brand names Edex and Caverject, is done with a fine needle, feels no worse than a pinprick and produces an erection that can last up to four hours, according to doctors who recommend it.

The shots cost about $35 per injection and are covered by most insurers, but not by Medicare.

But ask your doctor about an injection that’s a cocktail of generic forms of alprostadil, papaverine and phentolamine.

Although this generic combination is not F.D.A.-approved as an E.D. treatment, doctors are legally free to administer it — and both Dr. Sharlip and Dr. McCullough recommend it.

“The generic injections clearly work the best,” Dr. Sharlip said, “and are usually less expensive.”

Another cost-effective option is a vacuum erection device or penis pump. It works like this: you place a tube on the penis and then pump the air out of the tube, which pulls blood into the penis. When the penis is erect, you then put a snug ring around the base to maintain the erection, which lasts long enough to have sex.

The cost for the device, which requires a prescription, can run from $300 to $600, but most insurers and Medicare will cover part of the cost and the device should last for years. Even if you spend $300 out of pocket and use the device once a week, you’ll be spending much less per year than on pills or injections. You can also buy a nonprescription pump online (even Amazon carries some) for as little as $30, Dr. McCullough said.

Finally, if all other treatments fail, you could consider getting penile implants, an effective and permanent solution for chronic E.D. The most common type of implant works through inflation: two cylinders are placed inside the penis and a fluid-filled reservoir is implanted under the abdominal wall or groin muscles; a pump and a deflation valve are placed inside the scrotum. To create an erection, you pump fluid from the reservoir into the cylinders. To deflate the penis, you press the release valve.

Most insurers and Medicare cover the surgery, so your out-of-pocket costs will be minimal. This might be the most cost-effective strategy of all since, according to Dr. Nehra, 80 percent of implants last 10 years.

Original link: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/29/health/29patient.html?_r=2&hpw=&pagewanted=print

Seniors' Dating in the New Millennium

2009-08-18T18:23:00.001-04:00
For Immediate Release
August 18, 2009

Seniors' Dating in the New Millennium

(Scarborough, ON): Due to overwhelming success, St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre will host another Companion Connections, a social networking event designed for adults 55 years and older on Saturday, September 12, 2009 from 2:00-5:00 pm. A city-wide event, Companion Connections is a unique social event that allows older adults and seniors to meet new people, expand their social network, and make social connections.

As people get older, it becomes more challenging for them to expand their social networks and meet new people. This is especially true for individuals who are widowed, divorced, or isolated. Companion Connections is a fun, relaxed, and safe environment in which participants can meet up to 20 other single seniors in one day.

Companion Connections is modeled on a typical speed dating framework in which participants are given time to get to know each other in a relaxed conversation. Icebreaker questions are available for those who are nervous or shy. Men rotate seats every 6 minutes while women remain seated. If an individual is interested in their conversation partner, he or she will check off the person’s name on their score sheet. Contact information will only be given if both parties have checked off each other’s name. Our April event was successful with 21 matches being made.

St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre’s Executive Director, Larry Burke, acknowledges the need for such programs in facilitating friendships for this audience. “The success of our first Companion Connections program demonstrates the need for these socialization opportunities for older adults and seniors.”

Companion Connections is a collaboration among several community agencies and seniors’ centres across the GTA. Partners include West Hill Community Services, Harmony Hall, North York Seniors Centre, Premier Home Care Services, Scarborough Support Services, and Revera Living. Participants are eligible to win several door prizes and will receive goody bags to take home. Steeles Deli Restaurant in Thornhill, Ontario, a long time supporter of St. Paul’s, will once again provide refreshments for participants.

Registration will be on a first come, first served basis. St. Paul’s will not be reserving spaces. The last day to register for this event is Friday, August 28, 2009.

For more information, please call 416-493-3333 ext 271 visit our website at www.splc.ca

About St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre
St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre provides community services and housing to older adults and seniors. Our vision is to provide a services and housing environment for seniors that allows them to live independently in their community with wellness and dignity and to provide this environment regardless of language, culture or ability to pay.

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Octegenarians heat up the dancefloor

2009-08-15T17:28:00.004-04:00
Here are two links to women who are dancing into their 80s. These women are truly inspirational to people of all ages. And there's the role model piece, "if she can do it, so can I."

The first link is to a woman named Sarah Jones, also known as Paddy Jones. Although some youtube posts claim she's 87, she's a 75 year old salsa dancer who's been dazzling viewers all over the world with her sexy, classical moves on the dancefloor. Watch Sarah and her salsa partner, Nico, heat up the floor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkHvRCp3z5A&feature=related

Dorothy Dale Kloss is an amazing woman. She's gorgeous, she's in great shape and she still dances at the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies. At 85 years old, she's the world's oldest showgirl. Physical activity, healthy eating, taking care of one's whole health is the key to not only long life, but living well longer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkHvRCp3z5A&feature=related

To watch the video on Dorothy, click here:
http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/articles/Dorothy_Dale_Kloss_Oldest_Showgirl_in_the_World.html

To learn more about the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies, click here:
http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/reinventing/articles/fabulous_palm_springs_follies_is_still_kicking.html

Like a fine wine, sex life improves with age

2009-08-08T12:01:00.003-04:00
This survey on sexual lifestyles in 50+ population was sponsored by Eli Lilly. The perspective focuses on erectile dysfunction. It discusses how older adults and seniors are sexually satisfied, how many engage in risky behaviours and sexually adventurous activities. No where in the study is sexually transmitted infections mentioned which is a shocking omission.

With 41% of respondents stating they are sexually adventurous, it is unbelievable and unconscionable to leave out the importance of safer sex practices. But then Eli Lilly, makers of Cialis, would not be concerned about consequences of unprotected sexual activity.

I stated in the CBC's Sex and Seniors documentary, that pharamaceutical companies must do more to educate their older adult and senior patients on safer sex practices. The Cialis website has a link to a 5 page info sheet on "Patient Information." Page two indicates, "CIALIS does not protect a man or his partner from sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. Speak to your healthcare provider about ways to guard against sexually transmitted diseases."

