June is Seniors Month
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS Scarborough Mirror
Whether we like it or not it happens to each of us: we get older.
If we're lucky, we will live long enough to survive our golden years enjoying retirement and with a rich personal life. That's right, a personal life.
Nowhere does it say that when we hit a certain age that our desire to be in an intimate relationship with a special someone diminishes. But that is one of the misconceptions of seniors - they don't date, let alone have sex.
"People cannot put those two concepts together (seniors and dating)," said Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company that hosts workshops for seniors. "They cannot imagine it and if they do they're disgusted by it and it's so pathetic, and it's sad and discouraging."
Cauch said she hopes that through her work with the SageHealth Network she'll change those misconceptions about seniors.
"We're all going to get older and for God sake's if anyone judges me because of how I look because I have wrinkles or grey hair, I think that's horrible, you're really dehumanizing a person because of their age," she said.
Ruth Goodman, senior social worker at Baycrest Geriatric Health Care Centre in North York, agreed. She said many people have stereotypes about seniors, with the impression they are somehow different when it comes to love.
"There is a lot of misunderstanding and gender bias as well," she said. "If older men have grey hair that's an attribute, but a woman with grey hair is seen as somehow losing her sexuality and that's unfair."
According to Statistics Canada, the 65-plus age group accounts for 13.1 per cent of Canada's total population, which means, Cauch said, for the first time ever this country will have more older than younger people. By 2050, that number will be at 26.3 per cent.
This number can be attributed to people living longer, advances in medicine and healthier lifestyles, and, Cauch said, a solid emotional and social life certainly adds to that longevity.
Goodman said meeting a new person, having someone being interested in you and having fun are things many older people are hungry for and it contributes to their general emotional well-being.
"Some things are core for everyone no matter the age and that is you want to be acknowledged, validated, and we get that through our relationships," Goodman said. "These things are lifelong, the need to love and be loved, cared about and wanted."
That's not to say that seniors may not face challenges.
For example, if a person has been out of the dating game for awhile she may not only may not only be hesitant, but out of practice.
Goodman said once a senior is ready to date again, the No. 1 thing to do is be socially involved so you have the opportunity to meet people.
Cauch's workshops touch upon all kinds of topics, including the best places for seniors to meet people.
"Volunteering, it's a great way to feel good about yourself and give back to the community; special interest classes; there's going out with friends; faith-based groups; singles travel, which is huge right now; and senior centres," Cauch said.
One area that has exploded, Cauch said, is online dating for seniors, which recently has expanded to include online speed dating.
Goodman also suggested meeting people at church or synagogue, as any social gathering equals opportunity.
That being said, if a senior has been absent from the dating game for 30 to 50 years, some things have changed.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Looking for love, or....
The Globe and Mail did a feature on aging last week. One section took a look at seniors and dating at the Terraces of Baycrest in Toronto, Ontario. The article and video focuses on the challenges of dating and the disproportionate ration of men to women. With women numbering 4 to 1, finding a mate is difficult due to supply and demand.
To see original link and watch video, click on this link: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080520.wretirement3/BNStory/retirement/?pageRequested=all&print=true
-----------------------------
Looking for love, or.....
The equipment may be rusty, but you can still get lusty. And the desire for companionship never fades. Reporter Rebecca Dube and photographer Kevin Van Paassen watch sparks fly
From Wednesday's Globe and Mail
May 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM EDT
Seymour Hersch has been dating the same woman for five years. He thinks she would love to get married; all he has to do is ask.
But marriage would only cramp his style – he would have to drop the other three women he's been seeing. He met some of his girlfriends through friends and family, others through an online dating service.
“They might be jealous, but I don't care,” he says. “I make it very clear I'm not interested in getting married.”
Just another commitment-shy bachelor – except Mr. Hersch is 77 and lives in a retirement home.
They may move more slowly than they did in their prime, but old people have still got moves. The number of Canadians 65 and older is set to double over the next three decades, and people are living longer and staying fit longer than ever before. They're still dating, hooking up and looking for love.
That's certainly true of Mr. Hersch, whose gap-toothed grin has become a flirtatious fixture at the Terraces of Baycrest since he moved to the Toronto retirement home last winter.
Age and illness often cause the body's sexual machinery to get a little rusty. After his prostate cancer, “it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night,” Mr. Hersch quips, with Borscht-Belt timing. But nothing diminishes the basic human desire for companionship, the yearning to love and be loved.
Given the cultural taboo regarding elderly sexuality, as well as the physical impairments that come with age, it's amazing that seniors have the bravery to put themselves out there and look for love. But they do.
One recent Saturday night, Mr. Hersch took Ms. Long Term to the movies, then to a burger joint for dinner. On Sunday, he rested because his angina was acting up. He knows it's bad, he says, when he gets breathless without even seeing a pretty woman. On Tuesday, he took his newest lady friend (as he calls them), a resident of the Terraces, for hot dogs at Costco. Other romances have blossomed over coffee, during a concert at the residence or on an outing to the mall.
The level of physical contact varies from couple to couple. Some express affection by holding hands, while others get hot and heavy.
“Completely depends on the person,” Mr. Hersch says. “One lady, on the second date she attacked me, and we went all the way!”
At the Terraces, 90 per cent of the residents are single. Women outnumber men 4 to 1, but a recent influx of single men such as Mr. Hersch has injected a jolt of excitement. Some men work the lunch room like Casanovas, throwing winks and smiles to women in all directions, and some women are happy to take the new men under their wings, shepherding them to activities and fussing over them the way they used to do with their husbands.
When Mr. Hersch arrived at the Terraces, his daughter announced to an elevator full of women that her father had just moved into apartment 310. They asked two questions: Does he have a car? (Yes.) And is he single? (Oh yeah, baby.)
“So,” Mr. Hersch says, “you can see how their minds work.”
Retirement homes have struggled to acknowledge senior sexuality. In the past, elderly people who were “caught” making out or even masturbating in their own beds were chided like naughty teenagers. That's changing, with more private rooms, better training for staff members and more open discussions of intimacy and sexuality.
“Attitudes are changing, slowly,” Baycrest social worker Ruth Goodman says. “The residents do have rights to have meaningful relationships with the people they choose. … People's need for emotional connection, social connection and intimacy is a lifelong need.”
If it's hard for workers to deal with romances among the residents, it can be even harder for sons and daughters to accept that their elderly parent has sexual needs. Some get angry at what they see as a betrayal of the deceased parent, or question their parent's judgment.
Mr. Hersch's daughter, Randi Kwinta, not only accepts her father's busy social calendar, she's constantly setting him up on blind dates. It's a little bizarre to be checking out 70-year-olds on behalf of her father, Ms. Kwinta acknowledges, but more than anything she wants him to be happy.
“He loves women and he loves to be in the company of women,” Ms. Kwinta says. “No one will ever replace my mom. But I want him to be in a relationship where there's mutual respect, where he can have fun and laugh. I would be very happy if he had a woman in his life he could take out to the movies and dinner, and maybe she would have him over once a week and cook him some chicken soup. I think he longs for that.”
