So, uh, mom ... we need to chat

With sexually transmitted infections on the rise among Canada's 50-plus population, many adult children are bringing their parents up to speed on the latest in sex ed. From condoms to chlamydia, Viagra to online dating.


ZOSIA BIELSKI
Globe and Mail, November 27, 2008 at 8:50 AM EST

When sixtysomethings come into his Toronto sex shop, Cory Silverberg says, they are normally giddy. And they want to know about condoms.

"They come in joking how it's silly that at this age they don't know anything about this stuff, but they don't, so they want to learn about it," said Mr. Silverberg, who runs Come as You Are.

And on some occasions, they come in with their adult children.

"In the condom section, there will be the conversation where the parent will say, 'I don't need those,' and the kid will say, 'Well, you might.' "

As their mothers and fathers divorce or are widowed, and take up Viagra and online dating, it has sometimes fallen to adult children to re-educate their parents on the hazards of the modern dating world.

Canada's aging population remains ignored by traditional sexual health education campaigns, with the result being a spike in HIV infections and other sexually transmitted diseases.

HIV infections among Canada's 50-plus have almost doubled from 7.6 per cent in 1998 to 13.8 per cent in 2006, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada.

And since 1997, the number of 60-and-overs who report having chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis has risen consistently, although it still remains at less than 5 per cent.

"There seems to be a perception among older people that age gives them some kind of vaccine, some kind of protection against these diseases, and it doesn't," said Jane Fowler, a 73-year-old from Kansas City, Mo., who calls herself the "original 1950s good girl."

Ms. Fowler was a virgin on her wedding night and monogamous for all 23 years of her marriage. After divorcing from her husband, she had a handful of sexual partners, all of whom she knew well.

In 1991, after undergoing routine blood tests for medical insurance, the retired journalist learned she was HIV-positive and that she had gone undiagnosed for five years.

"I was just overwhelmed. It wasn't, 'Why me?' but it was more, 'How could this have happened to me?' " Ms. Fowler recalled.

The man, who was also divorced, did not know he was HIV-positive when he infected Ms. Fowler and did not notify her when he found out.

Ms. Fowler now runs HIV Wisdom for Older Women, a program intended to help prevent older women from contracting the virus. On Monday, she spoke to caregivers in Toronto.

"These diseases that typically strike an older person, so many of them can't be prevented. This can be prevented," she said.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the number of adults in the United States aged 50 and older with HIV-AIDS rose from 16,300 in 1995 to 114,000 in 2006.

Part of that number represents those who were infected years ago and have lived to be older thanks to antiretroviral therapy and other treatment options. Still, 8,000 people over the age of 50 are newly infected every year, a number that makes up about 10 per cent of all new infections. About 2,000 of the newly infected are over 60.

The National Association on HIV Over Fifty estimates that 17 per cent of new infections in Massachusetts were among those over 50 in 2006. That figure reaches 22 per cent in both New York and Miami. In Florida, women over 60 are one of the fastest-growing risk groups, according to the Senior HIV Intervention Project in Fort Lauderdale.

That's because Florida is a snowbird destination, as are cruises, said Joan Price, the California-based author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty.

"A lot of people will go to recover from a divorce or a death by taking a cruise, and meet some dashing stranger. They spend the cruise with the person, feel they know each other really well, have wild and wonderful sex and then start sedately dating," Ms. Price said.

Her website is littered with posts from elderly bloggers who, despite the risk, view protection as a nuisance at their age.

"When we grew up in the fifties and sixties, the worst that could happen was herpes," Ms. Price said. "By the time HIV broke out, most of the people in my generation were married or were in committed relationships. It's likely that most of my generation totally missed that era. Then, because of divorce or death of a spouse, many of us are again in the dating world, but it is not the dating world we left decades ago."

"Men complain to me that condoms make sex less pleasurable, especially when erections are less reliable. Women insist that they're not at risk and that they would be embarrassed to insist on condoms. Haven't we heard variations on these objections from youth?"

Ms. Price said that although it may be up to children to flip the roles and educate their parents, many are too embarrassed to acknowledge their elders' sexuality, let alone head to a clinic together.

But that is precisely the situation at Vermont CARES: In the past six months, the AIDS service organization has seen an increase in older divorced Americans getting pre-emptively tested before they re-enter the dating scene - on the advice of their kids.

"Folks in their 20s and 30s are bringing in their parents, who may be a little too anxious to get tested on their own. It's a really lovely teachable moment," executive director Peter Jacobsen said.

"Children tend to come in for the one-on-one discussion that we do with all HIV tests ... and sort of hold their parents' hands and be with them."

Experts believe HIV infection rates may be even higher than reported. Because they often fail to recognize the risk, seniors are not being tested and doctors may be misdiagnosing them. Essentially, Ms. Price says, "people who don't know they have it are passing it along."

Ms. Fowler was infected at New Year's, 1986. She visited her family doctor five times, but the physician mistook her symptoms for the flu.

"Who knew in 1986 to even look for HIV in an older heterosexual female?" Ms. Fowler said.

Sylvia Davidson, an occupational therapist, said ageism is at the core of the problem. She works with geriatric patients at the Toronto Rehabilitation Institute, and regularly travels across the province to educate health-care professionals about speaking with seniors about unprotected sex.

"A lot of us believe that we're a very open-minded society, but when it comes to aging adults I find that there's still a lot of ageism out there," Ms. Davidson said. "Elderly people themselves end up falling into the trap of believing the myth that exists around them."

Seniors Discuss Love and Intimacy

For Immediate Release
November 14, 2008
North York, ON

“Love and Intimacy Over 60” will be discussed at 1 p.m. November 24, when the Bernard Betel Centre for Creative Living welcomes back guest speaker, Michele Cauch of SageHealth Network. Cauch will present the 2-hour workshop with Jane P. Fowler, founder and director of HIV Wisdom for Older Women, a national program in the U.S. Sponsored by Amica at Thornhill, their talks will focus on seniors’ sexual health promotion and HIV awareness.

The 65-and-over population, according to Statistics Canada, comprised a record 13.7% of Canada’s total population in 2006. It is estimated that by 2050 those over 65 will represent 26.3% of the total population. Although this burgeoning group continues to increase, it has never been the target of healthy sexual messaging. All research indicates that persons over 65 are sexually active, yet this sector of the population continues to be ignored by traditional sexual health education campaigns.

“The fact remains that seniors are having sex, and they’re at risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections,” Cauch said. “It’s essential to raise awareness of sexual health dangers that may affect seniors, give them information so they can protect themselves and help them make better informed decisions about their health.”

The mandate of SageHealth Network is to promote seniors’ sexual health, dispel negative stereotypes about senior sexuality and promote positive aging. SageHealth offers workshops on sexual health promotion for older adults, and training for geriatric care providers and medical professionals. HIV Wisdom for Older Women, based in the Kansas City area, is dedicated to the prevention of HIV infection in older women and to support for elder females aging with the virus. (Programs also target older men.)




Fowler, a retired journalist, has given more than a thousand presentations at venues across the U.S. and in Canada since becoming an activist and public speaker in 1995. Her story has been told, and her work described, by the national media, including the Oprah Winfrey Show, People magazine, CNN and National Public Radio.

The goals of the upcoming workshop are to normalize sexuality as a healthy activity, introduce seniors to sexual health risks, teach ways of communicating about safe sex and help participants advocate for their own sexuality.

The workshop is free and open to men and women who want to learn new information and share their thoughts and concerns on elder sexuality. Older adults, as well as caregivers to seniors, are encouraged to attend.

The Bernard Betel Centre for Creative Living is located at 1003 Steeles Avenue West (SW corner of Steeles and Bathurst). Refreshments provided. For more information, contact Amanda Vasquez at the Betel Centre T: 416- 225-2112 x126.

81-Year-Old Finds Love Online

By Lydia Chen, Shanghai Daily.com
October 27, 200, China

An 81-year-old man in Beijing has proved that a quick wedding and Internet love are not reserved for young people as he married a woman he found online within three days of their first date.

Wu Jieqin, a professor at the China Central Academy of Fine Arts, held a wedding banquet yesterday with Jiang Xiaohui, 58, a woman he found on a matchmaking Website in September 2008, Beijing Morning Post reported today.

“I saw her picture online and I thought she was just the one I was looking for,” Wu told the newspaper.

Wu divorced when he was 63. He put a lonely heart notice on the matchmaking Website last year with the help of a student.

The sculpture expert bought a computer to better communicate with his daughter in the United States and had been using the Internet since 1998 when he returned to China from teaching overseas.

Still, he never expected he would find love online.

After chatting online for 10 days, Wu went to Chengdu City in Sichuan Province to meet Jiang, the report said.

“I knew I found my true love at the first sight of her,” Wu told the newspaper.

The couple decided to knot the tie after three days after meeting.

“I didn’t care what others thought,” Wu was quoted as saying. “There are no rules against old people seeking love online and the Internet not only belongs to the young people.”

But to reach the altar, Wu had to overcome the opposition of Jiang's parents, aged 85 and 86, who feared he was too old.

But he won them over.

"His voice is very youthful. Not like an 80-year-old," Jiang, a retired railway worker and a Sichuan native, told the paper. "He's very romantic."

