We are busy securing a venue to host our first speed dating event for older adults and seniors. Silver Sparks speed dating will be launching this summer. As with most speed dating event, finding enough men to participate is always a challenge. However, I came across this article that discusses the pros, minus the cons, of speed dating for men. Speed dating is always fun, never boring for men and women. It is always an enjoyable way to spend an evening or an afternoon. So enjoy the article and feel free to pass it on to any older, single men you know!
MCauch
SageHealth Network
-----------------------
Try Speed Dating For A Fun Time!
Written by Alex Decoto
30 Mar, 2011
When is the last time that you have attended a speed dating event? Most men have never gone to a speed dating event. Why? Because most men are afraid to do something like that. Most guys would rather avoid it because of fear. Most men aren’t even aware of how speed dating can help them. Even guys that do attend these events don’t usually have success with women there. Well, I will tell you why you need to attend these events.
What’s so cool about speed dating anyway? Well, a lot of things. You get to meet so many women in one place. You don’t even need to try hard in order to meet these women. There is no approaching involved. The biggest plus of attending an event like this is that you get to see what you’re truly made of. You are testing your courage and your social skills. It’s like picking up women in the mall or in a club. You have a few minutes and that’s it.
Why don’t most guys succeed at speed dating? You first have to know that only a small number of men show up at these dating events. Most men don’t even come. In most cases, there are too many women there and men are missing. This is great news for all you enthusiasts. Just coming to a speed dating event is already enough. Just come to the event and you’ll already be ahead of most men.
But what if you aren’t that relaxed when talking to women there? Well, that’s the whole point of these sessions. No one is expecting you to master your confidence in one week. You will have to talk to many women there before you’ll start relaxing in front of them. And being relaxed in front of women is the most important thing for succeeding in these events.
The good news is that you won’t stay nervous forever. With time, you will improve.
Try cheesy pick up lines for guys when attending these events events. Try them in a funny way. Just make sure that you initate the conversation. Don’t use them in a serious way. She needs to know that you’re not using them for real.
Original link: http://thebreakingstory.com/marriage-and-relationships/try-speed-dating-for-a-fun-time/717.html
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
It’s science: We get happier with age
By Nadine Bells
Good News, March 29, 2011
Seniors relax by the sea in Andernos, Southwestern France
Despite what we might assume about the aging process and the misery anticipated with creaking bones and thinning hair, scientists are reassuring us that we actually grow happier with age.
Lewis Wolpert, 81-year-old emeritus professor of biology at University College London, tracks the happiness life cycle in his book "You're Looking Very Well." He found that those in their teens and twenties were "averagely happy," a state that declines in family-raising and career-building years.
And then things get better:
"But then, from the mid-forties, people tend to become ever more cheerful and optimistic, perhaps reaching a maximum in their late seventies or eighties."
Why the happiness upswing?
There are numerous factors associated with old-age happiness. University College London professor Andrew Steptoe points out that good health and financial security are very important and that greater opportunities and health are benefits to today's seniors that weren't as prevalent in previous decades.
And "good health" doesn't have to mean perfect health. Professor John Bond at Newcastle University points out that advances in medicine combined with healthy relationships can contribute to extended happiness.
He tells the Daily Mail, "Even people with serious degenerative illnesses like Alzheimer's can retain their well-being for a long time if they have good relationships with the people around them."
"In the end, it's your friends and family that count most."
It's been mentioned before that the aging brain can actually improve in the areas of language and decision-making skills. This carries over into how older adults choose to use their time; according to an "emotional selectivity" theory, older adults are determined to make the most of their time, focusing on doing the things they enjoy and rejecting things that don't contribute to happiness.
Loneliness and affluence appear to be major factors. In a study of 341,000 people by the National Academy of Sciences in America, differences between genders and income brackets proved most significant:
"More affluent individuals have fewer depressive symptoms, greater life satisfaction, better quality of life and lower levels of loneliness," the study concludes.
Stay connected, stay healthy and save for the future. The best is yet to come.
..
Good News, March 29, 2011
Seniors relax by the sea in Andernos, Southwestern France
Despite what we might assume about the aging process and the misery anticipated with creaking bones and thinning hair, scientists are reassuring us that we actually grow happier with age.
Lewis Wolpert, 81-year-old emeritus professor of biology at University College London, tracks the happiness life cycle in his book "You're Looking Very Well." He found that those in their teens and twenties were "averagely happy," a state that declines in family-raising and career-building years.
And then things get better:
"But then, from the mid-forties, people tend to become ever more cheerful and optimistic, perhaps reaching a maximum in their late seventies or eighties."
Why the happiness upswing?
There are numerous factors associated with old-age happiness. University College London professor Andrew Steptoe points out that good health and financial security are very important and that greater opportunities and health are benefits to today's seniors that weren't as prevalent in previous decades.
And "good health" doesn't have to mean perfect health. Professor John Bond at Newcastle University points out that advances in medicine combined with healthy relationships can contribute to extended happiness.
He tells the Daily Mail, "Even people with serious degenerative illnesses like Alzheimer's can retain their well-being for a long time if they have good relationships with the people around them."