Rebecca Hoch, 96, has lived at the Terraces for nine years, and although she's not interested in playing the dating game, she still keeps score. From her wheelchair, she notices which couples linger together after lunch and who's on the prowl. When an 80-year-old man says hello to her in the hallway, she nods back and whispers: “He likes the ladies.”
She says many women of the women here read Harlequin romances – “that's where they get their kicks” – but she prefers Jane Austen. (She's particularly partial to Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.) She read one Danielle Steel novel to see what the fuss was about and was scandalized. “It wasn't even grammatically correct,” she says.
Mrs. Hoch sees how some women flirt. “They touch a man on the shoulder, on the arm. Maybe they want a man,” she says with some disapproval. But on second thought, she softens: “They're only in their 80s, they're young.”
Heather Lisner-Kerbel, a social worker at the Terraces, recalls one woman who fell in love with a man who had memory problems. Their relationship followed a frustrating pattern: They'd make plans, he would forget and stand her up, and her feelings would be hurt.
On top of the usual dating dilemmas – does he like me as much as I like him? – the elderly carry a lifetime of emotional baggage into each new relationship. Those widowed after a long and happy marriage often feel the most eager to start dating again, but new loves can discover it's difficult to compete with a memory.
Mr. Hersch keeps a full dance card, but his heart still belongs to his beloved Sylvia, his wife of 49 years. They met on a blind date when he was 17, and he loved her from the moment he saw her.
“Something clicked,” he says, a faraway look in his eyes. “I don't know what it was, but it lasted a long time.”
Mrs. Hersch died on July 4, 2002. Mr. Hersch still wakes up in the middle of the night and reaches for her.
While he longs for companionship, sometimes he feels like a magnet for the wrong kind of woman.
“That's my problem, I always find these women with problems,” he complains. And not stuff like being a close talker or having ugly feet – they've got issues such as Parkinson's, arthritis or senility. One girlfriend broke up with him because he didn't visit enough at the hospital after she broke a hip.
“It might sound hard, it might sound bad, but I've had my share of hospitals,” he says.
Mrs. Hersch struggled with chronic illness and spent the last seven months of her life in hospital. He stayed by her side through every needle stick and intubation, watching his first and only love fade away.
“You can only take so much,” he says.
So he plays the field. His newest companion is Sylvia Miller, an elegant 89-year-old who moved to the Terraces from Florida two years ago. One night, he didn't feel like eating dinner in his room alone, so he called her up and they went to Costco for hot dogs.
“Cheapest date I ever had – $4.18,” Mr. Hersch says.
“A real night out, whee!” Mrs. Miller says sardonically, raising her eyebrows and twirling a finger in the air.
Honestly though, she says, it was a treat. She loves to banter with Mr. Hersch even if she doesn't think there's much romantic possibility. She's been married three times, and people at the Terraces gossip that Mr. Hersch is next on the list. But she insists she's not looking for No. 4.
“It suits me absolutely perfectly,” she says. “No commitment and no obligations.”
Mr. Hersch finds irony in the fact that Mrs. Miller, 12 years his senior, is in better physical shape than any of his other girlfriends. She's good-looking and a sharp dresser – almost the perfect woman. But she has memory problems. When he asked for her phone number, she couldn't remember it.
“She's a nice lady … except for her mind,” Mr. Hersch says, adding with a shrug: “You can't have everything.”
Both say they're content to be just friends. But they also both seem to revel in the spark of flirtation that jumps between them.
At a piano concert and singalong at the Terraces one night, Mr. Hersch swivels in his chair to wave at Mrs. Miller two rows back during a heartfelt rendition of Besame Mucho. She smiles and waves, but he turns back around quickly.
“There's two women sitting between me and her and now they think I'm tied up to them,” he whispers, glancing nervously at the two rows of nearsighted women who are now smiling sweetly at him.
Such are the perils of being a retirement-home player. Still, Mr. Hersch says he'll never give up on his search for love. Who knows, if he meets the right woman he might even get married again. But she'd have to be pretty special.
“Most of the women just want to be taken out and shown a good time. A percentage of them want to get married, they don't care to who. They want to live in the style to which they've become accustomed,” he says, summarizing the 70-plus dating scene. “I'm not looking for a business arrangement. I want some emotions, I want some feelings. I want love.”
***
Sex and the single senior
And you thought the "sex talk" with your teenagers was awkward. Try discussing condoms and hookups with your elderly parents.
But as seniors live longer, healthier lives, they're more likely to stay sexually active.
This isn't just a Viagra-fuelled revolution. Though drugs do help with the mechanics, the real drive is deeper. "People's need for emotional connection, social connection and intimacy is a lifelong need," Baycrest social worker Ruth Goodman says.
So what do adult children need to know about their elderly parent's sex life - even if they're too afraid to ask?
Accept that they have one. A 2007 study of 3,005 adults published in The New England Journal of Medicine found that half of people aged 65 to 74 and a quarter of those 75 to 85 reported being sexually active (defined as "any mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves sexual contact, whether or not intercourse or orgasm occurs").
"A substantial number of men and women engage in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation even in the eighth and ninth decades of life," the study's authors concluded.
Intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, dancing: All help people connect with their sensual selves, which can decrease loneliness and boost self-esteem.
If your parent is widowed, it can feel like a betrayal of the deceased spouse when they start dating. But people who had happy marriages are actually the most likely to pursue relationships.
Take your cue from them. If a relative wants to share with you, great. But they have a right to keep their sex life private. And if they want information, give it without judging. Your parents know their way around sex, but much has probably changed since they were last on the dating scene. While pregnancy isn't a concern, sexually transmitted diseases are.
Get over your hang-ups. Pop culture socializes us to think of old people having sex as icky or laughable. But remember, we'll all be old some day.
Rebecca Dube
To see original link and watch video, click on this link: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080520.wretirement3/BNStory/retirement/?pageRequested=all&print=true
-----------------------------
Looking for love, or.....
The equipment may be rusty, but you can still get lusty. And the desire for companionship never fades. Reporter Rebecca Dube and photographer Kevin Van Paassen watch sparks fly
From Wednesday's Globe and Mail
May 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM EDT
Seymour Hersch has been dating the same woman for five years. He thinks she would love to get married; all he has to do is ask.
But marriage would only cramp his style – he would have to drop the other three women he's been seeing. He met some of his girlfriends through friends and family, others through an online dating service.
“They might be jealous, but I don't care,” he says. “I make it very clear I'm not interested in getting married.”
Just another commitment-shy bachelor – except Mr. Hersch is 77 and lives in a retirement home.
They may move more slowly than they did in their prime, but old people have still got moves. The number of Canadians 65 and older is set to double over the next three decades, and people are living longer and staying fit longer than ever before. They're still dating, hooking up and looking for love.
That's certainly true of Mr. Hersch, whose gap-toothed grin has become a flirtatious fixture at the Terraces of Baycrest since he moved to the Toronto retirement home last winter.