Wu said he plans to move to Sichuan to be with his new bride.

He likened their love to two well-meshed gears.

"As long they are up to scratch, they can keep turning forever, and you don't have to care whether they're old or new," he told Beijing Morning Post.

In China, couples traditionally get married legally first and then hold a wedding banquet at a later date.


Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/world/2008/love.htm

Invisible And Overlooked

By Jessica Bennett, Newsweek Web

September 18, 2008

Bob McCoy is a youthful, active 78-year-old. He sings in his church choir, takes a weekly computer class, and regularly attends social gatherings organized by a gay senior citizens group in Brooklyn, N.Y., where he lives. But McCoy worries about a day when he can no longer care for himself: he has no close family, no partner, and he's outlived most of his friends. "I'm used to having friends I can call up and say, 'Let's go to [a movie],'" he says. "But now there's nobody to call."

Newly engaged, Jim Fetterman, 62, and Ilde Gonzalez-Rivera, 56, look forward to growing old together at their home in Queens, N.Y., where they share a garden and a green Cadillac. But the couple isn't sure if or when they'll be able to marry. Their house is in Rivera's name, but because the couple can't legally wed in New York, Fetterman won't automatically inherit it, should his partner die. And even though they are registered domestic partners in New York City, neither man will have access to the other's Social Security, because the federal government doesn't recognize their relationship. "It's not something we like to think about, but there's a certain amount of anxiety that comes with not having those things," says Fetterman.

These are typical faces of the gay and aging—a growing population often overlooked by mainstream advocates. Gerontologists haven't traditionally viewed sexual orientation as relevant to their work—and, according to a study by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, most national health surveys of elderly citizens fail to assess sexual orientation. But gay seniors confront unique challenges: they're twice as likely as straights to live alone, and 10 times less likely to have a caretaker should they fall ill. Older gay men are at high risk for HIV, and many suffer the psychological effects of losing friends to the AIDS crisis. Many face discrimination in medical and social services, and on top of it all, they're less likely to have health insurance: one survey, by the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation Law, at UCLA, estimates that gay seniors are half as likely to have coverage as their straight counterparts.

"In many ways, this population is a mirror opposite of what the mainstream aging community looks like," says Karen Taylor, director of advocacy and training for the New York-based Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Elders, or SAGE, the nation's oldest senior network. "The average senior in the United States lives with one other person; two-thirds of LGBT seniors live alone. If you don't have those informal support networks built into your life, then everything else becomes a bigger issue. Who forces you to go to the doctor? What happens if you fall?"

As this community grows, in both population and visibility, those questions are becoming harder to ignore. Over the next 25 years, persons in America who are 65 and older are expected to grow from about 12 to 20 percent of the total population, and various estimates indicate that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered individuals will comprise 7 to 10 percent of that senior population. Meanwhile, like the Baby Boomers of all stripes, aging gays and lesbians are radically redefining what it means to be a senior—and how they fit into the larger community. They're coming out of the closet, vocalizing their experiences and needs, and, most importantly, demanding public recognition. "If you go back 40 years, there were virtually no openly gay seniors," says Gary Gates, a senior research fellow and demographer at the Williams Institute. "But now you have a large enough group that people are paying attention."

This year, SAGE is celebrating its 30th anniversary, and running an ad campaign in New York to raise awareness about their constituents. And when the organization holds its national conference on aging next month, it will be sponsored for the first time by the AARP. Just that acknowledgement, say advocates, is huge: with 40 million members, the AARP is considered one of America's most powerful lobbying groups—and an influential voice on health care and social policy. "When we look to the future, we know we cannot progress if we don't bring in these other communities," says the Washington-based organization's chief diversity officer, E. Percil Stanford. "The [gay and lesbian] community is quite often invisible and overlooked."

That recognition is much needed—especially for older seniors, many of who spent years hiding their sexuality, and in some sense, still do. Many of today's seniors were already in their 20s and 30s when the Stonewall riots took place in 1969, considered the birth of the gay rights movement. Until 1973, homosexuality was still considered a mental illness, and in some jurisdictions in the United States, gays could be prosecuted as recently as five years ago, before the Supreme Court struck down a Texas sodomy law. Attitudes may have changed, but many seniors harbor chilling memories of being shunned, isolated, and in fear for their physical safety.

Social worker Lee Chew, 59, remembers, in junior high school, looking up "gay" in the dictionary, to find out just how "sick" he was—and deciding, until he was in his mid-20s, "to keep this to myself." At 90, Jerre Kalbas, one of SAGE's original female members, tells stories of growing up in the 1930s, when women weren't supposed to even wear pants. She describes men hooting at her on the street, yelling "dyke"—and even though she had relationships with other women, she was terrified she'd be exposed to her family, or fired from her job. McCoy, who spent years as an Army communications official, remembers going to a bar in Greenwich Village in the late 1960s, and climbing out a bathroom window to escape police officers during a surprise raid. Fetterman, who came out to his wife and the Episcopal church where he was a priest just six years ago, was dismissed from his job and kicked out of his home. "My entire life came crashing down," he says.

Some seniors, like McCoy, still won't offer up their orientation willingly. (Though McCoy considers himself out, he still hasn't told his doctor, therapist or social worker he is gay.) And in some cases, that internalized fear may actually prevent lesbian and gay seniors from accessing public services. One study, by the Milwaukee County Department On Aging, found that gay seniors who feared they wouldn't be welcome at an aging center were five times less likely to step foot in the door.

For those who can afford it, there are gay-specific retirement communities and free service centers dotted around the nation, mostly in urban areas. But most regular nursing homes give shared-room preference to their married clients, and only a few states require employers to give leave for employees caring for same-sex partners. Inside care centers, advocates tell stories of social workers using gloves to treat only their gay patients, or those patients being shuffled around from room to room to avoid harassment from other residents. In rare cases, social workers say that couples have gone to the extent of agreeing not to visit each other, for fear the staff will treat them differently. And many patients revert back into the closet to protect themselves. "If you can imagine a situation where you're 80 years old, with no kids, a partner passed, no cousins or relatives and not one service that will provide you help with an emoticon of respect, that's what most LGBT seniors in this country face right now," says Michael Adams, SAGE's executive director.

Financial and estate-planning matters can complicate things further. In most cases, gay survivors don't have rights to a partner's pension plans, and are taxed on 401(k)s and IRAs they might inherit. Same-sex couples must also pay federal estate taxes on jointly owned homes where married couples don't. Sometimes they even have to fight with blood relatives over how to dispose of a partner's remains. To approximate some of the protections of marriage, many gay couples have to set up extra legal frameworks, such as powers or attorney and joint tenancy agreements. "Senior citizens have enough of a challenge just figuring out all the paperwork for health insurance—but gays and lesbians have this added layer," says attorney David Buckel, the director of the Marriage Project at the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, a civil rights group. "It can be overwhelming."

The good news, of course, is that attitudes are changing. At New York's gay pride parade earlier this year, SAGE made the rounds in two purple trolleys, amid 90-degree heat, with walking canes and colorful streamers waving out the windows. Some had been coming to the parade for years; for others, it was their first time. One couple, in matching T-shirts, held a sign that read: "Together 51 Years"—to raucous cheers from the crowd. "The fact is," says Adams, "the [gay and lesbian] community is going through a sea change in terms of the way we live our lives." For gay seniors, there's no time to waste.

Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2008/overlooked.htm

Who Are You Calling Old?

By June Kronholz, World Street Journal

August 26, 2008

In 1996, Bob Dole, the Republican Party's presidential nominee, battled criticism that, at 73 years old, he was too old to be president. Now 85, Mr. Dole is working "pretty much every day" at a Washington law firm, says the firm's spokesman.

Age is certain to be an issue in this election, too. Republican Sen. John McCain, who turns 72 this week, would be the oldest man elected president should he win. Democratic Sen. Barack Obama, at 47, would be the fourth-youngest.

But in a country that is rapidly aging while staying healthy longer, what does old age mean, and how much should it matter?

The average U.S. life expectancy is now age 78, up 30 years since 1900 and up 10 years since 1950, according to the Census Bureau. Geriatricians now talk of those younger than 80 as the "young old," and of those younger than 65 as the "near old."

U.S. businesses still seem wary of older people. The Corporate Library, a business-research firm, says that seven of the largest 500 public companies, including News Corp. -- owner of Dow Jones & Co., publisher of The Wall Street Journal -- have chief executives who are 72 or older. Some corporate recruiters warn about the memories, energy levels and technological savvy of older executives.

By that standard, businessman Warren Buffet, one-quarter of U.S. senators and four Supreme Court justices are over the over-72 hill.

In corporate America, "there's a code word -- how much 'runway' does a guy have" left in his career, said Hal Reiter, chairman of Herbert Mines Associates, which recruits executives for the retail industry. An executive in his 60s probably has five to seven years left on his runway, Mr. Reiter said.

Some who study aging say such fears are misplaced. A 45-year-old and a 75-year-old "absolutely" have the same mental capacity, and energy is a function of health rather than aging, said Neil Resnick, chief of geriatric medicine at the University of Pittsburgh.

"Aging has such a small impact on how we function that it is of minimal importance" compared with experience, personality and the advisers a president or chief executive surrounds himself with, Dr. Resnick added.