If Eli Lilly wanted to do more inthe way of corporate social responsibility, they should consider an ad campaign advocating the joys of senior sexuality AND safer sex practices in this population.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
August 8, 2009

-------------------

The Globe and Mail
Report on Business
July 23, 2009

But sex and aging can raise new concerns for couples

TORONTO, July 23 /CNW/ - Many Canadians 50+ are finding that changes to their lifestyle are having a positive impact on their sex life, confessing they are more sexually adventurous, frisky or ferocious in bed. The 50+ crowd admits that the newfound freedom in their lives - as their nests become empty, they enter retirement, and some focus on new relationships - has had a positive impact on their sex life. Yet, despite these positive changes, many are concerned about how aging may lead to sexual issues like erectile dysfunction and the impact it may have on their sex life.

A national survey of Canadians 50+ reveals the sexual attitudes of this aging population. The survey showed that Canadians 50+ are gaining a new lease on life and returning to the spontaneity and intimacy enjoyed earlier in their relationships. In fact, key survey findings showed that among Canadians 50+:

<<
- 41 per cent stated they were sexually adventurous;(1)
- 40 per cent said they were frisky;(1)
- 16 per cent consider themselves ferocious in bed;(1)
- Close to half (45%) stated that their sexual inhibitions have
decreased since they turned 50;(1)
- More than one quarter (27%) stated the quality of their sex life has
improved since they turned 50;(1) and
- Close to half (49%) say that they are satisfied sexually.(1)
>>

"With retirement fast approaching and with sex having fewer taboos than for previous generations, what's not to celebrate about being over 50?" says Dr. David McKenzie, Couples and Sex Therapist in Vancouver. "Reducing stress and having a long-term connection with your partner can greatly contribute towards a more emotionally satisfying relationship as well as a more rewarding sex life."

Spontaneity: Keeping things interesting in the bedroom

Spontaneity is important to the sex life of Canadians 50+, according to almost three quarters of respondents, and over half wish that their sex life was more spontaneous.(1) However, there are concerns as the 50+ think about how sexual difficulties, such as erectile dysfunction (ED), will impact the spontaneity of their sex life as they age. Specifically, one quarter admitted that they or their partner has experienced erectile dysfunction and that it has a negative impact on their sex life.(1) Sexual issues such as experiencing erection difficulties can impact spontaneity in relationships as partners can become frustrated, embarrassed or anxious which, in turn, inhibits the ability for the man to maintain his erection.(2)

"If men and their partners are concerned about achieving and maintaining an erection, they should know that it is a very common medical condition that affects more than a third of Canadian men," says Dr. Gerald Brock, Professor of Surgery, Division of Urology, University of Western Ontario. "Furthermore, experiencing difficulty with erections doesn't have to mean the end of spontaneous intimacy, and many treatment options are available that can give couples the freedom they desire and help to ensure an active and healthy sex life as they age, with great success. The really important message, for the literally tens of thousands of Canadian couples affected with sexual dysfunction, is to speak to their healthcare professional for information and understand their treatment options."

The national online survey was conducted by Leger Marketing using Leger Marketing's Web panel between April 14th and April 20th, 2009. It was sponsored by Eli Lilly Canada Inc. The survey interviewed a total of 1,510 respondents who were Canadian adults, 18 years of age and older. Of those 1,510 respondents, 494 were over the age of 50. Using a national random sample of 1,510 respondents from Leger Marketing's Web panel, this method simulates a probability sample that would yield a maximum margin of error of +/-2.5%, 19 times out of 20. The margin of error among the 494 respondents over the age of 50 is +/-4.4%, 19 times out of 20.

About Lilly

Lilly, a leading innovation-driven corporation, is developing a growing portfolio of first-in-class and best-in-class pharmaceutical products by applying the latest research from its own worldwide laboratories and from collaborations with eminent scientific organizations. Headquartered in Indianapolis, Indiana, Lilly provides answers - through medicines and information - for some of the world's most urgent medical needs. Eli Lilly Canada, headquartered in Toronto, Ontario, employs close to 700 people across the country. Additional information about Eli Lilly Canada can be found at www.lilly.ca.

To see original link: http://www.globeinvestor.com/servlet/story/CNW.20090723.C8037/GIStory

CBC Radio The Current Rebroadcasts Sex and Seniors August 6, 2009

2009-08-06T19:55:00.003-04:00
CBC Radio show, The Current, rebroadcasts Sex & Seniors Documentary on August 6, 2009
Sex & Seniors Documentary

Across Canada, seniors are staying healthier and living longer. Add drugs such as Viagra to the mix and it's no surprise that they're more sexually active, too. But that can create problems. HIV infections among seniors are on the rise. The rate of HIV infections among Canadians over fifty has doubled in the past ten years.

The rates of other sexually transmitted diseases are also increasing. And with the number of seniors expected to double over the next 40 years, that's a significant public health challenge ... especially since sex among seniors is still something of a taboo subject.

Susan Bell is a freelance documentary producer based in Montreal. She spent some time with one senior citizen who is on a quest to find a boyfriend. Her documentary is called Faith's Journey and it first aired on The Current in January.

Phizer, the drug company behind Viagra, does not sponsor a safe-sex campaign specifically targeting seniors. But it does fund a group called the Canadian Male Sexual Health Council.

Eli Lily, the makers of Cialis, does not fund an educational campaign targeting seniors. But the company says that anyone who wants to is free to apply for funding through its grants and donations division. And as for Iris ... her HIV test came back negative.

To listen to the full broadcast, click: http://www.cbc.ca/thecurrent/2009/200908/20090806.html

59 Is the New 30

2009-07-31T19:30:00.002-04:00
Not that I usually read the opinion section in the New York Times, but this was brought to my attention today (thank you Eric)and I thought it tied in perfectly to SageHealth Network's mandate of positive aging and healthy aging for older adults and seniors.