Age and illness often cause the body's sexual machinery to get a little rusty. After his prostate cancer, “it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night,” Mr. Hersch quips, with Borscht-Belt timing. But nothing diminishes the basic human desire for companionship, the yearning to love and be loved.
Given the cultural taboo regarding elderly sexuality, as well as the physical impairments that come with age, it's amazing that seniors have the bravery to put themselves out there and look for love. But they do.
One recent Saturday night, Mr. Hersch took Ms. Long Term to the movies, then to a burger joint for dinner. On Sunday, he rested because his angina was acting up. He knows it's bad, he says, when he gets breathless without even seeing a pretty woman. On Tuesday, he took his newest lady friend (as he calls them), a resident of the Terraces, for hot dogs at Costco. Other romances have blossomed over coffee, during a concert at the residence or on an outing to the mall.
The level of physical contact varies from couple to couple. Some express affection by holding hands, while others get hot and heavy.
“Completely depends on the person,” Mr. Hersch says. “One lady, on the second date she attacked me, and we went all the way!”
At the Terraces, 90 per cent of the residents are single. Women outnumber men 4 to 1, but a recent influx of single men such as Mr. Hersch has injected a jolt of excitement. Some men work the lunch room like Casanovas, throwing winks and smiles to women in all directions, and some women are happy to take the new men under their wings, shepherding them to activities and fussing over them the way they used to do with their husbands.
When Mr. Hersch arrived at the Terraces, his daughter announced to an elevator full of women that her father had just moved into apartment 310. They asked two questions: Does he have a car? (Yes.) And is he single? (Oh yeah, baby.)
“So,” Mr. Hersch says, “you can see how their minds work.”
Retirement homes have struggled to acknowledge senior sexuality. In the past, elderly people who were “caught” making out or even masturbating in their own beds were chided like naughty teenagers. That's changing, with more private rooms, better training for staff members and more open discussions of intimacy and sexuality.
“Attitudes are changing, slowly,” Baycrest social worker Ruth Goodman says. “The residents do have rights to have meaningful relationships with the people they choose. … People's need for emotional connection, social connection and intimacy is a lifelong need.”
If it's hard for workers to deal with romances among the residents, it can be even harder for sons and daughters to accept that their elderly parent has sexual needs. Some get angry at what they see as a betrayal of the deceased parent, or question their parent's judgment.
Mr. Hersch's daughter, Randi Kwinta, not only accepts her father's busy social calendar, she's constantly setting him up on blind dates. It's a little bizarre to be checking out 70-year-olds on behalf of her father, Ms. Kwinta acknowledges, but more than anything she wants him to be happy.
“He loves women and he loves to be in the company of women,” Ms. Kwinta says. “No one will ever replace my mom. But I want him to be in a relationship where there's mutual respect, where he can have fun and laugh. I would be very happy if he had a woman in his life he could take out to the movies and dinner, and maybe she would have him over once a week and cook him some chicken soup. I think he longs for that.”
Rebecca Hoch, 96, has lived at the Terraces for nine years, and although she's not interested in playing the dating game, she still keeps score. From her wheelchair, she notices which couples linger together after lunch and who's on the prowl. When an 80-year-old man says hello to her in the hallway, she nods back and whispers: “He likes the ladies.”
She says many women of the women here read Harlequin romances – “that's where they get their kicks” – but she prefers Jane Austen. (She's particularly partial to Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.) She read one Danielle Steel novel to see what the fuss was about and was scandalized. “It wasn't even grammatically correct,” she says.
Mrs. Hoch sees how some women flirt. “They touch a man on the shoulder, on the arm. Maybe they want a man,” she says with some disapproval. But on second thought, she softens: “They're only in their 80s, they're young.”
Heather Lisner-Kerbel, a social worker at the Terraces, recalls one woman who fell in love with a man who had memory problems. Their relationship followed a frustrating pattern: They'd make plans, he would forget and stand her up, and her feelings would be hurt.
On top of the usual dating dilemmas – does he like me as much as I like him? – the elderly carry a lifetime of emotional baggage into each new relationship. Those widowed after a long and happy marriage often feel the most eager to start dating again, but new loves can discover it's difficult to compete with a memory.
Mr. Hersch keeps a full dance card, but his heart still belongs to his beloved Sylvia, his wife of 49 years. They met on a blind date when he was 17, and he loved her from the moment he saw her.
“Something clicked,” he says, a faraway look in his eyes. “I don't know what it was, but it lasted a long time.”
Mrs. Hersch died on July 4, 2002. Mr. Hersch still wakes up in the middle of the night and reaches for her.
While he longs for companionship, sometimes he feels like a magnet for the wrong kind of woman.
“That's my problem, I always find these women with problems,” he complains. And not stuff like being a close talker or having ugly feet – they've got issues such as Parkinson's, arthritis or senility. One girlfriend broke up with him because he didn't visit enough at the hospital after she broke a hip.
“It might sound hard, it might sound bad, but I've had my share of hospitals,” he says.
Mrs. Hersch struggled with chronic illness and spent the last seven months of her life in hospital. He stayed by her side through every needle stick and intubation, watching his first and only love fade away.
“You can only take so much,” he says.
So he plays the field. His newest companion is Sylvia Miller, an elegant 89-year-old who moved to the Terraces from Florida two years ago. One night, he didn't feel like eating dinner in his room alone, so he called her up and they went to Costco for hot dogs.
“Cheapest date I ever had – $4.18,” Mr. Hersch says.
“A real night out, whee!” Mrs. Miller says sardonically, raising her eyebrows and twirling a finger in the air.
Honestly though, she says, it was a treat. She loves to banter with Mr. Hersch even if she doesn't think there's much romantic possibility. She's been married three times, and people at the Terraces gossip that Mr. Hersch is next on the list. But she insists she's not looking for No. 4.
“It suits me absolutely perfectly,” she says. “No commitment and no obligations.”
Mr. Hersch finds irony in the fact that Mrs. Miller, 12 years his senior, is in better physical shape than any of his other girlfriends. She's good-looking and a sharp dresser – almost the perfect woman. But she has memory problems. When he asked for her phone number, she couldn't remember it.
“She's a nice lady … except for her mind,” Mr. Hersch says, adding with a shrug: “You can't have everything.”
Both say they're content to be just friends. But they also both seem to revel in the spark of flirtation that jumps between them.
At a piano concert and singalong at the Terraces one night, Mr. Hersch swivels in his chair to wave at Mrs. Miller two rows back during a heartfelt rendition of Besame Mucho. She smiles and waves, but he turns back around quickly.
“There's two women sitting between me and her and now they think I'm tied up to them,” he whispers, glancing nervously at the two rows of nearsighted women who are now smiling sweetly at him.
Such are the perils of being a retirement-home player. Still, Mr. Hersch says he'll never give up on his search for love. Who knows, if he meets the right woman he might even get married again. But she'd have to be pretty special.
