Film Review-Sad and uplifting Amour

Amour is a beautiful love story that focuses on aging, patience and responsibility. 

The plot centers on a husband and wife, George and Anne Laurent (played by Jean-Louis Trintignant and Emmanuelle Riva), both in their mid-80s, retired piano teachers who have been married for decades. 

They enjoy a simple, comfortable life and are content to grow old together. But when Anne suffers a stroke, the couple faces one challenge after another. Yet through their entire ordeal, their bond remains unbroken.  

Not only is Amour a film about a long-lasting love affair over decades, it also illustrates the stresses and difficulties of caregiving. 

After Anne’s first stroke, George assumes responsibility for her care-giving needs. Anne is paralyzed on one side and needs assistance with her activities of daily life – bathing, toileting, dressing, ambulation. The two soldier on with Anne coming to terms with her growing dependence on her husband, and George shouldering the responsibility of meeting his wife’s growing needs.

The two deal with their own depression, resentment and anxiety. Both try to hold themselves together so the other doesn’t witness an emotional breakdown from increasing stress. Anne loses her independence and her ability to make music, while George becomes overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for his wife. 

When Anne suffers a second stroke, she completely loses her ability to communicate. She begins to suffer from aphasia and complete loss of mobility. George still is her primary caretaker and her advocate, firing an in-home nurse who is abusive and dealing with relatives who visit occasionally demanding better care without a thorough understanding of her condition.   

As Anne declines rapidly, George is always nearby. Feeding her, stroking her hand to calm her restlessness, telling her stories, singing to her and patiently teaching her to sound out words.

The film mirrors what all caregivers experience. With an aging population, there has been an increase in the numbers of individuals performing unpaid caregiving. Spouses, children and friends are stepping into the role once reserved by health-care professionals. 

The results of family caregiving can be very rewarding as individuals are able to act with the well-being of their loved one in mind and be strong advocates for them. However, the emotional, physical and financial costs associated with caregiving for individuals with chronic and complex health issues can be overwhelming.  

Informal caregivers can suffer emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, guilt and resentment, and burn out from overwhelming responsibility.  

Stress, exhaustion and repetitive tasks such as bending, lifting and  carrying can result in long-term physical ailments. And financial costs resulting from lost work time and out-of-pocket expenses can take a huge toll on people trying to do the right thing. 

According to the Canadian Caregiver Association, there are approximately four to five million Canadians who provide care for a family member with long-term health problems. As unpaid, informal caregiving, this is equivalent to $5 billion of unpaid labour annually.

 

No matter the good intentions of family and friends in taking responsibility of care, there will be conflicting emotions of resentment and affection - feelings of helplessness, feelings of unworthiness and feelings of loneliness. Like many others before him, this is the string of emotions that the film’s protagonist, George, is plagued by. 

Amour is beautifully sad and tragic, but romantic and full of hope. It shows that love is powerful and binds us to one another. It shows that caring for the needs of another, while stressful and demanding, is also one of the greatest gifts we can give to another. 

Original link:  http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/3845871-health-age-well-talks-about-the-sad-and-tragic-but-uplifting-movie-amour/

Volunteering for social change with the Canadian Association of Retired Persons

I’m a huge fan of volunteering. I love volunteering. If I didn’t have to work full time, I’d be spending my days and weekends volunteering. There are so many causes I believe in and want to support, I wish I had two more lifetimes in my pocket. 

All non-profits rely on this selfless group of individuals who donate their time, willingly, with the greatest of intentions. And now, this section will benefit from a major windfall. 

According to Volunteer Canada, there are more than five million seniors age 65 and close to 10 million baby boomers making up 43 per cent of the population. Although the majority of 45-plus tend to volunteer within sports and recreation, social services, education and religious non-profits, there is an area that is beginning to show growth. 

The truth is, not many will think of political advocacy right off the bat when it comes to volunteering and giving back.   Boomers and seniors are increasingly showing more interest in having a strong voice in political and social issues. It is expected that more individuals in this demographic will become more engaged in citizen advocacy and civic participation. 

With this major demographic shift in our worldwide population, organizations such as the Canadian Association of Retired Persons (CARP) are so important.