Geriatricians say most people begin losing organ function -- which means they start aging -- somewhere between 18 and 30. After that, the heart, kidneys and other organs lose about 1% of their function each year. The world record for a 75-year-old marathon runner is about 50% longer than the world record for a runner who is 50 years younger.

But organs have from four to six times more capacity than most people need. That excess capacity is why we can run marathons or endure other extraordinary mental or physical challenges.

Brain function declines at the same rate as other organs, and especially affects how fast older people can retrieve information -- the explanation for that maddening "senior moment."

Our genes influence how much and how fast we decline: They account for about 30% of longevity and perhaps half of age-related changes in the brain, said John Rowe, a physician and former Aetna Inc. chairman who now heads a MacArthur Foundation research program on aging.

But life experience and accumulated wisdom can help offset normal brain decline and compensate for slowed retrieval time. "The great benefit of aging is 'been there, done that and learned from it,' " said David Reuben, head of geriatric medicine at the University of California at Los Angeles. Mathematicians do their best work in their 20s; orchestra conductors and diplomats peak in their 60s or 70s, he added.

On the other hand, Robert Butler, who founded the government's National Institute on Aging and now heads the International Longevity Center research group, credits judgment over experience when it comes to making sound decisions. He points to Abraham Lincoln, who was 52 and had just 10 years of government experience before becoming president.

Dr. Butler added, though, that brain cells can continue to "flourish" and grow in people in their 80s. Vocabularies expand as people age; older brains develop unconscious work-arounds to diminish the effects of slowed retrieval speed.

Despite Sen. McCain's admitted aversion to technology, there is no research that shows older people are less willing to take up new ideas. "If he's averse to technology now, he probably always was," said Dr. Resnick.

UCLA's Dr. Reuben insists that commentators are asking the wrong question when they focus on age: It isn't how old, but how healthy the candidates are.

Almost everyone knows a 75-year-old who sky-dives, hikes the Grand Canyon or runs a family business. Census Bureau data suggest that Americans generally are staving off disability to the very end of life: Those at age 65 can expect that half their remaining years will be disability free.

About one in eight men age 70 or older is working, and among those who aren't, poor health is one of the less-important reasons. Even though age-discrimination laws often prevent mandatory retirement, twice as many say they were "forced" to retire for one reason or other as those who said they were sidelined by illness.

But most people also know someone who died in his or her 50s from a heart attack or cancer. The risks of disease and the effects of a lifetime of exposure to sun, pollution, cigarettes and other life shorteners catch up with us as we age.

The percentage of people with Alzheimer's disease doubles every five years after age 65, and while heart-related deaths are down in the past four decades, cancer deaths are rising.

The backdrop for all this is an over-65 population that will double to 80 million in 30 years as the tidal wave of baby boomers sweeps through. One in five people will be older than 65, up from one in eight now, and Dr. Rowe predicts a future in which as many Americans push walkers as strollers.

Longer life will have a huge effect on everything from immigration policy to public transit to housing. Where will we find all the home health aides, how do we get 85-year-olds off the highways and what is to become of those four-bedroom houses?

Retirement at age 65 made sense when most workers poured steel, plowed fields and mined coal. Today's workers -- still vital and healthy, for the most part -- want nothing to do with lowering their Social Security-benefits age.

An aging society also may affect elections, although that is less clear. Researchers who study prejudice say that Americans are more biased against the elderly than against any other group, including those identified by their race or sexual orientation. Even the elderly are biased against the elderly.

Voters ages 65 and older account for more than one-quarter of the electorate and vote at higher rates than other age groups. In presidential elections, young voters "always go for the new face," said Robert Binstock, a professor of aging at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, but older voters vote much like everyone else.

That means that, even in an aging society, Sen. McCain can't count on the oldster vote, even as Sen. Obama is relying on the youth vote. Being older is one thing; it could be that voting for an older president is another.


Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/elderrights/us/2008/who.htm

Sex and the 75-year-old woman

As we are all aware, whenever a news item hits the media about sexuality and seniors, the buzz goes off the scale. It still is newsworthy that seniors can be sexual and enjoy intimacy. As I've noted before, thankfully times are changing with the increasing number of Baby Boomers revamping the horizon on many fronts. We are now beginning to see more older actresses on the silver screen reflecting the life changes of real life women. Casting actresses in romantic leading roles with contemporary actors who are the same age really brings to life the reality of our society and indeed population statistics. Just as Dove's Real Beauty campaign is breaking new ground with its Real Women advertising, Hollywood has finally gotten on board and is showing how ordinary women in their 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s are a visible force affecting the societal landscape. Noteworthy names like Helen Mirren, Diane Lane, Meryl Streep, Diane Keaton and Glenn Close portray women who are sexy, romantic and comedic...Ordinary women are beginning to recognize themselves in cinema in movies that are believable and real--they are more inclusive of age and gender differences rather than fantastical and unobtainable story lines.
Thanks to Linda Barnard for her piece on the 2008 film, Lovely, Still, about seniors finding love. The film was released during the Toronto International Film Fest.

MCauch
SageHealth Network
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TheStar.com - Film Fest - Sex and the 75-year-old woman

September 14, 2008
Linda Barnard, Movie Editor

Maybe it's because thinking about our parents having sex still creeps us out no matter how old we are, actor Ellen Burstyn mused over a cup of tea in Yorkville last week.

"I heard Jay Leno make a joke that latest studies show that people are having sex into their seventies, eighties," she said with a wry smile. "He made a joke with a punch line, but it's true. People continue having sex and I don't think young people know that."

Looking at least a decade younger than her 75 years, her skin glowing against a hot pink silk scarf, the star of The Exorcist, Same Time Next Year and last year's fest film The Stone Angel brought her new movie Lovely, Still to TIFF.

It's what they call a "small movie" and has yet to pick up a distributor, but it's a worthy effort thanks to outstanding work by Burstyn and fellow screen vet, Martin Landau, 77. They play Mary and Robert, two lonely people in their seventies who find love, romance and, yes, intimacy during the Christmas holidays. But the story takes a dramatic twist that takes the movie to an extraordinary place.

The fact Lovely, Still is written and directed by first-timer Nik Fackler, 24, makes the project all the more remarkable.

Sex always has a starring role at TIFF, some of it energetic, some disturbing, some thrilling and sensual, and some just plain weird.

But as willing as filmmakers are to push sexual boundaries onscreen, there remains one taboo: sex and seniors. In fact, it seems Hollywood would have us believe 40 sounds the death knell for sex.

And then there was this year's Cloud 9, Andreas Dresen's frankly sexual movie that explores the affair between Inge, a married retired seamstress and her 70-something client, Karl. Dubbed Old People F---ing by some, the surprise with this German flick was just how steamy the sex scenes were.

The film opens with a breathless coupling, something we're not used to seeing on the big screen between a pair with fleshy folds of skin, grey hair and wrinkles around eyes closed in ecstasy. It also explores the attendant hurt and betrayal experienced by Inge's cuckolded husband, wounds as sharp as if they were teenage lovers.

Landau, a veteran stage actor perhaps best known for his work on TV's Mission: Impossible as master of disguise Rollin Hand, refers to director Fackler as "the kid" with great fondness. He's passionate about his role in Lovely, Still in a way he hasn't been for a part in a long time.

"I love this movie," he said, tall and still handsome in a dark suit. "I absolutely love it. It's hard for me to say I love something that I'm in; I don't love it usually. It's a very good movie and I think of it with joy, and I love this movie. Everything I wanted it to be. I trusted this kid, and Ellen, well, she's Ellen."

Landau sees the movie as "a picture about two teenagers, it's basically a teenaged romance."

Adds Burstyn, "there are a lot of people who are single who find love later in life."

She ought to know, having been in a relationship for the past four years with a theatre professor she met through her work at The Actors Studio in Los Angeles.

So life – and a love life – gets better with age?

"I think so, yeah," she says with a smile.

Are you listening, Hollywood?


Original link: http://www.thestar.com/article/498918

HIV Risk Rises Among Older Brazilians

By Gary Duff, BBC News Sao Paulo, Brazil
July 29, 2008

Walking down a street or through a shopping centre in Sao Paulo, Lucia looks like any other mother or grandmother going about her normal business.

But this 71-year-old woman carries a burden that few know about. She is HIV-positive and the virus was passed on to her by her husband.

Lucia discovered she was infected in 1999, four years after he died of a heart attack.

"I nearly went crazy. I even tried to commit suicide," she says. "I couldn't believe it."

"Some marks appeared on my skin and I went to a doctor who asked me to do some tests and it was confirmed.

"I got it from my husband. As part of his work he stayed away from home for four months and I think it was then that he got it."

Lucia is one of many older people who are treated for HIV at the Emilio Ribas Hospital, the leading centre for infectious diseases in Latin America.

Research among older patients there has found that among women of more than 60 years of age, 75% were infected by their husbands.

Among the men, 80% contracted the virus through sex outside marriage.

Lucia refuses to blame her husband for what happened in her life, and even goes so far as to shoulder some of the responsibility herself.

"He was very good to me. He was an excellent husband. I didn't feel anger against him.

