Naked At Our Age
By Joan Price
If you are interested in immersing yourself in a book, both eloquently written and with unprecedented insight, Naked at our Age (Seal Press) is for you. Seniors’ Advocate, Joan Price conveys a message of reverent optimism towards sex and sexuality for older adults and seniors. The book explores a variety of subjects such as, chapters on communication, masturbation, sexual exploration and toys, chronic illness and sexuality, grieving and sexuality, dementia and how to deal with sex, and safer sex, Naked at our Age, is the bible of sex for seniors.
Throughout the book, first hand stories of men and women and their experiences with sex and sexuality, offers both positive and negative accounts of being older and maintaining a healthy sexuality and a nurturing sex life. Brutal honesty makes these stories relatable and many times, inspiring. Stories of perseverance, struggle, loss of self that can accompany aging, create a rhetoric that, even at my age, is poignant and brilliant. Price has well researched the varying aspects of senior sexuality and in this, has created a book with uplifting and realistic truths as to what occurs as we age. With informative excerpts from acclaimed senior sexuality experts, Naked at our Age, offers practical advice and relevant commentary on aging and sexuality
One expert noted in the book is SageHealth Network, Executive director, Michele Cauch. Cauch discusses the importance of safer sex, communication, and being responsible.
Joan Price is a life saver for those of us out there who perhaps feel that being older means all aspects of sexuality and sex are gone or lost. This book is a must read for older adults, seniors, caregivers and students in the field of healthcare and aging. It will quite honestly, change how you feel about yourself and ultimately, about your sexual relationship, whether with someone new or your long term partner.
You can get your copy of Naked at our Age bookstores or online at:
http://www.joanprice.com
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Helen Mirren - Sexy at 66!
What makes someone sexy? Is it perky breasts, skinny thighs, no wrinkles and a youthful appearance? Well, apparently not, because actress Helen Mirren has just won Sexiest Body with 17.65% of the votes...at the age of 66 no less.
Dame Helen Mirren began her television career on the British Series Prime Suspect. However, in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, Helen built a reputation as a sexy and serious actress in both Shakespearean and experimental theatre. Her career improved with age, as did clearly her physique. Mirren never had a problem expressing sexuality on the big screen, which perhaps had something to do with her uninhibited attitude and personality.
What keeps Helen Mirren looking so good? Well, she credits her taut figure to holding in her tummy. In her words, “holding your tummy is in another trick for making you look and feel good”, adding, “I don’t know why, but I do, by nature, hold my tummy in” (www.huffingtonpost.com). Some of you would be pleased to know that Helen has problem areas too. “Bits of my body are all right, but bits of me are horrible. To be honest, anything from the waist down I don’t really like”
She also adds that “four inch platforms give you great height and make your legs look unbelievably long. I used only to be able to get them in stripper shops, but now you can buy them everywhere – although, unfortunately, that means everyone else has discovered the trick too."
Helen Mirren was up against several younger celebrities for hottest body and consequently blew them out of the water --- Elle MacPherson, Jennifer Lopez and Pippa Middleton. Mirren says that she - “has been blessed with good genes, but also that she loves her WiiFit.” Tony Orme, a Los Angeles-based fitness marketing director , writes that “it’s great to see the public celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, and proving that you really can look fabulous over 40 and 50” (www.tipsonlifeandlove.com).
I couldn’t agree more. Well done Dame Helen!
By Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network
Dame Helen Mirren began her television career on the British Series Prime Suspect. However, in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, Helen built a reputation as a sexy and serious actress in both Shakespearean and experimental theatre. Her career improved with age, as did clearly her physique. Mirren never had a problem expressing sexuality on the big screen, which perhaps had something to do with her uninhibited attitude and personality.
What keeps Helen Mirren looking so good? Well, she credits her taut figure to holding in her tummy. In her words, “holding your tummy is in another trick for making you look and feel good”, adding, “I don’t know why, but I do, by nature, hold my tummy in” (www.huffingtonpost.com). Some of you would be pleased to know that Helen has problem areas too. “Bits of my body are all right, but bits of me are horrible. To be honest, anything from the waist down I don’t really like”
She also adds that “four inch platforms give you great height and make your legs look unbelievably long. I used only to be able to get them in stripper shops, but now you can buy them everywhere – although, unfortunately, that means everyone else has discovered the trick too."
Helen Mirren was up against several younger celebrities for hottest body and consequently blew them out of the water --- Elle MacPherson, Jennifer Lopez and Pippa Middleton. Mirren says that she - “has been blessed with good genes, but also that she loves her WiiFit.” Tony Orme, a Los Angeles-based fitness marketing director , writes that “it’s great to see the public celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, and proving that you really can look fabulous over 40 and 50” (www.tipsonlifeandlove.com).
I couldn’t agree more. Well done Dame Helen!
By Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network
The 21st Century Identity of AIDS: People Over 50
egpnews, August 12, 2011
The face of AIDS is not the gay, white representation it once was, according to a number of recent studies. The rate of HIV/AIDS infection among African Americans and Latinos has surpassed that of whites and now, according to AARP, 1 in 7 new diagnoses of HIV or AIDS is in a person over the age of 50.
With sexual health so heavily tied to family planning, HIV/AIDS is often seen as a consequence of irresponsible sexual behavior during youth. Add in that many older Americans mistakenly think condoms are only for preventing pregnancies or that a partner over 50 is less likely to have the disease—and it’s not hard to see why older Americans make up the fastest-growing segment of the HIV-positive population.
Of the estimated 1.1 million Americans with HIV, some 407,000 are over 50; by 2017, half of the total HIV-positive population will be over 50, AARP reported in the July/August 2011 issue of “AARP The Magazine.” Latino women make up 20 percent of all women diagnosed with HIV; 5.5 percent are aged 55 years or older.
Though HIV/AIDS is, in many cases, a manageable chronic disease, over thirty years after the first diagnosis of HIV/AIDS, the virus is still deadly, especially for those who don’t get tested in time and go untreated, says Dr. Jane L. Delgado, president of the National Alliance for Hispanic Health.
According to a study in the journal Aids Care, Latinos are already more likely to test late for HIV infection compared to other racial/ethnic groups in the United States, making them more susceptible to contacting full blown AIDS, which is less manageable and more likely to lead to death than HIV.
So regardless of age, “if you’re thinking of becoming sexually active or changing partners, you need to get screened,” says Vanessa Cullins, M.D.
“It might not occur to most doctors to ask older patients about sex or to offer sexual health screenings so you’ll often have to bring it up,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., professor at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine. “You have to advocate for your own sexual health. Getting tested, and making sure your partner does the same, is one way to do that.”
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/people%20over%2050.html
The face of AIDS is not the gay, white representation it once was, according to a number of recent studies. The rate of HIV/AIDS infection among African Americans and Latinos has surpassed that of whites and now, according to AARP, 1 in 7 new diagnoses of HIV or AIDS is in a person over the age of 50.
With sexual health so heavily tied to family planning, HIV/AIDS is often seen as a consequence of irresponsible sexual behavior during youth. Add in that many older Americans mistakenly think condoms are only for preventing pregnancies or that a partner over 50 is less likely to have the disease—and it’s not hard to see why older Americans make up the fastest-growing segment of the HIV-positive population.
Of the estimated 1.1 million Americans with HIV, some 407,000 are over 50; by 2017, half of the total HIV-positive population will be over 50, AARP reported in the July/August 2011 issue of “AARP The Magazine.” Latino women make up 20 percent of all women diagnosed with HIV; 5.5 percent are aged 55 years or older.
Though HIV/AIDS is, in many cases, a manageable chronic disease, over thirty years after the first diagnosis of HIV/AIDS, the virus is still deadly, especially for those who don’t get tested in time and go untreated, says Dr. Jane L. Delgado, president of the National Alliance for Hispanic Health.
According to a study in the journal Aids Care, Latinos are already more likely to test late for HIV infection compared to other racial/ethnic groups in the United States, making them more susceptible to contacting full blown AIDS, which is less manageable and more likely to lead to death than HIV.
So regardless of age, “if you’re thinking of becoming sexually active or changing partners, you need to get screened,” says Vanessa Cullins, M.D.
“It might not occur to most doctors to ask older patients about sex or to offer sexual health screenings so you’ll often have to bring it up,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., professor at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine. “You have to advocate for your own sexual health. Getting tested, and making sure your partner does the same, is one way to do that.”
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/people%20over%2050.html
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Launching SilverSparks Speed Dating Tuesday, September 6, 2011
SageHealth Network, an agency focusing on health promotion and positive aging workshops for older adults and seniors will be launching SilverSparks Speed Dating. Speed dating has been around for a while for younger participants and now it’s finally available for 60+ crowd. This event is perfect for you if you want to meet new people, and hopefully spark a connection in a safe, relaxed setting.
It becomes increasingly difficult to meet people as we get older. Events like SilverSparks Speed Dating helps connect participants in person and encourages socialization in a safe environment. Each participant spends 6 minutes talk time with a partner. If you like each other, you must check each other off on match cards and the rest is up to you. Contact information is only given out to participants if there is a mutual match and then you are free to explore your connection. Speed dating can lead to a meaningful and lasting connection with someone, whether friendship or romantic.
SilverSparks connects mature adults from the ages of 60-75 in the Greater Toronto Area. Be a part of the excitement and join us for our first event on Tuesday, September 6, 2011 from 2:00-4:30pm at the Duke of York (39 Prince Arthur Ave at Bloor and Bedford Road, Toronto).