I’m familiar with CARP’s mission, which is committed to a new vision of aging for Canada, promoting social change that will bring financial security, equitable access to health care and freedom from discrimination, among other statements. 

The mission and vision of CARP reflects the mission I created for my agency, SageHealth Network, which focuses on health promotion, positive aging and social connections.  CARP works with 55-plus volunteer-run chapters across Canada that build stronger, more informed, more cohesive communities. The chapters also encourage engagement and advocacy in support of CARP’s areas of focus: finances, health and rights. By volunteering, attending meetings and events, it generates a sense of belonging and increases social participation and connections. And by volunteering with CARP, you’re part of a larger movement that is creating positive change across Canada.

CARP does good work in the community and across Canada. Advocating for the rights of older adults and seniors is advocating for the rights of all Canadians. 

For more information on CARP, contact www.carp.ca or call 416-363-8748. 

Original link:  http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/3241532-health-volunteering-for-social-change-with-the-canadian-association-of-retired-persons/

Retirement is the perfect time to further your education

By Michele Cauch

So you’ve enjoyed retirement and are now looking to further your education, just for fun. You’ve looked at some university and college options, but it’s too much of a commitment or just too serious.

Perhaps you had something less mentally taxing and less of a time eater in mind. Fear not, fair knowledge seekers, there are lots of special-interest courses out that don’t require jostling shoulder-to-shoulder against freshmen while standing in line for a Timmy’s before your 8:30 a.m. psych class.

Behold, the easiest place to start might be the best well-kept secret – The Toronto District School Board (TDSB) offers continuing education courses after school lets out. 

With 33 sites across the city, you’re bound to find something that appeals to every taste – sewing, pottery, languages, real estate, cake decorating, ballroom dancing, start your own business and drawing for people who can’t draw (yes, that’s the actual name of the course).  Regular courses run for about two months and there are discounts for those 65 plus. 

York District School Board also offers continuing education classes and seniors get a 15 per cent discount. However, you’ll have to grapple with a non-user friendly website to see the course listing. 

Hidden educational gems

 

Two months too long still? Consider reconnecting with one of the oldest treasures in our city, The Toronto Public Library (TPL).  The TPL offers an impressive lecture series that covers an extensive list of subjects from culture, arts and entertainment, health and wellness, history and genealogy and hobbies, crafts and games. You can also join a modern salon and engage in conversation and debate with writers, artists and innovators that come together for conversation and debate. 

Ryerson’s Chang School of Continuing Education offers Ryerson LIFE Institute. LIFE provides opportunities for education, leadership, personal growth and social activities for people 50 plus. The institute offers courses and study groups on a range of topics such as current affairs, art, history, culture, music and film for the 50 plus group. There are also learning travel programs available also. Membership cost is $80 a year and you need to be a member to register for courses.

Fitness junkies can take their enthusiasm to whole new level. 

Transform yourself from gym rat to fitness instructor at the YMCA. The YMCA Fitness Leadership program offers a nationally accredited course to certify instructors as group fitness leader, individual conditioning leader and aquatics fitness leader. The program consists of five elements that lead to certification: basic theory, applied theory, apprenticeship , on-the-floor training and evaluation and certification. 

Be the talk of the town

 

Toastmasters International is a leader in communication and leadership development. Their members improve their skills by attending one of the 13,500 clubs in 116 countries.  Members engage in public speaking exercises and leadership development in a supportive environment. People are encouraged to drop in to a meeting and see if it’s your style before committing to join. 

Whatever your interests are, there’s a course or program that awaits you. You can invest as little as two hours to enjoy a one-off workshop on travel photography in the Arctic. Or you can commit to a program that will give you skills to share your interests with others and help them attain their educational goals.  

It might not be easy to find it, but if you have perseverance and do your sleuthing, you’ll find what you’re looking for. 

Visit http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/2502045-health-you-re-never-too-old-to-hit-the-books-and-go-back-to-school-says-age-well to read the first part of this series about continuing your education. 

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Original link from InsideToronto.com:  http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/2519069-health-retirement-is-the-perfect-time-to-further-your-education-says-age-well/

Hit the books and go back to school

By Michele Cauch

If you’re retired or close to this life milestone, now is the perfect time to think about going back to school.
Today, there are so many options for continuing education for older adults and seniors. There’s never been a better time to fill your head with learning.