Thomas Freidman of the New York Times wrote a wonderful piece on golfer, Tom Watson, who won the British Open at age 59. Friedman's article is more subtle than my usual blog posts on positive aging. Although the piece focuses on Watson's golfing skills and the integrity of the game itself, I do really like the "life affirming" aspect. Watson should indeed be looked upon not only as a great golfer, but an older adult with whom others can identify. He can be seen as an inspiration, a role model---someone who is able to achieve a goal, thus making it possible for his contemporaries to attain the same level of success..... "If he can do it at age 59, then so can I." Definitely a life affirming moment.

MCauch
SageHealth Network

----------------------
July 29, 2009
Op-Ed Columnist
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN

Last April I took a break to caddy for the former U.S. Open champion Andy North when he teamed up with Tom Watson to defend their title in the two-man Liberty Mutual Legends of Golf tournament in Savannah, Ga. So it was with more than a casual spectator’s interest that I watched in awe on Armed Forces television from Afghanistan as Watson made his amazing run at winning the British Open at age 59. Watson likes to talk about foreign affairs more than golf. So to let him know just how many people wanted him to win, I e-mailed him before the final round: “Even the Taliban are rooting for you.”

Indeed, I have been struck at how many golfers and non-golfers got caught up in Watson’s historic performance — tying for the lead after four rounds at Turnberry, but losing in a playoff to the 36-year-old Stewart Cink. I was not alone in being devastated that Watson was not able to par the last hole and clinch the win. Like millions of others, I shouted at the TV as his ball ran across the 18th green — heading for trouble — “STOP! STOP! STOP!” as if I personally had something at stake. Why was that?

Many reasons. For starters, Watson’s run was freaky unusual — a 59-year-old man who had played his opening two rounds in this tournament with a 16-year-old Italian amateur — was able to best the greatest golfers in the world at least a decade after anyone would have dreamt it possible. Watching this happen actually widened our sense of what any of us is capable of. That is, when Kobe Bryant scores 70 points, we are in awe. When Tiger Woods wins by 15 strokes, we are in awe. But when a man our own age and size whips the world’s best — who are half his age — we identify.

Of course, Watson has unique golfing skills, but if you are a baby boomer you could not help but look at him and say something you would never say about Tiger or Kobe: “He’s my age; he’s my build; he’s my height; and he even had his hip replaced like me. If he can do that, maybe I can do something like that, too.”

Neil Oxman, Watson’s caddy, who is a top Democratic political consultant in his real life, told me: “After Thursday’s round with Tom, when we left the scoring tent I said to him, ‘You know, this is a thing.’ He understood what I meant. On Sunday morning, the two of us were in the corner of the locker room without another human being around, sitting in these two easy chairs facing each other behind a partition. We were chatting about stuff, and I said to him, ‘For a lot of people, what you’re doing is life-affirming.’ I took it from a story about when Betty Comden and Adolph Green — the writers of “Singin’ in the Rain” — showed Leonard Bernstein the famous scene of Gene Kelly. Bernstein said to them, ‘That scene is an affirmation of life.’ What Tom did last week was an affirmation of life.”

Also, as Watson himself appreciates, the way he lost the tournament underscored why golf is the sport most like life. He hit two perfect shots on the 18th hole in the final round, and the second one bounced just a little too hard and ran through the green, leaving him a difficult chip back, which he was unable to get up and down. Had his ball stopped a foot shorter, he would have had an easy two-putt and a win.

That’s the point. Baseball, basketball and football are played on flat surfaces designed to give true bounces. Golf is played on an uneven terrain designed to surprise. Good and bad bounces are built into the essence of the game. And the reason golf is so much like life is that the game — like life — is all about how you react to those good and bad bounces. Do you blame your caddy? Do you cheat? Do you throw your clubs? Or do you accept it all with dignity and grace and move on, as Watson always has. Hence the saying: Play one round of golf with someone and you will learn everything you need to know about his character.

Golf is all about individual character. The ball is fixed. No one throws it to you. You initiate the swing, and you alone have to live with the results. There are no teammates to blame or commiserate with. Also, pro golfers, unlike baseball, football or basketball players, have no fixed salaries. They eat what they kill. If they score well, they make money. If they don’t, they don’t make money. I wonder what the average N.B.A. player’s free-throw shooting percentage would be if he had to make free throws to get paid the way golfers have to make three-foot putts?

This wonderful but cruel game never stops testing or teaching you. “The only comment I can make,” Watson told me after, “is one that the immortal Bobby Jones related: ‘One learns from defeat, not from victory.’ I may never have the chance again to beat the kids, but I took one thing from the last hole: hitting both the tee shot and the approach shots exactly the way I meant to wasn’t good enough. ... I had to finish.”

So Tom Watson got a brutal lesson in golf that he’ll never forget, but he gave us all an incredible lesson in possibilities — one we’ll never forget.

Original link: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/29/opinion/29friedman.html?_r=1&pagewanted=print

What's so bad about aging?

2009-07-18T11:03:00.002-04:00
by Elizabeth Rogers, 50Plus.com

Remember when you were a kid and people over the age of 20 seemed grown-up -- and over 30 was practically ancient ?

It's not surprising that our idea of "old" changes as we age, but new research shows that our attitudes about aging itself are changing too. A survey conducted by the Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends project in February and March 2009 revealed some interesting trends -- as well as misperceptions -- about "growing old."

The Growing Old in America: Expectations vs. Reality study polled nearly 3000 adults of all ages and asked about topics such as negative benchmarks of aging (like memory loss and failing health), what benefits are typically enjoyed by older adults and when old age actually starts. Here are some of the key findings:

Young(er) at heart

Here's further proof that age is "all in your head": The results show that as people get older, there's a widening gap between how old they feel versus how old they actually are . Not surprisingly, people in their twenties report feeling like they are in their twenties. However, that "twenty-something" feeling follows people into their thirties, and after that people continue to fall even further behind. For example, many forty year olds still feel like they're in their mid-thirties, and people in their fifties feel like they're in their forties.

