How do I love ME , let me count the ways

Write a love letter to yourself this Feb. 14th.

By Michele Cauch

As millions of people get ready to go in search of that perfect Valentine’s gift for their sweetie (or sweeties) it leaves the rest of us to reflect on singlehood. You may feel frustrated being single. You may be searching for a companion and settling for people who are not ideal mates.

But my advice for Valentine’s Day 2013 is to pause and remember there is something more important than having a romantic partner – you.

Single. It’s not a dirty word. Although some are petrified of saying the “S” word, looking at the situation from a different perspective, it is a state of empowerment and strength.

To be worthy of someone else’s love, you need to begin a love affair with yourself first. Romantic love is a nice to have, but self love is a must.

No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself.

Your first love should always be you.

You come into this world with yourself and you’re going to be leaving this world together. So you are your first and last love. Only when we love ourselves fully and completely can we truly love another person. Loving ourselves with all our faults, quirks and frailties is important in accepting who we really are.

But remember, all those faults, quirks and frailties are accompanied by our special talents, gifts and unique perspectives. We all have wonderful things that make us special.

To show how much you are loved and appreciated, here are some Valentine’s activities you can do with yourself:

1. Don’t wait for someone to send you flowers. Send yourself a bouquet with a note, “Hey beautiful. Happy Valentine’s Day.” Or feel good about making someone else’s day by sending your best friend flowers.

2. Take yourself on a date. How about a movie no one else wants to see. Or take yourself out to a nice restaurant for dinner and drinks. Bring a magazine or a journal. You can write about the funny awkward looks people throw your way.

3. Make a list. Make a list of things you admire about yourself and post them where you can see them. It’s OK to brag about your best qualities. If you don’t brag, who will?

4. Exercise: Respect and take care of your body and it will treat you well for the rest of your life. Go the gym, go to the spa, go for a walk or dance around your room. Besides when you’re physically active, your body releases endorphins — our own natural feel good drug.

5. Write yourself a love letter. You are your first true love. Write it all down and state the wonderful qualities you possess.

If you’re single, don’t get frustrated or feel blue on Feb. 14. Valentine’s Day is strange occurrence on our calendar. It’s a grand marketing ploy developed to offer vendors of chocolates, flowers and jewelers a golden opportunity to pay their bills. It puts people under a lot of pressure to find something that tangibly illustrates their devotion to their significant other.

They can have their one big day of the year to prove their love. You have a full 365 days to celebrate yourself. Why limit that to one day of the year?

Original link for Inside Toronto: http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/1937934-health-how-do-i-love-me-let-me-count-the-ways-says-age-well/
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Michele Cauch is the executive director of SageHealth Network, an agency dedicated to promoting seniors’ sexual health and positive. Cauch holds a master’s degree in social work specializing in older adults and end-of-life care. Cauch has been featured on various programs and publications. Visit www.sagehealthnetwork.com, info@sagehealthnetwork.com or by calling 647-831-6630.

Parks and Recreation offering much-need sex education for seniors

By Michele Cauch

Parks and Recreation is now offering sex education for seniors. No, not City of Toronto Parks and Recreation, but one of my favourite TV sitcoms, Parks and Recreation with comedienne Amy Poehler.

Parks and Recreation Season 5, Episode 4 focused on the rising rate of sexually transmitted diseases (STD), particularly chlamydia, among seniors in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana.

The parks and rec staff, dubbed the Sex Avengers by Councilwoman Leslie Knope (played by Poehler), puts together a sex education seminar targeting seniors.

Naturally, jokes, ageist comments and expressions of disgust at the thought of older people having sex are woven throughout the episode. Yet, it can be too easy to assume the producers are ageist in their portrayal of senior sexuality. 

The characters are used to represent different views of the same conversation. 

For example, Andy captures the stereotypical attitude that most people have toward seniors and sexuality. He expresses a lot of “ewwws” and shivers in revulsion at the educational seminar when seniors are talking openly about sex.