From university degrees to one-off special-interest courses, the world of education is your oyster. There are so many options nowadays for older adults and seniors to pursue educational opportunities, such as affordability, location and program type. Really, the only question now is not why would you go back to school but rather, why wouldn’t you?

Moving into the Ivory Tower
If you’ve ever dreamed of getting a degree or diploma, some colleges and universities now offer reduced rate tuition for people 65 plus. For those who pursue this option of post-secondary education, you’ll get the full-on, in-class experience – rubbing shoulders with freshman, burning the midnight oil writing papers and cramming before exam time. If that sounds like what you’re looking for, check out these post-secondary institutions.

For individuals who are Canadian citizens or permanent residents age 60 or older at time of registration, York academic fees at the domestic rate will be waived. 

Ryerson Chang School of Continuing Education waves tuition fees for students who are 60 years of age or over at the start of the term for undergraduate credit courses/programs. You still have to pay departmental ancillary fees though.
McMaster University in Hamilton has a similar program for undergraduates more than 65. In addition, McMaster reduces fees by 50 per cent for seniors registered in continuing education courses.

Hopefully you’ll find what you’re searching for at York or Ryerson because you’ll have to pay big bucks to attend University of Toronto. The U of T only waves nominal ancillary fees for seniors. Across Canada, there are other universities that offer free or reduced rate tuition for 65 plus such as:

• University of Guelph
• University of Calgary
• University of Western Ontario
• University of British Columbia
• University of Lethbridge
• Mount Allison University

Study through cyber space
If the fast-paced, caffeine-drenched life of a full-time student is not for you, you might be interested in online educational options. The advent of the Internet has changed the way we communicate with each other, how we do business and how we socialize.

It also revolutionized the way we learn. Online courses make studying convenient and flexible right from the privacy of your very own Internet connection. The dress code is much more relaxed when you study at home, too - jeans, ballgown, pajamas are optional.

One of my favourite online sites is Coursera.org
Coursera is leading the way of MOOCs (massive online open courses). Coursera partners with leading educational institutions across the globe to offer courses that were once the privilege of the few. Partner universities include Stanford, Duke, Berklee College of Music, University of Edinburgh, University of Geneva and Johns Hopkins to name only a few.

Coursera partners with 62 universities to offers 92 courses in five languages across four continents. There are 2.7 million students currently studying through coursera.org

And best of all, it’s free!

From introduction to mechanical engineering to songwriting, human physiology to improv, Coursera brings you learning options you never thought you’d be able to take advantage of.

While you won’t earn your degree through Coursera, you will get a certificate of completion when you finish the course. All you need is an Internet connection. Coursera also connects students to meetup groups based on course. So if you’re one 400 people who signed up for Introduction to Mathematical Thinking and live in Toronto, Coursera gives you the option of connecting to Mathematical Thinking Toronto Meetup.com to get together with other individuals in the same course.

Coursera has pioneered online learning, making education possible for millions of people.

Next, special-interest courses


Original link:  http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/2502045-health-you-re-never-too-old-to-hit-the-books-and-go-back-to-school-says-age-well/

How do I love ME , let me count the ways

Write a love letter to yourself this Feb. 14th.

By Michele Cauch

As millions of people get ready to go in search of that perfect Valentine’s gift for their sweetie (or sweeties) it leaves the rest of us to reflect on singlehood. You may feel frustrated being single. You may be searching for a companion and settling for people who are not ideal mates.

But my advice for Valentine’s Day 2013 is to pause and remember there is something more important than having a romantic partner – you.

Single. It’s not a dirty word. Although some are petrified of saying the “S” word, looking at the situation from a different perspective, it is a state of empowerment and strength.

To be worthy of someone else’s love, you need to begin a love affair with yourself first. Romantic love is a nice to have, but self love is a must.

No one is going to love you if you don’t love yourself.

Your first love should always be you.

You come into this world with yourself and you’re going to be leaving this world together. So you are your first and last love. Only when we love ourselves fully and completely can we truly love another person. Loving ourselves with all our faults, quirks and frailties is important in accepting who we really are.