Naturally, the gap gets even wider as age increases. According to the survey, only one third of people over 65 report that they feel exactly their age versus the 60 per cent who say they feel younger.

Just how much younger? Nearly half of people over the age of 50 feel ten years younger. Respondents in the 65 - 74 age group report feeling even younger than that -- with one in three people saying they felt 10 - 19 years younger, and one in six feeling 20 years younger than their actual age.

"Old age" -- when does it start?

If people are feeling younger than ever before, at what age does "being old" actually start? Survey respondents had an opinion on that subject too, and the results point to yet another sliding scale. The average reply -- age 68 -- only tells part of the story. When asked at what age the average person becomes old, respondents in the 18 - 29 age group say age 60. However, 30 - 49 year olds push that age back to 69, and people 65+ say "old age" doesn't start until 74.

How do people 75 and over feel about that? Only 35 per cent of them say they feel old. "Old age" is something that happens at a later time, and the majority of respondents don't consider themselves to have reached it yet.

The numbers aren't shocking -- after all, our perception of "old" changes as we accumulate candles on our birthday cakes. However, what's interesting to note is the gender gap. According to the Pew Research Center, men on average say that "old' begins at an earlier age than women do. Across all age groups, women say old age starts at 70 while men place the threshold at 66. (Perhaps they can be forgiven -- after all, a man's life expectancy is still about five years less than a woman's).

You know you're getting old when...
Numbers weren't the only thing the Pew Research Center asked about. Other markers such as failing health, forgetting names and retirement were considered too.

What makes a person old? Grey hair and grandchildren barely make the list with only 13 and 15 per cent of respondents saying they're a marker of old age. Only one in five people link retirement to being old. And not being sexually active? Only one third think that makes people old.

However, when it comes to failing health and forgetting familiar names, respondents were split with answers at 47 per cent and 51 per cent respectively.

On the flip side, nearly two thirds of people believe a person is old when they turn 75, and almost 80 per cent think turning 85 was an indicator. Being unable to drive or unable to live independently were major factors too, with results showing up at 66 per cent and 76 per cent respectively.

In other words, numbers aren't the only way to define age -- quality of life and independence must be considered too.

Aging: not as bad as we think...?

So what are we afraid of anyway? The study shows that the expectations of younger people don't match what older age groups actually experience when it comes to the negative aspects of aging. Considering the following:

- More than half of people under 65 expect memory loss as they age -- but only one quarter of people over 65 report experiencing it (that's a gap of 32 per cent).

- When it comes to driving, there's a similar disparity: only 14 per cent of respondents over 65 say they are no longer able to drive, but 45 per cent of people under 65 anticipate the issue.

- Health issues may not be as bad either: 42 per cent expect a serious illness but only half that number of people over 65 report experiencing one.

- What about feeling lonely, being a burden to others and not feeling needed? Again, there's a significant difference between what younger respondents predict and what older respondents actually experience.

- And there's good news when it comes to sex -- while one third of younger respondents predict they won't be sexually active, nearly 80 per cent of people over 65 report that they still are. (In fact, age may even be an advantage in the bedroom -- see The Zoomer Report for details).

...Or not as good as we anticipate?

Are these really the "golden years?" People over 65 report experiencing the many benefits that come with age. Sixty per cent of people over 65 say they're feeling less stress than when they were younger, and they're getting more respect. Two thirds are enjoying more time with friends and family and spending more time on their interests and hobbies. Despite economic woes, the majority say they're feeling more financially secure than when they were younger.

But if you're under 65, don't set your sights too high just yet... The survey also shows that the reality may not measure up to the expectations of Baby Boomers and Generation X:

- Even though people are enjoying more time with their loved ones and doing the things they love, there's a gap between expectations and reality of 12 and 16 per cent respectively. In short, older people don't have as much time as younger people think.

- What about travelling and volunteering? Around 80 per cent of younger people expect to spend more on these activities when they're older, yet just over half of older respondents actually do.

- When it comes to careers, nearly 40 per cent in the under 65 cohort anticipate the opportunity for a second career, but only 14 per cent of people 65+ report having one.

- And what about lower stress levels and more financial security? The proportions don't quite match up there either. While the gap isn't big, the numbers suggest that some people may be disappointed in the future.

To keep things in perspective, more than half of adults over 65 reported that the thing they value most about being older is spending more time with family -- particularly the grandchildren.

Overall, life is good

When you put the challenges and benefits together, what do you get? Researchers found that older adults are about as happy as everyone else. One question even tackled the issue directly: respondents were asked if they were "very happy", "pretty happy" or "not too happy". The per centages did vary among the age groups, but not by wide margins. For instance, about 20 per cent of people in the 50-64, 65-74 and over 75 age groups report feeling "not too happy" compared to 14 per cent of 30-49 year olds or 9 per cent of adults between 18 and 29.

Like the younger cohorts, the majority of people over 50 report being "very happy" or "pretty happy".

How can that be? Researchers note that many of the indicators of happiness earlier in life -- like good health, financial security, and friends -- are still present later in life. Part of the difference could be because of marriage, which is an indicator of happiness earlier in life but not necessarily later on. (That's not to say that "old married couples" are less happy on the whole -- it could be that many respondents are widows or widowers).

Overall, older people are pleased about how their lives have shaped up so far -- 45 per cent of adults over 75 even report that their life has turned out better than anticipated, while only 5 per cent say it turned out worse. (The other 50 per cent either report that life turned out the way they expected or didn't answer).

So what's the bottom line? The results suggest that "aging well" isn't an abstract idea -- it's becoming a reality. Our ideas about aging are still evolving, but they're headed in the right direction.

ON THE WEB

Read the survey results and download the full report from the Pew Research Center.

(Note: Researchers acknowledge that some older respondents couldn't be reached for the study due to factors like ill health or living in a nursing home. To help offset this bias, they contacted a sample of 200 adults caregivers and included those responses in their consideration.)

Do these results match your own experience? Tell us in the comments.

