Seniors looking for love in five minutes of speed dating

Keila Torres Ocasio, Staff Writer
CTPost.com
Wednesday, February 9, 2011

BRIDGEPORT -- Leigh, who never gives away her age, smiled as she explained to Seymour why she likes living at Watermark 3030 Park, a senior living community.

"I love it here," she said. "There is a swimming pool and..."

"And a lot of men that are not as good looking as me," said Seymour, 85, who lives at Embassy Towers.

"What else do you do, besides fooling around with me," he asked, obviously flirting.

"Well, what else is there to do besides fooling around with you," Leigh said, playing along.

Leigh and Seymour, like the others participating in Watermark's first senior speed dating event declined to give their last names, had fun getting to know each other Wednesday afternoon -- if only for five minutes.

The event, which was hosted by CTMatch.com, got off to a rough start. Only 16 of the 20 men who registered actually showed up, while about 24 women participated.

But, the single seniors quickly got into a groove. Although the men were supposed to visit a different lady's table every five minutes until they had met everyone, some men doubled back when no one was looking.

Peter and Lynn, for example, chatted twice, discussing the government bailout and deficit. An hour into the event, Peter was the only person Lynn thought had potential for a second date. Everyone else, she said, was well, too senior.

The 57-year-old said she hadn't expected all of the men to be 70 or older. "The guys over there, they can't hear you and they get tongue-tied," the part-time aerobic instructor said. "The last guy I dated was 44 and couldn't keep up with me."

Westport resident Lois, 71, whose husband died two years ago, also wished the men were younger.

"My husband would have been the age of some of them," she said, "but he looked much better."

Every participant had a different tactic Wednesday in the speed dating event.

Richard liked to tell the women about his love for watching the stock market on television, which elicited very different reactions. "Oh, I love it; I love the stock market," was Lois' response.

But Jeanette, 72, who was hoping for instant attraction or chemistry with someone, preferred traveling over television.

"How depressing," was her response to Richard's daily entertainment choice. "What do you do for fun?" she asked him.

"What do I do for fun? I watch the stock market," Richard said.

"Oh, that's not fun," Jeanette replied.

Dottie, a Fairfield resident in her early 70s, said she was looking for someone who shared the same interests. "I would like to go to a movie or dinner or a walk or a concert with someone else, with a man," she said. But alas, five minutes was not long enough to determine whether someone was worth seeing again, she determined.

Only men and women who had circled "yes" next to each other's names would be given contact information.

"What I tell people is if the time goes by quickly, circle yes," said Robert Tamiso, the CTMatch.com event organizer. "If the time drags on, circle no."

Kevin Hunter, executive director at Watermark, said the purpose of the event was to get the seniors to socialize and meet new people, especially in time for Valentine's Day. "The folks here still have a lot of years ahead of them," he said. "So many folks are so isolated if they are not active in their church or a senior center. That's not healthy."

A second speed dating session scheduled for March is already booked and the Watermark is considering making the event a monthly occurrence. Of the hundreds of residents living at the Park Avenue facility, there are only 14 married couples.

http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Seniors-looking-for-love-in-five-minutes-of-speed-1006341.php

Maintaining Relationships: A project aimed at sexual health provisions for seniors

