Aging Positively

Why do we age? Although this eternal question has yet to be answered, we know for a fact that aging is an unavoidable part of life. As people age, some may develop feelings of anxiety depression and decreasing confidence. However, it’s imperative that we approach aging with a positive attitude and live life to the fullest for as long as possible!

The first step towards positive aging is to debunk the common misconception that aging must somehow equal decline. While older adults and seniors may not have the same energy levels compared to someone in their 20s, this shouldn’t prevent anyone from enjoying an active and fulfilling life.

Two of the most important aspects of positive aging are maintaining a positive attitude and leading a healthy lifestyle. A combination of regular exercise and a healthy diet has not only proven beneficial to one’s physical health but has many positive effects on mental health as well. The old saying: “when you look good, you feel good” certainly rings true for everyone, both young and old.

Maintaining a positive outlook on life can certainly be difficult at times with all the challenges and uncertainties of day-to-day living, especially as we get older. Nevertheless, resilience to life’s setbacks and having an optimistic attitude allows one to approach aging in a more positive way. It’s equally important for older adults to maintain friendships and outside hobbies that engage them physically as well as mentally. Staying active and busy equals happiness and fulfillment!

Staying active, healthy and maintaining a positive attitude plays a huge difference in the way we age. Aging is inevitable, but doing so in a positive way can lead to a longer, happier and more fulfilling life during our later years.

Alex Vainberg

Real Love Stories on the Big Screen

By Michele Cauch, Executive Director
SageHealth Network

In the past few years, we’ve begun to see more movies featuring mature adults as the main characters. Finally, Hollywood has taken note that a huge chunk of the global population is aging. It has become more realistic to see older adults and seniors as protagonists in feature films. Adventure films, chick flicks, drama and love stories….These speak to the growing market of 55+ and better reflect the world in which we live.

Romance movies featuring older adults are a wonderful step forward from the traditional Hollywood fare. Love stories depicting older adults help change dated stereotypes and negatives myths about this demographic seeking companionship, love, romance and intimacy. For the longest time, we’ve been stuck in a formulaic cycle of love stories focusing on and targeting youth. Senior-centric films thrown into the mix were meant to placate and amuse audiences like Cocoon, Grumpy Old Men and On Golden Pond.

The Rise of Senior-Centric Movies

Thankfully, with the increase in senior-centric love stories, we are seeing genuine relationships and romances that optimistically reflect real lives, are much more inclusive of people of all ages, and are more respectful of the needs of mature audiences. Movies such as The Notebook, Something’s Gotta Give, Love in the Time of Cholera, Space Cowboys, It’s Complicated, Nights in Rodanthe, and Bridges of Madison County vividly illustrate that romance doesn’t end at 55 years old. Seeing mature actors and actresses in these romantic roles is not only optimistic, but it also helps alter attitudes towards older adults, seniors and aging.

Such movies show us that romance is possible for anyone. Love can endure over decades or can be as fleeting as one week. Love can bloom at any age and become a deeper, more meaningful experience; or it can spark into an all-consuming flame and burn out quickly. And sadly, there are never any guarantees for how long it will last no matter how old we are.

Love in movies as in real life can be chaotic, complicated, profound, comforting or tumultuous. It can be a tragedy, comedy, or a blessing. It knows no age limits and no one is ever completely immune to it.

Cambodia condom demonstration

Older people are taught how to use a condom in Cambodia as part as an education and prevention program on AIDS

From Global Action on Aging: http://ca.mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1h5qbfujluc0g

HIV Does Not Discriminate

In light of the fact that World AIDS Day was December 1, here is a post written by Sanna Klemetti, intern with Global Action on Aging December 2, 2011.
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Let's face it, sex never gets old. Turning 50 does not mean sex life automatically stops. For a long time stigma around age and sex has shaped how many people feel; discussions about aging and sex have been behind closed doors. This stigma contributes to how persons in the US and Europe see the increase of newly HIV infected older adults and seniors. Studies show that many people over age 50 do not use condoms. They seem to ignore or be unconcerned about HIV and AIDS. At the moment, the 50 years and older population is the fastest growing population in Europe and the US. In the year 2000, approximately 605 million people were 60 years or older. By 2050 that number is expected to be close to 2 billion. This is very large group of people. Why should this group be ignorant and excluded from the fight against HIV/AIDS.

What can we do to make older adults realize they are at risk? How do we get older adults to get tested for HIV? How can we change the general view on aging and sex?
To solve this problem we need to attack the problem from different angles. I believe popular culture is encouraging a slow change in the image of older adults and seniors. More TV shows and films portray mature women and men living a happy life including sex. Pop culture has started to show more dimensions of people over 50. This development will help change the view younger people have about aging and sex. It may also serve as a form of identification for older adults, helping them to be more open and comfortable about sex and their sexuality.

However, health care systems must take more responsibility when it comes to older adults and their sex lives. This is a good place to start dealing with the taboo around sex and age. Older adults and seniors may not feel comfortable talking about their sex lives with their doctors, a holdover from their earlier experiences when talking about sex was something one did not didn't do. Sexual activity was a very private matter rather than the sex education that is taught in schools today.
Today, doctors should ask their patients about their sexual life and if they are protecting themselves against infection. Since signs of HIV/AIDS can be the same aches of normal co-morbidities of aging, it is important that doctors talk to all their patients about risky sexual behaviors and encourage them to get tested for HIV.
Another important part in making older adults and seniors aware of the risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases is to create HIV/AIDS campaigns that specifically target older people. Most campaigns target young people. By not including the older population in these campaigns, organizers are reinforcing existing stereotypes around aging and sex. These campaigns can serve several purposes, not only prevention and awareness, but also encouraging people to know their HIV status by getting tested.
These are not impossible goals. It is about time we stop thinking that HIV/AIDS is a “young person’s disease.”

HIV does not discriminate. No one who has sex is safe, no matter what gender you have or what year you were born.

Sanna Klemetti s.klemetti@globalaging.org

Original link: http://www.globalaging.blogspot.com/2011/12/hiv-does-not-discriminate.html

Curious Victorian Invention Keeps On Buzzing

This summer, the movie Hysteria caused quite a buzz at the Toronto International Film Festival. The movie is about the invention of the vibrator in Victorian England. The big news is not that it was invented during the oft-cited prudishness that characterized the Victorian Period, but rather the vibrator was invented by a physician! If only my doctor was so open minded! It’s true. A doctor invented the electrical device to help alleviate the malady known as hysteria characterized by fatigue, ennui, nagging, and irritability. Coupled with electricity, doctors treated their female patients not even being aware that they were inducing orgasms since women were believed to be incapable of orgasm. It was just another day’s work. Research into the female nether regions was not a priority in the medical field at the time. Yet this did not bother the ladies who left the doctors’ office with a spring in their step and a smile on their face.

As the fifth electrified household appliance after the sewing machine, fan, tea kettle and toaster, the vibrator has come a long way.

According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, out of 26,000 people surveyed, 1 in 5 (21%) use vibrators and more than one-third (34%) use lubricants as part of their sex lives (Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey 2010, http://www.durex.com).

Today, many people are well aware of the fact that older adults and seniors are sexually active. There is a world of intimacy aids waiting to be discovered that can really benefit older men and women. These products can be enjoyed by couples or singles. Everyone has the right to sexual pleasure no matter what their age. It’s time that older adults educated themselves on what is available to enhance their intimate relationships and individuals sex lives.

[Stay tuned for Part 2....]

NEW SilverSparks Speed Dating Event December 4, 2011

SageHealth Network, an agency focusing on health promotion and positive aging workshops for older adults and seniors, will be hosting its second SilverSparks Speed Dating event at the Granite Brewery on Sunday afternoon, December 4, 2011.