Original source: http://lifestyle.sympatico.msn.ca/Home/ContentPosting_50Plus?newsitemid=c9583477-57a0-4816-b2d9-2963c6e3e8ac&feedname=50_PLUS&show=False&number=5&showbyline=True&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc&date=False

Boomers May Create ‘Entrepreneurship Boom’

2009-07-18T10:53:00.003-04:00
Great news for Boomers who are just not ready to stop working. With ageism rampant in the work world, many older adults face discrimination searching for jobs--something that is more common now in this economic recession. Why depend on others to hire you to earn income? Start your own business. With increasing rates of unemployment and job loss, many are using their own means to get buy and starting their own businesses. Difficult times resulting in entrepreneurial ventures is good for the economy and the proprietor. Starting a business, no matter what age the individual is can be a risky project no doubt....but it can also be the pathway to self fulfillment, immense personal satisfaction and living out one's dream.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
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Wichita Business Journal
July 2, 2009

Aging baby boomers aren’t headed out to pasture — they’re starting new businesses, according to a Kauffman Foundation study that predicts the United States may be “on the cusp of an entrepreneurship boom.”

Over the past decade, Americans between the ages of 55 and 64 had the highest rate of entrepreneurial activity of any age group. The 20-34 age bracket had the lowest rate, despite the attention lavished on youthful founders of companies such as Facebook and Google.

Job trends may increase entrepreneurial activity among older Americans.

“While people under age 30 have historically jumped from job to job, the most striking development today has been the deep drop in the incidence of ‘lifetime’ jobs among men over age 50,” writes Dane Stangler, senior analyst at the foundation and author of the study.

The past year’s economic upheavals also may produce more entrepreneurs among all age groups.

“The very idea of ‘too-big-to-fail’ institutions has been permanently damaged,” Stangler writes. “Recent economic trends – away from lifetime jobs and toward more new companies – will thus gain even greater cultural traction. New and stronger regulations aiming to prevent the rise of such giant organizations also may help create a more market-oriented society.”

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2009/entrepreneurship.htm

Seniors Warned about STDs

2009-07-18T10:51:00.000-04:00
By Meredith Hines-Dochterman, The Gazette
June 13, 2009

Silence about sex among the elderly is putting older adults’ health at risk, with experts warning that senior citizens are at increasing risk for HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 19 percent of all people with HIV/AIDS in this country are age 50 and older. The percentage could be higher because older people don’t get tested regularly.

“Menopause makes pregnancy a non-issue” for sexually active older adults, said Susan Milstein, an associate professor at Montgomery College in Maryland. “What many adults don’t realize is they still need to be careful.”

Seniors, unlike America’s youth, haven’t had formal sex education classes, making the concept of safe sex a foreign concept, at least for some. Also, older adults are less likely to discuss their sex lives with others, including doctors.

The AARP study “Sexuality at Midlife: 2004 Update of Attitudes and Behaviors” found that more adults in midlife are turning to health professionals to improve their sexual health, meaning more physicians are better prepared to deal with issues related to sexual health. But many older adults are not receiving treatment for a variety of illnesses and conditions that may or may not be STDs.

Older adults “have these incredibly healthy sex drives, and that’s OK. It’s normal,” Milstein said. “What we need is to have an open conversation that makes it OK.”

The conversation needs to occur at all levels — with partners, families, health officials, senior organizations and the media.

“Just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening,” Milstein said.

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2009/stds.htm

A Positive Pro Age Article

2009-06-21T12:22:00.002-04:00
We need more articles like this one on the pros of aging gracefully. Anti aging marketing campaigns flood our tv sets, magazines,and lunch rooms. Anti is a word that conjures up negativity and combativeness. Anti aging implies engaging in a battle against the enemy of time and to win at all costs. We are so concerned about how not to look our age that we forget to look inside ourselves and to take pride in what makes us who we are. Personality, intellect, accomplishments, relationships....these never fade away as physical appearance. Instead of fighting tooth and nail against our socially constructed nemesis, Time....let us become friends with it and learn to take care of ourselves in ways that matter and learn how to maintain a healthy, active lifestyle and stay vital, contributing members of society.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
-----------------------

Being Pro-age is the Antidote to Anti-age Marketing
By Debra D. Bass, Stltoday.com
June 6, 2009

Aging is not optional, so forgive me if I'm a little annoyed by the "anti-age" marketing bandwagon.

It does not fill my heart with glee to imagine a world of Dorian Grays smiling devilishly at every compliment. You can't cheat time, turn it back or ignore it without consequences.

One important consequence may be your current sense of well-being. Is your happiness tied to looking younger than (pick a number)?

Me? I like aging ... as the quip goes "it beats the alternative."

Yet, right now, we are being convinced that if we spend, slather and baste ourselves enough with the right combination of elixirs and procedures that we can all join Peter Pan in some kind of cosmeceutical Neverland.

I'm worried.

When the ultimate compliment is "I never would have guessed you were..." or "You don't look a day over..," looking your age becomes a source of dissatisfaction.

It fills me with dread every time someone tells me how youthful I look for my age because I know that one day I will likely "look my age" and I'll be devastated.

In the past few weeks, I've been offered samples of anti-aging shampoo, anti-aging nail polish and anti-aging perfume. Yes, perfume. It is now possible to smell younger.

In response to the ridiculousness, I've adopted a pro-aging policy.

And to be clear, being pro-age doesn't mean that I believe that people should let themselves deteriorate.

Aging gracefully is a much different animal than not aging at all costs.

If you ask me, a polished 50-year-old is so much more admirable than a vivacious 20-year-old. It's easy to look good when you're young. Looking good while aging is an accomplishment.

It's also possible to look better with age. I've got some high school pictures of me in hot pink lipstick with an asymmetrical haircut that I would submit as exhibit A in this argument, if I had not destroyed them.

Dr. Bill Thomas, an international authority on geriatric medicine and professor of aging studies at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, said that we are plagued by a crazy inversion in which our culture reveres youth to an extreme and believes aging is something inflicted on us by the forces of evil.

