Timing is everything when it comes to sex and older adults

By Michele Cauch
SageHealth Network

When you’ve been with your partner for a while, your love life can slow down. Not only the frequency, but the desire and intensity.

Oh to return to the honeymoon phase, the blissful period when you couldn’t get enough of each other. It was a period of exploration trying to uncover what makes your partner happy.

This becomes more a challenge when you’ve been with your partner for years.

Been there, done that, many might say. Life takes it toll on people. Physical, social, emotional changes can affect one’s sexuality and self-esteem. But there are always new avenues to discover and depths to plumb when you’re in a long-term, committed relationship.

This not only refers to physical sexuality, but also emotional fulfillment and satisfaction.

1. Communicate
And the most important of any relationship is and will always be communication. This is true no matter what age you are or how long you’ve been together – one week or 30 years. Communication is the key that unlocks the secrets to happiness, self worth and longevity with a partner.

It is important to be open and discuss sex-related issues with your partner. Talk to your partner about what you like and don’t like. Open and effective communication is essential to any satisfying and honest relationship.

Lack of communication can lead to resentment, fear and anxiety. It is important to keep your lines of communication with your partner open particularly if you experience chronic pain, lack of desire or anxiety following an illness. If you do experience any of these issues, you should also talk to your doctor.

2. Use a lubricant
Personal lubricants are important for older women following menopause. Decreased estrogen leads to a thinner and more fragile vaginal lining. Less lubrication during vaginal intercourse can lead to a good deal of unpleasantness or even downright pain. Water-based personal lubricants are important for comfort and can make sex more enjoyable.

3. Try something new
Some sexual positions may become uncomfortable for older adults particularly if a partner is dealing with chronic pain issues such as arthritis. This is incentive to explore possibilities and try new things that are comfortable and exciting for both partners.

4. Physical touch
Our skin covers an area of about 15 feet and is filled with millions of nerve endings. All these nerve endings transmit the sensation of touch. Many people derive pleasure and emotional satisfaction from physical touch. This includes kissing, cuddling, caressing, hugging, holding hands and massage. These actions also express intimacy and can enhance the emotional bonds with a partner.

5. Timing
It is important to know when the best time is for lovemaking. Some older adults prefer sexual activity in the mornings after a good night’s sleep. This might be the optimal time also for individuals with pain issues when the body is alert and rested. After a warm bath, hot shower or massage after achy muscles and joints are eased also would be a good time to make love.

6. Take your time
Physical arousal time may be slower so it’s important to take some time for both partners to get into the mood. Older adults and seniors need to adjust their expectations of what their bodies can do. Men and women may need a longer time to become aroused. This has nothing to do with desire, but rather physiological changes that happens to bodies as they get older. Be patient: the journey is often more enjoyable than the destination.

7. Engage the senses
Create a romantic atmosphere that engages all your senses of sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. You can create a romantic scene and set the mood by making a candlelit dinner. Play soft jazz, whisper your partner’s name and tell them how much you love them. Share a bubble bath or sensual massage with your partner. When we activate all our senses, we directly stimulate our brain, which is our largest sex organ.


Published by InsideToronto.com August 16, 2012
http://www.zuza.com/blogs/post/1308641-age-well-timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-sex-and-older-adults/

Age Well: Boyd Lee Dunlop proves you're never too old to dream

By Michele Cauch
SageHealth Network

Talent can be discovered in the strangest places and in the most unlikely of people. It's a gift that is bestowed on individuals. No matter how old you are, once you are blessed with it, talent is yours forever. Neglected by some, cherished by others, but mostly envied by all.

Boyd Lee Dunlop, 85, possesses an innate talent that would be the envy of any aspiring musician.
He had his own jazz band during the heyday of Buffalos' jazz scene in the 1940s. But it was his brother, Frankie Dunlop, who achieved fame as a drummer playing with such icons as Thelonius Monk and Charlie Mingus.

That is until one day in the fall of 2011.