"In the end, it's your friends and family that count most."
It's been mentioned before that the aging brain can actually improve in the areas of language and decision-making skills. This carries over into how older adults choose to use their time; according to an "emotional selectivity" theory, older adults are determined to make the most of their time, focusing on doing the things they enjoy and rejecting things that don't contribute to happiness.
Loneliness and affluence appear to be major factors. In a study of 341,000 people by the National Academy of Sciences in America, differences between genders and income brackets proved most significant:
"More affluent individuals have fewer depressive symptoms, greater life satisfaction, better quality of life and lower levels of loneliness," the study concludes.
Stay connected, stay healthy and save for the future. The best is yet to come.
..
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sex: Why Slower (and Older) May Be Better
By Ian Kerner, CNN
March 17, 2011
Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.
Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.
As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.
Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.
Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.
As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.
And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.
One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.
In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.
For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).
Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”
I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/Sexwhyslower.htm
March 17, 2011
Recently, my very own mother discovered romance anew and is having what can only be described as a love affair.
Her last boyfriend passed away a couple of years ago, so I’m happy for her in all her giddiness. And while nobody likes to think about their parents having sex, I can’t help but wonder if her sex life is now better than mine.
As a busy dad of two young sons, I have to admit that it’s hard to keep sex high on the list of priorities: My wife and I will often opt to hit the hay rather than tumble in it.
Does sex get better with age? According to a study in the November 2008 issue of Psychological Science, marital satisfaction may improve once the kids have left the nest. In fact, many of my colleagues in the world of sex therapy attest that empty nesters tend to have more disposable income and more opportunity to enjoy quality time with their partner, including sex.
Sex therapist David Schnarch writes about the difference between a person’s “genital prime” and his or her “sexual prime.” For most of us, the genital prime happens during adolescence and our 20s, when the body is in its best shape, however, the mind may not be as well-developed sexually. Schnarch says that a person’s sexual prime is actually well beyond what most of us think of as the hot-and-heavy sex years - more like middle age than high school.
As we age, we benefit from accepting ourselves as we are, knowing what we like, and not being afraid to ask for it.
And aging itself may not affect sex as much as those unhealthy habits that take their toll after too many years. Too much stress, too little sleep, poor eating and exercise habits, and not making the time to nurture ourselves or our relationships can be the most damaging to our sex lives. Letting our overall health fall by the wayside may be the biggest culprit in sexual health woes, so it’s no surprise that many people in their 50s and 60s are more sexually fit than their younger predecessors.
One key difference between older and younger people: Sex is often slower as we age. While younger women may lubricate in as little as a few seconds, it can take older women up to several minutes to become lubricated. The same pattern applies to men and their erections. It’s important for both sexes to realize that taking longer to become erect or lubricated doesn’t necessarily mean a partner isn’t aroused.
In fact, slower can actually be better for your sex life. When the physical markers of arousal aren’t instantly obvious, it gives partners more time to play and connect with each other in bed. The behaviors we usually think of as foreplay can become the main event during sex, and give couples the opportunity to rediscover themselves and each other sexually. As men age, testosterone levels go down, while estrogen levels go up. This means that many older men are able to focus more and appreciate the tender side of sex.
For instance, if one position used to do the trick or if sex has always followed a predictable sequence, as it does in many long-term relationships, aging allows couples to shake things up. Maybe she wants to try a vibrator for better arousal (or maybe he does, too).
Or perhaps one or both people have been curious about erotic massage and other techniques, and now have a reason to introduce them into the relationship. As my colleague at Good in Bed, Dr. Gail Saltz, says, “Celebrate what improves with age: Younger men may have stronger erections, but older guys tend to have better control. You both know each other's bodies, you've perfected your bedroom technique, and you may feel less inhibited than you did in the past.”
I always like to say that the mind is the biggest sexual organ. By understanding the inevitable changes that occur over the sexual life cycle, and knowing how to deal with them, you can sustain a healthy, satisfying sex life well into your golden years. Keeping a sex-positive attitude and a commitment to overall health is the way to maximize sexuality, whether you’re 30 or 80. Go Mom!
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/us/2011/Sexwhyslower.htm
Thursday, March 3, 2011
What’s Up, Docs? Training Medical Students to Talk about Sex with Older Patients
By Bill Taverner, MA
“Sex Week” is the nickname of the human sexuality educational program for medical students held at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey. The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum (a Sexuality and Aging Consortium founding member) and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago to teach medical students about the importance of sexuality in their patients’ lives. Until recently, however, older patients’ sexual lives were virtually ignored. That’s changing, thanks to several Consortium members who presented workshops on sexuality and aging this year. In this article, I will describe the workshop that I presented based on the “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter” curriculum. I’ll begin with an historical perspective:
At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.
Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30- or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students:
A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?” “Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”
After some hesitatant laughter from the students, we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people — including doctors — wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.
Having broken the ice and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging.
We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!
We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters (Vogelaar, 1999). While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.
For the practice activity, I read this scenario:
Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.
The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.
As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!