Public health nurse, Ann, acknowledges STDs are increasing because seniors aren’t practicing safer sex. Politician Leslie wants to educate the senior population on safer sex practices to protect the health of the citizens. And then there are Marcia and Marshall Langman, who represent the abstinence-only front and do all that they can to prevent sex education of any kind.

But most importantly, the Parks and Recreation main characters, writers and producers, acknowledge seniors are sexually active and need health education. One lady in the audience actually requests to see the condom demonstration.

The latest stats from Public Health Canada show 12.4 per cent (2,644) of all reported AIDS cases occurred in people 50 years of age or older (www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/aids-sida/publication/epi/2010/6-eng.php). 

In the U.S., one in five newly diagnosed HIV cases is someone 50 or older (The Body, www.thebody.com/content/69471/washington-dc-tailors-hiv-and-aids-talk-to-seniors.html). 

Seniors want sexual health information. They are either not getting it or they’re only getting the cookie-cutter one-sized fits all sex ed, which doesn’t benefit them.

They need honest, realistic, customized education in order to make informed decisions about their own health. We need more politicians such as Leslie Knope who will brave government censure in order to educate and protect the public health.


Original link: http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/1490632-health-parks-and-recreation-offering-much-needed-sex-education-for-seniors/

Hope Springs for older married couples, Age Well says

Hope Springs, a much anticipated film (anticipated by me any way), is a charming, yet serious movie about how a marital relationship changes over time.

Kay and Arnold (played by Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep respectively) have been married for more than 30 years. As what happens with many couples who have weathered the ups and downs of marriage over decades, Kay feels the spark is gone. She feels lonely and that she’s lost the romance in her marriage.

There’s nothing to look forward to any more. Her awkward attempts to kindle romance and intimacy with her husband are thwarted.

When one partner finds excuses to delay or prevent intimacy, this can leave the other feeling rejected, undesirable and unloved. Yet Kay doesn’t want to accept this and decides to do something about it. What would seem out of character for this middle-aged woman who is humble, quiet and reserved, is quite impressive.

She embarks on a quest to reignite her marriage.

The couples’ therapist, played by funny man Steve Carell, takes on the mission of setting the couple back on the right track. Carrell plays it straight and barely cracks a smile throughout the entire film. As a big fan of Carrell’s comedic prowess, I’m always surprised and delighted to see him do drama.

Aside from the feeling the two leads seem oddly mismatched - one wonders how this pair ever fell in love with each other in the first place  - the film takes a realistic look at how marriage evolves and transforms over the years. The familiar challenge many couples face  over time is deciding whether to stay in an unhappy, unfulfilling relationship because they’ve invested huge chunks of time or part ways and separate.

Is time and shared history enough to keep two people together? Kay’s lament is that she feels there’s “nothing left to look forward to any more.” For Arnold, it’s status quo. He’s content to live out the rest of his days in the same routine with no expectations.  They sleep in different bedrooms, have superficial conversations and basically live as roommates. This couple who has spent more than 30 years together have become strangers to each other.

The theme that is central to the film is really the issue of intimacy, not merely sexuality.
Intimacy is defined as closeness, either physical, emotional or spiritual. It is intimacy that binds us to one another in both platonic and romantic relationships. In a romantic partnership, intimacy is result of mutual self-disclosure, commitment and desire.   The physical desire to touch, hold, caress, smell our beloved. The power of touch is something that keeps us connected and feeling alive. It warms our soul.

When intimacy fades, it can result in feelings of loneliness, isolation, depression and resentment.

The secret to happy relationships
The key to a successful, long-term relationship may be as simple as keeping two important points in mind - always communicate with each other and never stop learning about each other.

Even though Arnold and Kay speak to each other every day, they don’t really talk. Communication is tremendously important in any type of relationship. Share your feelings, concerns, fears with each other.