The cost of this event is $20.00 and includes light appetizers. If you are interested, please visit our website to purchase your ticket at www.silversparksdating.com or contact Michele: 647-831-6630.
It becomes increasingly difficult to meet people as we get older. Events like SilverSparks Speed Dating helps connect participants in person and encourages socialization in a safe environment. Each participant spends 6 minutes talk time with a partner. If you like each other, you must check each other off on match cards and the rest is up to you. Contact information is only given out to participants if there is a mutual match and then you are free to explore your connection. Speed dating can lead to a meaningful and lasting connection with someone, whether friendship or romantic.
SilverSparks connects mature adults from the ages of 60-75 in the Greater Toronto Area. Be a part of the excitement and join us for our first event on Tuesday, September 6, 2011 from 2:00-4:30pm at the Duke of York (39 Prince Arthur Ave at Bloor and Bedford Road, Toronto).
The cost of this event is $20.00 and includes light appetizers. If you are interested, please visit our website to purchase your ticket at www.silversparksdating.com or contact Michele: 647-831-6630.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Introducing Zoé Hawkins: SageHealth Network Intern
Meet Zoe Hawkins, SageHealth Network’s Newest Staff:
I would like to say “hi” to current readers and welcome to new readers of this blog. For the next three to four months I will be writing for SageHealth Network’s blog site, seniorsex.blogspot.com. My name is Zoe Hawkins and I am an intern for SageHealth Network. Currently, I am completing my Masters degree in Immigration and Settlement at Ryerson University and part of the degree requirements is to complete a 150 hour placement. I am extremely excited to be working with Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network and helping to achieve its goals to educate and inform seniors on the importance of healthy sexuality and socialization. To begin, I will tell you a bit about myself.
When I graduated from high school, I was accepted to Dalhousie University into the International Development program. Although a very rewarding experience rich with intellectual stimulation, the program was not for me. After some time, I decided to accept a job at a long term care facility and jumped at the opportunity. Never having worked with seniors before, I was both nervous and excited and almost instantly, fell in love with working with older adults. I had found my calling. Perhaps different from the other employees, my approach to working with seniors took the form of patience, compassion, treating them as unique individuals and finding ways to engage them on a daily basis. Because this experience made me realize the problems associated with society’s attitude towards the elderly, I enrolled in the Gerontology program at Laurentian University in Sudbury. Being an extremely small program, I was given the chance to explore avenues which larger programs would be unable to provide. I took a myriad of courses from ethical issues, counselling, palliative care, and optimal aging. For my thesis, I decided to focus on environmental issues as it pertained to senior perceptions and attitudes, the entirety of the time I spent studying Gerontology was unbelievably humbling, stimulating and heart breaking, quite simultaneously. After some time, I decided to go back to school. Although there were many alternatives to applying for a Masters degree, such as Law school and Medical school, I eventually ended up choosing Ryerson University and was accepted the following year. Due to the wonderful friendships and experiences of teaching immigrants, the choice of program was very much an easy one; immigration and settlement. As I previously mentioned, I am in the process of completing the requirements for this particular degree and will graduate in October. Not only is the placement with SageHealth Network part of this requirement, but also a Major Research Paper similar to a thesis. This MRP will focus on the personal relationships of immigrant seniors, pre and post settlement, highlighting how settling has changed cultural attitudes, sexual attitudes, beliefs and intergenerational changes etc. I feel that this compliments my placement perfectly. All this being said, my personal belief and passion that aging can, should and will be a vivacious time filled with learning, discovery, sexuality, honesty, integrity and independence will hopefully show through the blogs I will write and post, as well as through assisting SageHealth network with its current and future workshops and endeavours.
Please feel free to post any comments or questions directed to myself or anything to do with SageHealth Network and its upcoming workshops and speed dating events. Additionally, I will be posting on a regular basis on topics such as aphrodisiacs and food, physical appearance, aging and confidence, sex and disability, foreplay vs.sex, intimacy aids, lubricants and condoms and sexy celebrities over 60, as well as many others.
If you have any suggestions or topics you would like to bring to my attention, please email me at zhawkins@sagehealthnetwork.com or comment on seniorsex.blogspot.com
Thank you,
Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network
I would like to say “hi” to current readers and welcome to new readers of this blog. For the next three to four months I will be writing for SageHealth Network’s blog site, seniorsex.blogspot.com. My name is Zoe Hawkins and I am an intern for SageHealth Network. Currently, I am completing my Masters degree in Immigration and Settlement at Ryerson University and part of the degree requirements is to complete a 150 hour placement. I am extremely excited to be working with Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network and helping to achieve its goals to educate and inform seniors on the importance of healthy sexuality and socialization. To begin, I will tell you a bit about myself.