“Most of the women just want to be taken out and shown a good time. A percentage of them want to get married, they don't care to who. They want to live in the style to which they've become accustomed,” he says, summarizing the 70-plus dating scene. “I'm not looking for a business arrangement. I want some emotions, I want some feelings. I want love.”
***
Sex and the single senior
And you thought the "sex talk" with your teenagers was awkward. Try discussing condoms and hookups with your elderly parents.
But as seniors live longer, healthier lives, they're more likely to stay sexually active.
This isn't just a Viagra-fuelled revolution. Though drugs do help with the mechanics, the real drive is deeper. "People's need for emotional connection, social connection and intimacy is a lifelong need," Baycrest social worker Ruth Goodman says.
So what do adult children need to know about their elderly parent's sex life - even if they're too afraid to ask?
Accept that they have one. A 2007 study of 3,005 adults published in The New England Journal of Medicine found that half of people aged 65 to 74 and a quarter of those 75 to 85 reported being sexually active (defined as "any mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves sexual contact, whether or not intercourse or orgasm occurs").
"A substantial number of men and women engage in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation even in the eighth and ninth decades of life," the study's authors concluded.
Intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, dancing: All help people connect with their sensual selves, which can decrease loneliness and boost self-esteem.
If your parent is widowed, it can feel like a betrayal of the deceased spouse when they start dating. But people who had happy marriages are actually the most likely to pursue relationships.
Take your cue from them. If a relative wants to share with you, great. But they have a right to keep their sex life private. And if they want information, give it without judging. Your parents know their way around sex, but much has probably changed since they were last on the dating scene. While pregnancy isn't a concern, sexually transmitted diseases are.
Get over your hang-ups. Pop culture socializes us to think of old people having sex as icky or laughable. But remember, we'll all be old some day.
Rebecca Dube
Monday, March 24, 2008
The World of Seniors' Dating
Recently, I did another workshop at the Betel Centre on the Pleasures and Pitfalls of Seniors’ Dating. Participants enjoyed the presentation and received helpful information on how to develop stronger and more expansive social support systems; advice on re-entering the dating world; and health and safety tips for social networking. Thanks to our event sponsors (Swiss Chalet, Steeles Deli Warehouse, Second Cup and Rainbow Cinema Promenade) who donated prizes around the theme of senior-friendly first date venues.
The presentation was timely as it addressed the needs of older adults and seniors in finding companionship in the third age. With the aging of the baby boomers and people living longer, population stats are swelling with the balance leaning towards 50+ generation. Later life divorce has been steadily increasing leading to a wider pool of eligibility.
Ssenior centres, through friends, social networking groups, faith based groups, and singles travel excursions are all possibilities. Volunteering is a great way to meet people and give back to the community at the same time. Volunteer Toronto is a good place to find opportunities that appeal one’s experience and skills (Volunteer Toronto Suite 404, 344 Bloor Street West, Toronto, ON M5S 3A7 Tel: 416.961.6888 www.volunteertoronto.on.ca )
Taking a special interest classes is a way to pursue interests and meet people in a natural setting. Interested in a cooking class, photography or art lessons? Learning a foreign language is fun and good exercise for the brain. Maybe join a book club, dance class or take computer classes and get more comfortable with the internet. Some universities, for example York University, offer discounted tuition rates for seniors. Ryerson’s LIFE Institute offers a wide range of courses specifically designed for individuals 50 and over (L.I.F.E. Institute, The G. Raymond Chang School of Continuing Education, Ryerson University, 350 Victoria Street, Toronto, ON M5B 2K3 Tel: (416) 979-5000 ext. 6989). Now is the time of your life when you have more freedom to devote to your hobbies and interests and become involved with new social circles.
A preliminary search of some of websites illustrate that older adults and seniors want to find love and romance and are discovering modern methods to do just that. Online dating is one of the fast growing segments of the internet. For tech savvy, older adults, online dating can open up a whole new world of meeting people that didn’t exist before. Lava Life, one of the top online dating sites in Canada, launched Lava Life Prime, a site specifically targeting baby boomers. There are many online dating sites for older adults and seniors, for example, Senior Friend Finder, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony and Jdate. Also many sites catering to LGBT seniors are springing up just as quickly, such as Gray and Gay, and Planet Sappho.
Just as in the real world, you must always be careful when meeting new people and use common sense. If meeting people online, remember:
o Guard your privacy and use caution when revealing personal info about yourself
o Speak on the phone before meeting in person.
o Always use public spaces to meet
o People Can Lie and can make pictures lie, too.
There are lots of opportunities waiting to be discovered. You just need to be creative in your thinking of where to find them. So get out there and expand your social networks, meet new friends and find potential dates.
The presentation was timely as it addressed the needs of older adults and seniors in finding companionship in the third age. With the aging of the baby boomers and people living longer, population stats are swelling with the balance leaning towards 50+ generation. Later life divorce has been steadily increasing leading to a wider pool of eligibility.
Ssenior centres, through friends, social networking groups, faith based groups, and singles travel excursions are all possibilities. Volunteering is a great way to meet people and give back to the community at the same time. Volunteer Toronto is a good place to find opportunities that appeal one’s experience and skills (Volunteer Toronto Suite 404, 344 Bloor Street West, Toronto, ON M5S 3A7 Tel: 416.961.6888 www.volunteertoronto.on.ca )
Taking a special interest classes is a way to pursue interests and meet people in a natural setting. Interested in a cooking class, photography or art lessons? Learning a foreign language is fun and good exercise for the brain. Maybe join a book club, dance class or take computer classes and get more comfortable with the internet. Some universities, for example York University, offer discounted tuition rates for seniors. Ryerson’s LIFE Institute offers a wide range of courses specifically designed for individuals 50 and over (L.I.F.E. Institute, The G. Raymond Chang School of Continuing Education, Ryerson University, 350 Victoria Street, Toronto, ON M5B 2K3 Tel: (416) 979-5000 ext. 6989). Now is the time of your life when you have more freedom to devote to your hobbies and interests and become involved with new social circles.
A preliminary search of some of websites illustrate that older adults and seniors want to find love and romance and are discovering modern methods to do just that. Online dating is one of the fast growing segments of the internet. For tech savvy, older adults, online dating can open up a whole new world of meeting people that didn’t exist before. Lava Life, one of the top online dating sites in Canada, launched Lava Life Prime, a site specifically targeting baby boomers. There are many online dating sites for older adults and seniors, for example, Senior Friend Finder, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony and Jdate. Also many sites catering to LGBT seniors are springing up just as quickly, such as Gray and Gay, and Planet Sappho.
Just as in the real world, you must always be careful when meeting new people and use common sense. If meeting people online, remember:
o Guard your privacy and use caution when revealing personal info about yourself
o Speak on the phone before meeting in person.
o Always use public spaces to meet
o People Can Lie and can make pictures lie, too.
