By Nadine Bells
Good News, March 29, 2011
Seniors relax by the sea in Andernos, Southwestern France
Despite what we might assume about the aging process and the misery anticipated with creaking bones and thinning hair, scientists are reassuring us that we actually grow happier with age.
Lewis Wolpert, 81-year-old emeritus professor of biology at University College London, tracks the happiness life cycle in his book "You're Looking Very Well." He found that those in their teens and twenties were "averagely happy," a state that declines in family-raising and career-building years.
And then things get better:
"But then, from the mid-forties, people tend to become ever more cheerful and optimistic, perhaps reaching a maximum in their late seventies or eighties."
Why the happiness upswing?
There are numerous factors associated with old-age happiness. University College London professor Andrew Steptoe points out that good health and financial security are very important and that greater opportunities and health are benefits to today's seniors that weren't as prevalent in previous decades.
And "good health" doesn't have to mean perfect health. Professor John Bond at Newcastle University points out that advances in medicine combined with healthy relationships can contribute to extended happiness.
He tells the Daily Mail, "Even people with serious degenerative illnesses like Alzheimer's can retain their well-being for a long time if they have good relationships with the people around them."
"In the end, it's your friends and family that count most."
It's been mentioned before that the aging brain can actually improve in the areas of language and decision-making skills. This carries over into how older adults choose to use their time; according to an "emotional selectivity" theory, older adults are determined to make the most of their time, focusing on doing the things they enjoy and rejecting things that don't contribute to happiness.
Loneliness and affluence appear to be major factors. In a study of 341,000 people by the National Academy of Sciences in America, differences between genders and income brackets proved most significant:
"More affluent individuals have fewer depressive symptoms, greater life satisfaction, better quality of life and lower levels of loneliness," the study concludes.
Stay connected, stay healthy and save for the future. The best is yet to come.
..
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sex: Why Slower (and Older) May Be Better
By Ian Kerner, CNN
March 17, 2011
Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.
Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.
As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.
Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.
Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.
As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.
And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.
One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.
In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.
For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).
Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”
I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/Sexwhyslower.htm
March 17, 2011
Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.
Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.
As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.
Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.
Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.
As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.
And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.
One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.
In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.
For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).
Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”
I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/Sexwhyslower.htm
Thursday, March 3, 2011
What’s Up, Docs? Training Medical Students to Talk about Sex with Older Patients
By Bill Taverner, MA
“Sex Week” is the nickname of the human sexuality educational program for medical students held at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey. The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum (a Sexuality and Aging Consortium founding member) and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago to teach medical students about the importance of sexuality in their patients’ lives. Until recently, however, older patients’ sexual lives were virtually ignored. That’s changing, thanks to several Consortium members who presented workshops on sexuality and aging this year. In this article, I will describe the workshop that I presented based on the “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter” curriculum. I’ll begin with an historical perspective:
At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.
Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30- or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students:
A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?” “Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”
After some hesitatant laughter from the students, we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people — including doctors — wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.
Having broken the ice and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging.
We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!
We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters (Vogelaar, 1999). While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.
For the practice activity, I read this scenario:
Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.
The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.
As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!
I also remind the students that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues (Barrett & Rand, 2009). I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults, which I present in table form. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.
References
Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.
Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Original link: http://www.sexualityandaging.com/whats-up-docs-training-medical-students-to-talk-about-sex-with-older-patients/
“Sex Week” is the nickname of the human sexuality educational program for medical students held at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey. The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum (a Sexuality and Aging Consortium founding member) and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago to teach medical students about the importance of sexuality in their patients’ lives. Until recently, however, older patients’ sexual lives were virtually ignored. That’s changing, thanks to several Consortium members who presented workshops on sexuality and aging this year. In this article, I will describe the workshop that I presented based on the “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter” curriculum. I’ll begin with an historical perspective:
At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.
Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30- or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students:
A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?” “Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”
After some hesitatant laughter from the students, we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people — including doctors — wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.
Having broken the ice and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging.
We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!
We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters (Vogelaar, 1999). While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.
For the practice activity, I read this scenario:
Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.
The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.
As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!
I also remind the students that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues (Barrett & Rand, 2009). I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults, which I present in table form. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.
References
Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.
Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Original link: http://www.sexualityandaging.com/whats-up-docs-training-medical-students-to-talk-about-sex-with-older-patients/
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