When I graduated from high school, I was accepted to Dalhousie University into the International Development program. Although a very rewarding experience rich with intellectual stimulation, the program was not for me. After some time, I decided to accept a job at a long term care facility and jumped at the opportunity. Never having worked with seniors before, I was both nervous and excited and almost instantly, fell in love with working with older adults. I had found my calling. Perhaps different from the other employees, my approach to working with seniors took the form of patience, compassion, treating them as unique individuals and finding ways to engage them on a daily basis. Because this experience made me realize the problems associated with society’s attitude towards the elderly, I enrolled in the Gerontology program at Laurentian University in Sudbury. Being an extremely small program, I was given the chance to explore avenues which larger programs would be unable to provide. I took a myriad of courses from ethical issues, counselling, palliative care, and optimal aging. For my thesis, I decided to focus on environmental issues as it pertained to senior perceptions and attitudes, the entirety of the time I spent studying Gerontology was unbelievably humbling, stimulating and heart breaking, quite simultaneously. After some time, I decided to go back to school. Although there were many alternatives to applying for a Masters degree, such as Law school and Medical school, I eventually ended up choosing Ryerson University and was accepted the following year. Due to the wonderful friendships and experiences of teaching immigrants, the choice of program was very much an easy one; immigration and settlement. As I previously mentioned, I am in the process of completing the requirements for this particular degree and will graduate in October. Not only is the placement with SageHealth Network part of this requirement, but also a Major Research Paper similar to a thesis. This MRP will focus on the personal relationships of immigrant seniors, pre and post settlement, highlighting how settling has changed cultural attitudes, sexual attitudes, beliefs and intergenerational changes etc. I feel that this compliments my placement perfectly. All this being said, my personal belief and passion that aging can, should and will be a vivacious time filled with learning, discovery, sexuality, honesty, integrity and independence will hopefully show through the blogs I will write and post, as well as through assisting SageHealth network with its current and future workshops and endeavours.
Please feel free to post any comments or questions directed to myself or anything to do with SageHealth Network and its upcoming workshops and speed dating events. Additionally, I will be posting on a regular basis on topics such as aphrodisiacs and food, physical appearance, aging and confidence, sex and disability, foreplay vs.sex, intimacy aids, lubricants and condoms and sexy celebrities over 60, as well as many others.
If you have any suggestions or topics you would like to bring to my attention, please email me at zhawkins@sagehealthnetwork.com or comment on seniorsex.blogspot.com
Thank you,
Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Successful Secrets to Intimacy
Evan Rosser, Zoomer Magazine
December 2009
The following is an excerpt from Zoomer Magazine on It may seem like a harmless way to avoid an uncomfortable subject, but the social stigma surrounding sex and aging can have harmful and lasting consequences for the 45-plus set. “Health- and mental health-care professionals may not necessarily … feel comfortable talking with their older patients/clients about their sexual life,” says Susan Silcox, a social worker employed by St. Joseph’s Health Care in London, Ont. It’s a problem that runs both ways, she explains. Older patients may also feel uncomfortable discussing their concerns, especially if the health-care professional seems reticent or embarrassed, which belies a growing desire among aging Canadians to live open and informed sex lives. As Silcox notes, “Older patients/clients … are often relieved to be able to discuss their sexuality as it affects their relationships and quality of life.”
According to Barry Worsfold, Zoomer’s resident sex expert, “The most important [thing] to learn about sex and aging is to be comfortable in and with our own sexuality.” So why the embarrassment? In the 15 years she’s spent writing about all aspects of human sexuality, Josey Vogels, syndicated sex columnist and author, has seen the extent to which, “aging and sexuality [are] marginalized at best, but more commonly just completely ignored.” But things are changing. “Boomers who grew up in the ’60s and through the sexual revolution, free love and the birth of the Pill are now getting older and realizing that they don’t want their sexuality to suddenly disappear or be ignored.” Thankfully, for older Canadians looking for information about sex and sexuality, there are experts ready and waiting. We asked a number of them to provide some advice for maintaining a healthy, active sex life at 45 and beyond.
ON THE MYTH THAT SEXUAL INTEREST DECLINES AS WE AGE
Vogels takes it as a given that “most of us simply assume that interest in sex will decline as we age. Even if the mind is willing, the body won’t be able to keep up.” Yes, aging can cause physical changes that may affect your sexuality, but the effects of these changes are usually overstated. “Unfortunately,” she says, “older people tend to limit their sexual expression and their sexual experiences as a result.” Sex is good for your health no matter your age. Nurture your sexuality by finding doctors and clinics that “will assume that you want to continue enjoying a healthy and active sex life and will help you make medical decisions accordingly.”