Speed dating has proven to be extremely popular in the last few years and SilverSparks is bringing this fun and exciting concept to the 55+ crowd! If you are looking to meet new people in a safe, casual and fun environment, SilverSparks Speed Dating is definitely an event you should not miss! Speed Dating has proven to help millions of people form meaningful and lasting connections, whether friendship or romance.

How it works: Each participant spends six minutes conversing with a partner. If you happen to like one another, you are asked to check each other off on match cards. Organizers forward contact information only if both participants select each other. Then, the rest is up to you! You are free to explore your connection.

This event is designed to connect mature adults between the ages of 55-70 in the Greater Toronto area. The cost of this event is $35.00 (plus tax) and includes light appetizers as well as free parking. If you are interested in purchasing a ticket, please visit our website at: www.silversparksdating.com.

Be part of the excitement and join us at the Granite Brewery (245 Eglinton Avenue East, South East Corner of Mount Pleasant and Eglinton Ave E) on December 4, 2011 from 2:00pm to 4:00 pm.

By Alex Vainberg
SageHealth Network

Health Officials Urge Adults to Counsel Elderly Parents on Safe Sex

King Broadcasting Company
September 26, 2011

Just when you though those sex talks were over, the Florida Department of Health wants to turn the tables, asking children to have that awkward conversation with their aging parents.

These days, health experts say the conversation is imperative.

"The increase is in asking them to consider using protection. Whereas in the past, previous generations were not as sexually active with so many different partners," says Diane Holm from the Lee County Health Department.

Many seniors may now be more sexually active but might not be practicing safe sex.

"They definitely have sex on their mind, because I live in a place where, oh my, I would say eight out of 10 are looking for men," says Yuanita Laffon.

Yuanita's daughter, Jaye Dobson, plans on having a conversation with her mother about practicing safe sex in order to help lower a few potentially deadly statistics.

"Back in the day, they didn't have to worry about it. It wasn't what it was like today," Jaye says.

In 2009, a fifth of HIV cases and a quarter of new AIDS cases in Florida were in people over the age of 50.

The state of Florida projects that by 2015, most HIV/AIDS cases will be found among people 50-years-old and over.



Original source: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/health%20officials%20urge%20safe%20sex.html

Con: Is online Dating safe?

Online dating removes needed social interaction from process
Erin Pradia
September 19, 2011

The age of technology has increased speed and convenience, but it has brought its own variety of spam and scams.

While many people testify they found happiness through online dating services, do your chances of finding love outweigh the risk of potential danger of running into a scam or an online predator?

Mary Cay Barker, 48, of Victoria, met her husband of 18 years at college.

"I think there are concerns with dating in any setting," Barker said. "The concerns are just different dating online."

Barker said presenting a different persona online is easier than it is when interacting with someone face-to-face in some other social setting.

Cameron Gomez, 21, of San Marcos, who was visiting friends in Victoria over Labor Day weekend, agreed.

"I think it's a bad idea to date online because you don't know who a person really is until you meet them in-person," Gomez said. "You are basically just talking with a computer."

Gomez said the same setbacks apply with any kind of social networking, including Facebook or Myspace.

"It is hard to even be friends with someone you've never met," Gomez said. "I mean, they could say, 'I'm outgoing,' or 'I love the world,' but how do you really know if you don't have any personal interaction with them?"

Jeanna Bryner in an article for Live Science said online dating can set unrealistic expectations that are shattered when a couple meets in-person.

Michael Norton, of Harvard Business School, conducted a study with his colleagues to target why couples were dissatisfied with online dating.

"We were working with a couple of online dating companies who were finding that their users got very unhappy very quickly with online dating. And the question was why," Norton said. "Inevitably, I'm going to find something we don't agree on. And as soon as I find that one thing, then things start to cascade so everything else I learn about you suddenly now feels like more evidence that we are dissimilar and we don't get along."

Original link: http://www.victoriaadvocate.com/news/2011/sep/18/ep_con_online_dating_091911_151642/?print

Older women lack important information about sexual health

Many women over 50 years old date and are sexually active and thereby face many possible health risks. Yet, most educational campaigns designed to prevent sexually transmitted diseases target younger generations. Older women also need and want more information about sexual health and wellness. A study in the new special issue of the Journal of Consumer Affairs on older consumers found a critical need for improving communication between older women and their physicians about sexual health and for providing these women with tools on how to negotiate with partners about safe sex practices.

Dr. Cynthia Morton and her colleagues at the University of Florida examined women's knowledge about sexual health and their concerns about safe sex practices as they continue to pursue active sex lives into their senior years. Women aged 50 years and older participated in focus group discussions to talk about the challenges in finding male partners, negotiating condom use, and seeking credible information sources to help them make the best decisions about sexual health.

Results of the study revealed that older women are aware of the risks for sexually transmitted diseases yet are uncomfortable about seeking sexual health information from their regular physicians who may erroneously believe that they already possess the knowledge. Although older women know the importance of condoms in preventing sexually transmitted diseases, they may avoid negotiating condom use with their partners in an effort to avoid conflict or rejection. Senior-aged women are receptive to strategies that give them tools for negotiating with partners and for communicating with their physicians, but there are limited resources directed to their age group.

"The findings generated from our research offer a rich foundation for better understanding the motivations and concerns that influence senior-aged women's attitudes about dating at their present stage of life," said Morton.

According to the authors, efforts are needed to help older women gain confidence to talk with primary care physicians about sexual health and to make those physicians aware of their need. The authors also call for social marketing campaigns that aim to educate older women about their sexual health risks and encourage them to take greater ownership in the negotiation of safe sex practices with their partners.

Original source: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2011-09/w-owl091211.php

SilverSparks Speed Dating Event Huge Success

September 10, 2011

On the afternoon of September 6th, close to 20 older adults and seniors gathered at the Duke of York in Toronto Ontario for the kick off of SilverSparks Speed Dating for 60-75. Participants registered and received a clipboard and name tag before they took their seats at their assigned starting tables. With the instructions provided and with the words “go”, the speed daters began their 6 minute intervals of talk time with their table partners.

The event was a huge success! Both the men and women were undeniably engaged and interested in their “dates.” There was a din of conversation punctuated by periodic laughter as chemistry sparked. With each “ting” of the glass, the men moved from one table to the next, while the women stayed in their assigned place. As the daters met and talked with each other, they were asked to check off a yes or a no as to whether they were interested in their specific date. They were also encouraged to write notes about each man or woman in order to remember some detail after the event was over. After the fifth round of dates, appetizers were served by the terrific staff at the Duke of York (Thanks to Candace, Mark and Jeb).

The results of the event showed that there was definite chemistry amongst the daters. Out of 18 speed daters, 15 got a match—over 80% matching success! Contact information was forwarded to only those that struck a mutual match. The feedback results were all positive and gave high praise for the event itself, venue and many reported that they would attend another event and recommend it to a friend. Also, all the participants filled in the in the Post Date Check In form—a unique built in safety feature offered only by SilverSparks.

Such a high success rate is encouraging to SilverSparks organizers. Whether participants in fact met a match for a long term relationship remains to be seen, but the experience was fun, exciting, and unique for all the speed daters involved.
The success of the event is a further indication that mature adults are indeed looking for companionship, romance and intimacy. With speed dating events happening all over the western world, very few if any are geared to the specific demographic of 60+.

Most importantly, we’d like to thank all our sponsors who made this event possible and also helped promote it across the GTA: Senior Tours Canada, Comfort Life Magazine, Silver and Gold Magazine, LinkingBoomers.com, Art Gallery of Ontario and DanCap Productions

Be sure to check out website www.silversparksdating.com for more details on the next SilverSparks Speed Dating event or call 647-831-6630. You can also like our Facebook page and follow our Twitter feed at @MicheleSHN


Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network

Starting The Positive Aging Movement!