I also remind the students that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues (Barrett & Rand, 2009). I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults, which I present in table form. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.
References
Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.
Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Original link: http://www.sexualityandaging.com/whats-up-docs-training-medical-students-to-talk-about-sex-with-older-patients/
“Sex Week” is the nickname of the human sexuality educational program for medical students held at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School in New Jersey. The program was co-founded by Dr. Sandra Leiblum (a Sexuality and Aging Consortium founding member) and Dr. Richard Cross almost 40 years ago to teach medical students about the importance of sexuality in their patients’ lives. Until recently, however, older patients’ sexual lives were virtually ignored. That’s changing, thanks to several Consortium members who presented workshops on sexuality and aging this year. In this article, I will describe the workshop that I presented based on the “Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter” curriculum. I’ll begin with an historical perspective:
At the conclusion of Sex Week every year, Dr. Cross made a tradition out of reading a passage from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse, “you become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easy, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
This passage was appeared as a dedication to Dr. Cross in a sexuality education manual I co-authored, Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. (Brick, et al., 2009) It serves as an ideal introduction for addressing the importance of doctors talking about sex.
Like the Skin Horse, older adults might think of themselves as shabby. Certainly society reinforces the message that the sexuality of elders is not to be taken seriously. Witness the appearance of 90-year-old Betty White on “Saturday Night Live” discussing her “muffin” to the roars of audience laughter. The bit just doesn’t work if it is delivered by someone who is 30- or 40-something. But older folks? There’s so much “material” that our sex ed manual devoted an entire lesson on teaching with jokes. Here is one of my favorites, which I read for the medical students:
A doctor asked an 85 year old man for a sperm count as part of his annual exam. The doctor gave him a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.” The next day the man returned to the doctor’s office and gave him the jar – which was clean and empty. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, “Well, doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too – first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.” The doctor was shocked, “You asked your neighbor?” “Yep! None of us could get the jar open.”
After some hesitatant laughter from the students, we got to the root of what makes the joke funny. It rides on the premise that older people enjoying healthy sexual behaviors is laughable. A man masturbating at age 85?! Many people — including doctors — wouldn’t even consider that a real possibility, even though research tells us that up to 63% of men ages 57 to 85 reported masturbating during the past year. Elder oral sex? It might prove a lot less taxing than missionary-style intercourse, but the collective images many of us share of sweet old grandma and grandpa do not make any allowances for their non-procreative sex expression. Indeed, when I survey undergrads about how “sexually active” they imagine themselves being 40 years from now, they almost universally imagine themselves as sexual studs, with many of them ranking themselves 7 or higher on a 10-point scale. When I ask them to imagine the sexual prowess of someone aged 60+ that they know, the scores drop down to 2’s and 3’s.
Having broken the ice and perhaps opened a few eyes, I return the medical students to some familiar ground: sexual problems. The worlds of physicians and medical students is rightly filled with opportunities to figure out solutions to problems, and the sexual challenges of older adults deserve no less attention. The docs-in-training enjoy spending some time figuring out a crossword puzzle full of important information to know about sexuality and aging.
We continue by examining some of the common changes in sexual response that men and women experience as they grow older. I ask the medical students to identify one change that might cause a patient some anxiety. This is a big “Ah ha!” moment for a lot of students, such as the one who was genuinely concerned as he said, “A man who has a refractory period lasting for a day or more might think there’s something wrong with him. He might wonder why he can’t perform like he did when he was younger!” Bingo! And so we start discussing how knowledge about these changes might be more helpful than a little blue pill. Or how a supply of over-the-counter lubricants might be handy to store in one’s office. Or how a few words explaining what outercourse means might change a patient’s sex life for the better!
We turn to communication skills, and I give a brief explanation of an old theoretical model that is, regrettably, not taught very much in higher education programs anymore, despite its potential for communication skills-building. The model of transactional analysis was resurrected and applied to sexual decision-making by Amy Vogelaar in the guidebook Positive Encounters (Vogelaar, 1999). While Vogelaar’s approach is steered toward communication with teens, the basic understanding of “ego states” (directive “Parent,” pleasing “Child,” and problem-solving “Adult,”) is an essential for counseling, whatever the audience. The medical students learn the importance of communicating in the non-judgmental “Adult” ego state and are ready for practice.
For the practice activity, I read this scenario:
Imagine that you are visiting with a patient whom you’ve seen many times before, but the two of you have never discussed any sexual matters. You’re not even sure if the patient is still married/partnered or dating. You know that you will be renewing one of the patient’s prescriptions, which has some side effects that might affect sexual functioning. You mentioned this possibility when the patient first started taking the medication years ago, but you’ve never asked about sexual side effects. You think that the patient might not be taking the medication consistently, and wonder if that is the reason.
The students write the first thing they would say to their patients. After everyone is finished writing, I ask them to pass their papers to the person to their right. Now everyone adopts the role of the patient, and writes down a response to their physicians. As patients, I ask them to make up what’s “really going on” and decide how much they want to share with the physician. The responses are turned back to the left – to the original doctors – and the process continues for several rounds.