You can then tackle these issues together and resolve them rather than sweeping these under the rug and forgetting about them.   The other key is to always maintain intimacy with each other.

In long-term relationships, we may think that there’s nothing left to discover, nothing new to say to each other. An exasperated Arnold points out, “What is there that I don’t know about you?”

However, although you may feel that you know your partner inside out and know their deepest secrets, they’re still their own person. They will always have private thoughts and fantasies you may never find out. This is the first step for Kay and Arnold - to recognize they have ceased learning about each other and they’ve lost intimacy. 

Now, they must work on re-establishing it again.

Hope Springs is not a film masterpiece. Nor will the actors receive Oscars (on second thought, Meryl Streep may win because she just happens to be Meryl Streep). But it’s an inspiring movie that draws attention to the real issues that long-time married couples may face. It could inspire others to seek help and address loss of intimacy and reignite their marriage.

What do you think? What is your piece of advice for keeping a relationship alive?

What advice do you wish you had received when you were younger on how to have a successful relationship?


Original link on InsideToronto.com: http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/1470460-health-hope-springs-for-older-married-couples-age-well-says/

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Michele Cauch is the executive director of SageHealth Network, an agency dedicated to promoting seniors’ sexual health awareness and positive aging. Cauch holds a master’s degree in social work specializing in older adults and end-of-life care. Cauch has been featured on various programs and publications. Visit www.sagehealthnetwork.com, info@sagehealthnetwork.com or by calling 647-831-6630.

AGE WELL: Twists and turns--The benefits of yoga for older adults and seniors

Physical fitness for older adults is incredibly important to maintain an independent and healthy life. But for many older adults, the thought of pumping iron or pounding the pavement every day seems overwhelming and....painful. Such high-impact activities can cause injury and speed up wear and tear on joints and bones.

And though doing laundry is considered exercise, it probably doesn’t get you excited and eager to jump in. Perhaps you should think about yoga.

I tried yoga many times and at different points in my life. I never got it. I thought I was the only person who wasn’t into yoga.
But after many years, I was coerced into trying it again by a beloved colleague. Much to my amazement, I actually liked it. I guess sometimes it takes a while to learn to like things.

I learned to like yoga after 20 years of trying. And the more I do it, the more I understand and appreciate the health benefits.
There are so many benefits to practising yoga. I discover new things the more I practise. However, for older adults and seniors, it seems the benefits are nearly endless.  

Older participants have reported improvements in some common ailments such as arthritis, hypertension and osteoporosis. The very definition of yoga means “union,” and this refers to the union of mind and body – something we all need more of.

Benefits for the mind
• Regular practise of yoga improves mood and reduces anxiety. Yoga releases endorphins into the body – the feel good biochemical. This promotes a sense of well-being, happiness and alleviates pain.
• Yoga promotes more peaceful, restful sleep through greater relaxation and increasing oxygen into the body through breathing exercises.
• Yoga alleviates depression resulting from stress and chronic pain such as arthritis.
• Yoga involves a meditative component that enhances self awareness and helps participants manifest positive energy.

Benefits for the body
• Stretching and practising proper body alignment improves posture, flexibility, endurance and balance. This can in turn, reduce the risk of falls in older adults.
• Breathing exercises can help control blood pressure. Controlled breathing promotes relaxation and creates an almost meditative state, which reduces stress and has a positive impact on maintaining blood pressure.
• Using your own body weight and maintaining poses strengthens bones and tones muscles.
No matter what your age, yoga offers something for everyone. It balances mind and body that promotes greater self awareness, inner peace and physical fitness.

Part 2 - What else you need to know

Originally published by InsideToronto.com October 11, 2012
http://www.zuza.com/blogs/post/1311691-age-well-twists-and-turns-the-benefits-of-yoga-for-older-adults-and-seniors/

Age Well: Online community created to talk about what you don't want to talk about..Aging

Are you afraid of getting older? Or are you prepared for what life will bring you?
No matter you’re your answer is, you’ll find others who feel the same way. There’s a great new online community initiative called GettingOld.com that wants to hear about how you feel about aging.