By Robin Krishnan
Nursing Program, Humber College
January 21, 2011

Are you comfortable talking about sex related issues? Is sexuality still considered a taboo? According to Public Health Agency of Canada (2008),12.2% of all reported AIDS cases were in people 50 years of age or older as of 2006. The rising numbers in HIV, Chlamydia, and gonorrhoea cases in seniors indicates that they are not practising safe sex. Studying the overall survey results, social profiles and demographics of the community of Weston by Humber nursing students, I realized that there is an increasing number in sexually transmitted infection/diseases in the aging population. During discussions conducted by nursing students at the York West Active Living Centre, the majority of seniors focussed on chronic illness and hardly anyone mentioned anything about sexual health. Common reasons for such behaviour involve lack of knowledge, misconceptions, and myths that prevail in our society. I felt that there is need to talk about and address this issue, and talk about how important it is to have a healthy sexual relationship and view sexuality as an essential core element of healthy body, mind and soul.
Our project, Maintaining Relationships, presentation took place on November 24, 2010 with about 20 people from the York West Active Living Centre and public housing took part. The audience was interested, supportive and actively participated in various phases of the presentation. A very friendly, interactive environment was maintained throughout the presentation. Audience members were welcome to ask questions. The presentation was divided into 5 subheadings such as affection and closeness; how to keep romance and friendship alive; body image and self esteem; physical changes; and safe sex practices, which were addressed by the students. The effects of aging on various aspects of maintaining relationships (i.e. sexual health) were the focus of the presentation. I demonstrated proper condom application as a way to educate the seniors on safe sex practices. Some of the seniors asked questions which were appropriately responded by the students. The students provided some scenarios and suggestions as to why and how to enhance relationships with their partners.
Evaluation forms were filled out at the end of the presentation to gain feedback from the seniors. Brochures summarizing the main points of the presentation, and condoms were provided to the audience to take home. The rest of the brochures and condoms were left at the Centre. Refreshments were also served.
Overall, the presentation was well received by the audience. It was a great learning experience for me, my peers and senior members who were present. There were some positive outcomes from this experience, like being able to address the challenging issues of sexual health in the elderly population of the Weston community. There are many strategies that older adults can incorporate into their sexual life to enhance or improve. Using condoms, masturbation, foreplay, lubricant, toys/vibrators and communication with one`s partner are essential. Furthermore, a chronically ill individual (for example, hip surgery) can still involve himself/herself in a sexual act by trying new positions and different times such as in the morning when the body has the most conserved energy. Seniors can also try various other forms of sex such as intercourse, masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, outercourse that involves touching, caressing, kissing etc. Consult your doctor if you have any concerns and also get tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections/diseases. Finally, following a healthy lifestyle; reduced stress; exercise; eating good food; drinking plenty of fluids; avoiding alcohol and smoking can definitely works as a catalyst in having a positive outlook on life and maintaining a healthy sexual life.
I would like to thank Ms. Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network for guiding me all the way and making it such a positive learning experience. I would also like to express my gratitude to the senior members and staff of the West York Active Living Centre for accommodating our group for a period of three months. It was a great pleasure to be part of the Centre and Weston community. I would like to thank all the people who came and participated in our presentation. I would recommend all our senior friends to participate in such learning sessions in the coming future and spread the word to your family members, friends, neighbours, and in the community.
There is need to enlarge this issue of sexual health for seniors and to bring it up front on a large scale. Senior couples need to understand that with age, there is a need to rejuvenate your sexual relationship and it can blossom to the fullest, and to a new horizon.
Good luck to all my senior friends.

Having Fun Sex at Every Age

Enjoying a healthy, fun sex life is possible no matter how old you are. If medical conditions or simply being in a rut has dampened your desire, consider these sex tips to revitalize romance.
By Krisha McCoy, MS
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Having satisfying, fun, and healthy sex should be part of your life at every age, even as you get older. But sometimes age-related physical changes or sex that has become routine can lead to dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

If your sex life has deteriorated or if you feel that you and your partner are in a sexual rut, there are sex tips that can spice up your relationship and help you enjoy fun sex again.

Healthy Sex and Aging: Why the Spark Sometimes Fades

In a recent survey conducted by the AARP, researchers found that almost half of men and women 45 years of age and older report being less satisfied in their sex life than they were a decade earlier.

There are many reasons researchers believe sexual desire and function tends to decline over the years, including:

Menopause. As a woman's hormonal levels fluctuate around the time of menopause, the vagina becomes shorter and narrows, the vaginal walls stiffen, and there is often a reduced amount of vaginal lubrication. These changes can make sex uncomfortable or even painful for both the woman and her partner.

Erectile dysfunction. The inability to produce or maintain an erection becomes more common with advancing age.

Pain and discomfort. Certain age-related health problems, including arthritis and chronic pain, can make having sex uncomfortable and interfere with your ability to have a fun sex life.

Other health conditions. Your chances of developing diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and dementia increase with age, and men and women with these conditions often have difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life. Medications.

Certain medications, including blood pressure medications, antidepressants, and antihistamines, have been associated with erectile dysfunction in men or lack of sexual desire in women.

Emotional issues. As you age and your body changes, you may become insecure about your appearance, which can get in the way of your enjoying a fun sex life. You may also have to face difficult issues, such as illness, which can put sex on the back burner of your relationship.