As we process the activity, a number of students report having had very helpful exchanges. I remind them that the entire activity took not more than 10 minutes, and ask them to imagine the meaningful discussions they might have with their patients in less time, when writing is not part of the activity!
I also remind the students that they are fortunate. Most medical students do not have formal opportunities to learn how to talk with their patients about sexual issues (Barrett & Rand, 2009). I ask the students to examine the recommendations for doctors from ordinary adults, which I present in table form. I ask them to evaluate the advice in terms of its usefulness for other medical students or doctors. The future docs are genuinely appreciative of this advice, and give the list an enthusiastic “thumbs up”, as they leave the workshop feeling confident to speak with older patients about sex.
References
Barrett, B. & Rand, M. (2009). “‘Sexual Health Assessment’ for Mental Health and Medical Practitioners: Teaching Notes,” American Journal of Sexuality Education, 4(1):16-27.
Brick, P., Lunquist, J., Sandak, A. & Taverner, B. (2009). Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter: 30 Sex Ed Lessons for Adults Only. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Vogelaar, A. (1999). Positive Encounters: Talking One-to-One with Teens about Contraceptive and Safer Sex Decisions. Morristown, NJ: The Center for Family Life Education.
Original link: http://www.sexualityandaging.com/whats-up-docs-training-medical-students-to-talk-about-sex-with-older-patients/
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Why Women Lose their Sex Drive
By Eve Marx
February 16, 2011 5
ThirdAge
People seemed astounded by Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Lisa Vanderpump’s (and you’ve got to love that name) admission on Bravo TV that it’s not true that she and her husband Kenneth Todd only have sex twice a year. “Well, not every year,” Vanderpump explained. “Christmas and birthdays, and that’s his birthday, not mine. Mine is another day off.”
On Andy Cohen’s show, “Watch What Happens Live,” Vanderpump, whose nickname to close friends is “Pinky,” laughed off the notion that just because she seems to talk about sex a lot (and she does), doesn’t mean that she has a lot of sex. “Look, she said, “my husband and I have been married 29 years. We’re very secure in our marriage.”
It seems Vanderpump was making an important statement about the state of many long term happy marriages, i.e. marriages built on commitment, common values, love, respect and affection. The Vanderpumps have children; their daughter Pandora is 24, their son Max is 18. At one time, it’s easy to believe they had a vibrant and healthy sex life. But viewers of the show seemed uneasy to learn that the couple were no longer engaging in frequent – or even weekly or monthly –sex. Is that healthy, people wondered. Or could it possibly be true as one viewer wrote in, “Don’t rich people like sex?”
While how much money a woman has doesn’t necessarily have an effect on her sex drive, the real issue worth discussing is Lisa Vandercamp’s open acknowledgement of her lack of physical desire. It was refreshing, I think, and probably has to do with her age. Even if it’s true that Vanderpump was “snatched from the cradle,” when she married Kenneth Todd, the actress (she appeared in a number of films in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, including one called “The Wildcats of St. Trinian”) is 51 years old, and it’s a safe bet to guess she’s in menopause. Or post-menopause. And that explains it.
Contrary to what our youth-oriented culture continues to hammer at us, it’s perfectly natural and normal for a woman to experience a decrease in sexual desire during and after menopause. That’s because of the drop in hormones. The reason for this is biological. Sex drive is connected to procreation, and after menopause, the body knowsthe time for making babies is done. To outsmart the body’s natural instinct to shut this down, women ask their doctors to prescribe hormone replacement therapy. But while the therapy does work to restore lubrication, which is a key element to successful sex, there still is no pill or drug or cream that can stimulate or restore the female libido.
What to do? Well, you can be like the Vanderpumps and find other paths to intimacy. Or you could take hormones, at least for awhile. A healthy and more natural approach is to go out of your way to find alternative ways to give and receive physical pleasure: a massage, plus lots of kissing and cuddling. If you’re still interested in having intercourse or simply wish to please your partner, the main thing is lubrication. Without it, intercourse is painful and pain leads to further avoidance.
Here’s something else good to know. The vagina is a very forgiving organ. Even if you haven’t used yours in awhile, it can “come back.” That old adage, “Use it or lose it,” isn’t completely true. Once you start using it again on a regular basis, your vagina will respond and become as good as new.
About the author: Eve Marx, is an award-winning journalist, columnist, and bona fide “Sexpert.” As an authority on sex, dating and relationship advice, she is a contributor to Cosmopolitan, Savvy Miss, Men’s Health and iVillage.
Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/why-women-lose-their-sex-drive
February 16, 2011 5
ThirdAge
People seemed astounded by Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Lisa Vanderpump’s (and you’ve got to love that name) admission on Bravo TV that it’s not true that she and her husband Kenneth Todd only have sex twice a year. “Well, not every year,” Vanderpump explained. “Christmas and birthdays, and that’s his birthday, not mine. Mine is another day off.”
On Andy Cohen’s show, “Watch What Happens Live,” Vanderpump, whose nickname to close friends is “Pinky,” laughed off the notion that just because she seems to talk about sex a lot (and she does), doesn’t mean that she has a lot of sex. “Look, she said, “my husband and I have been married 29 years. We’re very secure in our marriage.”