There are lots of opportunities waiting to be discovered. You just need to be creative in your thinking of where to find them. So get out there and expand your social networks, meet new friends and find potential dates.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Different groups need info on sexuality
My focus has been on seniors' access to sexual health information and problems accessing it. What we don't hear alot about is other groups of people who also have problems accessing the same type of information. Individuals with disabilities, chronic health issues or survivors of disease.
I saw this article on cancer survivors and barriers to sexual health information. It's another issue that raises awareness of sexual health advocacy. Often, healthcare professionals may only focus on the treatment and eradication of the disease itself. When this is accomplished, the next stage is helping the survivor resume his or her life and caring for all aspects of the individual: psychologlical, emotional, and physical needs. Sexual expression in its different forms, is tied to our self esteem and how we identify ourselves. Sexuality is one facet of being human that provides pleasure, fulfillment and connectedness with others. It's important for those who have faced illness, their caregivers and health care professionals, to know where to find sexuality resources that will help them feel whole again.
MCauch
----------------------------
Female Cancer Survivors Lack Frank Sex Talk From Docs
Published: 07/27/07
FRIDAY, July 27 (HealthDay News) -- Three out of four women treated for genital tract cancer feel their doctors should initiate more conversations about the cancer's impact on their sexual health, new research finds.
"We found that these women valued sexuality and participated in sexual relationships and activities at a rate similar to women who had not been through cancer treatment, but they were not adequately prepared for the sexual issues that their cancer or its treatment introduced," study author Dr. Stacy Lindau said in a prepared statement. The sexual problems included pain and limited lubrication.
Two out of three women whose reproductive and sexual organs were severely compromised by the treatment also reported that their doctors never brought up sex, according to the study.
Writing in the August issue of Gynecologic Oncology, University of Chicago Medical Center researchers expressed concern that if doctors are not discussing the impact of medical treatment on sexuality under these circumstances, sexual health was even less likely to be discussed in other situations, particularly with older women. Previous studies have shown that patients are themselves reluctant to bring up sexual issues.
The research team surveyed 219 women aged 40 to 50 years old who had been treated for a rare form of vaginal or cervical cancer. The women were all members of a registry for people who might have been exposed to synthetic hormones while in their mother's womb. Most of the women had been treated with surgery or radiation therapy when they were in their late teens or 20s and had survived more than two decades after their diagnosis. The researchers then compared the responses from these women with race- and age-matched controls selected from a 1992 national study on sexual norms.
The cancer survivors reported more sexual problems and four times more health problems that interfered with sex all or most of the time, but they were just as likely to be married as the comparison group. Fifty percent of the survivors reported three or more sexual problems, compared to 15 percent of their peers. They were also seven times more likely to feel pain during intercourse and three times more likely to have difficulty lubricating.
More than one out of three survivors complained about the scars from their treatment as well as frequent bladder infections and incontinence.
Those of the survivors who reported a conversation with their physician about the sexual impact of treatment were the women who were more likely to have three or more sexual problems at the same time.
For more information on treatment of sexual issues in people with cancer, see the National Cancer Institute site at: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/sexuality/Patient/page6
I saw this article on cancer survivors and barriers to sexual health information. It's another issue that raises awareness of sexual health advocacy. Often, healthcare professionals may only focus on the treatment and eradication of the disease itself. When this is accomplished, the next stage is helping the survivor resume his or her life and caring for all aspects of the individual: psychologlical, emotional, and physical needs. Sexual expression in its different forms, is tied to our self esteem and how we identify ourselves. Sexuality is one facet of being human that provides pleasure, fulfillment and connectedness with others. It's important for those who have faced illness, their caregivers and health care professionals, to know where to find sexuality resources that will help them feel whole again.
MCauch
----------------------------
Female Cancer Survivors Lack Frank Sex Talk From Docs
Published: 07/27/07
FRIDAY, July 27 (HealthDay News) -- Three out of four women treated for genital tract cancer feel their doctors should initiate more conversations about the cancer's impact on their sexual health, new research finds.
"We found that these women valued sexuality and participated in sexual relationships and activities at a rate similar to women who had not been through cancer treatment, but they were not adequately prepared for the sexual issues that their cancer or its treatment introduced," study author Dr. Stacy Lindau said in a prepared statement. The sexual problems included pain and limited lubrication.
Two out of three women whose reproductive and sexual organs were severely compromised by the treatment also reported that their doctors never brought up sex, according to the study.
Writing in the August issue of Gynecologic Oncology, University of Chicago Medical Center researchers expressed concern that if doctors are not discussing the impact of medical treatment on sexuality under these circumstances, sexual health was even less likely to be discussed in other situations, particularly with older women. Previous studies have shown that patients are themselves reluctant to bring up sexual issues.
The research team surveyed 219 women aged 40 to 50 years old who had been treated for a rare form of vaginal or cervical cancer. The women were all members of a registry for people who might have been exposed to synthetic hormones while in their mother's womb. Most of the women had been treated with surgery or radiation therapy when they were in their late teens or 20s and had survived more than two decades after their diagnosis. The researchers then compared the responses from these women with race- and age-matched controls selected from a 1992 national study on sexual norms.
The cancer survivors reported more sexual problems and four times more health problems that interfered with sex all or most of the time, but they were just as likely to be married as the comparison group. Fifty percent of the survivors reported three or more sexual problems, compared to 15 percent of their peers. They were also seven times more likely to feel pain during intercourse and three times more likely to have difficulty lubricating.
More than one out of three survivors complained about the scars from their treatment as well as frequent bladder infections and incontinence.
Those of the survivors who reported a conversation with their physician about the sexual impact of treatment were the women who were more likely to have three or more sexual problems at the same time.
For more information on treatment of sexual issues in people with cancer, see the National Cancer Institute site at: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/sexuality/Patient/page6
Saturday, January 12, 2008
More Calls for Seniors' Sex Ed
Although they do tend to trickle in slowly, I do see articles on sexual health education for seniors. The following article is a call to young adults to talk to their older family members about sex education. It has been known for a long time that seniors are an at risk group, however, as they do not pose the same level of urgency as other at risk groups, educational efforts are much less focused and direct. It is up to the smaller organizations to really push for policy measures which make seniors and their caregivers a priority in health education. Most importantly, we need to stop talking about the need for such health education and the statistics that merit it, and actually start educating seniors--targeting senior centres, retirement communities, and nursing homes. We must start doing the hard part of outreaching directly to seniors instead of talking about how important it is to educate this population.
MCauch January 12, 2008
----------------------
Experts: Elders Need Some Sex Education, Too
By P.J. Huffstutter, Los Angeles Times
December 15, 2007
Jane Fowler thinks it's about time college students had "the talk" with their grandparents. She doesn't mean grandmothers and grandfathers explaining the facts of life. She wants kids to explain safe sex to their elders.
It's part of a broader message the 72-year-old has advocated for more than a decade. Ever since she contracted HIV when she was in her 50s, Fowler has made it her mission to help aging baby boomers and members of her generation avoid her mistakes.