Putting the Fun Back Into Your Sex Life

If you are looking for ways to maintain a healthy sex life or put the spark back into your intimate relationship, consider the following sex tips:

Get creative. Trying different approaches when it comes to sex is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. In the AARP sex survey, only 29 percent of respondents described their partner as being imaginative when it came to sex. So if there is a sex toy you have always been curious about or a new position that you want to try, consider introducing it into your next sexual encounter.

Be more adventurous. Any change from your regular sexual routine can put the excitement back into your sex life. If you always have sex in the evening, try having sex in the morning. If sex usually happens in the bedroom, try a new location.

Fantasize with your partner. It can be difficult to talk with your partner about sexual issues. But instead of focusing on your dissatisfaction in the bedroom, try opening up about your sexual fantasies and ask your partner to share sex fantasies with you. Talking about your innermost desires can be a great form of foreplay.

Take the lead. If your partner is always the one to initiate sex, try initiating it yourself. Changing up who takes the lead in the bedroom can be a great way to get excited about sex again.

Rediscover foreplay. People in longstanding relationships tend to skimp on foreplay, but if you are having problems getting aroused, spending more time caressing can help you get fully in the mood for sex and enjoy it more.

If you are having problems with arousal or sexual function that are interfering with your ability to enjoy sex, talk with your doctor. Often, simple treatments are available to help you have an active and healthy sex life again.

Learn more in the Everyday Health Sexual Health Center.

Sex Remains Important to Elderly Men

By Shari Roan, Los Angeles Times
December 6, 2010

Sexual activity still ranks high on the list of older men's interests, according to a new study. While often ignored as important to well-being, the study found that even some men in their 90s remained sexually active or desired to be.

Researchers from the Western Australian Centre for Health and Ageing surveyed 2,783 men ages 75 to 95 three times over 13 years. Hormone levels were also measured during the second and three rounds of questioning. About one-third of the men reported a sexual encounter in the last year. Of those men, 43% said they had sex less often than they would like. About half of the men described sex as at least a somewhat important part of their lives. Only four men -- 0.5% -- said they had sex more often than they preferred.

Medical conditions that could interfere with sexual function were common, especially prostate-related diseases. Sexual activity declined with age; only 11% of men ages 90 to 95 said they had sex in the last 12 months compared with almost 40% of those ages 75 to 79. Of the men who had not engaged in sexual activity in the last year, physical problems or limitations were cited by almost half and lack of interest was reported by 41%. Almost 40% said their partner lacked interest or had physical limitations that interfered with sex.

Men with higher testosterone levels were more likely to be sexually active. More studies are needed to determine whether treatment with testosterone would improve sexual activity in men ages 75 and older, the authors said.

". . .the belief that sexuality is not a concern of older persons remains entrenched, and they are often overlooked in sexual health research," the authors wrote.

Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/sex.htm

New Rules for Dating After a Divorce

Third Age

The dance of dating has rules which provide common expectations between two strangers and limit the number of uncomfortable situations. After all, it can be disastrous when a man and his date have very different expectations about when he will get a kiss (or more), who will pay for dinner, and when to meet the parents. These rules are fairly simple for young people, with a primary purpose of preventing unwanted pregnancy.

Dating after divorce is far more complicated, involving big money, mortgages, career compatibility, integrating children, and emotional scars from being burned by a bad relationship. The game has changed for middle age dating, and so have the rules.

Know what you want

There seem to be two kinds of late-life daters: Those who want to marry again and those who absolutely refuse to consider the possibility. Know which type you are and don’t mix with the other kind because someone will get hurt. If you want to get married again, allow yourself to learn from the process of dating. After each date or relationship, take the time to think about what you liked or didn’t like in the relationship, and hone your list of desirable qualities in a mate.

Talk about religion, politics and money on the first date

At this stage of life, we have established world views which aren’t likely to change. Don’t waste time avoiding topics that help you understand the perspective and thinking process of your date. A Catholic Republican and a liberal Buddhist simply aren’t likely to click, and that’s okay.

Since money is the leading cause of divorce, you need to have a sense of your date’s spending habits, income and debt. No, you don’t need to ask outright. However, you can make some basic determinations as you learn about his career, his complaints about paying bills, and whether he winces when you order an appetizer or dessert.