"We never used condoms because we never thought we would get this disease. I don't think he knew he had this virus."

'Guilt'

At the clinic for elderly people in Emilio Ribas, doctors see 100 patients a month, 10% to 15% of whom are new cases.

Jean Gorinchteyn, a specialist in infectious diseases who was responsible for the research, says he has found it is common for men to feel guilty for infecting the wife, while wives tend to forgive the husband.

"These men symbolise a role within the family, as a father, as a grandfather, as a reassuring figure. Suddenly they discover they have HIV," he says.

"It's a problem because it reveals other things, such as that he has sexual vigour and that he had sex outside the family environment."

Another woman who had to endure this experience was 65-year-old Luciene. She watched as her husband, already ill with diabetes, began to lose weight and his hair, until after repeated tests a doctor indicated he was HIV-positive.

When he was admitted to hospital in 1998, she said he was so shocked and scared by witnessing the illness among Aids patients in that period.

"He was so sad, so sad, that he stopped talking. It was like he was paralysed."

After he died, Luciene had to confront another reality.

"I underwent tests secretly. I was ashamed. My husband was very well known and I never told anyone."

She, too, was diagnosed as HIV-positive, but like Lucia she will not blame her husband.

"I never had the courage to discuss it with him," she says.

"I even asked my daughter not to say anything to anyone that he was carrying the virus and that he died of it. He would be ashamed in front of his friends."

'Education'

Pedro, 73, is among the older male HIV patients at the clinic. He arrived with a walking stick to give him support.

Pedro says he doesn't know how he contracted HIV

"I had a problem with dizziness and went to the doctor. I found out that I was HIV-positive after I had some tests done."

Pedro, whose wife died years ago, says he does not know how he contracted the virus, but he never used condoms.

"I never used to think about using condoms. I was married," he says.

"Nowadays I think that people are well-informed."

For Dr Gorinchteyn, looking after the needs of older people who have HIV and even spotting that they may be carrying the virus represents a major challenge, especially when late diagnosis can add to the problems.

"When you have a young patient with a serious pneumonia being hospitalised, the first thing you ask is whether an HIV (test) has been done. When an older person has serious pneumonia we imagine it could be because his immune system is weakened."

He has found older patients adhere much more closely to their medical treatment than younger ones.

It is as if they suddenly realise that death is closer than they thought, says Dr Gorinchteyn.

Many of those diagnosed with HIV in their 60s were infected a decade earlier, and the doctor says it is important to include older people in sexual health campaigns.

Marginalisation

"Today, someone in their 60s or 70s is still in good physical condition. If they feel physically well they will have sex. If they are going to have sex they run the risk of being exposed," Dr Gorinchteyn says.

The problem is that older patients are overlooked and not targeted by government campaigns, he says.

For Luciene, what matters most now is getting on with her life as best as she can.

Luciene was infected by her husband, but does not blame him

"My life continues well because I have a loving family. I don't want for anything. The doctors here are better than in the private sector," she says.

"The worst thing is the sadness that we have because we feel humiliated."

*The names of the patients have been changed to protect their identity.

Three Cheers for National Sex Day!

If all goes well, the creative geniuses at Hallmark will be hard at work thinking of greeting cards for this hoped for holiday observance. National Sex Day was an idea conceived by a Vancouver student. It's slated to be celebrated August 21, 2008. A great idea that consenting adults of all ages (within legal parameters) can enjoy. It might be a little more difficult to find a greeting card for this occasion than Grandparent's Day!

MCauch
SageHealth Network
-----------------------


Unzip and unwind for National Sex Day
August 10, 2008

By Terrine Friday, THE CANADIAN PRESS

OTTAWA — Here’s one holiday you won’t want to miss.

A Vancouver student has launched an Internet campaign to create a National Sex Day.

And while it won’t be an official holiday, it’s sure to be fun.

Jonathan Yaniv, a computer science student at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Surrey, B.C., wants to make Aug. 21 a day devoted to the art of love.

The 21-year-old is trying to get at least one million Canadians to join the Facebook event “National Sex Day 2008.” If he’s successful, it will likely be the biggest organized sex event ever.

The Facebook group already has over 130,000 people getting ready to unzip and unwind.

“I thought a special day, just for this type of activity, (would) be the best,” said Yaniv.

He has been preparing his guests by promoting safer sex, even sending out free condoms on request.

March 21 was initially slated to be the first National Sex Day, but it didn’t go over well with Christians — it was also Good Friday.

Despite that misstep, Yaniv hopes to set a new record with the upcoming mix and mingle.

Vancouver sexologist Dr. Pega Ren thinks the idea is long overdue and wants more Canadians to hop in the sack.

“People should call in well rather than call in sick (that day),” she said.

Ren said a day devoted to sex and sexual well-being is important because it “de-emphasizes hatred and promotes kindness, loving and sexuality.”

She also said that if Canadians don’t get the day off, they should “at least get a long lunch.”

Brittany, a 19-year-old student in St. Catharines, Ont. — who requested her last name not be used — said she can’t wait to “make the best“ of the informal holiday. But she added that participants should be careful.

“If you’re silly enough to find a partner just for the day, don’t be upset when you get a sexually transmitted disease,” she said.

Mike Haymes, spokesman for sexualityandu.ca, reminds participants to make smart decisions about sex and sexual health.

Sexualityandu.ca, which is run by the Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada, provides Canadians of all ages with online resources to lead a healthy sex life.

Haymes said he will probably take part in National Sex Day, especially since it coincides with his wedding day.

But not everybody is as eager to get it on.

Guinness World Records decided not to take track the online effort.

“We try to stay away from explicit types of records,” Guinness said, citing responsibility to younger readers as their main reason for staying chaste. 14:37ET 10-08-08

Intimacy is important in the lives of seniors

Scarborough Mirror
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS

Whether we like it or not it happens to each of us: we get older.
If we're lucky, we will live long enough to survive our golden years enjoying retirement and with a rich personal life. That's right, a personal life.

Nowhere does it say that when we hit a certain age that our desire to be in an intimate relationship with a special someone diminishes. But that is one of the misconceptions of seniors - they don't date, let alone have sex.

"People cannot put those two concepts together (seniors and dating)," said Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company that hosts workshops for seniors. "They cannot imagine it and if they do they're disgusted by it and it's so pathetic, and it's sad and discouraging."

Cauch said she hopes that through her work with the SageHealth Network she'll change those misconceptions about seniors.

"We're all going to get older and for God sake's if anyone judges me because of how I look because I have wrinkles or grey hair, I think that's horrible, you're really dehumanizing a person because of their age," she said.

Ruth Goodman, senior social worker at Baycrest Geriatric Health Care Centre in North York, agreed. She said many people have stereotypes about seniors, with the impression they are somehow different when it comes to love.

"There is a lot of misunderstanding and gender bias as well," she said. "If older men have grey hair that's an attribute, but a woman with grey hair is seen as somehow losing her sexuality and that's unfair."

According to Statistics Canada, the 65-plus age group accounts for 13.1 per cent of Canada's total population, which means, Cauch said, for the first time ever this country will have more older than younger people. By 2050, that number will be at 26.3 per cent.

This number can be attributed to people living longer, advances in medicine and healthier lifestyles, and, Cauch said, a solid emotional and social life certainly adds to that longevity.

Goodman said meeting a new person, having someone being interested in you and having fun are things many older people are hungry for and it contributes to their general emotional well-being.

"Some things are core for everyone no matter the age and that is you want to be acknowledged, validated, and we get that through our relationships," Goodman said. "These things are lifelong, the need to love and be loved, cared about and wanted."

That's not to say that seniors may not face challenges.

For example, if a person has been out of the dating game for awhile she may not only may not only be hesitant, but out of practice.

Goodman said once a senior is ready to date again, the No. 1 thing to do is be socially involved so you have the opportunity to meet people.

Cauch's workshops touch upon all kinds of topics, including the best places for seniors to meet people.

"Volunteering, it's a great way to feel good about yourself and give back to the community; special interest classes; there's going out with friends; faith-based groups; singles travel, which is huge right now; and senior centres," Cauch said.

One area that has exploded, Cauch said, is online dating for seniors, which recently has expanded to include online speed dating.

Goodman also suggested meeting people at church or synagogue, as any social gathering equals opportunity.

That being said, if a senior has been absent from the dating game for 30 to 50 years, some things have changed.

Sexually transmitted infections are on the rise for seniors

Scarborough Mirror
June is Seniors Month
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS

Seniors who have been out of the dating game have a new set of things to think about.
While they don't have to worry about getting pregnant any more, sexually transmitted infections are on the rise for older people.

Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company that hosts workshops for seniors, said there are many reasons for this, including people not using protection.

"Just because they're (seniors) beyond child-bearing years people aren't using condoms, they think 'Why should I use condoms I'm not going to get pregnant, I'm 75'...," she said.

Another reason is that 50 years ago, diseases were curable and AIDS was not an issue.

Cauch said the number of HIV cases are also going up because individuals with the disease are living longer and are aging with their illness.

"So there are people acquiring sexually transmitted infections later in life because they're not practising safe sex but there are also people who have acquired STIs earlier in life and they're living longer," Cauch said.