"Age is not a broken down version of youth," Thomas says.

The response from most of society is, "well, it sure looks like it."

Oddly enough, the people having the last laugh on this issue are the elders.

Ask a 70-year-old if they want to be 20 again and the answer would be overwhelmingly, "No."

Older people are happier according to a number of studies including several supported by the National Institutes of Health. The stereotype is that people grow old, isolated, sick and depressed, but that's not necessarily the reality.

Thomas said that as long as we fear age instead of admiring it, we will obviously continue to shun the appearance of age.

He said that because the highest penalties of age are exacted on women, he can't blame us for prescribing to anti-age doctrine by any means necessary.

But as far as looking older, the problem — or rather the reality is that there's no substitute for good genes and sunscreen. So we have to be realistic in our expectations. It's OK to look your age. Thomas explained that you can age gracefully or age freakishly by striving for a perpetual visage of youth that ultimately just looks like desperate attempts to serve up mutton dressed like lamb.

"Age should bring a gradually increasing acceptance of who you are. You become better acquainted with yourself and if you're lucky you become happier with who you are," Thomas says.

Hmm, makes a lot of sense. Acceptance, I'd like the smell of that a lot better than youth.

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/world/2009/proage.htm

Erectile Dysfunction Ads Too Hot for TV?

2009-05-09T10:16:00.005-04:00
This story is about banning erectile dysfunction ads on tv because they are regarded as offensive and a bad influence on children. How ridiculous! Although, I do believe that ED manufacturers need to be more responsible to consumers in providing information about safer sex and the prevention of sexually transmitted infections, I do not believe these advertisements should be banned. These ads show older couples who love and respect eachother. It shows intimacy in a very positive light and doesn't cheapen sexuality or make it tawdry. These ads also raise awareness and acceptance of older sexuality. Sexual expression is an important part of a loving relationship, no matter what their ages.

If commercials such as these between two healthy, couples in love offends someone or is believed to be a bad influence on children, you should really talk openly to children about the facts of life and what love is. These ads are a good example of what a healthy relationship should be. Attempts to ban these messages and images are disgraceful and offensive to older adults and seniors and it also continues to hide older sexuality and intimacy from the public landscape which results in further denial , embarrassment and revulsion of society.

SageHealth Network
May 9, 2009

*******Carol Costello - Contributor, CNN's American MorningFiled under: Controversy
May 7, 2009

Rep. Jim Moran wants to limit the time of day ads for erectile dysfunction medicine can air on TV.
From CNN’s Bob Ruff

You’ve all seen them. Those ubiquitous TV ads where a simple little pill transforms a man suffering from erectile dysfunction, or ED, into a virile tiger who puts a smile on the face of his now beaming wife.

Well, Representative Jim Moran (D-VA) has seen them too, and you’d be hard pressed to see a smile on his face when he talks about the ads.“A number of people,” he says, “have come up, including colleagues, and said I’m fed up. I don’t want my three or four-year old grandkid asking me what erectile dysfunction is all about. And I don’t blame them.”

Enter H.R. 2175. That’s a bill that Rep. Moran introduced last month that would prohibit any ED ads from airing on broadcast radio and TV between 6AM and 10PM. The bill advises the Federal Communications Commission to treat these ads as “indecent” and instruct stations to restrict their broadcast to late night and overnight hours.

So, could it be adios to all of those “Viva Viagra” commercials that play on network television on weekends and during the evening? Could the same be said for the Cialis couple sitting in outdoor tubs looking out at the sunset? And could Levitra also be shunned to the overnight hours?
CNN asked Pfzier, which makes Viagra, the first pill available by prescription to treat ED, what they thought of Rep. Moran’s bill.

“Pfizer is committed to responsible advertising… In line with our policies and the policies of the industry, Viagra advertising is aired in shows most likely to reach men suffering from erectile dysfunction. ED can be a signal for other serious medical issues, including high blood pressure, diabetes and cardiovascular disease.”

We asked several people on the streets of Atlanta for their opinions.
Nikia Clark, a mother of a 2-year-old, thinks “it’s a great idea.” She’s concerned that as her child gets older, she doesn’t want him “seeing those kinds of commercials… on regular network shows.”

Janice Habersham agrees. She says while the “ads are tastefully done” they shouldn’t be aired at “the time when children are watching TV.”

On the other hand, Bruce Jackson says ED ads “should be run 24 hours a day.” And Louis Tesser says banning the ads “is clearly unconstitutional… it’s a viewpoint. It’s something that people are interested in, and you can’t change that.”

Rep. Moran does have some perspective on the issue. “While it’s not as important as the economy, or what’s happening militarily around the world, it is an intrusion into the quality of life that we like to experience.” He says that his bill is “a shot across the bow” of the drug companies. “You know enough is enough. This is inappropriate.”

Click here for source and video:
http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2009/05/07/erectile-dysfunction-ads-too-hot-for-tv/

Just Say No to Aging?