Have the guts to ask the big questions

Life is too short and we are getting too old to wonder what our date is thinking, so ask. Ask everything you’ve always wanted to ask starting on the second date. Are you interested in marrying again someday? Do you want more children? What are your career goals? What do you think about me? You may have been terrified to ask these questions as a young adult, but maybe having asked these questions would have steered you away from a bad marriage. At this stage of life, there is no sense in wasting time. If your date is offended, then he or she is not serious, and that’s your cue to move on.

Protect the kids while testing your date

Every family therapist says that your kids don’t need to know about your dating life, so don’t introduce your kids to your date unless you are very serious. The problem with that approach, according to author and comedian Steve Harvey, is that you won’t know how your date truly reacts to children. He may say he wants your children, but he may run away screaming when he finally sees them in person. Harvey says you need to know before you invest too much time in a relationship. If you’re getting serious, arrange for your date to see your children in a public place where your children won’t notice him. A soccer game, a playground, church or a friend’s party all offer innocent ways for your date to see your children in action, and allow you to gauge his reaction.

Sex?

Because virginity and the newness of sex are long gone, there are few rules about sex when dating after divorce. When to have sex becomes a personal choice and ranges widely, so you need to know what your plans are. More spiritual individuals often choose to avoid sex until commitment, while others view it as yet another personality test, and fun to boot. It is certainly revealing to learn that your date has no idea how to sexually pleasure the opposite sex after years of marriage.

There are also conflicts over birth control methods. Many formerly-married men spent years having sex without condoms or have a vasectomy, and they detest using a condom. Yet the high rate of sexually transmitted diseases among divorced singles should be enough for you to think twice. Incessant demands may also providing interesting insights into your partner’s character.

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Source URL: http://www.thirdage.com/dating/dating-after-divorce
Article Source: McClatchy Tribune

Bawdy boomers often cast condoms, caution to wind: survey

By Pamela Fayerman, Postmedia News
Ottawa Citizen

VANCOUVER — Baby boomers — especially those newly single — are rediscovering their zest for sex as their children are leaving the nest, a new national survey shows.

But they aren't always practising what they preach to their kids when it comes to safe sex: 70 per cent of survey respondents say they tell their kids to practise safe sex, yet 30 per cent of unmarried boomers admit they've had unprotected sex with a new partner.

An equal proportion said they aren't worried about contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).

According to the survey, commissioned by the Canadian Liver Foundation (CLF), those aged 46 to 64 are boldly going where they likely told their kids not to — with one-night stands, multiple sex partners, online dating and failing to use condoms.

"Perhaps it's not surprising that there is a lot of risk-taking going on, judging by the frequent commercials for (male-impotence) products on . . . apple pie mainstream shows like Hockey Night in Canada," said Dr. Eric Yoshida, University of B.C. head of gastroenterology, who is also chair of the CLF medical advisory committee.

Yoshida's patients are those with advancing liver disease, many of whom don't even realize they might have contracted hepatitis from sex or that the main three types of the virus (A, B and C) can be transmitted through sex.

Apart from using condoms for protection, there are vaccines to prevent hepatitis A and B, but not for C. Across Canada, there are 250,000 cases of hepatitis C.

Yoshida said 45 per cent of hepatitis B infections are diagnosed in baby boomers.

Younger people have a much lower risk of getting it because of immunization programs for infants and school-age children.

Newly single baby boomers who have been out of the dating scene should realize the risk of contracting several types of sexually transmitted infections, he said. But the national survey of nearly 1,000 baby boomers found that many people are naive about this.

While the liver foundation is mostly concerned with hepatitis as an STI, public health agencies like the BC Centre for Disease Control track other reportable STI's like HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. STIs like herpes and HPV (human papillomavirus) are considered common but aren't subject to mandatory reporting.

Dr. Mark Gilbert, physician epidemiologist at BCCDC, said baby boomers who are being bolder about their sexual behaviours constitute one factor driving the rising incidence of some STIs — but does more frequent testing.

"There is a need for anyone, regardless of age, to think about STIs because people can get infected at any age," he said, adding that even though baby boomers may not worry about pregnancy, condoms are the best insurance against STIs.

If baby boomers are in new relationships or having sex with multiple partners, they should tell their doctors so that they can do routine screening for such infections, he suggested.