It seems Vanderpump was making an important statement about the state of many long term happy marriages, i.e. marriages built on commitment, common values, love, respect and affection. The Vanderpumps have children; their daughter Pandora is 24, their son Max is 18. At one time, it’s easy to believe they had a vibrant and healthy sex life. But viewers of the show seemed uneasy to learn that the couple were no longer engaging in frequent – or even weekly or monthly –sex. Is that healthy, people wondered. Or could it possibly be true as one viewer wrote in, “Don’t rich people like sex?”
While how much money a woman has doesn’t necessarily have an effect on her sex drive, the real issue worth discussing is Lisa Vandercamp’s open acknowledgement of her lack of physical desire. It was refreshing, I think, and probably has to do with her age. Even if it’s true that Vanderpump was “snatched from the cradle,” when she married Kenneth Todd, the actress (she appeared in a number of films in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s, including one called “The Wildcats of St. Trinian”) is 51 years old, and it’s a safe bet to guess she’s in menopause. Or post-menopause. And that explains it.
Contrary to what our youth-oriented culture continues to hammer at us, it’s perfectly natural and normal for a woman to experience a decrease in sexual desire during and after menopause. That’s because of the drop in hormones. The reason for this is biological. Sex drive is connected to procreation, and after menopause, the body knowsthe time for making babies is done. To outsmart the body’s natural instinct to shut this down, women ask their doctors to prescribe hormone replacement therapy. But while the therapy does work to restore lubrication, which is a key element to successful sex, there still is no pill or drug or cream that can stimulate or restore the female libido.
What to do? Well, you can be like the Vanderpumps and find other paths to intimacy. Or you could take hormones, at least for awhile. A healthy and more natural approach is to go out of your way to find alternative ways to give and receive physical pleasure: a massage, plus lots of kissing and cuddling. If you’re still interested in having intercourse or simply wish to please your partner, the main thing is lubrication. Without it, intercourse is painful and pain leads to further avoidance.
Here’s something else good to know. The vagina is a very forgiving organ. Even if you haven’t used yours in awhile, it can “come back.” That old adage, “Use it or lose it,” isn’t completely true. Once you start using it again on a regular basis, your vagina will respond and become as good as new.
About the author: Eve Marx, is an award-winning journalist, columnist, and bona fide “Sexpert.” As an authority on sex, dating and relationship advice, she is a contributor to Cosmopolitan, Savvy Miss, Men’s Health and iVillage.
Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/why-women-lose-their-sex-drive
How to Have Great Sex After 50
By Barbara Hannah Grufferman
February 18, 2011
ThirdAge
My husband and I met in the sweltering summer of 1992 and started rocking and rolling immediately. But from the moment we got married a year later, we were 1) thinking about getting pregnant, 2) in a state of pregnancy, 3) recovering from pregnancy, or 4) enjoying (and coping with) the results of pregnancy: babies, toddlers, and now, two teenagers. It wasn’t exactly conducive to swinging from chandeliers.
During those early years, sex was focused more on a result (children), but that’s no longer the case. Like most couples over 50, we are free to have sex pretty much whenever we want. But do we?
I tried to find some statistics about how many times per week married Americans over 50 made love (with each other), but there were so many different studies saying so many different things, it was hard to suss out the truth. One stated that married couples over 50 had sex once or twice a week, while another claimed it was closer to once or twice a month.
Confused, and in need of more information, I met with Dr. Margaret Nachtigall, a reproductive endocrinologist in New York City, and daughter of Dr. Lila Nachtigall, one of this country’s leading experts on menopause, who shared some statistics from a study done by The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior:
A study of married couples found age and marital satisfaction to be the two variables most associated with amount of sex. As couples age, they engage in sex less frequently, with half of couples age 65-75 still engaging in sex, but with less than one fourth of couples over 75 still sexually active. Across all ages couples who reported higher levels of marital satisfaction also reported higher frequencies of sex.
This study left me feeling that the older we got, the less we got it. Not good.
I brought this topic up with some girlfriends one night over a bottle of wine, hoping to get insights into their concerns, and (yes, I admit it) how often they had sex (with their partners).
We all had the same question: I love my husband and he loves me, so why aren’t we having more hot sex together, like we used to? We want to have sex, but sometimes we just aren’t into it. How do we get in the mood? We all hated thinking that things were slowing down, and that they might slow down even more. For sure, menopause can sometimes make sex uncomfortable for some women and our libido can drop off. But, just because a woman is post-menopausal, does she automatically lose interest? Forever? Was that my future? Was I supposed to lock this door and throw away the key?
I was getting worried. Whenever I get worried, I do research. The more research I did, the more worried I got . . . so the more research I did. Finally, someone suggested I meet with Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity”, in which she explores many of the questions my friends and I were confronting, specifically why couples who have been together for a very long time often can’t sustain a rich, enjoyable sexual life . . . together. Esther was eager to find out because in her view . . . sex after fifty may be the best sex we’ll ever have.