Another interesting fact to note is that with the advent of Viagra, there has been an increase in older married women getting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

"A lot of these older men are taking Viagra and then cheating on their spouses, pick up an STD and bring it back to their wives," Cauch said

Caution aside, Cauch said senior dating is often more about meeting friends and having companionship more than it is about dating and having sex in the traditional sense. That's because some seniors may have mobility issues and medication can affect desire and ability.

"With respect to sexuality, seniors I think have a different interpretation about what sex is," Cauch said. "It may not be penetrative sex but it's more what I like to call outercourse."

Ruth Goodman, senior social worker at Baycrest Geriatric Health Care Centre in North York, said sexuality and intimacy should definitely be present in a senior's life, but it should be defined more broadly.

"Intercourse is not the only way to be close to someone, ... it's affection, touch, hugging, kissing caressing. With older people where there may be certain physical losses so it means lovemaking takes a different shape," Goodman said.

Whether you're 65 or 95, Goodman said the richer your social network is the better off you will be. Because seniors go through a number of mental and physical changes, a great support system will help them to better navigate through those changes and be more resilient.

More Sex for Today's Seniors

Tara Parker-Pope
New York Times
July 22, 2008


The sex lives of senior citizens have improved markedly in the past three decades, according to a new study.

The data, published in The British Medical Journal, have been collected since the 1970s from 1,500 Swedish adults, all of whom were 70 years old at the time of the interview. Although the report is from Sweden, it mirrors recent research in the United States that shows many people continue to have active sex lives well into old age.

But the Swedish data are notable in that they illuminate how people’s sex lives and attitudes have changed over time. Today’s seniors report that they are having sex far more often and have more positive feelings associated with sex than their counterparts just 30 years ago.

From 1971 to 2000 the proportion of 70-year-olds reporting sexual intercourse increased, although interestingly, more married men say they are having sex than married women. Among married men, 68 percent were having sex, compared to 52 percent in 1971. Among married women, 56 percent were having sex, compared to 38 percent in the 1970s.

Sexual activity also has increased for unmarried seniors. Among the single, 54 percent of the men and 12 percent of the women reported having sex, up from 30 percent of men and less than 1 percent of women in the 1970s.

Among those who were sexually active, more than one in four seniors in 2000 reported having sex once or more a week, compared to only about 10 percent in the 1970s.
More than half of men and women reported very happy relationships, compared to just more than one-third in the 1970s. Overall, modern 70-year-olds reported higher satisfaction with sexuality, fewer sexual dysfunctions and more positive attitudes to sexuality in later life than those who were interviewed in the 1970s.

The researchers noted that the study wasn’t designed to determine why seniors appear to be having more sex. However, the people interviewed in the 1970s were born at the turn of the century, at a time when sexuality and sexual pleasure were not discussed. The last generation of 70-year-olds interviewed for the study were in their 30s during the 1960s sexual revolution and may have had more liberal values about sex.

Modern 70-year-olds likely are more healthy as well. During the course of the study, life expectancy for Swedes jumped five years for men, to age 77, and four years for women, to age 82. Modern seniors also have access to medications like Viagra that earlier generations did not.

Original link: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/22/more-sex-for-todays-seniors/?em

More Seniors Find Love a Click Away

By Frank Greve, Detroit Free Press
July 20, 2008

Murray Katz, 82, a retired senior federal patent-appeals examiner, has made a transition that lies ahead for millions of Americans.

"When I was growing up, I didn't see women who were in their 60s and 70s as women," he said recently. "Now, it's amazing. The men I know are all looking at 80-year-old women. They're our friends. We listen to them. We dance with them. We have sex with them when we can. It's beyond comprehension."

For many it's unimaginable. But one of the things new under the sun since Katz was a boy is an 18-year increase in U.S. life expectancy, much of it spent in healthy retired life.

Those who are living through it spend their time in the traditional American way: pursuing happiness. And so it is that senior citizens aren't just dating more, they're the fastest-growing users of Internet dating services and the fastest growing group of cohabiters.

To be sure, older men remain in short supply and millions of widows decide that meeting one man's needs was enough. A few million more are ailing beyond caring. Still, there are more couples than ever like Eleanor Robinson and John Kunec.

She's 85, a Scrabble player, poet and table tennis champ whose social hub is the bustling Holiday Park Senior Center in Wheaton, Md., just north of Washington.

He's 83, fit and friendly, a retired government accountant.

Both are widowed.

As surely as she carries his harmonica in her tote bag and they finish each other's sentences and watch ballgames together, they're a couple."I never had a relationship such as I have now," confided Robinson, Robinsone friends of friends. According to Mark Brooks, a consultant and newsletter writer who tracks the Internet-dating industry, the number of seniors joining online dating services has risen at double-digit rates annually since 2003, the most of any age group.

But attitude changes are probably the biggest factor in their expanding social lives.

A generation ago, romance among the elderly was derided, said Pepper Schwartz, a University of Washington sociologist who's studied dating among older adults.

"Falling in love at an elderly age was seen as somewhere between unwise and dementia," she said.

Today, the elderly find remarriage fraught with headaches: It can threaten pensions. It can alarm children worried about inheritance. It comes with love-testing anxiety about liability for a new spouse's health costs. So remarriage rates among seniors are flat.

But, according to Susan Brown, a demographer at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, cohabiting among older people increased 50% from 2000 to 2006, based on census figures.

The total -- 1.8 million -- counts only couples who live together full time and were willing to admit it to census interviewers. Part-time cohabiting -- traveling together, sharing a summer house, spending weekends together -- is up at least as sharply, according to seniors.

The family's acceptance is key to romances that flourish, said Steve Shields, head of Meadowlark Hills, an adult living center in Manhattan, Kan.

"The need for approval and support from their children is really large," he said.

"No matter how deeply they love in late life, the importance of the love of their kids never diminishes."

Seniors Having More Sex Than Ever

By Alan Mozes, Washington Post
July 9, 2008

When it comes to sex, grandma and grandpa are having more of it these days, new Swedish research suggests.

According to the study, the last quarter century has seen a dramatic rise in the frequency of sex among the 70-year-old set, whether married or unmarried. And as an added bonus, seniors today (particularly women) say they're much more satisfied with their liaisons than the previous generation -- facing less sexual dysfunction and feeling more positive about the experience.

"Our study shows that a large majority of elderly consider sexual activity and sexual feelings a natural part of late life," said study author Nils Beckman, a doctoral candidate with the neuropsychiatric epidemiology unit at the Institute of Neuroscience and Physiology at Gothenburg University. "It is thus important that health professionals and others take sexuality into consideration, irrespective of age."

The findings are reported online in theBritish Medical Journal.

Beckman and his team reviewed surveys concerning sexual behavior and attitudes that had been completed by more than 1,500 healthy 70-year-old Gothenburg residents over a 30-year period.

The polls had been conducted in 1971-1972, 1976-1977, 1992-1993, and 2000-2001.

Between the first survey and the last, the frequency of sexual intercourse was found to have increased among all groups. Among married men, 68 percent said they were engaging in the practice in the latest poll, compared with 52 percent in 1971, while among married women the number had risen from 38 percent to 56 percent.

Among unmarried men, the jump went from 30 percent to 54 percent in the same 30-year span, while among unmarried women the observed bump was from just under 1 percent to 12 percent.

Women seemed to make the most headway in terms of increasing their sexual satisfaction. While men expressed more positive attitudes about sex in 1971, by 2001 the gender difference had evaporated.

As well, more 21st-century women said they were highly satisfied with their sex; fewer said they had low satisfaction; more said they experienced an orgasm during sex; and fewer said they had never had an orgasm.

Regarding the degree to which the respondents said they felt "very happy" about their relationship, the three-decade trend also moved in a similarly positive direction for both genders: rising from 40 percent to 57 percent among men, and from 35 percent to 52 percent among women.

Beckman and his colleagues speculated that, in part, the findings might simply reflect the degree to which Western societies have become more comfortable in dealing with sexual matters frankly and openly -- perhaps leading to a greater willingness to honestly report sexual encounters.

"(And) maybe it has become more permissible to leave an unhappy marriage today," suggested Beckman. "And even for widows [and] widowers to establish new relations."

Whatever the explanation, S. Jay Olshansky, a professor of public health and senior research scientist at the Center on Aging at the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC), said the findings closely mirror the results of similar research conducted at UIC and elsewhere.

"Probably the addressing of physiological problems with the development of medications like Viagra explain some -- but not all -- of the upward sexual activity trend," he said. "But the most important point being made here is that when it comes to sex, clearly it doesn't matter what age you are. At least most men and many women still have a desire to have it as they age."

Japan's Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn

Tuesday, Jun. 17, 2008
Japan's Booming Sex Niche: Elder Porn
By Michiko Toyama

Besides his glowing complexion, Shigeo Tokuda looks like any other 74-year-old man in Japan. Despite suffering a heart attack three years ago, the lifelong salaryman now feels healthier, and lives happily with his wife and a daughter in downtown Tokyo. He is, of course, more physically active than most retirees, but that's because he's kept his part-time job — as a porn star.