Thanks to everyone at Kensington Place Retirement Residence in Toronto for inviting me to come and present my workshop on The Positive Aging Movement. The workshop discusses self esteem and positive aging for older adults and seniors. We discussed changing attitudes and times, shared personal stories and our greatest achievements, goals for the future, and tips for maintaining good self esteem.

Approximately 30-40 showed up to participate in the workshop and enjoyed activities like writing down personal reflections and coming up with our own affirmations. The audience was wonderful and had a great time. I really enjoyed meeting everyone, hearing their thoughts and learning from their experiences.

Many thanks to Lisa Ludmer for the invitation to come and speak with the residents. And thanks to Zoe Hawkins, my Ryerson summer student, for doing a great job on presenting and facilitating.

Seniors' "in Love" on The Big Screen

Seniors’ “in Love” on The Big Screen

It is so refreshing to see an abundance of movies these days focusing on the love between two older adults. When previously younger love was demonstrably displayed as the normal form of love and what we all seemed to dream of, it would seem that the increase in senior-centric romances are ever present on the big screen lately.
Movies like Cocoon, The Bucket List, The Notebook, Grumpy Old Men, Something’s Gotta Give, Letters to Juliet,Away From Her and my personal favourite, Feast of Love portray romantic and true love between seniors. Movies like this represent the desire of so many of us romantics who want to grow old with our partners and show quite aptly, the negative and positive aspects of aging. A body may be young at the beginning of a marriage or long term relationship, but the friendship, knowledge, respect and acceptance that takes over through time, seems much more desirable. Sex may become challenging, but with age comes a deeper respect for our partner and a new understanding of what “sex” means and can be.

Perhaps this increase is due simply to the demographic changes currently underway in the developed world. However, I would like to think that this change in cinema is occurring because attitudes and ideas towards seniors are becoming all the more positive. The levity of such a change is beyond reproach. With media and societal standards previously flaunting youth as the most desired time of one’s life, having a medium such as film highlighting the optimism, excitement and open mindedness of getting older is absolutely ground breaking.

Whether we find our love in the youth of our lives, the middle or the end, whether we yearn for someone from a distance, whether we were separated from our true love long ago or whether we lost that one person tragically; it doesn’t matter. Love is messy, complex, amazing, life changing, and impervious to age. And to be perfectly honest, as much as I relish my youthfulness, I am very much looking forward to being Allie from the Notebook, Fiona from Away from Her, Esther Stevenson in Feast of Love, or any of the women from Cocoon. The best truly is yet to come.

Joan Price's Naked at Our Age

Naked At Our Age

By Joan Price

If you are interested in immersing yourself in a book, both eloquently written and with unprecedented insight, Naked at our Age (Seal Press) is for you. Seniors’ Advocate, Joan Price conveys a message of reverent optimism towards sex and sexuality for older adults and seniors. The book explores a variety of subjects such as, chapters on communication, masturbation, sexual exploration and toys, chronic illness and sexuality, grieving and sexuality, dementia and how to deal with sex, and safer sex, Naked at our Age, is the bible of sex for seniors.

Throughout the book, first hand stories of men and women and their experiences with sex and sexuality, offers both positive and negative accounts of being older and maintaining a healthy sexuality and a nurturing sex life. Brutal honesty makes these stories relatable and many times, inspiring. Stories of perseverance, struggle, loss of self that can accompany aging, create a rhetoric that, even at my age, is poignant and brilliant. Price has well researched the varying aspects of senior sexuality and in this, has created a book with uplifting and realistic truths as to what occurs as we age. With informative excerpts from acclaimed senior sexuality experts, Naked at our Age, offers practical advice and relevant commentary on aging and sexuality

One expert noted in the book is SageHealth Network, Executive director, Michele Cauch. Cauch discusses the importance of safer sex, communication, and being responsible.

Joan Price is a life saver for those of us out there who perhaps feel that being older means all aspects of sexuality and sex are gone or lost. This book is a must read for older adults, seniors, caregivers and students in the field of healthcare and aging. It will quite honestly, change how you feel about yourself and ultimately, about your sexual relationship, whether with someone new or your long term partner.

You can get your copy of Naked at our Age bookstores or online at:

http://www.joanprice.com

Helen Mirren - Sexy at 66!

What makes someone sexy? Is it perky breasts, skinny thighs, no wrinkles and a youthful appearance? Well, apparently not, because actress Helen Mirren has just won Sexiest Body with 17.65% of the votes...at the age of 66 no less.

Dame Helen Mirren began her television career on the British Series Prime Suspect. However, in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, Helen built a reputation as a sexy and serious actress in both Shakespearean and experimental theatre. Her career improved with age, as did clearly her physique. Mirren never had a problem expressing sexuality on the big screen, which perhaps had something to do with her uninhibited attitude and personality.

What keeps Helen Mirren looking so good? Well, she credits her taut figure to holding in her tummy. In her words, “holding your tummy is in another trick for making you look and feel good”, adding, “I don’t know why, but I do, by nature, hold my tummy in” (www.huffingtonpost.com). Some of you would be pleased to know that Helen has problem areas too. “Bits of my body are all right, but bits of me are horrible. To be honest, anything from the waist down I don’t really like”

She also adds that “four inch platforms give you great height and make your legs look unbelievably long. I used only to be able to get them in stripper shops, but now you can buy them everywhere – although, unfortunately, that means everyone else has discovered the trick too."

Helen Mirren was up against several younger celebrities for hottest body and consequently blew them out of the water --- Elle MacPherson, Jennifer Lopez and Pippa Middleton. Mirren says that she - “has been blessed with good genes, but also that she loves her WiiFit.” Tony Orme, a Los Angeles-based fitness marketing director , writes that “it’s great to see the public celebrating bodies of all shapes and sizes, and proving that you really can look fabulous over 40 and 50” (www.tipsonlifeandlove.com).

I couldn’t agree more. Well done Dame Helen!

By Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network

The 21st Century Identity of AIDS: People Over 50

egpnews, August 12, 2011

The face of AIDS is not the gay, white representation it once was, according to a number of recent studies. The rate of HIV/AIDS infection among African Americans and Latinos has surpassed that of whites and now, according to AARP, 1 in 7 new diagnoses of HIV or AIDS is in a person over the age of 50.

With sexual health so heavily tied to family planning, HIV/AIDS is often seen as a consequence of irresponsible sexual behavior during youth. Add in that many older Americans mistakenly think condoms are only for preventing pregnancies or that a partner over 50 is less likely to have the disease—and it’s not hard to see why older Americans make up the fastest-growing segment of the HIV-positive population.

Of the estimated 1.1 million Americans with HIV, some 407,000 are over 50; by 2017, half of the total HIV-positive population will be over 50, AARP reported in the July/August 2011 issue of “AARP The Magazine.” Latino women make up 20 percent of all women diagnosed with HIV; 5.5 percent are aged 55 years or older.

Though HIV/AIDS is, in many cases, a manageable chronic disease, over thirty years after the first diagnosis of HIV/AIDS, the virus is still deadly, especially for those who don’t get tested in time and go untreated, says Dr. Jane L. Delgado, president of the National Alliance for Hispanic Health.

According to a study in the journal Aids Care, Latinos are already more likely to test late for HIV infection compared to other racial/ethnic groups in the United States, making them more susceptible to contacting full blown AIDS, which is less manageable and more likely to lead to death than HIV.

So regardless of age, “if you’re thinking of becoming sexually active or changing partners, you need to get screened,” says Vanessa Cullins, M.D.

“It might not occur to most doctors to ask older patients about sex or to offer sexual health screenings so you’ll often have to bring it up,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., professor at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine. “You have to advocate for your own sexual health. Getting tested, and making sure your partner does the same, is one way to do that.”