2009-04-25T11:19:00.003-04:00

Newsweek
April 14, 2009
Imagine that you could rewind the clock 20 years. It's 1989. Madonna is topping the pop charts, and TV sets are tuned to "Cheers" and "Murphy Brown." Widespread Internet use is just a pipe dream, and Sugar Ray Leonard and Joe Montana are on recent covers of Sports Illustrated.
But most important, you're 20 years younger. How do you feel? Well, if you're at all like the subjects in a provocative experiment by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer, you actually feel as if your body clock has been turned back two decades. Langer did a study like this with a group of elderly men some years ago, retrofitting an isolated old New England hotel so that every visible sign said it was 20 years earlier. The men—in their late 70s and early 80s—were told not to reminisce about the past, but to actually act as if they had traveled back in time. The idea was to see if changing the men's mindset about their own age might lead to actual changes in health and fitness.
Langer's findings were stunning: After just one week, the men in the experimental group (compared with controls of the same age) had more joint flexibility, increased dexterity and less arthritis in their hands. Their mental acuity had risen measurably, and they had improved gait and posture. Outsiders who were shown the men's photographs judged them to be significantly younger than the controls. In other words, the aging process had in some measure been reversed.
I know this sounds a bit woo-wooey, but stay with me. Langer and her Harvard colleagues have been running similarly inventive experiments for decades, and the accumulated weight of the evidence is convincing. Her theory, argued in her new book, "Counterclockwise," is that we are all victims of our own stereotypes about aging and health. We mindlessly accept negative cultural cues about disease and old age, and these cues shape our self-concepts and our behavior. If we can shake loose from the negative clichés that dominate our thinking about health, we can "mindfully" open ourselves to possibilities for more productive lives even into old age.
Consider another of Langer's mindfulness studies, this one using an ordinary optometrist's eye chart. That's the chart with the huge E on top, and descending lines of smaller and smaller letters that eventually become unreadable. Langer and her colleagues wondered: what if we reversed it? The regular chart creates the expectation that at some point you will be unable to read. Would turning the chart upside down reverse that expectation, so that people would expect the letters to become readable? That's exactly what they found. The subjects still couldn't read the tiniest letters, but when they were expecting the letters to get more legible, they were able to read smaller letters than they could have normally. Their expectation—their mindset—improved their actual vision.
That means that some people may be able to change prescriptions if they change the way they think about seeing. But other health consequences might be more important than that. Here's another study, this one using clothing as a trigger for aging stereotypes. Most people try to dress appropriately for their age, so clothing in effect becomes a cue for ingrained attitudes about age. But what if this cue disappeared? Langer decided to study people who routinely wear uniforms as part of their work life, and compare them with people who dress in street clothes. She found that people who wear uniforms missed fewer days owing to illness or injury, had fewer doctors' visits and hospitalizations, and had fewer chronic diseases—even though they all had the same socioeconomic status. That's because they were not constantly reminded of their own aging by their fashion choices. The health differences were even more exaggerated when Langer looked at affluent people: presumably the means to buy even more clothes provides a steady stream of new aging cues, which wealthy people internalize as unhealthy attitudes and expectations.
Langer is not advocating that we all don uniforms. Her point is that we are surrounded every day by subtle signals that aging is an undesirable period of decline. These signals make it difficult to age gracefully. Similar signals also lock all of us—regardless of age—into pigeonholes for disease. We are too quick to accept diagnostic categories like cancer and depression, and let them define us. Doing so preempts the possibility of a healthful future.
That's not to say that we won't encounter illness, bad moods or a stiff back—or that dressing like a teenager will eliminate those things. But with a little mindfulness, we can try to embrace uncertainty and understand that the way we feel today may or may not connect to the way we will feel tomorrow. Who knows, if we're open to the idea that things can improve, we just might wake up feeling 20 years younger.
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2009/just.htm

Older Lovers at Increasing Risk for Aids Virus: Experts

2009-04-22T08:11:00.001-04:00
By Steven Edwards, Calgary Herald
March 3, 2009
Canada

The number of people over 50 with the AIDS virus appears to be rising, but public health campaigns remain largely focused on the young, global experts warned Tuesday.

One reason for the increased incidence is "older" people are more likely to have unprotected sex than younger people, the experts say in an article published in the World Health Organization's Bulletin.

This is coupled with the belief the over 50s are having more sex than people of that age group in decades past because of the availability of erectile-dysfunction drugs like Viagra and Cialis.

"It's certainly true that we in public health concentrated our attention and efforts in terms of the AIDS epidemic and screening on younger individuals because those are the ones who are at most risk," said Dr. George Schmid, a scientist with WHO's HIV/AIDS department in Geneva, and one of nine authors of the article.

"But it doesn't mean that people who are 50 and older are at no risk, and we think there is an under-appreciated number of individuals in that age group who are becoming infected."

In The Unexplored Story of HIV and Aging, the experts say the extent of the problem is difficult to define because "older individuals" are rarely included in government population health surveys. But there also has been insufficient discussion of the issue even at the patient-care level.

"Physicians don't think the (over-50s) are at risk, so they don't ask, or else they may be a bit uncomfortable asking," said Schmid. "Patients are somewhat uncomfortable talking about these things, as well."

Erectile dysfunction drugs have been around for about a decade, extending the sex life of an increasing number of people.

But the experts say the increased sexual activity may be "extending the HIV epidemic" into old age.

"No study has been done of their possible impact on the HIV epidemic, although their use in industrialized countries has been associated with risky sexual practices," the experts write.

Many separate studies have shown older people are more likely than younger ones to shun "safer" sex -- which can increase the risk of HIV infection.

The experts say a greater focus on the problem will lead to earlier diagnoses. The global average life expectancy after diagnosis is four years in those over 65, compared to 13 in people infected between the ages of five and 14. Part of the short life expectancy, however, would be due to a person's waning immunity with age, the experts say.

Public Health Agency of Canada does not separate data about HIV infection rates for people older than 49 in its HIV/AIDS Surveillance Report 2007, the most recent available.

"Seniors are not a target population" of federal HIV/AIDS programs, which focus on eight "at-risk" groups, including homosexual men, women, youth and intravenous drug users, said one PHAC official. But literature is available to all age groups.

Success for Senior Speed Dating Event

2009-04-10T20:22:00.004-04:00
April 9, 2009

(Scarborough, ON): Companion Connections, a social networking event for 55+ was held at St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre in Scarborough on Saturday, April 4, 2009. The event was a huge success and participants spent an enjoyable afternoon making new friends and possible love matches. In total, 34 participants attended and 21 matches were made, a good indication of how receptive this age group is to the matchmaking process.

Companion Connections is modeled on a typical speed dating event in which women stay seated and men rotate every 6 minutes. If individuals hit it off and both indicate an interest in the other by checking their name, their personal contact info will be given to their match. Contact info is only given out if both parties have checked off each other’s name. This fun, exciting and innovative introductory event allows participants to meet up to 20 other single seniors in one day. St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre has also built in a safety feature to ensure participants’ safety and wellbeing by doing follow ups with all matches. Participants’ experiences were very positive and indicated a need for such a social event. One male participant, aged 68, stated, “The experience was good in terms of getting out and meeting interesting people and some you’d like to see more than once. I had a good time.”