Shigeo Tokuda is, in fact, his screen name. He prefers not to disclose his real name because, he insists, his wife and daughter have no idea that he has appeared in about 350 films over the past 14 years. And in his double life, Tokuda arguably embodies the contemporary state of Japan's sexuality: in surveys conducted by organizations ranging from the World Health Organization (WHO) to the condom-maker Durex, Japan is repeatedly found to be one of the most sexless societies in the industrialized world. A WHO report released in March found that 1 in 4 married couples in Japan had not made love in the previous year, while 38% of couples in their 50s no longer have sex at all. Those figures were attributed to the stresses of Japanese working life. Yet at the same time, the country has seen a surge in demand for pornography that has turned adult videos into a billion-dollar industry, with "elder porn" one of its fastest-growing genres.

Tokuda is rare among Japanese porn stars in that his name has become a brand. The Shigeo Tokuda series he has just completed portray him as a tactful elderly gentleman who instructs women of different ages in the erotic arts, and he boasts a body of work far more impressive than most actors in their prime.

Tokuda's exploits have proved to be a goldmine for Glory Quest, which first launched an "old man" series, Maniac Training of Lolitas, in December 2004. Its popularity led the company to follow up with Tokuda starring in Forbidden Elderly Care in August 2006. Other series followed, and soon elder porn had revealed itself as a sustainable new revenue stream for the industry. "The adult-video industry is very competitive," says Glory Quest p.r. representative Kayoko Iimura. "If we only make standard fare, we cannot beat other studios. There were already adult videos with Lolitas or themes of incest, so we wanted to make something new. A relationship between wife and an old father-in-law has enough twist to create an atmosphere of mystery and captivate viewers' hearts."

Director Gaichi Kono says the eroticism of elders is captivating to younger viewers. "I think that, as a subject, there is this something that only an older generation has and the young people do not possess. It is because they lived that much more. We should respect them and learn from them," says Kono passionately.

But Tokuda stresses the appeal of his work to an audience of his peers: "Elderly people don't identify with school dramas," he says. "It's easier for them to relate to older-men-and-daughters-in-law series, so they tend to watch adult videos with older people in them." The veteran porn star plans to keep working until he's 80 — or older, as long as the industry will cast him. Given the bullish market for his work, he's unlikely to go without work.

"People of my age generally have shame, so they are very hesitant to show their private parts," Tokuda says. "But I am proud of myself doing something they cannot." Still, he says, laughing, "That doesn't mean that I can tell them about my old-age pensioner job."

Japan's adult-video industry is believed to be worth as much as $1 billion a year, according to industry insiders, with the largest video-store chain Tsutaya releasing about 1,000 new titles monthly, while the mega adult mail-order site DMM releases about 2,000 titles each month. Although films featuring women in their teens and 20s are the mainstay of the industry, a trend toward "mature women" has become evident over the past five years. Currently, about 300 of the 1,000 adult videos on offer at Tsutaya, and 400 out of the 2,000 at DMM, are "mature women" films.

Ryuichi Kadowaki, director of Ruby Inc., which specializes in mature-women titles, says that when the company started offering the genre a few years ago, the term referred to actresses in their late 20s, and that last year it was expanded to those in their 70s. The company believes the advantage of mature titles is their enduring appeal. "Adult videos with young actresses sell well only in the first three months after the release," Kadowaki explains. "On the other hand, mature-women films enjoy a steady, long-term popularity, which after 10 years or so might lead to a best seller." And then there are the cost savings. A popular young actress can earn up to $100,000 per film, while a mature actress is paid only $2,000.

The market for elder porn has doubled over the past decade, according to Kadowaki. "In view of [Japan's] aging society," he adds, "I think that in the future, we will see a steady increase in demand."

View original link: http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1815509,00.html

Sex at 70 better than ever before: Swedish study

Today's 70-year-olds are having good sex, and they're having it more often than 70-year-olds at any time in the last 30 years, according to a Swedish study.

July 9, 2008
CBC News

Women in this age group are particularly satisfied with their sex lives, with more reporting having orgasms and fewer reporting not having had an orgasm at the age of 70.

In a study published online Tuesday in the British Medical Journal, researchers from the University of Gothenburg in Sweden studied attitudes to sex among four representative population samples of 70-year-olds in Sweden.

"Our study ... shows that most elderly people consider sexual activity and associated feelings a natural part of later life," the authors conclude.

They interviewed groups of septuagenarians in 1971-72, 1976-77, 1992-93, and 2000-01. In total, more than 1,500 people age 70 were interviewed about different aspects of their sex lives including sexual dysfunctions, marital satisfaction and sexual activity.

The authors found that over the 30-year period, the number of 70-year-olds of both sexes reporting sexual intercourse increased: married men from 52 per cent to 68 per cent, married women from 38 per cent to 56 per cent, unmarried men from 30 per cent to 54 per cent, and unmarried women from 0.8 per cent to 12 per cent.

The study also showed that while the proportion of women reporting low satisfaction with their sex lives decreased, the proportion of men reporting low satisfaction increased. The authors suggest this might be because it is now more acceptable for men to admit "failure" in sexual matters.

Overall, the majority of men and women in relationships who were surveyed in 2000-01 said they were happy with their sex lives. Fifty-two per cent of those women, and 57 per cent of the men, reported having very happy sexual relationships, up from 35 per cent of women and 40 per cent of men polled in 1971-72.

The findings point to the important role sex plays in the lives of older people and is a welcome contribution to the limited literature about sexual behaviour in this age group, Peggy Kleinplatz, a professor of family medicine at the University of Ottawa, writes in an accompanying editorial.

"Much of the literature on sexuality in elderly people focuses on sexual problems, leaving clinicians with the impression that older adults have either dismal or non-existent sex lives," she writes.

Kleinplatz said she hopes the research will highlight the need for doctors to be trained to ask all patients, regardless of age, about their sexual concerns.

Original link: http://technology.sympatico.msn.cbc.ca/news/contentposting?newsitemid=sex&feedname=cbc-tech-science-v3&show=false&number=10&showbyline=true&subtitle=&detect=&abc=abc&date=true&pagenumber=1

Growing Older with HIV Virus Presents Special Risks as it Accelerates Effects of Aging

By Thea Lapham, Kalamazoo Gazzette
July 8, 2008

When the first HIV drug, AZT, appeared on the market in 1987, there was little concern about the side effects. The disease's mortality rate was so high that patients weren't expected to live long enough for the black lining in the new drug's silver cloud to matter.

Today, however, people diagnosed with HIV -- the human immunodeficiency virus, which can lead to AIDS -- are living long, productive lives because of antiretroviral medications.

But with the graying of the HIV population come new challenges for patients and doctors alike.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that 27 percent of all Americans living with AIDS are over age 50.

Health officials in Kalamazoo County estimate that of the approximately 340 people in the county who are HIV-positive but do not have AIDS, about 50 are over the age of 50, said David Feaster, director of client services for Community AIDS Resource and Education Services (CARES), based in Kalamazoo and with another office in Benton Harbor. Officials estimate that an additional 125 people of all ages in the county have AIDS, he said.

Cancer risks, faster aging

While data are sparse on the impact of HIV on aging -- and vice versa -- studies suggest that HIV-infected men and women have an accelerated risk of heart disease and certain kinds of cancers.

The first cases of AIDS were associated with cancers such as a rare skin lesion known as Kaposi's sarcoma. But while AIDS-related malignancies seem to be declining in this country, other types of cancer -- lung, rectal and gastrointestinal malignancies -- seem to be disproportionately affecting the HIV population, said Dr. Robert Kalayjian, a longtime infectious-disease specialist at Cleveland's MetroHealth Medical Center. Doctors don't know why.

Long-term exposure to HIV treatment also is a concern, and little is known about how well older Americans tolerate or respond to the arsenal of AIDS drugs now available.

Complicating this mix is the fact that new HIV diagnoses are also rising among older Americans. ``We're clearly seeing an increase in this demographic,'' Feaster said. ``There's this myth that just because you're not a teenager anymore, you can't get HIV. But that certainly isn't true. The statistics speak for themselves.''

Feaster noted that many of the symptoms related to HIV are similar to those that accompany the aging process.

``Aging weakens the immune system, triggers memory loss and leads to fatigue,'' Feaster said. ``So can being HIV-positive. Doctors need to be aware of this and not miss a diagnosis because the patient is `too old' to get HIV, or `too straight.'''

Kalayjian, too, likens AIDS to a fast-paced version of what everyone goes through as they age. The armor that protects humans against disease starts wearing thin, he said, causing vulnerability to attack from multiple fronts.

Kalayjian said HIV, which can go undetected for 10 years in some people, progresses more rapidly in older patients regardless of when they contracted the virus. His own research has found that even when older patients adhered to the daily grind of HIV treatment, they still recorded poorer outcomes than their less-compliant but younger counterparts.

Drug side effects

Kalamazoo's Feaster, 47, a graduate of New Jersey's Rutgers University who has been active in HIV and AIDS education since the early 1980s, noted that four new classes of HIV drugs have been developed over the last decade.

``Side effects are reported in only 20 percent of patients,'' he said. ``Most people will get an initial bout of headache and diarrhea, with symptoms typically disappearing in a few weeks.''

But older patients, many of whom already have high cholesterol and cardiac problems, face additional side effects. ``HIV drugs have the potential to raise cholesterol,'' Feaster said. ``They can also displace body fat, removing it from the arms and legs and loading the body cavity. This, in turn, can be dangerous for the heart.''