It was a chance encounter when photojournalist, Brendan Bannon, visited the Delaware Nursing Home in Buffalo to do a story on seniors. Dunlop simply sat down next to Bannon after coming in from a walk and asked if he was here to see someone. Exchanging pleasantries, Bannon said he was a photographer and Boyd stated he was a musician.

This was the beginning of a unique friendship between the two men. Bannon started recording Dunlop on an old out-of-tune piano and then sent it to a friend in the recording business. All he had wanted was to make an album. Dunlop said, "I waited my whole life for this day and I was gonna do it if it killed me." Dunlop's dream of making a record came true in the winter of 2011. Boyd's Blues was released in December to rave reviews.

Since that time, Dunlop has grabbed media headlines and picked up hundreds of fans along the way. He went from playing two concerts a day to an empty room in a nursing home to filling a 600-seat hall with standing room only.

The extraordinary thing about Dunlop is not that he's 85 years old, but rather he's 85 years old and he had held on to his dream of one day making an album. And that's exactly what he did.
Dunlop is a perfect example of holding on to your hopes and never giving up. You just never know what opportunities lie ahead to help you realize your goals. A little faith goes a long way.
In Dunlop's words, "people don't understand, life is what you make it. Never knock it."

Dunlop's story is about not just about nurturing talent and realizing your goals, but it's also about friendship and opening up yourself to new people. You never know who you will meet, what role they will play in your life and what road they will lead you down.

In May 2012, Dunlop and Bannon started work on Dunlop's second album.

For more information on Boyd Lee Dunlop, visit http://boydleedunlop.com/
Listen to That's Me Playing, Man on CBC Radio: www.cbc.ca/thesundayedition/shows/2012/06/24/hour-2-doc-thats-me-playing-man-and-author-peter-behrens/#igImgId_43482



Originally published by Inside Toronto: 
 http://www.insidetoronto.com/community/life/article/1396319--age-well-boyd-lee-dunlop-proves-you-re-never-to-old-to-dream

The Best Exotic Seniors' Movie

Movie Review- The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
 

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There has been a slow trickle of movies made for and about older adults and seniors recently. These movies are a wonderful change of pace in that they depict this age group in leading romantic roles – a nice alternative from films of the past that showed the unpleasant side of aging and later life challenges.

Recently, I watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a low budget picture with major star attraction. The film is based on These Foolish Things by Deborah Moggach and while it probably won’t win an Academy Award for best picture, it sure does leave you with a smile on your fac

Seven seniors facing a crossroads
The film looks at seven seniors facing a crossroads. One woman is left to pick up the pieces after discovering that her late husband’s mismanagement of their money has left her in a financial crisis; two lonely senior singletons set off in search of love and sex and an unhappily married couple are forced to re-evaluate their relationship and self identity after becoming bankrupt. There is also an embittered, socially isolated bigot and a well respected high court judge who finally decides to face his dark past.

This random group of mismatched travellers somehow get thrown together when they all wind up at the same rundown hotel in Rajasthan India. Amidst the backdrop of a loud, chaotic and vibrant India, they each learn how to cope with their personal issues which sets the stage for the next chapter in their lives.

The most surprising character
For me, the most surprising person is played by Tom Wilkinson. The character is a renowned figure in the legal world and viewers may be surprised at his story and the path he takes in the film. What is so refreshing is how matter-of-fact the character is about his personal life choices as an older man. When he is able to rid himself of shame and guilt, the end result is a beautiful and romantic emotional tragedy for the viewer.

The movie is full of optimism and passion. It’s about self discovery and understanding your true worth. It’s about facing obstacles and overcoming them. And it’s about finding love when you’ve given up all hope.

It doesn’t matter how old you are to relate to this film. Life throws curve balls and you need to figure out how to handle each mess that you find yourself in. On the bright side, you also need to celebrate your own victories, no matter how small.

Looking for love
We’re all looking for love and companionship. We all want to feel good about ourselves. We all seek companionship from lovers and friends. To feel loved, to belong, to feel valued and respected—these are things that we can sometimes lose along the way as we make our way through the world. But we continually seek them out because these are what make us human and bind us to others.