According to the 2009 BCCDC STI surveillance report, there were 11,173 new cases of genital chlamydia in B.C. (including 320 women over age 40 and 458 men); 1,307 cases of gonorrhea, (50 women over age 40 and 244 men); 216 cases of syphilis (eight women over 40 and 83 men); 338 cases of HIV (29 women over age 40 and 145 men); and 91 new cases of AIDS (20 women over age 40 and 55 men).

The survey of 877 baby boomers' sexual behaviours and attitudes was sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, one of the makers of hepatitis vaccines. The sponsorship was given as an unrestricted grant to CLF.

Leger Marketing says the survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3.3 percentage points and is considered accurate 19 times out of 20.

Some of the findings in the survey:

-82 per cent of baby boomers believe it's important to have an active sex life at every age.

- 57 per cent feel freer about sex.

- 81 per cent say it's important their kids use protection during sex; 70 per cent have doled out such advice.

- 16 per cent admit they don't always follow their own advice to practise safe sex.

- 30 per cent of unmarried boomers have had unprotected sex with a new partner.

- 33 per cent of unmarried boomers have done online dating.

- 40 per cent of men and five per cent of women are open to one-night stands.

Original link: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/story.html?id=3624878

National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day is September 18, 2010

By Elizabeth Batt, September 14, 2010

September 18, 2010 marks the 3rd annual National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. The campaign highlights complex issues of HIV in aging populations.

In a statement released on September 13, 2010, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), issued details about the third National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. Set to take place on September 18, 2010, the campaign focuses on challenges that older people infected with HIV or AIDS currently face. With the emphasis on research, development and quality of life issues, the NIH and other government entities, hope to raise awareness for the virus nationwide.

People with HIV infections are now living longer but aging faster

Changes to the way HIV is being treated allows many HIV individuals to live into their 50s and beyond. The use of powerful combinations of antiretroviral drugs, which suppress HIV replication, is keeping the HIV virus in check for many and is preventing progression to AIDS. Unfortunately, says the institute, treatments are causing a growing number of HIV-infected adults in their 40s and 50s to experience symptoms resembling premature aging.

Premature aging, reports the institute, is just one issue of many caused by extended exposure to HIV and antiretroviral drugs. Long-term, HIV adults face increased risk of illness and death from cardiovascular, bone, kidney, liver and lung diseases as well as many cancers. With HIV progressing more quickly in older groups, it's important says the institute, that HIV testing is encouraged in older groups, particularly as an early diagnosis lessens the risk of progression to AIDS in older adults.

New AIDS cases rising faster in middle-aged and older people than those under 40

The National Institute on Aging (NIA) says that almost one quarter of all people in the US with HIV/AIDS are aged 50 and older. Furthermore, adds the NIA, new AIDS cases are on the rise for this age group, which has now surpassed the 40s age group in testing positive. Reasons for the rise, says the NIA, is partly due to a lack of awareness of HIV/AIDS, and partly due to embarrassment. Older generations are less inclined to publicly share details of their drug use or sex lives and health care workers seem reluctant to ask.

Reticence by both patient and doctor, says the NIH, results in older people with HIV completely unaware that they carry the virus. As a result, family members are also placed at risk and early treatment of the virus with antiretroviral drugs is prevented. Minus drug combinations, HIV progresses faster, eventually evolving into AIDS. The NIH therefore is urging all individuals to emphasize the importance of testing and knowledge for older adults.

Helping in the fight against HIV and AIDS

AIDS.gov is asking local organizations to get involved on September 18, and offers several options for promoting the fight against HIV and AIDS at Aids.gov. Ideas on event hosting for National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day include town hall meetings with local media and school participation. Organizations may also want to consider arranging for free HIV testing coupled with incentives to boost turnout.

Testing for HIV is a simple procedure, says the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), who report that 97% of persons develop detectable antibodies within the first three months of contracting HIV.

Untested and minus treatment, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus attacks so many CD4+ T blood cells, that it leaves people vulnerable to infection and consequently AIDS. With early treatment, reports the CDC, HIV-related illness and AIDS can be prevented for several years.


Sources: National Institutes of Health; Nih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Centers for Disease Control; Cdc.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
National Institute on Aging; Nia.hih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Aids.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/18.htm