ON PRACTISING SAFE SEX AT ANY AGE
Silcox advises anyone reentering the dating world to educate themselves about safe sex practices and ask questions about their partner’s sexual health. Questions you need to ask your partner: How many sexual partners have they had? Are they currently sexually active with anyone else? Do they practise safe sex? Have they been tested for a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? “It’s a different dating world out there, than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago, when pregnancy may have been the primary concern,” she says. “Adults need to be proactive in protecting themselves and their partners.”
Devan Nambiar is the training and education co-ordinator for Rainbow Health Ontario, an organization that works to identify and address the broader health issues faced by LGBT communities across Ontario. Within the LGBT community, Nambiar says, “It’s important to recognize that [people] from different cultures or communities, especially as they age, are often not engaged in a discussion of safe sex.” The North American image of beauty to which people must subscribe in order to be desirable can have a damaging effect on those who don’t fit. Nambiar explains: “[Our research] found that people had a really difficult time trying to fit in and, in order to be accepted and wanted and needed, people would do whatever they felt was necessary to subscribe to that program, which could mean risky behaviour.” Regardless of whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship, there’s a “need to have an honest discussion with whomever you choose to be partnered with and find out their sexual history — in all communities.
ON RE-ENTERING THE DATING WORLD
In 35 years as an Anglican priest — 27 as a pastor — David McKenzie identified a pressing need among those who sought his counsel for advice on sex and sexuality. In 2000, he left his ministry to set up a private counselling practice in the Vancouver area. One of the biggest issues when re-entering the dating world is to make sure you’ve “unloaded the baggage of the former relationship,” McKenzie says. You have to allow the bulk of the grieving to unfold so you can move on. “Don’t try to replace that person,” he advises. Dating after 45 may be frustrating, he notes. “You’ll come across many people who’ve been hurt and become jaded. Don’t let that discourage you.”
ON SEX AS A MOTIVATION TO STAY HEALTHY
Alex McKay is the research co-ordinator of the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN). He points out that, as you age, “there is a definite feedback loop between sexual vitality and physical conditioning.” People who continue to value the sexual part of their lives have an added motivation to eat well and stay physically fit. Completing the loop, the “improved strength and cardio-vascular condition” afforded by a healthy diet and regular exercise “builds self-confidence and a sense of well-being, which tends to go hand-in-hand with increased desire for sexual activity.”
ON THE IMPORTANCE OF INTIMACY
Pega Ren is in private practice as a marriage and family counsellor specializing in sex therapy and is a regular contributor to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. “Young or old,” she says, “humans thrive on touch, and sex is a wonderful way to experience that touch.” Physiologically, we need sex to prevent prostate problems and vaginal atrophy; the endorphins that accompany orgasm and arousal have myriad psychological benefits; and emotionally, sex strengthens our connections to one another and heightens our sense of well-being. “Besides,” Ren says, “research tells us that most of us do not stop having sex as we get old, and as with everything else, we get better at it with practice.”
ON SEX AS A CONSTANT
Merryn Gott is a professor of health sciences at the University of Auckland, N.Z. A pioneer in the field of sex and aging, Gott published the first interview-based study exploring older peoples’ views of the role and importance of sexuality in their lives.
“The research I have done,” says Gott, “has led me to conclude that sex after 40, or indeed 80, is not so different from sex before 40.” Regardless of age, sex is defined and valued differently by different people. “One advantage of aging,” she points out, “can be an acceptance of this diversity and a letting go of anxieties about ‘what is normal.’ ” Gott stresses that sexual problems can be experienced at any age, “and being older shouldn’t be a reason for not seeking help. It is as appropriate to seek help for a sexual problem at 85 as it is at 25. It is also as important to maintain a responsible attitude to being safe. See, not so different after all!”
original link:
http://www.zoomermag.com/health/sex/relationships-romance-7-pro-secrets-to-intimacy/1605
December 2009
The following is an excerpt from Zoomer Magazine on It may seem like a harmless way to avoid an uncomfortable subject, but the social stigma surrounding sex and aging can have harmful and lasting consequences for the 45-plus set. “Health- and mental health-care professionals may not necessarily … feel comfortable talking with their older patients/clients about their sexual life,” says Susan Silcox, a social worker employed by St. Joseph’s Health Care in London, Ont. It’s a problem that runs both ways, she explains. Older patients may also feel uncomfortable discussing their concerns, especially if the health-care professional seems reticent or embarrassed, which belies a growing desire among aging Canadians to live open and informed sex lives. As Silcox notes, “Older patients/clients … are often relieved to be able to discuss their sexuality as it affects their relationships and quality of life.”
According to Barry Worsfold, Zoomer’s resident sex expert, “The most important [thing] to learn about sex and aging is to be comfortable in and with our own sexuality.” So why the embarrassment? In the 15 years she’s spent writing about all aspects of human sexuality, Josey Vogels, syndicated sex columnist and author, has seen the extent to which, “aging and sexuality [are] marginalized at best, but more commonly just completely ignored.” But things are changing. “Boomers who grew up in the ’60s and through the sexual revolution, free love and the birth of the Pill are now getting older and realizing that they don’t want their sexuality to suddenly disappear or be ignored.” Thankfully, for older Canadians looking for information about sex and sexuality, there are experts ready and waiting. We asked a number of them to provide some advice for maintaining a healthy, active sex life at 45 and beyond.