By Michele Cauch, Executive Director, SageHealth Network

Published in Comfort Life Magazine http://www.comfortlife.ca/blog/review-the-best-exotic-seniors-movie-8068/

Tech-Savvy Seniors Bridging the Digital Divide: Revera Report

Social connectivity and, independent living key benefits, say seniors; new research partnership with U of T to explore age-friendly technologies

TORONTO, Canada, June 20, 2012 – Digital communications may once have been the domain of the young, but Canada’s senior citizens are increasingly crossing the digital divide, according to new research from Revera, a Canadian leader in seniors' accommodation, care and services.  The Revera Report on Tech-Savvy Seniors reveals that a growing army of online seniors, aged 75 and older, are using digital technology for everything from independent living to online shopping and more face time with friends and family using platforms like Skype. Further, three-quarters surveyed say they believe technology has the potential to make their lives easier.

According to Statistics Canada, only five per cent of seniors 75 and older were online in 2000^[i]; today, that number has grown more than fivefold to 27 per cent^[ii]. Recent data from Pew Research Center, a U.S.-based think-tank, showed 34 per cent of American seniors 75-plus are now online^[iii].

“The computer is invaluable to me. I don’t know what I would do without it,” said Bertha Kronenberg, 88, who stays in touch with family living in South Africa from her computer at Revera’s Forest Hill Place Retirement Residence in Toronto. “The internet is a wonderful record of what is going on in the world.”

Revera Report on Tech-Savvy Seniors: Key Findings

·      Canadian online seniors 75 and older are most inclined to use technology to keep socially active.  In fact, email has surpassed face to face contact as a primary way to keep in contact with friends and family.

·      Fifty-three per cent are socializing via social networking sites like Facebook, and one in five uses Skype or Facetime to speak with friends and family.  

·      Eighty-eight per cent go online at least once a day.

·      Seven in 10 believe technology plays an important role in helping them live in their homes for as long as possible.

In response to this growth, Revera is teaming up with the University of Toronto’s Technologies for Aging Gracefully Lab (TAGlab) in a three-year, $50,000/year research partnership. Along with research and development at the University, the partnership will see TAGlab researchers visiting Revera residences to conduct focus groups and test new technologies.

“Our shared goal is to create new advances in technology that will have a positive impact on the lives of Canadian seniors,” says Trish Barbato, Senior Vice President of Home Health and Business Development at Revera Inc. “There is such vast potential for technology to play a pivotal role in helping seniors stay socially active and independent - both benefits of the digital age that seniors say are key.”

Dr. Ronald Baecker, Founder and Lead Researcher at the TAGlab says while not all seniors are currently embracing technology, the emerging trends illustrate the growing place for digital in helping seniors live their lives, the way they choose.

“We know for instance that Canadians want to age at home,” says Dr. Baecker. “One of the ways we can help them do this is by creating new innovations that will address some of the big challenges they face like isolation and home health care monitoring.  Our partnership with Revera will help us in our mission to advance technology for health, well-being and graceful aging.”

TAGlab is currently working on numerous devices to help social interaction including a touch screen photo frame that sends messages to a loved one’s email saying “I’m thinking of you”.  This message prompts the relative to record a video that is transmitted back to the photo frame for viewing by the senior.  New kinds of electronic books that enhance the experience of reading is another area of focus for TAGlab.

About the Revera Report on Tech-Savvy Seniors

Revera, in partnership with Leger Marketing, surveyed online Canadians aged 55-64, 65-74 and seniors 75+ to find out their attitudes and behaviours around technology use.   The survey was completed online from January 23, 2012 to February 3, 2012 using Leger Marketing’s online panel, LegerWeb, with a sample of 1532 Canadians in the following age groups: 500 Canadians age 55 to 64, 513 Canadians ages 65 to 74; and 519 Canadians age 75+.  A probability sample of the same size would yield a margin of error of ±2.5 per cent, 19 times out of 20.  The Revera Report on Tech-Savvy Seniors is one in a series of reports that will be issued by Revera exploring different topics relevant to the aging experience of Canadian seniors. 