"Once people get past their own embarrassment and understand grandparents today are still sexually active, they realize I'm right," said Fowler, who spoke at a recent safe-sex event at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kan. "Their grandparents face the same risks of sexually transmitted diseases as they do."
The over-50 crowd is a relatively small segment of the nation's at-risk group for sexually transmitted diseases. Approximately four times as many HIV diagnoses occurred in people ages 25 to 44 as in those 50 and older, according to a 2005 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Still, medical experts agree that older Americans often are among the most overlooked - and, therefore, one of the more vulnerable - populations.
They point out that the majority of funding for preventive education over the past two decades has been aimed at the traditional high-risk populations such as teenagers, gay men and urban residents. Others, however, say that many baby boomers were young enough when the public first became aware of the AIDS crisis that they should have had plenty of exposure to safe-sex campaigns.
Many older patients feel uneasy discussing sexual behavior with their physicians, according to AARP research. Young doctors, too, can be uncomfortable talking about STD risks with people old enough to be their parents or grandparents, according to a recent study backed by the National Institutes of Health.
Considering that people now are living longer than previous generations have, and enjoying extended sex lives because of hormone therapy and erectile dysfunction drugs, there's a growing concern that the baby boom generation - and their elders - don't understand that getting older doesn't make one immune.
That concern is fueling a national push among public health officials and educators for more prevention efforts aimed at aging baby boomers and those firmly in their golden years.
In Arizona, volunteers regularly pass out free condoms at community centers, and state health workers in Florida host safe-sex programs in retirement communities. In Broward County, Fla., the Senior HIV Intervention Project recruits retired boomers and older residents throughout the region to become "safe-sexperts" who can persuade their neighbors to get tested for STDs.
At the University of Michigan Health System, enough patients were concerned about the effect of aging on intimacy that a clinic was opened in Ann Arbor last year devoted to dealing with the sexual concerns of the 60-and-older crowd. And in Ohio, professor Nancy Orel and staff at Bowling Green State University have preached about the risks of casual sex and offered free HIV tests at a workshop targeting "boomers and beyond."
Orel sells the idea of using condoms and getting tested for HIV as part of serving as a role model for their younger loved ones. But to the undergraduate students taking her gerontology classes at Bowling Green, the roles are reversed. One of the assignments Orel gives is for students to go home, find out what their grandparents know about HIV and discuss safe sex practices.
"Initially, some of the students are hesitant. But a lot of them are surprised at how open the conversations can be," said Orel, director of the university's gerontology department.
A study published last summer in the New England Journal of Medicine reported that a majority of 3,005 American adults surveyed, aged 57 to 85, continued to have sex two to three times each month. But only 38 percent of the men and 22 percent of the women had discussed sex with a doctor since they turned 50, according to the report funded by the National Institutes of Health.
Edward Laumann - a professor at the University of Chicago who studies human sexuality and is one of the study's authors - said older Americans should know better than to have unprotected sex. When the HIV/AIDS epidemic started, he pointed out, many of them were young enough to have been bombarded by public education efforts.
"I'm not saying there aren't randy goats in a nursing home somewhere, who might have (STDs) and spread (them)," Laumann said. "But educating them isn't going to affect anything . . . and it's a waste of money, particularly when there's other vulnerable groups that need the resources anyway."
Part of the problem with figuring out exactly what risks older Americans face comes from a lack of testing data, said Spencer Lieb, senior epidemiologist at the Bureau of HIV/AIDS at the Florida Department of Health. He said that although the number of HIV and AIDS patients in the over-50 age group nationwide had grown in recent years, some of the increase was attributed to people who are living longer with the virus or disease, thanks to improvements in therapy treatments.
But without widespread testing, "we don't really know what the true prevalence (of STD infection) is in this group," Lieb said. "There's reason to think, at least anecdotally, this is a combustible situation that is being overlooked."
Just outside a small classroom, at the back of a St. Louis community center, Fowler recently met up with a group of older people to commiserate about sexually transmitted diseases and recounted her cautionary tale - how a divorce in her 50s led her back into the dating pool and how she enjoyed a New Year's Eve fling with a former co-worker. Fowler said she never considered using condoms, given that she already had gone through menopause.
"I had lived what I considered a conventional, traditional life. I had been a virgin on my wedding night in 1959," said Fowler, a founder of the National Association on HIV Over Fifty, who now coordinates the speakers bureau at a local AIDS organization. She has spoken before hundreds of groups, including medical researchers and HIV/AIDS advocates to senior centers.
"I remained monogamous for 23 years of marriage. . . . After the divorce, I didn't consider myself promiscuous. I didn't frequent the singles bars. I went out with men my age who, like me, had been married and were divorced."
Her own physician, she said, dismissed her questions about getting tested for HIV as unnecessary for someone her age. Her early symptoms were dismissed as routine ailments of aging.
Sitting in rows of plastic folding chairs, the small crowd of two dozen nodded in understanding. The group of casually dressed men and women were black and white, straight and gay. All were older than 50. All had HIV.
No one wanted to give his or her name. A 68-year-old widower who contracted HIV three years ago confessed that he had been too embarrassed to talk to his doctor about his symptoms.
Across the room, a 62-year-old retired teacher said she never thought of using a condom - she too had been through menopause and was not concerned about getting pregnant.
"None of my friends think about these things, let alone talks about them. Condoms? Testing?" the woman later confided to Fowler. "At my age, the worst I thought could happen was a broken heart."
[Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2007/sex.htm]
MCauch January 12, 2008
----------------------
Experts: Elders Need Some Sex Education, Too
By P.J. Huffstutter, Los Angeles Times
December 15, 2007
Jane Fowler thinks it's about time college students had "the talk" with their grandparents. She doesn't mean grandmothers and grandfathers explaining the facts of life. She wants kids to explain safe sex to their elders.
It's part of a broader message the 72-year-old has advocated for more than a decade. Ever since she contracted HIV when she was in her 50s, Fowler has made it her mission to help aging baby boomers and members of her generation avoid her mistakes.
"Once people get past their own embarrassment and understand grandparents today are still sexually active, they realize I'm right," said Fowler, who spoke at a recent safe-sex event at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kan. "Their grandparents face the same risks of sexually transmitted diseases as they do."
The over-50 crowd is a relatively small segment of the nation's at-risk group for sexually transmitted diseases. Approximately four times as many HIV diagnoses occurred in people ages 25 to 44 as in those 50 and older, according to a 2005 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Still, medical experts agree that older Americans often are among the most overlooked - and, therefore, one of the more vulnerable - populations.
They point out that the majority of funding for preventive education over the past two decades has been aimed at the traditional high-risk populations such as teenagers, gay men and urban residents. Others, however, say that many baby boomers were young enough when the public first became aware of the AIDS crisis that they should have had plenty of exposure to safe-sex campaigns.
Many older patients feel uneasy discussing sexual behavior with their physicians, according to AARP research. Young doctors, too, can be uncomfortable talking about STD risks with people old enough to be their parents or grandparents, according to a recent study backed by the National Institutes of Health.