The purpose of Companion Connections is to bring together groups of people from across the city to meet and expand their social horizons. Henry, 68, reported, “It was worth the drive from downtown. I put a lot of ‘yeses’ on my sheet.’” Speed dating also seems to be more of social phenomenon in addition to a matchmaking event for the older set. Margot, 62, stated, “This was the first time I ever heard about speed dating for 55+. I called my friend and said, ‘you have to go with me!’”

When individuals get older, it becomes more of a challenge to meet others outside their everyday circle of family and friends. Social networks tend to be more static than dynamic after retirement. A fact echoed by Sharon, 62, who explained, “When you get older, the tendency is to stay with the norm and stay reclusive. There are no opportunities to reach out and meet people. This opportunity was perfect.”

Companion Connections was collaboration between St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre and several partners in the non profit and for profit sectors. Special thanks go out to Steeles Deli Warehouse in Thornhill, Ontario, who provided the participants with lunch and also helped promote the event. Other agencies that helped promote Companion Connections to their clients include North York Seniors Centre, Bernard Betel Centre for Creative Living, Taylor Place, Markham Seniors Centre, West Hill Community Services, Scarborough Support Services, Harmony Hall Centre for Seniors and Revera Living.

Judging by the positive feedback from clients and partners, St. Paul’s has scheduled another event for early September 2009. There are also plans to schedule future events for multicultural groups.

For more information on Companion Connections or recreation events, please contact St. Paul’s L’Amoreaux Centre at 416-493-3333.

Aging Baby Boomers and Seniors Are at Risk for HIV

2009-03-21T13:58:00.003-04:00
By Pj Huffstutter, Los Angeles Times
January 15, 2009

Jane Fowler thinks it’s about time college students had “the talk” with their grandparents. She doesn’t mean grandmothers and grandfathers explaining the facts of life. She wants kids to explain safe sex to their elders.

It’s part of a broader message the 72-year-old has advocated for more than a decade. Ever since she contracted HIV when she was in her 50s, Fowler has made it her mission to help aging Baby Boomers and members of her generation avoid her mistakes.

“Once people get past their own embarrassment and understand grandparents today are still sexually active, they realize I’m right,” said Fowler, who spoke at a recent safe-sex event at Kansas State University. “Their grandparents face the same risks of sexually transmitted diseases as they do.”

The over-50 crowd is a relatively small segment of the nation’s at-risk group for sexually transmitted diseases. Approximately four times as many HIV diagnoses occurred in people ages 25 to 44 as in those 50 and older, according to a 2005 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Still, medical experts agree that older Americans often are among the most overlooked and, therefore, one of the more vulnerable populations.

Little funding

They point out that most funding for preventive education over the last two decades has been aimed at the traditional high-risk populations, such as teenagers, gay people and urban residents.

Others, however, say that many Baby Boomers were young enough when the public first became aware of the AIDS crisis that they should have gotten plenty of exposure to safe-sex campaigns.

Many older patients feel uneasy discussing sexual behavior with their physicians, according to AARP research. Young doctors, too, can be uncomfortable talking about STD risks with people old enough to be their parents or grandparents, according to a recent study backed by the National Institutes of Health.

Considering that people are living longer than previous generations have, and enjoying extended sex lives because of hormone therapy and erectile-dysfunction drugs, there’s a growing concern that the Baby Boom generation and their elders don’t understand that getting older doesn’t make one immune.

That concern is fueling a national push among public health officials and educators for more prevention efforts aimed at those who are firmly in their golden years.

In Arizona, volunteers regularly have passed out free condoms at community centers, and state health workers in Florida host safe-sex programs in retirement communities. In Broward County, Fla., the Senior HIV Intervention Project recruits retirees throughout the region to become “safe-sexperts” who can persuade their neighbors to get tested for STDs.

At the University of Michigan Health System, enough patients were concerned about the effect of aging on intimacy that a clinic was opened in Ann Arbor in 2006 devoted to dealing with the sexual concerns of the 60-and-older crowd. And in Ohio, Professor Nancy Orel and staff at Bowling Green State University have preached about the risks of casual sex and offered free HIV tests.

Talk to grandparents

Orel sells the idea of using condoms and getting tested for HIV as part of serving as a role model for their younger loved ones. But to the under graduate students taking her gerontology classes at Bowling Green, the roles are reversed. One of the assignments Orel gives is for students to go home, find out what their grandparents know about HIV and discuss safe-sex practices.

“Initially, some of the students are hesitant. But a lot of them are surprised at how open the conversations can be,” said Orel, director of the university’s gerontology department.

A study published last summer in the New England Journal of Medicine reported that most of the 3,005 American adults surveyed, age 57 to 85,continued to have sex two to three times each month.

But, since turning 50, only 38 percent of the men and 22 percent of the women had had a discussion with their doctors about sex, according to the report funded by the National Institutes of Health.

Edward O. Laumann, a professor at the University of Chicago who studies human sexuality and is one of the study’s authors, said older Americans should know better than to have unprotected sex. When the HIV/AIDS epidemic started, he pointed out, many of them were young enough to have been bombarded by public education efforts.

“Educating them isn’t going to affect anything, Laumann said, “and it’s a waste of money, particularly when there’s other vulnerable groups that need the resources anyway.”

Part of the problem with figuring out exactly what risks older Americans face comes from a lack of testing data, said Spencer Lieb, senior epidemiologist at the Bureau of HIV/AIDS at the Florida Department of Health.

He said that although the number of HIV and AIDS patients in the over-50 age group nationwide had grown in recent years, some of the increase was attributed to people who are living longer with the virus or disease, thanks to improvements in therapy treatments.

But without widespread testing, “we don’t really know what the true prevalence [of STD infection] is in this group,” Lieb said. “There’s reason to think, at least anecdotally, this is a combustible situation that is being overlooked.”