About Revera Inc.

Revera is a leading provider of seniors’ accommodation, care and services; built on 50-year history of helping seniors live life to the fullest. Our nearly 30,000 dedicated employees continually strive to serve a diverse group of clients and to offer choices to meet their individual preferences.  With more than 250 sites across Canada and parts of the U.S., we work to enhance lives in our retirement communities, long term care homes, U.S. nursing and rehab centres and through the provision of home health services.  Canadian-owned and operated, Revera serves approximately 30,000 clients every day, with the core values of respect, integrity, compassion and excellence at the heart of our business.  Find out more about Revera at www.reveraliving.com or find us on Facebook and Twitter.

About TAGlab

TAGlab is a research team in the Department of Computer Science at the University of Toronto that collaborates with clinicians and researchers from the health sciences across North America.  TAGlab conducts research for the journey through life (see also http://taglab.utoronto.ca/).  TAGlab's mission is to enable full participation in society by normally aging senior citizens, and by individuals with special needs — e.g., people afflicted by Alzheimer’s disease (AD), mild cognitive impairment (MCI), aphasia, strokes, multiple sclerosis (MS), or vision loss.  This is done by identifying "sweet spots" where technology seems relevant to human needs, envisioning ways in which the technology could address a problem, then designing, building, testing, and where possible commercializing solutions.

For further information please contact:

Kristen Marano                                                                                                                                                             

Environics Communications                                                                                                                                   

(416) 969-2730                                                                                                                                                          

kmarano@environicspr.com                                                                                                                                

Positive Aging Movement Part 4: Self Esteem Tips

A positive mindset, a dose of optimism and a sense of humour are all needed to maintain a healthy self esteem. But there are other things you can do and habits you can adopt to maintain a strong sense of self and be a poster girl or boy for positive aging. 

Physical appearance: Your physical appearance shows a lot about how your feel about yourself and that you take pride in your appearance. This attitude draws people to you and this can improve your outlook on life.
Stay active: You are responsible for your health and wellbeing. Make sure you eat right and stay physically active. Exercise and nutrition play a crucial role in how you feel physically and mentally. This could be as simple as going for a walk everyday, gardening, doing yoga, dancing, stretching.

Mental self care: Taking time for self reflection every day connects you with your sense of self worth and helps to improve confidence and concentration. These activities can include meditation, affirmations, listening to music, reading, social events, educational workshops.  

Be true to yourself. Live your life doing what feels right to you, not what someone else thinks you should do. Get in the habit of pleasing yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness.

Learn something new. Become an expert. Get curious and learn all there is to know about what interests you. Spend time thinking about what you’d like to find out more about. Hobbies, crafts, learning a language, playing an instrument, a cooking course. Learning is growing, and it feels good.

Celebrate your successes. Even the small ones. Don't wait to get perfect. Any progress at all is worthy of celebration. You are your own cheerleading squad and fan club. Pat yourself he back for challenges you’ve overcome and always push yourself toward new goals.

Utilize your skills and experience: Volunteering can give you an incredible sense of self worth and is extremely rewarding. Your knowledge and skills are yours to share and help others learn. You will also expand your social network and meet new people.

Have a sense of humour: Look for humour in situations. People with a healthy sense of humour have greater self esteem and are more optimistic. Humour reduces tension, breaks down barriers, relaxes, stimulates new ideas, and creates energy and a positive atmosphere.

 

We all face daily setbacks and challenges in life. The key is to roll with the punches and accept whatever life throws at you. Don’t get discouraged. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. The only constant in life is change and when you’re down, the only way to go is up.   

Positive Aging Movement Part 3 Practising Affirmations

In addition to reviewing our life goals, we can also practice affirmations. Affirmations are brief statements that encourage self esteem and help us motivate ourselves work towards something we want. By maintaining a positive attitude and living in the present, you can actually reprogram your brain into thinking differently.

How do affirmations work?