Considering that people now are living longer than previous generations have, and enjoying extended sex lives because of hormone therapy and erectile dysfunction drugs, there's a growing concern that the baby boom generation - and their elders - don't understand that getting older doesn't make one immune.
That concern is fueling a national push among public health officials and educators for more prevention efforts aimed at aging baby boomers and those firmly in their golden years.
In Arizona, volunteers regularly pass out free condoms at community centers, and state health workers in Florida host safe-sex programs in retirement communities. In Broward County, Fla., the Senior HIV Intervention Project recruits retired boomers and older residents throughout the region to become "safe-sexperts" who can persuade their neighbors to get tested for STDs.
At the University of Michigan Health System, enough patients were concerned about the effect of aging on intimacy that a clinic was opened in Ann Arbor last year devoted to dealing with the sexual concerns of the 60-and-older crowd. And in Ohio, professor Nancy Orel and staff at Bowling Green State University have preached about the risks of casual sex and offered free HIV tests at a workshop targeting "boomers and beyond."
Orel sells the idea of using condoms and getting tested for HIV as part of serving as a role model for their younger loved ones. But to the undergraduate students taking her gerontology classes at Bowling Green, the roles are reversed. One of the assignments Orel gives is for students to go home, find out what their grandparents know about HIV and discuss safe sex practices.
"Initially, some of the students are hesitant. But a lot of them are surprised at how open the conversations can be," said Orel, director of the university's gerontology department.
A study published last summer in the New England Journal of Medicine reported that a majority of 3,005 American adults surveyed, aged 57 to 85, continued to have sex two to three times each month. But only 38 percent of the men and 22 percent of the women had discussed sex with a doctor since they turned 50, according to the report funded by the National Institutes of Health.
Edward Laumann - a professor at the University of Chicago who studies human sexuality and is one of the study's authors - said older Americans should know better than to have unprotected sex. When the HIV/AIDS epidemic started, he pointed out, many of them were young enough to have been bombarded by public education efforts.
"I'm not saying there aren't randy goats in a nursing home somewhere, who might have (STDs) and spread (them)," Laumann said. "But educating them isn't going to affect anything . . . and it's a waste of money, particularly when there's other vulnerable groups that need the resources anyway."
Part of the problem with figuring out exactly what risks older Americans face comes from a lack of testing data, said Spencer Lieb, senior epidemiologist at the Bureau of HIV/AIDS at the Florida Department of Health. He said that although the number of HIV and AIDS patients in the over-50 age group nationwide had grown in recent years, some of the increase was attributed to people who are living longer with the virus or disease, thanks to improvements in therapy treatments.
But without widespread testing, "we don't really know what the true prevalence (of STD infection) is in this group," Lieb said. "There's reason to think, at least anecdotally, this is a combustible situation that is being overlooked."
Just outside a small classroom, at the back of a St. Louis community center, Fowler recently met up with a group of older people to commiserate about sexually transmitted diseases and recounted her cautionary tale - how a divorce in her 50s led her back into the dating pool and how she enjoyed a New Year's Eve fling with a former co-worker. Fowler said she never considered using condoms, given that she already had gone through menopause.
"I had lived what I considered a conventional, traditional life. I had been a virgin on my wedding night in 1959," said Fowler, a founder of the National Association on HIV Over Fifty, who now coordinates the speakers bureau at a local AIDS organization. She has spoken before hundreds of groups, including medical researchers and HIV/AIDS advocates to senior centers.
"I remained monogamous for 23 years of marriage. . . . After the divorce, I didn't consider myself promiscuous. I didn't frequent the singles bars. I went out with men my age who, like me, had been married and were divorced."
Her own physician, she said, dismissed her questions about getting tested for HIV as unnecessary for someone her age. Her early symptoms were dismissed as routine ailments of aging.
Sitting in rows of plastic folding chairs, the small crowd of two dozen nodded in understanding. The group of casually dressed men and women were black and white, straight and gay. All were older than 50. All had HIV.
No one wanted to give his or her name. A 68-year-old widower who contracted HIV three years ago confessed that he had been too embarrassed to talk to his doctor about his symptoms.
Across the room, a 62-year-old retired teacher said she never thought of using a condom - she too had been through menopause and was not concerned about getting pregnant.
"None of my friends think about these things, let alone talks about them. Condoms? Testing?" the woman later confided to Fowler. "At my age, the worst I thought could happen was a broken heart."
[Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2007/sex.htm]
Monday, December 10, 2007
Dating and Social Networking for Seniors
M.Cauch
SageHealth Network
December 10, 2007
Young singles are used to being bombarded with the glam advertising of online dating sites and social networking tools. Looking for a mate in our high tech, fast paced world is no longer like looking for a needle in a haystack. Everything is accelerated and much more convenient than it ever was before.
For seniors, re-entering the dating world can be a scary prospect. Many may be divorced or recently widowed after decades of marriage. Yet, an instinctual aspect of being human is our need to create social networks and ultimately establish a romantic connection. For some, the last dating experience was perhaps sitting in the ice cream parlor holding hands after school. It can be very difficult to establish new relationships, either romantic partnerships or friendships as people age. People experience many losses as they enter later life and social support networks could diminish leaving many seniors, particularly men, isolated.
Online dating is one avenue to finding friendship and romance. Online dating is an easy, cost effective method to meeting a world of people, specifically targeting age and socioeconomic background. Online dating can be fun but as always, but advice for everyone is to exercise caution. Approach cyber socialization with care and intelligence. Popular sites include Senior Friend Finder, eHarmony and Lava Life.
Recently, I came across an article on speeddating for seniors and was fascinated. Speeddating is a new way to meet people. It is an efficient, fast-to-face way to establishing a connection with others quickly. In-person chemistry rather than the Jane Austen tradition of correspondence.
Here’s how speeddating works: You spend 5 minutes with each person and decide if you would like to see them again. And really, 5 minutes is enough time to know if you’re compatible with someone. You check their name off on your list. If they check your name off their list, you have a match. Afterwards, your contact information is forwarded to your matches and the rest is up to you.
It’s great news that speeddating events have been organized for seniors (although only Florida and Colorado as of writing this blog). Unfortunately, nothing like this exists in Toronto yet.
There are lots of other ways to meet people: You can join an online social networking site like meetup.com. Meetup.com lists a variety of interest groups narrowed down by geographic location. Language groups, cooking, age-specific social groups—practically any interest, hobby or activity is listed on meetup.com.
Volunteering is another way to be socially active and give back to the community by doing good works. Taking a special interest class through a seniors’ centre, religious organization or college will increase your knowledge base and introduce you to a whole host of people. And let’s not forget—recruit your friends. You could meet someone through six degrees of separation. Be pro active and let friends know that you’re interested in meeting new people.
Let’s be honest…..Getting back into the dating world can be frightening and overwhelming. However, dating can also be a wonderful tool to make new friends, expand your social networks and have fun. And remember… you’re never too old to make friends.