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/people%20over%2050.html

Launching SilverSparks Speed Dating Tuesday, September 6, 2011

SageHealth Network, an agency focusing on health promotion and positive aging workshops for older adults and seniors will be launching SilverSparks Speed Dating. Speed dating has been around for a while for younger participants and now it’s finally available for 60+ crowd. This event is perfect for you if you want to meet new people, and hopefully spark a connection in a safe, relaxed setting.

It becomes increasingly difficult to meet people as we get older. Events like SilverSparks Speed Dating helps connect participants in person and encourages socialization in a safe environment. Each participant spends 6 minutes talk time with a partner. If you like each other, you must check each other off on match cards and the rest is up to you. Contact information is only given out to participants if there is a mutual match and then you are free to explore your connection. Speed dating can lead to a meaningful and lasting connection with someone, whether friendship or romantic.

SilverSparks connects mature adults from the ages of 60-75 in the Greater Toronto Area. Be a part of the excitement and join us for our first event on Tuesday, September 6, 2011 from 2:00-4:30pm at the Duke of York (39 Prince Arthur Ave at Bloor and Bedford Road, Toronto).

The cost of this event is $20.00 and includes light appetizers. If you are interested, please visit our website to purchase your ticket at www.silversparksdating.com or contact Michele: 647-831-6630.

Introducing Zoé Hawkins: SageHealth Network Intern

Meet Zoe Hawkins, SageHealth Network’s Newest Staff:

I would like to say “hi” to current readers and welcome to new readers of this blog. For the next three to four months I will be writing for SageHealth Network’s blog site, seniorsex.blogspot.com. My name is Zoe Hawkins and I am an intern for SageHealth Network. Currently, I am completing my Masters degree in Immigration and Settlement at Ryerson University and part of the degree requirements is to complete a 150 hour placement. I am extremely excited to be working with Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network and helping to achieve its goals to educate and inform seniors on the importance of healthy sexuality and socialization. To begin, I will tell you a bit about myself.
When I graduated from high school, I was accepted to Dalhousie University into the International Development program. Although a very rewarding experience rich with intellectual stimulation, the program was not for me. After some time, I decided to accept a job at a long term care facility and jumped at the opportunity. Never having worked with seniors before, I was both nervous and excited and almost instantly, fell in love with working with older adults. I had found my calling. Perhaps different from the other employees, my approach to working with seniors took the form of patience, compassion, treating them as unique individuals and finding ways to engage them on a daily basis. Because this experience made me realize the problems associated with society’s attitude towards the elderly, I enrolled in the Gerontology program at Laurentian University in Sudbury. Being an extremely small program, I was given the chance to explore avenues which larger programs would be unable to provide. I took a myriad of courses from ethical issues, counselling, palliative care, and optimal aging. For my thesis, I decided to focus on environmental issues as it pertained to senior perceptions and attitudes, the entirety of the time I spent studying Gerontology was unbelievably humbling, stimulating and heart breaking, quite simultaneously. After some time, I decided to go back to school. Although there were many alternatives to applying for a Masters degree, such as Law school and Medical school, I eventually ended up choosing Ryerson University and was accepted the following year. Due to the wonderful friendships and experiences of teaching immigrants, the choice of program was very much an easy one; immigration and settlement. As I previously mentioned, I am in the process of completing the requirements for this particular degree and will graduate in October. Not only is the placement with SageHealth Network part of this requirement, but also a Major Research Paper similar to a thesis. This MRP will focus on the personal relationships of immigrant seniors, pre and post settlement, highlighting how settling has changed cultural attitudes, sexual attitudes, beliefs and intergenerational changes etc. I feel that this compliments my placement perfectly. All this being said, my personal belief and passion that aging can, should and will be a vivacious time filled with learning, discovery, sexuality, honesty, integrity and independence will hopefully show through the blogs I will write and post, as well as through assisting SageHealth network with its current and future workshops and endeavours.
Please feel free to post any comments or questions directed to myself or anything to do with SageHealth Network and its upcoming workshops and speed dating events. Additionally, I will be posting on a regular basis on topics such as aphrodisiacs and food, physical appearance, aging and confidence, sex and disability, foreplay vs.sex, intimacy aids, lubricants and condoms and sexy celebrities over 60, as well as many others.
If you have any suggestions or topics you would like to bring to my attention, please email me at zhawkins@sagehealthnetwork.com or comment on seniorsex.blogspot.com
Thank you,
Zoe Hawkins
SageHealth Network

Successful Secrets to Intimacy

Evan Rosser, Zoomer Magazine
December 2009

The following is an excerpt from Zoomer Magazine on It may seem like a harmless way to avoid an uncomfortable subject, but the social stigma surrounding sex and aging can have harmful and lasting consequences for the 45-plus set. “Health- and mental health-care professionals may not necessarily … feel comfortable talking with their older patients/clients about their sexual life,” says Susan Silcox, a social worker employed by St. Joseph’s Health Care in London, Ont. It’s a problem that runs both ways, she explains. Older patients may also feel uncomfortable discussing their concerns, especially if the health-care professional seems reticent or embarrassed, which belies a growing desire among aging Canadians to live open and informed sex lives. As Silcox notes, “Older patients/clients … are often relieved to be able to discuss their sexuality as it affects their relationships and quality of life.”
According to Barry Worsfold, Zoomer’s resident sex expert, “The most important [thing] to learn about sex and aging is to be comfortable in and with our own sexuality.” So why the embarrassment? In the 15 years she’s spent writing about all aspects of human sexuality, Josey Vogels, syndicated sex columnist and author, has seen the extent to which, “aging and sexuality [are] marginalized at best, but more commonly just completely ignored.” But things are changing. “Boomers who grew up in the ’60s and through the sexual revolution, free love and the birth of the Pill are now getting older and realizing that they don’t want their sexuality to suddenly disappear or be ignored.” Thankfully, for older Canadians looking for information about sex and sexuality, there are experts ready and waiting. We asked a number of them to provide some advice for maintaining a healthy, active sex life at 45 and beyond.

ON THE MYTH THAT SEXUAL INTEREST DECLINES AS WE AGE

Vogels takes it as a given that “most of us simply assume that interest in sex will decline as we age. Even if the mind is willing, the body won’t be able to keep up.” Yes, aging can cause physical changes that may affect your sexuality, but the effects of these changes are usually overstated. “Unfortunately,” she says, “older people tend to limit their sexual expression and their sexual experiences as a result.” Sex is good for your health no matter your age. Nurture your sexuality by finding doctors and clinics that “will assume that you want to continue enjoying a healthy and active sex life and will help you make medical decisions accordingly.”

ON PRACTISING SAFE SEX AT ANY AGE

Silcox advises anyone reentering the dating world to educate themselves about safe sex practices and ask questions about their partner’s sexual health. Questions you need to ask your partner: How many sexual partners have they had? Are they currently sexually active with anyone else? Do they practise safe sex? Have they been tested for a sexually transmitted infection (STI)? “It’s a different dating world out there, than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago, when pregnancy may have been the primary concern,” she says. “Adults need to be proactive in protecting themselves and their partners.”
Devan Nambiar is the training and education co-ordinator for Rainbow Health Ontario, an organization that works to identify and address the broader health issues faced by LGBT communities across Ontario. Within the LGBT community, Nambiar says, “It’s important to recognize that [people] from different cultures or communities, especially as they age, are often not engaged in a discussion of safe sex.” The North American image of beauty to which people must subscribe in order to be desirable can have a damaging effect on those who don’t fit. Nambiar explains: “[Our research] found that people had a really difficult time trying to fit in and, in order to be accepted and wanted and needed, people would do whatever they felt was necessary to subscribe to that program, which could mean risky behaviour.” Regardless of whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship, there’s a “need to have an honest discussion with whomever you choose to be partnered with and find out their sexual history — in all communities.