First, Esther said, we had to address some long-held views about sex after 50 that may not be true.
oWomen over 50 are sexually dysfunctional due to menopause. According to Esther’s research, the majority of women over 50 are sexually healthy. Sexual problems that are menopause-related can be addressed with simple solutions like lubricants or estrogen.
oMen think women over 50 are sexually undesirable. Esther has rarely encountered a man who says his low sex drive is related to how his wife looks, or her age. But he will be turned off if she has stopped being interested in sex. Men want women who want sex.
oIf you’re not having spontaneous sex, it must mean your sex life is over. When, Esther asked, was sex ever spontaneous? When you were first together, you had sex on your mind for hours, maybe even days, leading up to the experience. In many cases, you set the date, thought about it, planned the evening, even what to wear. It may have seemed spontaneous . . . but it wasn’t. Good sex is planned sex.
oIf a couple is having less sex, it’s her fault. News flash: if a woman over 50 is having less sex, chances are it’s him, not her. With men, his low sex drive is often related to health problems or medications he may be on, many of which are known to create some sexual functioning challenges. Men aren’t used to needing stimulation, and it can be troubling. Sometimes he’ll just avoid it, causing the woman to think he’s no longer attracted to her, which results in a sexual Catch-22.
oIf you want to have a better sex life, you need to get closer. On the contrary, Esther says, excess information and over-sharing can put the kibosh on desire, while a little mystery can fuel sexual attraction.
Creating an erotic space between you and your partner is essential for good sex. I share lots of tips on how to do that in The Best of Everything After 50 ( www.bestofeverythingafter50.com.)
Then, we explored the three main tools that women can use to get into the mood, when we may be thinking about watching reruns of Seinfeld, instead of having sex:
oArousal – Watch a movie or read a book, have a fantasy, put on some sexy lingerie. Many things can arouse us. Arousal can lead to desire, and desire leads to sex. Figure out what gets you going and use it when you need it.
oDesire – Desire is wanting to be turned on. With this entry point you want to get aroused, and you want to actively engage in getting turned on with your partner.
oWillingness – This is the most important entry point for women over 50. It’s the willingness to be engaged in desire. If you’ve been ignoring, neglecting or denying your sexual self for a while, then you must consciously decide that you want sex in order to even let yourself feel desire. We talk ourselves into doing things all the time – going out to an event, cooking dinner – but people don’t think about talking themselves into having sex, and they confuse it with “pity sex.” This made complete and total sense to me . . . and, even better, it works!
What I learned: After 50, we’re at a sexual crossroads, and need to make a choice: We could go through menopause, and realize that our experience of sex is changing and decide that we are done with it, and shut down that part of ourselves, lock the door and throw away the key. Or, (the much more fun choice) we could embrace this new life with a sense of freedom and fun – no more periods, no more worries about getting pregnant, no more doing it because there has to be a result, . . . and you may very well find yourself having the best sex . . . ever.
One little bit of advice: stop looking for studies about how often other people have sex. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors (no matter what they say to the survey interviewer), and . . . who cares?
About the Author: Barbara Hannah Grufferman is an author and blogger.If you would like more information about The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More, please visit my website: www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Interested in having a “The Best of Everything After 50 Book Club”? Email me at Barbara@bestofeverythingafter50.com.
Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/how-have-sex-life-after-50
February 18, 2011
ThirdAge
My husband and I met in the sweltering summer of 1992 and started rocking and rolling immediately. But from the moment we got married a year later, we were 1) thinking about getting pregnant, 2) in a state of pregnancy, 3) recovering from pregnancy, or 4) enjoying (and coping with) the results of pregnancy: babies, toddlers, and now, two teenagers. It wasn’t exactly conducive to swinging from chandeliers.
During those early years, sex was focused more on a result (children), but that’s no longer the case. Like most couples over 50, we are free to have sex pretty much whenever we want. But do we?
I tried to find some statistics about how many times per week married Americans over 50 made love (with each other), but there were so many different studies saying so many different things, it was hard to suss out the truth. One stated that married couples over 50 had sex once or twice a week, while another claimed it was closer to once or twice a month.
Confused, and in need of more information, I met with Dr. Margaret Nachtigall, a reproductive endocrinologist in New York City, and daughter of Dr. Lila Nachtigall, one of this country’s leading experts on menopause, who shared some statistics from a study done by The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior:
A study of married couples found age and marital satisfaction to be the two variables most associated with amount of sex. As couples age, they engage in sex less frequently, with half of couples age 65-75 still engaging in sex, but with less than one fourth of couples over 75 still sexually active. Across all ages couples who reported higher levels of marital satisfaction also reported higher frequencies of sex.
This study left me feeling that the older we got, the less we got it. Not good.
I brought this topic up with some girlfriends one night over a bottle of wine, hoping to get insights into their concerns, and (yes, I admit it) how often they had sex (with their partners).