ON THE MYTH THAT SEXUAL INTEREST DECLINES AS WE AGE
Vogels takes it as a given that “most of us simply assume that interest in sex will decline as we age. Even if the mind is willing, the body won’t be able to keep up.” Yes, aging can cause physical changes that may affect your sexuality, but the effects of these changes are usually overstated. “Unfortunately,” she says, “older people tend to limit their sexual expression and their sexual experiences as a result.” Sex is good for your health no matter your age. Nurture your sexuality by finding doctors and clinics that “will assume that you want to continue enjoying a healthy and active sex life and will help you make medical decisions accordingly.”
ON PRACTISING SAFE SEX AT ANY AGE
Silcox advises anyone reentering the dating world to educate themselves about safe sex practices and ask questions about their partner’s sexual health. Questions you need to ask your partner: How many sexual partners have they had? Are they currently sexually active with anyone else? Do they practise safe sex? Have they been tested for a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? “It’s a different dating world out there, than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago, when pregnancy may have been the primary concern,” she says. “Adults need to be proactive in protecting themselves and their partners.”
Devan Nambiar is the training and education co-ordinator for Rainbow Health Ontario, an organization that works to identify and address the broader health issues faced by LGBT communities across Ontario. Within the LGBT community, Nambiar says, “It’s important to recognize that [people] from different cultures or communities, especially as they age, are often not engaged in a discussion of safe sex.” The North American image of beauty to which people must subscribe in order to be desirable can have a damaging effect on those who don’t fit. Nambiar explains: “[Our research] found that people had a really difficult time trying to fit in and, in order to be accepted and wanted and needed, people would do whatever they felt was necessary to subscribe to that program, which could mean risky behaviour.” Regardless of whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship, there’s a “need to have an honest discussion with whomever you choose to be partnered with and find out their sexual history — in all communities.
ON RE-ENTERING THE DATING WORLD
In 35 years as an Anglican priest — 27 as a pastor — David McKenzie identified a pressing need among those who sought his counsel for advice on sex and sexuality. In 2000, he left his ministry to set up a private counselling practice in the Vancouver area. One of the biggest issues when re-entering the dating world is to make sure you’ve “unloaded the baggage of the former relationship,” McKenzie says. You have to allow the bulk of the grieving to unfold so you can move on. “Don’t try to replace that person,” he advises. Dating after 45 may be frustrating, he notes. “You’ll come across many people who’ve been hurt and become jaded. Don’t let that discourage you.”
ON SEX AS A MOTIVATION TO STAY HEALTHY
Alex McKay is the research co-ordinator of the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN). He points out that, as you age, “there is a definite feedback loop between sexual vitality and physical conditioning.” People who continue to value the sexual part of their lives have an added motivation to eat well and stay physically fit. Completing the loop, the “improved strength and cardio-vascular condition” afforded by a healthy diet and regular exercise “builds self-confidence and a sense of well-being, which tends to go hand-in-hand with increased desire for sexual activity.”
ON THE IMPORTANCE OF INTIMACY
Pega Ren is in private practice as a marriage and family counsellor specializing in sex therapy and is a regular contributor to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. “Young or old,” she says, “humans thrive on touch, and sex is a wonderful way to experience that touch.” Physiologically, we need sex to prevent prostate problems and vaginal atrophy; the endorphins that accompany orgasm and arousal have myriad psychological benefits; and emotionally, sex strengthens our connections to one another and heightens our sense of well-being. “Besides,” Ren says, “research tells us that most of us do not stop having sex as we get old, and as with everything else, we get better at it with practice.”
ON SEX AS A CONSTANT
Merryn Gott is a professor of health sciences at the University of Auckland, N.Z. A pioneer in the field of sex and aging, Gott published the first interview-based study exploring older peoples’ views of the role and importance of sexuality in their lives.
“The research I have done,” says Gott, “has led me to conclude that sex after 40, or indeed 80, is not so different from sex before 40.” Regardless of age, sex is defined and valued differently by different people. “One advantage of aging,” she points out, “can be an acceptance of this diversity and a letting go of anxieties about ‘what is normal.’ ” Gott stresses that sexual problems can be experienced at any age, “and being older shouldn’t be a reason for not seeking help. It is as appropriate to seek help for a sexual problem at 85 as it is at 25. It is also as important to maintain a responsible attitude to being safe. See, not so different after all!”
original link:
http://www.zoomermag.com/health/sex/relationships-romance-7-pro-secrets-to-intimacy/1605
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Speed Dating Among the Senior Set
Delray Beach, Fla. — Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.