ON RE-ENTERING THE DATING WORLD

In 35 years as an Anglican priest — 27 as a pastor — David McKenzie identified a pressing need among those who sought his counsel for advice on sex and sexuality. In 2000, he left his ministry to set up a private counselling practice in the Vancouver area. One of the biggest issues when re-entering the dating world is to make sure you’ve “unloaded the baggage of the former relationship,” McKenzie says. You have to allow the bulk of the grieving to unfold so you can move on. “Don’t try to replace that person,” he advises. Dating after 45 may be frustrating, he notes. “You’ll come across many people who’ve been hurt and become jaded. Don’t let that discourage you.”

ON SEX AS A MOTIVATION TO STAY HEALTHY

Alex McKay is the research co-ordinator of the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada (SIECCAN). He points out that, as you age, “there is a definite feedback loop between sexual vitality and physical conditioning.” People who continue to value the sexual part of their lives have an added motivation to eat well and stay physically fit. Completing the loop, the “improved strength and cardio-vascular condition” afforded by a healthy diet and regular exercise “builds self-confidence and a sense of well-being, which tends to go hand-in-hand with increased desire for sexual activity.”

ON THE IMPORTANCE OF INTIMACY

Pega Ren is in private practice as a marriage and family counsellor specializing in sex therapy and is a regular contributor to the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. “Young or old,” she says, “humans thrive on touch, and sex is a wonderful way to experience that touch.” Physiologically, we need sex to prevent prostate problems and vaginal atrophy; the endorphins that accompany orgasm and arousal have myriad psychological benefits; and emotionally, sex strengthens our connections to one another and heightens our sense of well-being. “Besides,” Ren says, “research tells us that most of us do not stop having sex as we get old, and as with everything else, we get better at it with practice.”

ON SEX AS A CONSTANT

Merryn Gott is a professor of health sciences at the University of Auckland, N.Z. A pioneer in the field of sex and aging, Gott published the first interview-based study exploring older peoples’ views of the role and importance of sexuality in their lives.
“The research I have done,” says Gott, “has led me to conclude that sex after 40, or indeed 80, is not so different from sex before 40.” Regardless of age, sex is defined and valued differently by different people. “One advantage of aging,” she points out, “can be an acceptance of this diversity and a letting go of anxieties about ‘what is normal.’ ” Gott stresses that sexual problems can be experienced at any age, “and being older shouldn’t be a reason for not seeking help. It is as appropriate to seek help for a sexual problem at 85 as it is at 25. It is also as important to maintain a responsible attitude to being safe. See, not so different after all!”

original link:
http://www.zoomermag.com/health/sex/relationships-romance-7-pro-secrets-to-intimacy/1605

Speed Dating Among the Senior Set

Delray Beach, Fla. — Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match.

And make it fast.

Risa Demato, site director for the Weisman Delray Community Center, heard the call and she answered it. Quickly. “A lot of people came to me and said, ‘You need to have a singles group,’” says Demato, who launched a weekly series of senior speed-dating events in March, with the help of Sherry Bernstein, a volunteer instructor for the center. “There are a lot of widowed people here, and they’re lonely and they want to meet other people.”

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The majority of the center’s clients are older than 60, many are 70-plus. The bar scene is not an option. Nor were the regular singles discussion groups that drew upward of 120 people to mingle and chat – “too big, not intimate enough to really meet people,” Demato says. So she and Bernstein tossed around some ideas, one of which was speed-dating. It works for younger people, they figured, so why not for older ones?

Whether younger or older, the origins of speed-dating are credited to Los Angeles Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, who envisioned it as a way to help Jewish singles meet.

Delray’s center built its noontime speed-dating on the standard model. Demato and Bernstein agreed on the numbers: 10 men and 10 women each week; five minutes of chat per couple, then the men would shift to a new table. They agreed on a venue: the Card Room, a cozy setting with its dark hardwood floors, pale yellow and pale blue walls, panel of floor-to-ceiling windows and small wood-topped tables that hold floral centerpieces. A volunteer, Harvey Wallet, constructed wooden number-panels for the tables.

Getting people to sign up, at the registration desk or by phone, was easy. Finding enough men? Not so easy. On a given day, 50 women might sign up but only a dozen men.

“It’s not about attracting men,” Demato says. “It’s not that they’re scared to come. It’s about the statistics. I’ve always read that men often die first. It’s true. It’s about the percentages. So now Sherry and Harvey go to other singles groups and to the [retirement] communities…” “… looking for recruits,” interjects Millie Barasch, a Brooklyn native who has attended two sessions since her husband’s death a year ago, after 62 years of marriage.

“It wasn’t long enough,” she says of her marriage. And, no, she isn’t looking to marry again. “I’d like to have a friend, a male friend, a companion. I have lots of women friends. I’ll tell you the difference: A male friend will flatter you, take you out to dinner, pay the bill,” says Barasch, who exudes warmth and humor.

The allotted time before the bell signals “move on” is enough to learn what she needs to know. “It’s not how he looks,” she says. “It has a lot to do with presentation. Out of the 20 men I’ve met, I gave my phone number to one. ‘OK,’ I said, ‘we only have five minutes,’ so he started talking fast. I thought that was cute. He’s tall. He’s pleasant.”

One man asked if she cooks; she fibbed and said ‘no.’ Another, widowed just four months, began crying. One man wore leather slacks and a leather jacket open to the navel, a gold chai around his neck. She asked if his motorcycle were parked outside. But she’s still seeing the tall, pleasant man who got her phone number.

Gertrude Bial was volunteering at the center’s desk one Tuesday afternoon when she was asked to substitute for a no-show. One of the men she met during that speed-dating hour still calls her at least twice a day. He’s “a gentleman,” she says. And he’s the first man she’s dated since being widowed three years ago.

“I make it clear: no hanky-panky,” she says. “I’m not ready. But he likes to hold my hand; he can give me a kiss.”

A half-hour coffee-and-cookies nosh session follows each speed-dating event, allowing any potential connections to connect a bit longer. Senior speed-dating isn’t a universal. Not yet, anyway. But online stories from places as diverse as Berlin, Md., and Riverside, Cal., and Bergen County, N.J., showcase a number of success stories. And the proliferation of such events, plus online dating sites geared toward seniors (JDate has a 55-to-99 age category), is keeping pace with the country’s growing 65+ population: 35 million in 2000, more than 39 million in 2010, according to figures from the U.S. Census.

The Delray center’s Risa Demato recently shared her enthusiasm and experience on the subject with the JCC in Rochester, N.Y. “With great thanks for your time and endless insights into the world of speed dating for the senior crowd,” Steven Loring, a researcher who is documenting issues involved in the search for companionship and love among older adults, responded in an e-mail. “We’ll be pushing ahead up here in Rochester, hoping to launch this summer.”

Former Brooklyn-ite Myron “Mike” Raff, widowed 11 years now, tried a speed-dating event, not long ago, that wasn’t aimed at seniors. It was not a happy experience. “The young ladies were not interested, but they were too polite to say so,” he recalled. “This was better because it was more our age group.

“I’m a quiet person, basically, but face-to-face I can talk to the ladies. I can’t talk to them in a bar. (Here) I sat down, a woman sat next to me: ‘Where are you from? What did you do for a living.’ In five minutes, you’re not gonna talk about Spinoza.”

Contact Mary Jane Fine at feedback@forward.com

Original link: http://forward.com/articles/138909/

Try Speed Dating For A Fun Time!

We are busy securing a venue to host our first speed dating event for older adults and seniors. Silver Sparks speed dating will be launching this summer. As with most speed dating event, finding enough men to participate is always a challenge. However, I came across this article that discusses the pros, minus the cons, of speed dating for men. Speed dating is always fun, never boring for men and women. It is always an enjoyable way to spend an evening or an afternoon. So enjoy the article and feel free to pass it on to any older, single men you know!