We all had the same question: I love my husband and he loves me, so why aren’t we having more hot sex together, like we used to? We want to have sex, but sometimes we just aren’t into it. How do we get in the mood? We all hated thinking that things were slowing down, and that they might slow down even more. For sure, menopause can sometimes make sex uncomfortable for some women and our libido can drop off. But, just because a woman is post-menopausal, does she automatically lose interest? Forever? Was that my future? Was I supposed to lock this door and throw away the key?
I was getting worried. Whenever I get worried, I do research. The more research I did, the more worried I got . . . so the more research I did. Finally, someone suggested I meet with Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity”, in which she explores many of the questions my friends and I were confronting, specifically why couples who have been together for a very long time often can’t sustain a rich, enjoyable sexual life . . . together. Esther was eager to find out because in her view . . . sex after fifty may be the best sex we’ll ever have.
First, Esther said, we had to address some long-held views about sex after 50 that may not be true.
oWomen over 50 are sexually dysfunctional due to menopause. According to Esther’s research, the majority of women over 50 are sexually healthy. Sexual problems that are menopause-related can be addressed with simple solutions like lubricants or estrogen.
oMen think women over 50 are sexually undesirable. Esther has rarely encountered a man who says his low sex drive is related to how his wife looks, or her age. But he will be turned off if she has stopped being interested in sex. Men want women who want sex.
oIf you’re not having spontaneous sex, it must mean your sex life is over. When, Esther asked, was sex ever spontaneous? When you were first together, you had sex on your mind for hours, maybe even days, leading up to the experience. In many cases, you set the date, thought about it, planned the evening, even what to wear. It may have seemed spontaneous . . . but it wasn’t. Good sex is planned sex.
oIf a couple is having less sex, it’s her fault. News flash: if a woman over 50 is having less sex, chances are it’s him, not her. With men, his low sex drive is often related to health problems or medications he may be on, many of which are known to create some sexual functioning challenges. Men aren’t used to needing stimulation, and it can be troubling. Sometimes he’ll just avoid it, causing the woman to think he’s no longer attracted to her, which results in a sexual Catch-22.
oIf you want to have a better sex life, you need to get closer. On the contrary, Esther says, excess information and over-sharing can put the kibosh on desire, while a little mystery can fuel sexual attraction.
Creating an erotic space between you and your partner is essential for good sex. I share lots of tips on how to do that in The Best of Everything After 50 ( www.bestofeverythingafter50.com.)
Then, we explored the three main tools that women can use to get into the mood, when we may be thinking about watching reruns of Seinfeld, instead of having sex:
oArousal – Watch a movie or read a book, have a fantasy, put on some sexy lingerie. Many things can arouse us. Arousal can lead to desire, and desire leads to sex. Figure out what gets you going and use it when you need it.
oDesire – Desire is wanting to be turned on. With this entry point you want to get aroused, and you want to actively engage in getting turned on with your partner.
oWillingness – This is the most important entry point for women over 50. It’s the willingness to be engaged in desire. If you’ve been ignoring, neglecting or denying your sexual self for a while, then you must consciously decide that you want sex in order to even let yourself feel desire. We talk ourselves into doing things all the time – going out to an event, cooking dinner – but people don’t think about talking themselves into having sex, and they confuse it with “pity sex.” This made complete and total sense to me . . . and, even better, it works!
What I learned: After 50, we’re at a sexual crossroads, and need to make a choice: We could go through menopause, and realize that our experience of sex is changing and decide that we are done with it, and shut down that part of ourselves, lock the door and throw away the key. Or, (the much more fun choice) we could embrace this new life with a sense of freedom and fun – no more periods, no more worries about getting pregnant, no more doing it because there has to be a result, . . . and you may very well find yourself having the best sex . . . ever.
One little bit of advice: stop looking for studies about how often other people have sex. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors (no matter what they say to the survey interviewer), and . . . who cares?
About the Author: Barbara Hannah Grufferman is an author and blogger.If you would like more information about The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More, please visit my website: www.bestofeverythingafter50.com. Interested in having a “The Best of Everything After 50 Book Club”? Email me at Barbara@bestofeverythingafter50.com.
Original link: http://www.thirdage.com/sex/how-have-sex-life-after-50
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Seniors looking for love in five minutes of speed dating
Keila Torres Ocasio, Staff Writer
CTPost.com
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
BRIDGEPORT -- Leigh, who never gives away her age, smiled as she explained to Seymour why she likes living at Watermark 3030 Park, a senior living community.
"I love it here," she said. "There is a swimming pool and..."
"And a lot of men that are not as good looking as me," said Seymour, 85, who lives at Embassy Towers.
"What else do you do, besides fooling around with me," he asked, obviously flirting.
"Well, what else is there to do besides fooling around with you," Leigh said, playing along.
Leigh and Seymour, like the others participating in Watermark's first senior speed dating event declined to give their last names, had fun getting to know each other Wednesday afternoon -- if only for five minutes.
The event, which was hosted by CTMatch.com, got off to a rough start. Only 16 of the 20 men who registered actually showed up, while about 24 women participated.
But, the single seniors quickly got into a groove. Although the men were supposed to visit a different lady's table every five minutes until they had met everyone, some men doubled back when no one was looking.