And make it fast.
Risa Demato, site director for the Weisman Delray Community Center, heard the call and she answered it. Quickly. “A lot of people came to me and said, ‘You need to have a singles group,’” says Demato, who launched a weekly series of senior speed-dating events in March, with the help of Sherry Bernstein, a volunteer instructor for the center. “There are a lot of widowed people here, and they’re lonely and they want to meet other people.”
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The majority of the center’s clients are older than 60, many are 70-plus. The bar scene is not an option. Nor were the regular singles discussion groups that drew upward of 120 people to mingle and chat – “too big, not intimate enough to really meet people,” Demato says. So she and Bernstein tossed around some ideas, one of which was speed-dating. It works for younger people, they figured, so why not for older ones?
Whether younger or older, the origins of speed-dating are credited to Los Angeles Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, who envisioned it as a way to help Jewish singles meet.
Delray’s center built its noontime speed-dating on the standard model. Demato and Bernstein agreed on the numbers: 10 men and 10 women each week; five minutes of chat per couple, then the men would shift to a new table. They agreed on a venue: the Card Room, a cozy setting with its dark hardwood floors, pale yellow and pale blue walls, panel of floor-to-ceiling windows and small wood-topped tables that hold floral centerpieces. A volunteer, Harvey Wallet, constructed wooden number-panels for the tables.
Getting people to sign up, at the registration desk or by phone, was easy. Finding enough men? Not so easy. On a given day, 50 women might sign up but only a dozen men.
“It’s not about attracting men,” Demato says. “It’s not that they’re scared to come. It’s about the statistics. I’ve always read that men often die first. It’s true. It’s about the percentages. So now Sherry and Harvey go to other singles groups and to the [retirement] communities…” “… looking for recruits,” interjects Millie Barasch, a Brooklyn native who has attended two sessions since her husband’s death a year ago, after 62 years of marriage.
“It wasn’t long enough,” she says of her marriage. And, no, she isn’t looking to marry again. “I’d like to have a friend, a male friend, a companion. I have lots of women friends. I’ll tell you the difference: A male friend will flatter you, take you out to dinner, pay the bill,” says Barasch, who exudes warmth and humor.
The allotted time before the bell signals “move on” is enough to learn what she needs to know. “It’s not how he looks,” she says. “It has a lot to do with presentation. Out of the 20 men I’ve met, I gave my phone number to one. ‘OK,’ I said, ‘we only have five minutes,’ so he started talking fast. I thought that was cute. He’s tall. He’s pleasant.”
One man asked if she cooks; she fibbed and said ‘no.’ Another, widowed just four months, began crying. One man wore leather slacks and a leather jacket open to the navel, a gold chai around his neck. She asked if his motorcycle were parked outside. But she’s still seeing the tall, pleasant man who got her phone number.
Gertrude Bial was volunteering at the center’s desk one Tuesday afternoon when she was asked to substitute for a no-show. One of the men she met during that speed-dating hour still calls her at least twice a day. He’s “a gentleman,” she says. And he’s the first man she’s dated since being widowed three years ago.
“I make it clear: no hanky-panky,” she says. “I’m not ready. But he likes to hold my hand; he can give me a kiss.”
A half-hour coffee-and-cookies nosh session follows each speed-dating event, allowing any potential connections to connect a bit longer. Senior speed-dating isn’t a universal. Not yet, anyway. But online stories from places as diverse as Berlin, Md., and Riverside, Cal., and Bergen County, N.J., showcase a number of success stories. And the proliferation of such events, plus online dating sites geared toward seniors (JDate has a 55-to-99 age category), is keeping pace with the country’s growing 65+ population: 35 million in 2000, more than 39 million in 2010, according to figures from the U.S. Census.
The Delray center’s Risa Demato recently shared her enthusiasm and experience on the subject with the JCC in Rochester, N.Y. “With great thanks for your time and endless insights into the world of speed dating for the senior crowd,” Steven Loring, a researcher who is documenting issues involved in the search for companionship and love among older adults, responded in an e-mail. “We’ll be pushing ahead up here in Rochester, hoping to launch this summer.”
Former Brooklyn-ite Myron “Mike” Raff, widowed 11 years now, tried a speed-dating event, not long ago, that wasn’t aimed at seniors. It was not a happy experience. “The young ladies were not interested, but they were too polite to say so,” he recalled. “This was better because it was more our age group.
“I’m a quiet person, basically, but face-to-face I can talk to the ladies. I can’t talk to them in a bar. (Here) I sat down, a woman sat next to me: ‘Where are you from? What did you do for a living.’ In five minutes, you’re not gonna talk about Spinoza.”
Contact Mary Jane Fine at feedback@forward.com
Original link: http://forward.com/articles/138909/
And make it fast.