MCauch
SageHealth Network
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Try Speed Dating For A Fun Time!
Written by Alex Decoto
30 Mar, 2011


When is the last time that you have attended a speed dating event? Most men have never gone to a speed dating event. Why? Because most men are afraid to do something like that. Most guys would rather avoid it because of fear. Most men aren’t even aware of how speed dating can help them. Even guys that do attend these events don’t usually have success with women there. Well, I will tell you why you need to attend these events.

What’s so cool about speed dating anyway? Well, a lot of things. You get to meet so many women in one place. You don’t even need to try hard in order to meet these women. There is no approaching involved. The biggest plus of attending an event like this is that you get to see what you’re truly made of. You are testing your courage and your social skills. It’s like picking up women in the mall or in a club. You have a few minutes and that’s it.

Why don’t most guys succeed at speed dating? You first have to know that only a small number of men show up at these dating events. Most men don’t even come. In most cases, there are too many women there and men are missing. This is great news for all you enthusiasts. Just coming to a speed dating event is already enough. Just come to the event and you’ll already be ahead of most men.

But what if you aren’t that relaxed when talking to women there? Well, that’s the whole point of these sessions. No one is expecting you to master your confidence in one week. You will have to talk to many women there before you’ll start relaxing in front of them. And being relaxed in front of women is the most important thing for succeeding in these events.

The good news is that you won’t stay nervous forever. With time, you will improve.

Try cheesy pick up lines for guys when attending these events events. Try them in a funny way. Just make sure that you initate the conversation. Don’t use them in a serious way. She needs to know that you’re not using them for real.

Original link: http://thebreakingstory.com/marriage-and-relationships/try-speed-dating-for-a-fun-time/717.html

It’s science: We get happier with age

By Nadine Bells
Good News, March 29, 2011

Seniors relax by the sea in Andernos, Southwestern France
Despite what we might assume about the aging process and the misery anticipated with creaking bones and thinning hair, scientists are reassuring us that we actually grow happier with age.

Lewis Wolpert, 81-year-old emeritus professor of biology at University College London, tracks the happiness life cycle in his book "You're Looking Very Well." He found that those in their teens and twenties were "averagely happy," a state that declines in family-raising and career-building years.

And then things get better:

"But then, from the mid-forties, people tend to become ever more cheerful and optimistic, perhaps reaching a maximum in their late seventies or eighties."

Why the happiness upswing?

There are numerous factors associated with old-age happiness. University College London professor Andrew Steptoe points out that good health and financial security are very important and that greater opportunities and health are benefits to today's seniors that weren't as prevalent in previous decades.

And "good health" doesn't have to mean perfect health. Professor John Bond at Newcastle University points out that advances in medicine combined with healthy relationships can contribute to extended happiness.

He tells the Daily Mail, "Even people with serious degenerative illnesses like Alzheimer's can retain their well-being for a long time if they have good relationships with the people around them."

"In the end, it's your friends and family that count most."

It's been mentioned before that the aging brain can actually improve in the areas of language and decision-making skills. This carries over into how older adults choose to use their time; according to an "emotional selectivity" theory, older adults are determined to make the most of their time, focusing on doing the things they enjoy and rejecting things that don't contribute to happiness.

Loneliness and affluence appear to be major factors. In a study of 341,000 people by the National Academy of Sciences in America, differences between genders and income brackets proved most significant:

"More affluent individuals have fewer depressive symptoms, greater life satisfaction, better quality of life and lower levels of loneliness," the study concludes.

Stay connected, stay healthy and save for the future. The best is yet to come.

..

Sex: Why Slower (and Older) May Be Better

By Ian Kerner, CNN
March 17, 2011

Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.

Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.


As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.

Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.

Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.

As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.

And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.

One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.

In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.

For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).

Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”

I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/Sexwhyslower.htm

What’s Up, Docs? Training Medical Students to Talk about Sex with Older Patients

By Bill Taverner, MA

“Sex Week” is the nickname of the human sexuality educational program for medical students held at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey. The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum (a Sexuality and Aging Consortium founding member) and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago to teach medical students about the importance of sexuality in their patients’ lives. Until recently, however, older patients’ sexual lives were virtually ignored. That’s changing, thanks to several Consortium members who presented workshops on sexuality and aging this year. In this article, I will describe the workshop that I presented based on the “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter” curriculum. I’ll begin with an historical perspective:

At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.

Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30- or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students:

A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?” “Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”

After some hesitatant laughter from the students, we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people — including doctors — wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.

Having broken the ice and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging.

We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!

We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters (Vogelaar, 1999). While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.

For the practice activity, I read this scenario:

Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.

The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.

As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!

I also remind the students that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues (Barrett & Rand, 2009). I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults, which I present in table form. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.

References

Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.

Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.

Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.

Original link: http://www.sexualityandaging.com/whats-up-docs-training-medical-students-to-talk-about-sex-with-older-patients/

Why Women Lose their Sex Drive

By Eve Marx
February 16, 2011 5
ThirdAge

People seemed astounded by Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Lisa Vanderpump’s (and you’ve got to love that name) admission on Bravo TV that it’s not true that she and her husband Kenneth Todd only have sex twice a year. “Well, not every year,” Vanderpump explained. “Christmas and birthdays, and that’s his birthday, not mine. Mine is another day off.”

On Andy Cohen’s show, “Watch What Happens Live,” Vanderpump, whose nickname to close friends is “Pinky,” laughed off the notion that just because she seems to talk about sex a lot (and she does), doesn’t mean that she has a lot of sex. “Look, she said, “my husband and I have been married 29 years. We’re very secure in our marriage.”

It seems Vanderpump was making an important statement about the state of many long term happy marriages, i.e. marriages built on commitment, common values, love, respect and affection. The Vanderpumps have children; their daughter Pandora is 24, their son Max is 18. At one time, it’s easy to believe they had a vibrant and healthy sex life. But viewers of the show seemed uneasy to learn that the couple were no longer engaging in frequent – or even weekly or monthly –sex. Is that healthy, people wondered. Or could it possibly be true as one viewer wrote in, “Don’t rich people like sex?”

While how much money a woman has doesn’t necessarily have an effect on her sex drive, the real issue worth discussing is Lisa Vandercamp’s open acknowledgement of her lack of physical desire. It was refreshing, I think, and probably has to do with her age. Even if it’s true that Vanderpump was “snatched from the cradle,” when she married Kenneth Todd, the actress (she appeared in a number of films in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, including one called “The Wildcats of St. Trinian”) is 51 years old, and it’s a safe bet to guess she’s in menopause. Or post-menopause. And that explains it.

Contrary to what our youth-oriented culture continues to hammer at us, it’s perfectly natural and normal for a woman to experience a decrease in sexual desire during and after menopause. That’s because of the drop in hormones. The reason for this is biological. Sex drive is connected to procreation, and after menopause, the body knowsthe time for making babies is done. To outsmart the body’s natural instinct to shut this down, women ask their doctors to prescribe hormone replacement therapy. But while the therapy does work to restore lubrication, which is a key element to successful sex, there still is no pill or drug or cream that can stimulate or restore the female libido.

What to do? Well, you can be like the Vanderpumps and find other paths to intimacy. Or you could take hormones, at least for awhile. A healthy and more natural approach is to go out of your way to find alternative ways to give and receive physical pleasure: a massage, plus lots of kissing and cuddling. If you’re still interested in having intercourse or simply wish to please your partner, the main thing is lubrication. Without it, intercourse is painful and pain leads to further avoidance.

Here’s something else good to know. The vagina is a very forgiving organ. Even if you haven’t used yours in awhile, it can “come back.” That old adage, “Use it or lose it,” isn’t completely true. Once you start using it again on a regular basis, your vagina will respond and become as good as new.

About the author: Eve Marx, is an award-winning journalist, columnist, and bona fide “Sexpert.” As an authority on sex, dating and relationship advice, she is a contributor to Cosmopolitan, Savvy Miss, Men’s Health and iVillage.


Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/why-women-lose-their-sex-drive

How to Have Great Sex After 50

By Barbara Hannah Grufferman
February 18, 2011
ThirdAge

My husband and I met in the sweltering summer of 1992 and started rocking and rolling immediately. But from the moment we got married a year later, we were 1) thinking about getting pregnant, 2) in a state of pregnancy, 3) recovering from pregnancy, or 4) enjoying (and coping with) the results of pregnancy: babies, toddlers, and now, two teenagers. It wasn’t exactly conducive to swinging from chandeliers.

During those early years, sex was focused more on a result (children), but that’s no longer the case. Like most couples over 50, we are free to have sex pretty much whenever we want. But do we?

I tried to find some statistics about how many times per week married Americans over 50 made love (with each other), but there were so many different studies saying so many different things, it was hard to suss out the truth. One stated that married couples over 50 had sex once or twice a week, while another claimed it was closer to once or twice a month.

Confused, and in need of more information, I met with Dr. Margaret Nachtigall, a reproductive endocrinologist in New York City, and daughter of Dr. Lila Nachtigall, one of this country’s leading experts on menopause, who shared some statistics from a study done by The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior:

A study of married couples found age and marital satisfaction to be the two variables most associated with amount of sex. As couples age, they engage in sex less frequently, with half of couples age 65-75 still engaging in sex, but with less than one fourth of couples over 75 still sexually active. Across all ages couples who reported higher levels of marital satisfaction also reported higher frequencies of sex.

This study left me feeling that the older we got, the less we got it. Not good.

I brought this topic up with some girlfriends one night over a bottle of wine, hoping to get insights into their concerns, and (yes, I admit it) how often they had sex (with their partners).
We all had the same question: I love my husband and he loves me, so why aren’t we having more hot sex together, like we used to? We want to have sex, but sometimes we just aren’t into it. How do we get in the mood? We all hated thinking that things were slowing down, and that they might slow down even more. For sure, menopause can sometimes make sex uncomfortable for some women and our libido can drop off. But, just because a woman is post-menopausal, does she automatically lose interest? Forever? Was that my future? Was I supposed to lock this door and throw away the key?

I was getting worried. Whenever I get worried, I do research. The more research I did, the more worried I got . . . so the more research I did. Finally, someone suggested I meet with Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity”, in which she explores many of the questions my friends and I were confronting, specifically why couples who have been together for a very long time often can’t sustain a rich, enjoyable sexual life . . . together. Esther was eager to find out because in her view . . . sex after fifty may be the best sex we’ll ever have.



First, Esther said, we had to address some long-held views about sex after 50 that may not be true.

oWomen over 50 are sexually dysfunctional due to menopause. According to Esther’s research, the majority of women over 50 are sexually healthy. Sexual problems that are menopause-related can be addressed with simple solutions like lubricants or estrogen.
oMen think women over 50 are sexually undesirable. Esther has rarely encountered a man who says his low sex drive is related to how his wife looks, or her age. But he will be turned off if she has stopped being interested in sex. Men want women who want sex.
oIf you’re not having spontaneous sex, it must mean your sex life is over. When, Esther asked, was sex ever spontaneous? When you were first together, you had sex on your mind for hours, maybe even days, leading up to the experience. In many cases, you set the date, thought about it, planned the evening, even what to wear. It may have seemed spontaneous . . . but it wasn’t. Good sex is planned sex.
oIf a couple is having less sex, it’s her fault. News flash: if a woman over 50 is having less sex, chances are it’s him, not her. With men, his low sex drive is often related to health problems or medications he may be on, many of which are known to create some sexual functioning challenges. Men aren’t used to needing stimulation, and it can be troubling. Sometimes he’ll just avoid it, causing the woman to think he’s no longer attracted to her, which results in a sexual Catch-22.
oIf you want to have a better sex life, you need to get closer. On the contrary, Esther says, excess information and over-sharing can put the kibosh on desire, while a little mystery can fuel sexual attraction.

Creating an erotic space between you and your partner is essential for good sex. I share lots of tips on how to do that in The Best of Everything After 50 ( www.bestofeverythingafter50.com.)

Then, we explored the three main tools that women can use to get into the mood, when we may be thinking about watching reruns of Seinfeld, instead of having sex:

oArousal – Watch a movie or read a book, have a fantasy, put on some sexy lingerie. Many things can arouse us. Arousal can lead to desire, and desire leads to sex. Figure out what gets you going and use it when you need it.

oDesire – Desire is wanting to be turned on. With this entry point you want to get aroused, and you want to actively engage in getting turned on with your partner.

oWillingness – This is the most important entry point for women over 50. It’s the willingness to be engaged in desire. If you’ve been ignoring, neglecting or denying your sexual self for a while, then you must consciously decide that you want sex in order to even let yourself feel desire. We talk ourselves into doing things all the time – going out to an event, cooking dinner – but people don’t think about talking themselves into having sex, and they confuse it with “pity sex.” This made complete and total sense to me . . . and, even better, it works!

What I learned: After 50, we’re at a sexual crossroads, and need to make a choice: We could go through menopause, and realize that our experience of sex is changing and decide that we are done with it, and shut down that part of ourselves, lock the door and throw away the key. Or, (the much more fun choice) we could embrace this new life with a sense of freedom and fun – no more periods, no more worries about getting pregnant, no more doing it because there has to be a result, . . . and you may very well find yourself having the best sex . . . ever.

One little bit of advice: stop looking for studies about how often other people have sex. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors (no matter what they say to the survey interviewer), and . . . who cares?

About the Author: Barbara Hannah Grufferman is an author and blogger.If you would like more information about The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More, please visit my website: www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Interested in having a “The Best of Everything After 50 Book Club”? Email me at Barbara@bestofeverythingafter50.com.


Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/how-have-sex-life-after-50

Seniors looking for love in five minutes of speed dating

Keila Torres Ocasio, Staff Writer
CTPost.com
Wednesday, February 9, 2011

BRIDGEPORT -- Leigh, who never gives away her age, smiled as she explained to Seymour why she likes living at Watermark 3030 Park, a senior living community.

"I love it here," she said. "There is a swimming pool and..."

"And a lot of men that are not as good looking as me," said Seymour, 85, who lives at Embassy Towers.

"What else do you do, besides fooling around with me," he asked, obviously flirting.

"Well, what else is there to do besides fooling around with you," Leigh said, playing along.

Leigh and Seymour, like the others participating in Watermark's first senior speed dating event declined to give their last names, had fun getting to know each other Wednesday afternoon -- if only for five minutes.

The event, which was hosted by CTMatch.com, got off to a rough start. Only 16 of the 20 men who registered actually showed up, while about 24 women participated.

But, the single seniors quickly got into a groove. Although the men were supposed to visit a different lady's table every five minutes until they had met everyone, some men doubled back when no one was looking.

Peter and Lynn, for example, chatted twice, discussing the government bailout and deficit. An hour into the event, Peter was the only person Lynn thought had potential for a second date. Everyone else, she said, was well, too senior.

The 57-year-old said she hadn't expected all of the men to be 70 or older. "The guys over there, they can't hear you and they get tongue-tied," the part-time aerobic instructor said. "The last guy I dated was 44 and couldn't keep up with me."

Westport resident Lois, 71, whose husband died two years ago, also wished the men were younger.

"My husband would have been the age of some of them," she said, "but he looked much better."

Every participant had a different tactic Wednesday in the speed dating event.

Richard liked to tell the women about his love for watching the stock market on television, which elicited very different reactions. "Oh, I love it; I love the stock market," was Lois' response.

But Jeanette, 72, who was hoping for instant attraction or chemistry with someone, preferred traveling over television.

"How depressing," was her response to Richard's daily entertainment choice. "What do you do for fun?" she asked him.

"What do I do for fun? I watch the stock market," Richard said.