Feaster said that despite a lot of unknowns, ``doctors remain optimistic that any of the drug-related side effects can be effectively managed.''

Forgetting meds

What can be harder to manage is the risk of people, especially older patients, forgetting to take their HIV medications, he said.

``The drugs make the bloodstream a hostile environment to live in,'' Feaster said, ``so the virus migrates to the lymph nodes, where it typically doesn't replicate. We've now learned that smaller, multiple doses work best. If you skip a day, there's no more medicine left in your bloodstream, giving the virus full rein to multiply. Once it's unleashed again, the virus can mutate and become resistant to the drug you are taking.''

But that's just part of the problem. ``If the person transmits the disease to anyone else, they might be transmitting this resistant strain,'' Feaster said. ``That's why it's so important for people with HIV to take their medications regularly. This goes for everyone, regardless of their age.''


Newhouse News Service reporter Regina McEnery contributed to this report.

HIV Up among People Over 50

By Jung Eun Lee, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
June 29,2008

Dr. Veronika Steenpass recalls the time two years ago when an 81-year-old woman arrived at Grady Hospital complaining of unexplained weight loss.

The woman had lost 20 pounds in six months. A thorough round of lab tests was ordered. When the results of the tests came back, Dr. Steenpass had to tell a woman old enough to be her grandmother that she was HIV-positive.

In the last 10 years, the number of newly diagnosed HIV/AIDS cases in Georgia in people over 50 has nearly doubled, according to data from the state Department of Human Resources (DHR) Division of Public Health. In 1998, there were 189 new cases of HIV/AIDS in that age group and by 2007, the number was 341, which was 15 percent of all newly diagnosed HIV/AIDS cases in Georgia.

"What accounts for these numbers is a mixture of patients infected previously who are presenting late in the course of the disease as well as patients with high-risk activities who are getting infected later in life," said Dr. David Rimland, chief of infectious diseases at the Atlanta VA Medical Center and a professor of medicine at Emory.

At the Atlanta VA Medical Center HIV Clinic, which serves a predominantly male population, Rimland said in the last few years patients over 50 have accounted for about two-thirds of new HIV/AIDS cases.

Similarly, in the first three months of this year, 38 patients at Grady Hospital were newly diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. Fifteen of these patients, nearly 40 percent, were over 50.

"In this age group, they get very little information about HIV and how to protect themselves," said Steenpass, who is finishing her residency at Emory.

That might be changing. AID Atlanta, a nonprofit that offers HIV/AIDS services, is getting more calls for educational programs for seniors at high-rises, nursing homes and church settings, said Neena Smith-Bankhead, director of education and volunteer services.

The CDC currently recommends HIV screening in individuals up to age 64. However, a study published in this month's Annals of Internal Medicine found that screening may be cost-effective up to age 75.

"Age alone should not be a contraindication for HIV screening," said the study's author, Dr. Gillian Sanders, associate professor of medicine at Duke University. She said increased screening in older adults could reduce the stigma of getting tested and reduce transmissions by allowing affected individuals to modify their behaviors.

Some patients who know they are HIV-positive may continue to participate in high-risk activities, Rimland said. "You'd like to think that everyone who is HIV-positive would be careful with their actions, but unfortunately that's not true." He stressed the importance of safe-sex practices in any age group.

When it comes to HIV screening, seniors are the least likely of all age groups to get tested.

"They may not realize that unless they ask specifically for the HIV test, they won't get the test done nor will they know their HIV status," said Teresa Kochinsky-Bell, health program representative for the Fulton County Health Department's Communicable Disease Prevention Branch. "Just because the doctor draws your blood doesn't mean they're testing you for HIV."

The state of Georgia requires patients to sign a formal written consent form before they can have HIV testing, with the exception of pregnant women.
The CDC HIV testing guidelines, however, recommend "opt-out" HIV screening, which means health care providers don't need separate consent to test for HIV. The patient still has a right to decline.

"A lot of times, HIV and other STDs (sexually transmitted disease) just aren't discussed between older patients and their doctors," Steenpass said. "It may be from a stereotype that older people are not sexually active."

Like many stereotypes, this one is not true. Almost three-quarters of 57- to 64-year-olds reported that they were sexually active, according to a study published last year in the New England Journal of Medicine. As people aged, sexual activity did decline, though even up to age 85, a quarter of individuals in the study reported being sexually active.

Media advertising of erectile dysfunction treatments such as Viagra and Cialis has brought the subject of sex and older people into mainstream conversation.

"When you're already talking to your 75-year-old patient about erectile dysfunction, wouldn't that be a great time to talk about their sexual behavior and assess their risk for STDs," said Dr. Ted Johnson, a geriatrician at the Atlanta VA Medical Center and an associate professor of medicine at Emory.

Johnson's average patient is 80; few studies characterize sexual behavior in this patient population.

"There is still no good national campaign out there to alert older people they're at the same risk for contracting HIV if they don't understand transmission and prevention," said Jane Fowler, 73, a retired journalist and founder of the advocacy organization HIV Wisdom for Older Women, based in Kansas.

Fowler, like many in her age group, was already in a committed relationship when the first cases of HIV/AIDS were reported. After the end of a 24-year marriage, Fowler began a relationship with a friend she had known and trusted her entire adult life, and from whom, she later found, she contracted HIV.

"The fact is that none of us know the sexual history of anyone but ourselves," Fowler said. "Older people think this is just a disease of young people, but that's not the case."

Several studies of women performed at Grady Hospital found that older women knew less about HIV/AIDS than their younger counterparts and had little interest in knowing their HIV status.

"Because older women are postmenopausal, they know they can't get pregnant, but they also think they can't get anything," said Lisa Bernstein, assistant professor of medicine at Emory University, who authored the studies. "We as health care providers are not educating this population, so their perceived risk is very low compared to the reality."

Barbara Revell, 53, of Cobb County, however, said many people over 50 do know a lot about HIV/AIDS and do take precautions if they decide to engage in sex.

"I saw people I knew die from HIV at the start of the epidemic, and that's the best education a person could get on the need to protect themselves," she said.

Revell has been on the dating scene in Atlanta for nine years and heads a social club for singles over 40. She said she has been tested in the past and sees it as something that should be as routine as having a mammogram.

Last year's DHR state data from newly diagnosed patients over 50 showed that twice as many men as women were infected.

The majority of these people, of either sex, could not identify any behavioral risk factor in themselves or their partners, meaning they did not know how they got the virus.

New Condom, HIV Tests for NYC Elderly

The Associated Press

July 25, 2007




While volunteers passed out cups of Jell-O to the white-haired lunch crowd at a senior center, another group was distributing something that didn’t quite fit amid the card games and daily gossip: condoms.

“You’re giving out condoms,” 82-year-old Rose Crescenzo said with a wistful smile, “but who’s going to give us a guy?”

But this was no joke.

The condom giveaway is part of an effort by New York City’s Department of Aging to educate older people about the risks of contracting the virus that causes AIDS. After the condom giveaway, free HIV testing was offered.

AIDS education of the elderly has become an important issue as antiretroviral drugs that can keep patients living into their golden years changes the face of AIDS. Experts warn that ignorance about HIV among seniors can lead to new infections.

And those infections are happening. A physician from Howard University Hospital in Washington recently diagnosed unsuspected HIV in an 82-year-old.

So HIV educators are taking their message of prevention to senior centers and other locales where older people meet. They also hope to create a welcoming environment for people who already have the virus.

Sex doesn’t end at 32

New York City has the most HIV cases of any U.S. city — nearly 100,000 — and is considered a leader in the area of AIDS education for seniors, with the City Council having budgeted $1 million toward HIV education for older people.

But smaller-scale campaigns are also under way elsewhere.
Nancy Orel, a professor of gerontology at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, is organizing a workshop for seniors that will include free condoms and HIV tests.

“Unfortunately, most individuals have the perception that sex ends at, what, 32?” Orel said. “And many older adults report that when they go to see their physicians, the physicians don’t ask if they’re sexually active.”

The program at the Peter Cardella Senior Center would have been unthinkable back when AIDS was known as a disease that strikes its victims young and kills them in their prime. But the aging of America’s AIDS population has changed that.

“Often older people do not concern themselves with HIV and AIDS because they assume that they are not at risk, and that can be a tragic mistake,” said Edwin Mendez-Santiago, New York City’s commissioner of aging.

Frank Garcia, 72, happily pocketed his supply of official New York City condoms, which are packaged with a subway logo.

“I think it’s a great thing,” he said. “We used to go to the drugstore and wait for an hour or two before we got up the nerve to ask for them. Your parents didn’t talk about it. Everything was street-taught.”

‘The silent epidemic’

A study last year by the AIDS Community Research Initiative of America projected that within the next decade, the majority of HIV-infected New Yorkers will be over 50.

Dan Tietz, executive director of the AIDS research group, said HIV education is needed at senior centers, where the average age is more like 70, because “we know that people are still having sex well past 65.”

Dorcas Baker, who directs an AIDS education center in Baltimore, said health officials there began HIV prevention programs at senior centers in 2005.