Risa Demato, site director for the Weisman Delray Community Center, heard the call and she answered it. Quickly. “A lot of people came to me and said, ‘You need to have a singles group,’” says Demato, who launched a weekly series of senior speed-dating events in March, with the help of Sherry Bernstein, a volunteer instructor for the center. “There are a lot of widowed people here, and they’re lonely and they want to meet other people.”
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■Okay, Fine, There Really Are No Good Jewish Men Out There
The majority of the center’s clients are older than 60, many are 70-plus. The bar scene is not an option. Nor were the regular singles discussion groups that drew upward of 120 people to mingle and chat – “too big, not intimate enough to really meet people,” Demato says. So she and Bernstein tossed around some ideas, one of which was speed-dating. It works for younger people, they figured, so why not for older ones?
Whether younger or older, the origins of speed-dating are credited to Los Angeles Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, who envisioned it as a way to help Jewish singles meet.
Delray’s center built its noontime speed-dating on the standard model. Demato and Bernstein agreed on the numbers: 10 men and 10 women each week; five minutes of chat per couple, then the men would shift to a new table. They agreed on a venue: the Card Room, a cozy setting with its dark hardwood floors, pale yellow and pale blue walls, panel of floor-to-ceiling windows and small wood-topped tables that hold floral centerpieces. A volunteer, Harvey Wallet, constructed wooden number-panels for the tables.
Getting people to sign up, at the registration desk or by phone, was easy. Finding enough men? Not so easy. On a given day, 50 women might sign up but only a dozen men.
“It’s not about attracting men,” Demato says. “It’s not that they’re scared to come. It’s about the statistics. I’ve always read that men often die first. It’s true. It’s about the percentages. So now Sherry and Harvey go to other singles groups and to the [retirement] communities…” “… looking for recruits,” interjects Millie Barasch, a Brooklyn native who has attended two sessions since her husband’s death a year ago, after 62 years of marriage.
“It wasn’t long enough,” she says of her marriage. And, no, she isn’t looking to marry again. “I’d like to have a friend, a male friend, a companion. I have lots of women friends. I’ll tell you the difference: A male friend will flatter you, take you out to dinner, pay the bill,” says Barasch, who exudes warmth and humor.
The allotted time before the bell signals “move on” is enough to learn what she needs to know. “It’s not how he looks,” she says. “It has a lot to do with presentation. Out of the 20 men I’ve met, I gave my phone number to one. ‘OK,’ I said, ‘we only have five minutes,’ so he started talking fast. I thought that was cute. He’s tall. He’s pleasant.”
One man asked if she cooks; she fibbed and said ‘no.’ Another, widowed just four months, began crying. One man wore leather slacks and a leather jacket open to the navel, a gold chai around his neck. She asked if his motorcycle were parked outside. But she’s still seeing the tall, pleasant man who got her phone number.
Gertrude Bial was volunteering at the center’s desk one Tuesday afternoon when she was asked to substitute for a no-show. One of the men she met during that speed-dating hour still calls her at least twice a day. He’s “a gentleman,” she says. And he’s the first man she’s dated since being widowed three years ago.
“I make it clear: no hanky-panky,” she says. “I’m not ready. But he likes to hold my hand; he can give me a kiss.”
A half-hour coffee-and-cookies nosh session follows each speed-dating event, allowing any potential connections to connect a bit longer. Senior speed-dating isn’t a universal. Not yet, anyway. But online stories from places as diverse as Berlin, Md., and Riverside, Cal., and Bergen County, N.J., showcase a number of success stories. And the proliferation of such events, plus online dating sites geared toward seniors (JDate has a 55-to-99 age category), is keeping pace with the country’s growing 65+ population: 35 million in 2000, more than 39 million in 2010, according to figures from the U.S. Census.
The Delray center’s Risa Demato recently shared her enthusiasm and experience on the subject with the JCC in Rochester, N.Y. “With great thanks for your time and endless insights into the world of speed dating for the senior crowd,” Steven Loring, a researcher who is documenting issues involved in the search for companionship and love among older adults, responded in an e-mail. “We’ll be pushing ahead up here in Rochester, hoping to launch this summer.”
Former Brooklyn-ite Myron “Mike” Raff, widowed 11 years now, tried a speed-dating event, not long ago, that wasn’t aimed at seniors. It was not a happy experience. “The young ladies were not interested, but they were too polite to say so,” he recalled. “This was better because it was more our age group.
“I’m a quiet person, basically, but face-to-face I can talk to the ladies. I can’t talk to them in a bar. (Here) I sat down, a woman sat next to me: ‘Where are you from? What did you do for a living.’ In five minutes, you’re not gonna talk about Spinoza.”
Contact Mary Jane Fine at feedback@forward.com
Original link: http://forward.com/articles/138909/
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