But remember, all those faults, quirks and frailties are accompanied by our special talents, gifts and unique perspectives. We all have wonderful things that make us special.

To show how much you are loved and appreciated, here are some Valentine’s activities you can do with yourself:

1. Don’t wait for someone to send you flowers. Send yourself a bouquet with a note, “Hey beautiful. Happy Valentine’s Day.” Or feel good about making someone else’s day by sending your best friend flowers.

2. Take yourself on a date. How about a movie no one else wants to see. Or take yourself out to a nice restaurant for dinner and drinks. Bring a magazine or a journal. You can write about the funny awkward looks people throw your way.

3. Make a list. Make a list of things you admire about yourself and post them where you can see them. It’s OK to brag about your best qualities. If you don’t brag, who will?

4. Exercise: Respect and take care of your body and it will treat you well for the rest of your life. Go the gym, go to the spa, go for a walk or dance around your room. Besides when you’re physically active, your body releases endorphins — our own natural feel good drug.

5. Write yourself a love letter. You are your first true love. Write it all down and state the wonderful qualities you possess.

If you’re single, don’t get frustrated or feel blue on Feb. 14. Valentine’s Day is strange occurrence on our calendar. It’s a grand marketing ploy developed to offer vendors of chocolates, flowers and jewelers a golden opportunity to pay their bills. It puts people under a lot of pressure to find something that tangibly illustrates their devotion to their significant other.

They can have their one big day of the year to prove their love. You have a full 365 days to celebrate yourself. Why limit that to one day of the year?

Original link for Inside Toronto: http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/1937934-health-how-do-i-love-me-let-me-count-the-ways-says-age-well/
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Michele Cauch is the executive director of SageHealth Network, an agency dedicated to promoting seniors’ sexual health and positive. Cauch holds a master’s degree in social work specializing in older adults and end-of-life care. Cauch has been featured on various programs and publications. Visit www.sagehealthnetwork.com, info@sagehealthnetwork.com or by calling 647-831-6630.

Parks and Recreation offering much-need sex education for seniors

By Michele Cauch

Parks and Recreation is now offering sex education for seniors. No, not City of Toronto Parks and Recreation, but one of my favourite TV sitcoms, Parks and Recreation with comedienne Amy Poehler.

Parks and Recreation Season 5, Episode 4 focused on the rising rate of sexually transmitted diseases (STD), particularly chlamydia, among seniors in the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana.

The parks and rec staff, dubbed the Sex Avengers by Councilwoman Leslie Knope (played by Poehler), puts together a sex education seminar targeting seniors.

Naturally, jokes, ageist comments and expressions of disgust at the thought of older people having sex are woven throughout the episode. Yet, it can be too easy to assume the producers are ageist in their portrayal of senior sexuality. 

The characters are used to represent different views of the same conversation. 

For example, Andy captures the stereotypical attitude that most people have toward seniors and sexuality. He expresses a lot of “ewwws” and shivers in revulsion at the educational seminar when seniors are talking openly about sex.

Public health nurse, Ann, acknowledges STDs are increasing because seniors aren’t practicing safer sex. Politician Leslie wants to educate the senior population on safer sex practices to protect the health of the citizens. And then there are Marcia and Marshall Langman, who represent the abstinence-only front and do all that they can to prevent sex education of any kind.

But most importantly, the Parks and Recreation main characters, writers and producers, acknowledge seniors are sexually active and need health education. One lady in the audience actually requests to see the condom demonstration.

The latest stats from Public Health Canada show 12.4 per cent (2,644) of all reported AIDS cases occurred in people 50 years of age or older (www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/aids-sida/publication/epi/2010/6-eng.php). 

In the U.S., one in five newly diagnosed HIV cases is someone 50 or older (The Body, www.thebody.com/content/69471/washington-dc-tailors-hiv-and-aids-talk-to-seniors.html). 

Seniors want sexual health information. They are either not getting it or they’re only getting the cookie-cutter one-sized fits all sex ed, which doesn’t benefit them.

They need honest, realistic, customized education in order to make informed decisions about their own health. We need more politicians such as Leslie Knope who will brave government censure in order to educate and protect the public health.