SageHealth Network
December 10, 2007
Young singles are used to being bombarded with the glam advertising of online dating sites and social networking tools. Looking for a mate in our high tech, fast paced world is no longer like looking for a needle in a haystack. Everything is accelerated and much more convenient than it ever was before.
For seniors, re-entering the dating world can be a scary prospect. Many may be divorced or recently widowed after decades of marriage. Yet, an instinctual aspect of being human is our need to create social networks and ultimately establish a romantic connection. For some, the last dating experience was perhaps sitting in the ice cream parlor holding hands after school. It can be very difficult to establish new relationships, either romantic partnerships or friendships as people age. People experience many losses as they enter later life and social support networks could diminish leaving many seniors, particularly men, isolated.
Online dating is one avenue to finding friendship and romance. Online dating is an easy, cost effective method to meeting a world of people, specifically targeting age and socioeconomic background. Online dating can be fun but as always, but advice for everyone is to exercise caution. Approach cyber socialization with care and intelligence. Popular sites include Senior Friend Finder, eHarmony and Lava Life.
Recently, I came across an article on speeddating for seniors and was fascinated. Speeddating is a new way to meet people. It is an efficient, fast-to-face way to establishing a connection with others quickly. In-person chemistry rather than the Jane Austen tradition of correspondence.
Here’s how speeddating works: You spend 5 minutes with each person and decide if you would like to see them again. And really, 5 minutes is enough time to know if you’re compatible with someone. You check their name off on your list. If they check your name off their list, you have a match. Afterwards, your contact information is forwarded to your matches and the rest is up to you.
It’s great news that speeddating events have been organized for seniors (although only Florida and Colorado as of writing this blog). Unfortunately, nothing like this exists in Toronto yet.
There are lots of other ways to meet people: You can join an online social networking site like meetup.com. Meetup.com lists a variety of interest groups narrowed down by geographic location. Language groups, cooking, age-specific social groups—practically any interest, hobby or activity is listed on meetup.com.
Volunteering is another way to be socially active and give back to the community by doing good works. Taking a special interest class through a seniors’ centre, religious organization or college will increase your knowledge base and introduce you to a whole host of people. And let’s not forget—recruit your friends. You could meet someone through six degrees of separation. Be pro active and let friends know that you’re interested in meeting new people.
Let’s be honest…..Getting back into the dating world can be frightening and overwhelming. However, dating can also be a wonderful tool to make new friends, expand your social networks and have fun. And remember… you’re never too old to make friends.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Seniors Try Shortcut to Romance, Friendship
By Jerilee Bennett, The Gazette
October 27, 2007
Lili Skinner and Elmer Gerardo had a quick conversation at a speed-dating event at Colorado Springs Senior Center this month. Skinner hoped to find someone to go dancing with. Other daters’ motives for showing up included friendship and sex.
Single female seeks tall, older man for friendship, possible romance. Must play bridge and tennis. Poor dancers need not apply.
Lili Skinner has met Mr. Two Left Feet. Now she needs Mr. Right. But if you think finding romance is hard at age 20, try doing it (again) at 81.
“I really have no trouble meeting people,” she said. “To meet eligible people is hard.”
Women complain that they outnumber men. Men complain that the women are too aggressive. Everyone complains that there aren’t enough places to go or things to do to ferret out that special someone.
Apparently dating in the golden years isn’t all that golden.
“Even at church there’s nobody that wants to do something,” said 65-year-old Jonnie Price. “There are a lot of us out there that are looking. You just want somebody to talk to.”
Well, Jonnie, the Colorado Springs Senior Center can do you one better: It has started hosting senior speed dating to maximize meet-up opportunities. Speed dating, which one sex for an evening while the other switches seats about every five minutes to “date” around the room, has become a popular approach to meeting as many people as possible, as quickly as possible.
And for those in their later years, time is precious.
“When you’re a senior, you’re not on borrowed time, but you don’t have 30 years to waste,” said Sid Hackman, a 65-year-old speed dater.
The center held its first speed-dating night Oct. 10, the first of its kind in the area for the older generations. Organizers were overwhelmed by the response: The event attracted 85 singles ranging in age from 54 to 88 (although more than twice as many women signed up as men). It’s likely to be held again in a few months, said Mendy Putman, director at the senior center.
Putman said the event addresses the notion that it’s hard for older singles to get back “out there.” Whether widowed or divorced, many seniors haven’t dated in years, she said.
“You’ve been in this comfortable zone with this one person for 40 years or more,” Putman said. “I see that being the hardest thing, just taking that first step.”
Even then, ambivalence can get in the way.
“I think there’s this stigma that they think exists — that they aren’t supposed to have these feelings,” Putman said. “I know that these people long to have those relationships.”
Speed dating is just one of many ways seniors have found companionship — or at least tried to find companionship. There are always those wellmeaning friends who try to play matchmaker, and groups that center on an activity such as bridge. And thousands have gone online: Match.com, eHarmony and SeniorFriendFinder. com, three popular dating Web sites, have all reported boosts in membership with the 50-and-older crowd.
But some seniors aren’t interested in matches found online. Many still prefer good ol’ person-to-person contact, said Hackman, who tried Match. com and began the 436-question profile quiz at eHarmony.
The problem was, eHarmony didn’t nail his personality, he said. And the woman he met on Match.com turned out to be less compatible than he thought.
“I don’t trust it,” he said. “I like to talk to people, not write notes to them. I like to hear their voice.”
And some seniors, such as Skinner, are downright scared of it. “They can say anything they want to, and you have no real way of knowing,” she said. “It’s not for me.”
But senior dating has a big silver lining. Older people tend to know who they are and what they want — a serious leg up on their younger counterparts. Older women also say they worry less about horndog men and ulterior motives than they did when they were younger. (Their guards can’t be down entirely, though, with about 30 percent of speed-daters at the senior center naming sex as their reason for signing up. Some things never change.)
The majority of the speed daters, however, pegged friendship as their reason for signing up, and many said they were looking for companionship, not love. They’ve done the marriage thing. They’ve done the kid thing. Now it’s time for fun.
Seniors mingled with plastic cups of wine, slightly nervous but armed with a list of questions to ask one another. They had only three minutes (time was cut short by organizing glitches), so they had to get right down to business.
As women created a circle of chairs around a smaller circle of men, one guy leaned to another guy and whispered, “I got your back.”
Seniors were split by age into three groups, and women outnumbered men more than 2-to-1 in every group except the 76-and-older crowd. Thirtythree women surrounded nine men in the 55 to 65 group, prompting Putman’s warning: “You may have to throw up a red flag if you need to go to the bathroom because you’re going to be here awhile.”
Most daters said they’d come back. Many women spent as much time talking to other women as to men, exchanging phone numbers and setting coffee dates.
The day after the event, the organizers gave numbers to couples who both listed an interest in each other. Then it was up to the couple to arrange a date.
That’s where Skinner got stuck. There’s a dance she wants to go to, but she’s too nervous to call her match.
George, call her!
Source: Global Aging http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2007/speedating.htm
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