An affirmation is a declaration that something is true and hinges on the belief that “like attract likes.” Therefore, if you only have negative thoughts and focus on what is wrong in your life, why you are unhappy, why you’re unsatisfied, you will bring more of the same into your life. Conversely, if you focus on positive thoughts, things that make you happy, things that bring satisfaction and contentment, you will attract more of this type of energy.

For affirmations to work, they must be positive, present tense, focus on what you do want, not on what you don’t want. Take a look at the following situations and affirmations:

Situation: You don’t see your children or grandchildren often enough	Affirmation: My family is loving, supportive and enjoys spending quality time together often.
Situation: You are looking for a romantic relationship	Affirmation: I am open to receiving love from the perfect man/woman for me.
Situation: You want to build your self esteem	Affirmation: My personality is radiant with confidence, certainty and optimism.

An exercise you can try is to think of something in your life you would like to improve and write it down. Next write an affirmation for it. When you have a list of affirmations, you should post   these everywhere, carry them around with you and repeat them to yourself several times a day.  Remember to write your affirmations in present tense and make a positive statement.

Shape new ways of thinking

Affirmations can shape new, powerful attitudes and fuel personal and professional success. They can help you to live out your imagination, not your history. Having a positive, introspective perspective can reinforce good health emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

It can be challenging to hold on to optimism and positivity. But don’t get discouraged if you have a down day. Just get back on the horse and stay focused. Motivational speaker, Drew Dudley states, “Ideas are like buildings. They can be constructed, torn down and renovated.” This gives you so much power to control ideas.

One thought can be powerfully negative and prevent you from moving forward. But a thought can be changed. And you have the power within yourself to change it.

Positive Aging Movement Part 2 Reflections & Personal Goals

If we’re going to start the Positive Aging Movement, we need to first learn how to lessen our fear of getting older. This means we need to recognize the potential of every new opportunity that comes our way. It’s important to embrace new opportunities as this let’s us continue experiencing everything we can in life. Let’s not look back on our past as lost moments, but rather use these as a springboard to new ideas, ventures, and opportunities. Some people may be afraid of what the future holds. Yet, we continue to evolve and grow into who we are. We are always in a state of becoming. No matter our age, every moment is another chance to live out our dreams and reach for our goals. 

Once we’ve become aware and learn to take advantage of new opportunities, we need to remind ourselves of how unique we are. There’s no one else like us. Reminding ourselves of our uniqueness, our gifts, talents and skills, leads to individual empowerment and a renewed sense of self.

Look Back on Accomplishments

When we reflect back on our lives and examine our greatest achievements, our best qualities, challenges overcome, this can give us a sense accomplishment and renew feelings of self-worth and pride. It’s a good idea to list them out so you can see a tangible list. For example, what is/are your:

1.    Your greatest achievement

2.    The scariest thing you’ve ever done

3.    The best decision you ever made

4.    The biggest challenges you’ve overcome

5.    Favourite qualities about yourself

A list of achievements and challenges overcome is a great reminder of where you’ve come from and what you’ve accomplished in your life. It’s a roadmap of your life’s journey and can point you to new avenues to explore.

Setting New Life Goals

Once you reflect on all the positive things you’ve done in your life or goals you’ve reached, now is the time to set new goals. It is important to always set goals for yourself and strive to achieve them. You should always have goals no matter your age.

Think about what your passion is in life. What makes you the happiest? Working towards an end result is what keeps us alive and energized.  It’s the drive  that keeps us going. Whether it be learning a new language, a skill or taking up a new hobby. They could be lofty goals such as writing your memoirs, starting your own business, or saving up money to travel the globe. Or something as simple as spending more time with grandchildren.  Post your goals where you can see them everyday for inspiration.  A list of possible goals could be:

1.    What is something you’ve always want to achieve?

2.    Where have you always wanted to visit?

3.    Where would you like to spend most of your time?

4.    What are some things that you need to resolve? With whom?

Setting goals and working towards them can help you feel more confident and motivated.  It doesn’t matter how big or small they are, it is vital to establish goals and work towards their completion. This will bring more satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

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