Original link: http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/1490632-health-parks-and-recreation-offering-much-needed-sex-education-for-seniors/

Hope Springs for older married couples, Age Well says

Hope Springs, a much anticipated film (anticipated by me any way), is a charming, yet serious movie about how a marital relationship changes over time.

Kay and Arnold (played by Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep respectively) have been married for more than 30 years. As what happens with many couples who have weathered the ups and downs of marriage over decades, Kay feels the spark is gone. She feels lonely and that she’s lost the romance in her marriage.

There’s nothing to look forward to any more. Her awkward attempts to kindle romance and intimacy with her husband are thwarted.

When one partner finds excuses to delay or prevent intimacy, this can leave the other feeling rejected, undesirable and unloved. Yet Kay doesn’t want to accept this and decides to do something about it. What would seem out of character for this middle-aged woman who is humble, quiet and reserved, is quite impressive.

She embarks on a quest to reignite her marriage.

The couples’ therapist, played by funny man Steve Carell, takes on the mission of setting the couple back on the right track. Carrell plays it straight and barely cracks a smile throughout the entire film. As a big fan of Carrell’s comedic prowess, I’m always surprised and delighted to see him do drama.

Aside from the feeling the two leads seem oddly mismatched - one wonders how this pair ever fell in love with each other in the first place  - the film takes a realistic look at how marriage evolves and transforms over the years. The familiar challenge many couples face  over time is deciding whether to stay in an unhappy, unfulfilling relationship because they’ve invested huge chunks of time or part ways and separate.

Is time and shared history enough to keep two people together? Kay’s lament is that she feels there’s “nothing left to look forward to any more.” For Arnold, it’s status quo. He’s content to live out the rest of his days in the same routine with no expectations.  They sleep in different bedrooms, have superficial conversations and basically live as roommates. This couple who has spent more than 30 years together have become strangers to each other.

The theme that is central to the film is really the issue of intimacy, not merely sexuality.
Intimacy is defined as closeness, either physical, emotional or spiritual. It is intimacy that binds us to one another in both platonic and romantic relationships. In a romantic partnership, intimacy is result of mutual self-disclosure, commitment and desire.   The physical desire to touch, hold, caress, smell our beloved. The power of touch is something that keeps us connected and feeling alive. It warms our soul.

When intimacy fades, it can result in feelings of loneliness, isolation, depression and resentment.

The secret to happy relationships
The key to a successful, long-term relationship may be as simple as keeping two important points in mind - always communicate with each other and never stop learning about each other.

Even though Arnold and Kay speak to each other every day, they don’t really talk. Communication is tremendously important in any type of relationship. Share your feelings, concerns, fears with each other.

You can then tackle these issues together and resolve them rather than sweeping these under the rug and forgetting about them.   The other key is to always maintain intimacy with each other.

In long-term relationships, we may think that there’s nothing left to discover, nothing new to say to each other. An exasperated Arnold points out, “What is there that I don’t know about you?”

However, although you may feel that you know your partner inside out and know their deepest secrets, they’re still their own person. They will always have private thoughts and fantasies you may never find out. This is the first step for Kay and Arnold - to recognize they have ceased learning about each other and they’ve lost intimacy. 

Now, they must work on re-establishing it again.

Hope Springs is not a film masterpiece. Nor will the actors receive Oscars (on second thought, Meryl Streep may win because she just happens to be Meryl Streep). But it’s an inspiring movie that draws attention to the real issues that long-time married couples may face. It could inspire others to seek help and address loss of intimacy and reignite their marriage.

What do you think? What is your piece of advice for keeping a relationship alive?

What advice do you wish you had received when you were younger on how to have a successful relationship?


Original link on InsideToronto.com: http://www.insidetoronto.com/blogs/post/1470460-health-hope-springs-for-older-married-couples-age-well-says/

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Michele Cauch is the executive director of SageHealth Network, an agency dedicated to promoting seniors’ sexual health awareness and positive aging. Cauch holds a master’s degree in social work specializing in older adults and end-of-life care. Cauch has been featured on various programs and publications. Visit www.sagehealthnetwork.com, info@sagehealthnetwork.com or by calling 647-831-6630.