It was started by drug manufacturer, Pfizer (yes, that’s right, the makers of Viagra).

The site features a questionnaire asking readers how they feel about getting older. There are four options to choose from: optimistic; angry; prepared; and uneasy. You can click on whichever one suits you and you have an opportunity to share your personal story.

Along with your testimonial, you can also add a video or photo and comment on other posts or share posts through Facebook and Twitter.

Something in common
As humans, we share one common trait. As Dr. Freda Lewis-Hall, Pfizer’s chief medical officer states, “We all have one thing in common - each day we get older. At every age and stage of our lives, we can make choices and take actions that will help us live longer and better. There are so many positive role models today who are changing how people think about aging.”

The gettingold.com site is unique in another way. The site equally validates the positive and the negative aspects of aging.
Aging may not be all rosy and silver linings; however, it’s not the end of the world either. We’re able to get a multifaceted perspective from people of all ages and with varying degrees of attitudes.

The good, the bad and the ugly
But the site is special in another way. It seeks to create a dialogue on an unappealing topic. If we’re to remove the fear and anxiety and associated with aging, we need to talk openly about it – the good the bad and the ugly aspects of aging – so we can greet it head on.

Aging is a natural progression and no matter how we fight it and hide from it, it will always be with us.
Let’s the get conversation moving so we can begin to change our attitudes toward aging. We can’t be afraid of aging anymore.

Check out www.gettingolder.com and share your story.

Originally published by InsideToronto.com September 27, 2012 at http://www.zuza.com/blogs/post/1310766-age-well-online-community-created-to-talk-about-what-you-don-t-want-to-talk-about-aging/

Timing is everything when it comes to sex and older adults

By Michele Cauch
SageHealth Network

When you’ve been with your partner for a while, your love life can slow down. Not only the frequency, but the desire and intensity.

Oh to return to the honeymoon phase, the blissful period when you couldn’t get enough of each other. It was a period of exploration trying to uncover what makes your partner happy.

This becomes more a challenge when you’ve been with your partner for years.

Been there, done that, many might say. Life takes it toll on people. Physical, social, emotional changes can affect one’s sexuality and self-esteem. But there are always new avenues to discover and depths to plumb when you’re in a long-term, committed relationship.

This not only refers to physical sexuality, but also emotional fulfillment and satisfaction.

1. Communicate
And the most important of any relationship is and will always be communication. This is true no matter what age you are or how long you’ve been together – one week or 30 years. Communication is the key that unlocks the secrets to happiness, self worth and longevity with a partner.

It is important to be open and discuss sex-related issues with your partner. Talk to your partner about what you like and don’t like. Open and effective communication is essential to any satisfying and honest relationship.

Lack of communication can lead to resentment, fear and anxiety. It is important to keep your lines of communication with your partner open particularly if you experience chronic pain, lack of desire or anxiety following an illness. If you do experience any of these issues, you should also talk to your doctor.

2. Use a lubricant
Personal lubricants are important for older women following menopause. Decreased estrogen leads to a thinner and more fragile vaginal lining. Less lubrication during vaginal intercourse can lead to a good deal of unpleasantness or even downright pain. Water-based personal lubricants are important for comfort and can make sex more enjoyable.

3. Try something new
Some sexual positions may become uncomfortable for older adults particularly if a partner is dealing with chronic pain issues such as arthritis. This is incentive to explore possibilities and try new things that are comfortable and exciting for both partners.

4. Physical touch
Our skin covers an area of about 15 feet and is filled with millions of nerve endings. All these nerve endings transmit the sensation of touch. Many people derive pleasure and emotional satisfaction from physical touch. This includes kissing, cuddling, caressing, hugging, holding hands and massage. These actions also express intimacy and can enhance the emotional bonds with a partner.