"Oh, that's not fun," Jeanette replied.

Dottie, a Fairfield resident in her early 70s, said she was looking for someone who shared the same interests. "I would like to go to a movie or dinner or a walk or a concert with someone else, with a man," she said. But alas, five minutes was not long enough to determine whether someone was worth seeing again, she determined.

Only men and women who had circled "yes" next to each other's names would be given contact information.

"What I tell people is if the time goes by quickly, circle yes," said Robert Tamiso, the CTMatch.com event organizer. "If the time drags on, circle no."

Kevin Hunter, executive director at Watermark, said the purpose of the event was to get the seniors to socialize and meet new people, especially in time for Valentine's Day. "The folks here still have a lot of years ahead of them," he said. "So many folks are so isolated if they are not active in their church or a senior center. That's not healthy."

A second speed dating session scheduled for March is already booked and the Watermark is considering making the event a monthly occurrence. Of the hundreds of residents living at the Park Avenue facility, there are only 14 married couples.

http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Seniors-looking-for-love-in-five-minutes-of-speed-1006341.php

Maintaining Relationships: A project aimed at sexual health provisions for seniors

By Robin Krishnan
Nursing Program, Humber College
January 21, 2011

Are you comfortable talking about sex related issues? Is sexuality still considered a taboo? According to Public Health Agency of Canada (2008),12.2% of all reported AIDS cases were in people 50 years of age or older as of 2006. The rising numbers in HIV, Chlamydia, and gonorrhoea cases in seniors indicates that they are not practising safe sex. Studying the overall survey results, social profiles and demographics of the community of Weston by Humber nursing students, I realized that there is an increasing number in sexually transmitted infection/diseases in the aging population. During discussions conducted by nursing students at the York West Active Living Centre, the majority of seniors focussed on chronic illness and hardly anyone mentioned anything about sexual health. Common reasons for such behaviour involve lack of knowledge, misconceptions, and myths that prevail in our society. I felt that there is need to talk about and address this issue, and talk about how important it is to have a healthy sexual relationship and view sexuality as an essential core element of healthy body, mind and soul.
Our project, Maintaining Relationships, presentation took place on November 24, 2010 with about 20 people from the York West Active Living Centre and public housing took part. The audience was interested, supportive and actively participated in various phases of the presentation. A very friendly, interactive environment was maintained throughout the presentation. Audience members were welcome to ask questions. The presentation was divided into 5 subheadings such as affection and closeness; how to keep romance and friendship alive; body image and self esteem; physical changes; and safe sex practices, which were addressed by the students. The effects of aging on various aspects of maintaining relationships (i.e. sexual health) were the focus of the presentation. I demonstrated proper condom application as a way to educate the seniors on safe sex practices. Some of the seniors asked questions which were appropriately responded by the students. The students provided some scenarios and suggestions as to why and how to enhance relationships with their partners.
Evaluation forms were filled out at the end of the presentation to gain feedback from the seniors. Brochures summarizing the main points of the presentation, and condoms were provided to the audience to take home. The rest of the brochures and condoms were left at the Centre. Refreshments were also served.
Overall, the presentation was well received by the audience. It was a great learning experience for me, my peers and senior members who were present. There were some positive outcomes from this experience, like being able to address the challenging issues of sexual health in the elderly population of the Weston community. There are many strategies that older adults can incorporate into their sexual life to enhance or improve. Using condoms, masturbation, foreplay, lubricant, toys/vibrators and communication with one`s partner are essential. Furthermore, a chronically ill individual (for example, hip surgery) can still involve himself/herself in a sexual act by trying new positions and different times such as in the morning when the body has the most conserved energy. Seniors can also try various other forms of sex such as intercourse, masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, outercourse that involves touching, caressing, kissing etc. Consult your doctor if you have any concerns and also get tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections/diseases. Finally, following a healthy lifestyle; reduced stress; exercise; eating good food; drinking plenty of fluids; avoiding alcohol and smoking can definitely works as a catalyst in having a positive outlook on life and maintaining a healthy sexual life.
I would like to thank Ms. Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network for guiding me all the way and making it such a positive learning experience. I would also like to express my gratitude to the senior members and staff of the West York Active Living Centre for accommodating our group for a period of three months. It was a great pleasure to be part of the Centre and Weston community. I would like to thank all the people who came and participated in our presentation. I would recommend all our senior friends to participate in such learning sessions in the coming future and spread the word to your family members, friends, neighbours, and in the community.
There is need to enlarge this issue of sexual health for seniors and to bring it up front on a large scale. Senior couples need to understand that with age, there is a need to rejuvenate your sexual relationship and it can blossom to the fullest, and to a new horizon.
Good luck to all my senior friends.

Having Fun Sex at Every Age

Enjoying a healthy, fun sex life is possible no matter how old you are. If medical conditions or simply being in a rut has dampened your desire, consider these sex tips to revitalize romance.
By Krisha McCoy, MS
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Having satisfying, fun, and healthy sex should be part of your life at every age, even as you get older. But sometimes age-related physical changes or sex that has become routine can lead to dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

If your sex life has deteriorated or if you feel that you and your partner are in a sexual rut, there are sex tips that can spice up your relationship and help you enjoy fun sex again.

Healthy Sex and Aging: Why the Spark Sometimes Fades

In a recent survey conducted by the AARP, researchers found that almost half of men and women 45 years of age and older report being less satisfied in their sex life than they were a decade earlier.

There are many reasons researchers believe sexual desire and function tends to decline over the years, including:

Menopause. As a woman's hormonal levels fluctuate around the time of menopause, the vagina becomes shorter and narrows, the vaginal walls stiffen, and there is often a reduced amount of vaginal lubrication. These changes can make sex uncomfortable or even painful for both the woman and her partner.

Erectile dysfunction. The inability to produce or maintain an erection becomes more common with advancing age.

Pain and discomfort. Certain age-related health problems, including arthritis and chronic pain, can make having sex uncomfortable and interfere with your ability to have a fun sex life.

Other health conditions. Your chances of developing diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and dementia increase with age, and men and women with these conditions often have difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life. Medications.

Certain medications, including blood pressure medications, antidepressants, and antihistamines, have been associated with erectile dysfunction in men or lack of sexual desire in women.

Emotional issues. As you age and your body changes, you may become insecure about your appearance, which can get in the way of your enjoying a fun sex life. You may also have to face difficult issues, such as illness, which can put sex on the back burner of your relationship.

Putting the Fun Back Into Your Sex Life

If you are looking for ways to maintain a healthy sex life or put the spark back into your intimate relationship, consider the following sex tips:

Get creative. Trying different approaches when it comes to sex is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. In the AARP sex survey, only 29 percent of respondents described their partner as being imaginative when it came to sex. So if there is a sex toy you have always been curious about or a new position that you want to try, consider introducing it into your next sexual encounter.

Be more adventurous. Any change from your regular sexual routine can put the excitement back into your sex life. If you always have sex in the evening, try having sex in the morning. If sex usually happens in the bedroom, try a new location.

Fantasize with your partner. It can be difficult to talk with your partner about sexual issues. But instead of focusing on your dissatisfaction in the bedroom, try opening up about your sexual fantasies and ask your partner to share sex fantasies with you. Talking about your innermost desires can be a great form of foreplay.

Take the lead. If your partner is always the one to initiate sex, try initiating it yourself. Changing up who takes the lead in the bedroom can be a great way to get excited about sex again.

Rediscover foreplay. People in longstanding relationships tend to skimp on foreplay, but if you are having problems getting aroused, spending more time caressing can help you get fully in the mood for sex and enjoy it more.

If you are having problems with arousal or sexual function that are interfering with your ability to enjoy sex, talk with your doctor. Often, simple treatments are available to help you have an active and healthy sex life again.

Learn more in the Everyday Health Sexual Health Center.