Peter and Lynn, for example, chatted twice, discussing the government bailout and deficit. An hour into the event, Peter was the only person Lynn thought had potential for a second date. Everyone else, she said, was well, too senior.
The 57-year-old said she hadn't expected all of the men to be 70 or older. "The guys over there, they can't hear you and they get tongue-tied," the part-time aerobic instructor said. "The last guy I dated was 44 and couldn't keep up with me."
Westport resident Lois, 71, whose husband died two years ago, also wished the men were younger.
"My husband would have been the age of some of them," she said, "but he looked much better."
Every participant had a different tactic Wednesday in the speed dating event.
Richard liked to tell the women about his love for watching the stock market on television, which elicited very different reactions. "Oh, I love it; I love the stock market," was Lois' response.
But Jeanette, 72, who was hoping for instant attraction or chemistry with someone, preferred traveling over television.
"How depressing," was her response to Richard's daily entertainment choice. "What do you do for fun?" she asked him.
"What do I do for fun? I watch the stock market," Richard said.
"Oh, that's not fun," Jeanette replied.
Dottie, a Fairfield resident in her early 70s, said she was looking for someone who shared the same interests. "I would like to go to a movie or dinner or a walk or a concert with someone else, with a man," she said. But alas, five minutes was not long enough to determine whether someone was worth seeing again, she determined.
Only men and women who had circled "yes" next to each other's names would be given contact information.
"What I tell people is if the time goes by quickly, circle yes," said Robert Tamiso, the CTMatch.com event organizer. "If the time drags on, circle no."
Kevin Hunter, executive director at Watermark, said the purpose of the event was to get the seniors to socialize and meet new people, especially in time for Valentine's Day. "The folks here still have a lot of years ahead of them," he said. "So many folks are so isolated if they are not active in their church or a senior center. That's not healthy."
A second speed dating session scheduled for March is already booked and the Watermark is considering making the event a monthly occurrence. Of the hundreds of residents living at the Park Avenue facility, there are only 14 married couples.
http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Seniors-looking-for-love-in-five-minutes-of-speed-1006341.php
CTPost.com
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
BRIDGEPORT -- Leigh, who never gives away her age, smiled as she explained to Seymour why she likes living at Watermark 3030 Park, a senior living community.
"I love it here," she said. "There is a swimming pool and..."
"And a lot of men that are not as good looking as me," said Seymour, 85, who lives at Embassy Towers.
"What else do you do, besides fooling around with me," he asked, obviously flirting.
"Well, what else is there to do besides fooling around with you," Leigh said, playing along.
Leigh and Seymour, like the others participating in Watermark's first senior speed dating event declined to give their last names, had fun getting to know each other Wednesday afternoon -- if only for five minutes.
The event, which was hosted by CTMatch.com, got off to a rough start. Only 16 of the 20 men who registered actually showed up, while about 24 women participated.
But, the single seniors quickly got into a groove. Although the men were supposed to visit a different lady's table every five minutes until they had met everyone, some men doubled back when no one was looking.
Peter and Lynn, for example, chatted twice, discussing the government bailout and deficit. An hour into the event, Peter was the only person Lynn thought had potential for a second date. Everyone else, she said, was well, too senior.
The 57-year-old said she hadn't expected all of the men to be 70 or older. "The guys over there, they can't hear you and they get tongue-tied," the part-time aerobic instructor said. "The last guy I dated was 44 and couldn't keep up with me."
Westport resident Lois, 71, whose husband died two years ago, also wished the men were younger.
"My husband would have been the age of some of them," she said, "but he looked much better."
Every participant had a different tactic Wednesday in the speed dating event.
Richard liked to tell the women about his love for watching the stock market on television, which elicited very different reactions. "Oh, I love it; I love the stock market," was Lois' response.
But Jeanette, 72, who was hoping for instant attraction or chemistry with someone, preferred traveling over television.
"How depressing," was her response to Richard's daily entertainment choice. "What do you do for fun?" she asked him.
"What do I do for fun? I watch the stock market," Richard said.
"Oh, that's not fun," Jeanette replied.
Dottie, a Fairfield resident in her early 70s, said she was looking for someone who shared the same interests. "I would like to go to a movie or dinner or a walk or a concert with someone else, with a man," she said. But alas, five minutes was not long enough to determine whether someone was worth seeing again, she determined.
Only men and women who had circled "yes" next to each other's names would be given contact information.
"What I tell people is if the time goes by quickly, circle yes," said Robert Tamiso, the CTMatch.com event organizer. "If the time drags on, circle no."
Kevin Hunter, executive director at Watermark, said the purpose of the event was to get the seniors to socialize and meet new people, especially in time for Valentine's Day. "The folks here still have a lot of years ahead of them," he said. "So many folks are so isolated if they are not active in their church or a senior center. That's not healthy."
A second speed dating session scheduled for March is already booked and the Watermark is considering making the event a monthly occurrence. Of the hundreds of residents living at the Park Avenue facility, there are only 14 married couples.
http://www.ctpost.com/local/article/Seniors-looking-for-love-in-five-minutes-of-speed-1006341.php
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