5. Timing
It is important to know when the best time is for lovemaking. Some older adults prefer sexual activity in the mornings after a good night’s sleep. This might be the optimal time also for individuals with pain issues when the body is alert and rested. After a warm bath, hot shower or massage after achy muscles and joints are eased also would be a good time to make love.

6. Take your time
Physical arousal time may be slower so it’s important to take some time for both partners to get into the mood. Older adults and seniors need to adjust their expectations of what their bodies can do. Men and women may need a longer time to become aroused. This has nothing to do with desire, but rather physiological changes that happens to bodies as they get older. Be patient: the journey is often more enjoyable than the destination.

7. Engage the senses
Create a romantic atmosphere that engages all your senses of sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. You can create a romantic scene and set the mood by making a candlelit dinner. Play soft jazz, whisper your partner’s name and tell them how much you love them. Share a bubble bath or sensual massage with your partner. When we activate all our senses, we directly stimulate our brain, which is our largest sex organ.


Published by InsideToronto.com August 16, 2012
http://www.zuza.com/blogs/post/1308641-age-well-timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-sex-and-older-adults/

Age Well: Boyd Lee Dunlop proves you're never too old to dream

By Michele Cauch
SageHealth Network

Talent can be discovered in the strangest places and in the most unlikely of people. It's a gift that is bestowed on individuals. No matter how old you are, once you are blessed with it, talent is yours forever. Neglected by some, cherished by others, but mostly envied by all.

Boyd Lee Dunlop, 85, possesses an innate talent that would be the envy of any aspiring musician.
He had his own jazz band during the heyday of Buffalos' jazz scene in the 1940s. But it was his brother, Frankie Dunlop, who achieved fame as a drummer playing with such icons as Thelonius Monk and Charlie Mingus.

That is until one day in the fall of 2011.

It was a chance encounter when photojournalist, Brendan Bannon, visited the Delaware Nursing Home in Buffalo to do a story on seniors. Dunlop simply sat down next to Bannon after coming in from a walk and asked if he was here to see someone. Exchanging pleasantries, Bannon said he was a photographer and Boyd stated he was a musician.

This was the beginning of a unique friendship between the two men. Bannon started recording Dunlop on an old out-of-tune piano and then sent it to a friend in the recording business. All he had wanted was to make an album. Dunlop said, "I waited my whole life for this day and I was gonna do it if it killed me." Dunlop's dream of making a record came true in the winter of 2011. Boyd's Blues was released in December to rave reviews.

Since that time, Dunlop has grabbed media headlines and picked up hundreds of fans along the way. He went from playing two concerts a day to an empty room in a nursing home to filling a 600-seat hall with standing room only.

The extraordinary thing about Dunlop is not that he's 85 years old, but rather he's 85 years old and he had held on to his dream of one day making an album. And that's exactly what he did.
Dunlop is a perfect example of holding on to your hopes and never giving up. You just never know what opportunities lie ahead to help you realize your goals. A little faith goes a long way.
In Dunlop's words, "people don't understand, life is what you make it. Never knock it."

Dunlop's story is about not just about nurturing talent and realizing your goals, but it's also about friendship and opening up yourself to new people. You never know who you will meet, what role they will play in your life and what road they will lead you down.

In May 2012, Dunlop and Bannon started work on Dunlop's second album.

For more information on Boyd Lee Dunlop, visit http://boydleedunlop.com/
Listen to That's Me Playing, Man on CBC Radio: www.cbc.ca/thesundayedition/shows/2012/06/24/hour-2-doc-thats-me-playing-man-and-author-peter-behrens/#igImgId_43482



Originally published by Inside Toronto: 
 http://www.insidetoronto.com/community/life/article/1396319--age-well-boyd-lee-dunlop-proves-you-re-never-to-old-to-dream