“We call it the silent epidemic because no one thinks seniors are sexual or that they’re using drugs,” she said.

Some seniors tell AIDS educators the disease doesn’t affect them because they are not having sex.

“We challenge them by saying, ‘You’re a grandmother, you’re a mother, you’re a sister, you’re a neighbor,”’ Baker said. “They can also help to raise awareness even if they’re not active themselves.”

People aged 50 to 64 accounted for 14 percent of new HIV diagnoses in 2005, while those over 65 comprised only about 2 percent of HIV diagnoses, according to Dr. Bernard Branson, associate director for laboratory diagnostics in the Division of HIV/AIDS Prevention at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

At the Peter Cardella Center in Queens, 66-year-old AIDS educator Edward Shaw recounted his own 1988 diagnosis and warned: “If you’re still having sex, you need to know about HIV/AIDS.”

Many of the seniors ignored him as they chatted with friends and settled in for pork chops and green beans.

“I think it should be done in areas where it’s really needed,” said Julia Karcher, 82. “These ladies are all by themselves for years and years and years.”

But Marie Tarantino, who gave her age as “39-plus,” said lonely seniors might take unwise risks.

“They might pick somebody up on the street,” she said. “They just think that at a certain age they can’t get pregnant. They don’t think they could get a sexually transmitted disease.”

And Crescenzo, who lost her husband of 62 years last October, did take the condoms.

“If I get a date,” she said, “I’m going to use one of these.”

UN General Assembly Special Session on HIV/AIDS (UNGASS) Indicators: Where are the Over-50s?

June 2008

HIV/AIDS and older persons are rarely mentioned together. Writers and readers alike assume that older persons don't engage in sex and have no need to learn about "protected sex." This blind spot means that millions of older people are left out of international and national policy and education about HIV/AIDS and its transmission, thus limiting the HIV/AIDS response.

For the full report by HelpAge, click on this link:
http://ent.groundspring.org/EmailNow/pub.php?module=URLTracker&cmd=track&j=217952942&u=2254329

Tips for online dating

June is Seniors Month
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS

If you are a senior who wants to get back into the dating game, the Internet is a great way to get started, said Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company for seniors.
Here are some tips Cauch recommends to keep seniors' online dating experience safe and enjoyable.

Six rules to smart online safety:

• Guard your privacy

Don't allow yourself to be exploited or taken advantage of.

Use caution when revealing personal information, particularly your address, phone number, income and whether you own a home.

• Take it slow

You can't hurry love. Take as much time as you need to get to know someone before you meet in person. Don't feel pressured to move quickly.

• Speak on the phone before meeting

Talking on the phone helps to establish chemistry and will help you decide if you'd like to take it to the next level and meet in person.

• Meet in public places

This is an unalterable rule. Restaurants, coffee shops and parks are good choices, and you should always inform someone you know where you're going and with whom.

• Pictures can lie

Unfortunately, people do lie and can make pictures lie, too. Don't place too much trust in a photo. Just because your online date looks like Sean Connery or Sophia Loren doesn't mean they will in person.

• Online dating is an accelerated form of meeting people

You need to be careful in online dating just as in real life. You can have fun but be careful. Always use common sense.

Visit www.sagehealthnetwork.com for details and more tips.

Sexually transmitted infections are on the rise for seniors

June is Seniors Month
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS Scarborough Mirror

Seniors who have been out of the dating game have a new set of things to think about.
While they don't have to worry about getting pregnant any more, sexually transmitted infections are on the rise for older people.

Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company that hosts workshops for seniors, said there are many reasons for this, including people not using protection.

"Just because they're (seniors) beyond child-bearing years people aren't using condoms, they think 'Why should I use condoms I'm not going to get pregnant, I'm 75'...," she said.

Another reason is that 50 years ago, diseases were curable and AIDS was not an issue.

Cauch said the number of HIV cases are also going up because individuals with the disease are living longer and are aging with their illness.

"So there are people acquiring sexually transmitted infections later in life because they're not practising safe sex but there are also people who have acquired STIs earlier in life and they're living longer," Cauch said.

Another interesting fact to note is that with the advent of Viagra, there has been an increase in older married women getting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

"A lot of these older men are taking Viagra and then cheating on their spouses, pick up an STD and bring it back to their wives," Cauch said

Caution aside, Cauch said senior dating is often more about meeting friends and having companionship more than it is about dating and having sex in the traditional sense. That's because some seniors may have mobility issues and medication can affect desire and ability.

"With respect to sexuality, seniors I think have a different interpretation about what sex is," Cauch said. "It may not be penetrative sex but it's more what I like to call outercourse."

Ruth Goodman, senior social worker at Baycrest Geriatric Health Care Centre in North York, said sexuality and intimacy should definitely be present in a senior's life, but it should be defined more broadly.

"Intercourse is not the only way to be close to someone, ... it's affection, touch, hugging, kissing caressing. With older people where there may be certain physical losses so it means lovemaking takes a different shape," Goodman said.

Whether you're 65 or 95, Goodman said the richer your social network is the better off you will be. Because seniors go through a number of mental and physical changes, a great support system will help them to better navigate through those changes and be more resilient.

Intimacy is important in the lives of seniors

June is Seniors Month
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS Scarborough Mirror

Whether we like it or not it happens to each of us: we get older.
If we're lucky, we will live long enough to survive our golden years enjoying retirement and with a rich personal life. That's right, a personal life.

Nowhere does it say that when we hit a certain age that our desire to be in an intimate relationship with a special someone diminishes. But that is one of the misconceptions of seniors - they don't date, let alone have sex.

"People cannot put those two concepts together (seniors and dating)," said Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company that hosts workshops for seniors. "They cannot imagine it and if they do they're disgusted by it and it's so pathetic, and it's sad and discouraging."

Cauch said she hopes that through her work with the SageHealth Network she'll change those misconceptions about seniors.

"We're all going to get older and for God sake's if anyone judges me because of how I look because I have wrinkles or grey hair, I think that's horrible, you're really dehumanizing a person because of their age," she said.

Ruth Goodman, senior social worker at Baycrest Geriatric Health Care Centre in North York, agreed. She said many people have stereotypes about seniors, with the impression they are somehow different when it comes to love.

"There is a lot of misunderstanding and gender bias as well," she said. "If older men have grey hair that's an attribute, but a woman with grey hair is seen as somehow losing her sexuality and that's unfair."

According to Statistics Canada, the 65-plus age group accounts for 13.1 per cent of Canada's total population, which means, Cauch said, for the first time ever this country will have more older than younger people. By 2050, that number will be at 26.3 per cent.

This number can be attributed to people living longer, advances in medicine and healthier lifestyles, and, Cauch said, a solid emotional and social life certainly adds to that longevity.

Goodman said meeting a new person, having someone being interested in you and having fun are things many older people are hungry for and it contributes to their general emotional well-being.

"Some things are core for everyone no matter the age and that is you want to be acknowledged, validated, and we get that through our relationships," Goodman said. "These things are lifelong, the need to love and be loved, cared about and wanted."

That's not to say that seniors may not face challenges.

For example, if a person has been out of the dating game for awhile she may not only may not only be hesitant, but out of practice.

Goodman said once a senior is ready to date again, the No. 1 thing to do is be socially involved so you have the opportunity to meet people.

Cauch's workshops touch upon all kinds of topics, including the best places for seniors to meet people.

"Volunteering, it's a great way to feel good about yourself and give back to the community; special interest classes; there's going out with friends; faith-based groups; singles travel, which is huge right now; and senior centres," Cauch said.

One area that has exploded, Cauch said, is online dating for seniors, which recently has expanded to include online speed dating.

Goodman also suggested meeting people at church or synagogue, as any social gathering equals opportunity.

That being said, if a senior has been absent from the dating game for 30 to 50 years, some things have changed.

Looking for love, or....

The Globe and Mail did a feature on aging last week. One section took a look at seniors and dating at the Terraces of Baycrest in Toronto, Ontario. The article and video focuses on the challenges of dating and the disproportionate ration of men to women. With women numbering 4 to 1, finding a mate is difficult due to supply and demand.

To see original link and watch video, click on this link: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080520.wretirement3/BNStory/retirement/?pageRequested=all&print=true

-----------------------------
Looking for love, or.....
The equipment may be rusty, but you can still get lusty. And the desire for companionship never fades. Reporter Rebecca Dube and photographer Kevin Van Paassen watch sparks fly

From Wednesday's Globe and Mail
May 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM EDT


Seymour Hersch has been dating the same woman for five years. He thinks she would love to get married; all he has to do is ask.

But marriage would only cramp his style – he would have to drop the other three women he's been seeing. He met some of his girlfriends through friends and family, others through an online dating service.

“They might be jealous, but I don't care,” he says. “I make it very clear I'm not interested in getting married.”

Just another commitment-shy bachelor – except Mr. Hersch is 77 and lives in a retirement home.

They may move more slowly than they did in their prime, but old people have still got moves. The number of Canadians 65 and older is set to double over the next three decades, and people are living longer and staying fit longer than ever before. They're still dating, hooking up and looking for love.

That's certainly true of Mr. Hersch, whose gap-toothed grin has become a flirtatious fixture at the Terraces of Baycrest since he moved to the Toronto retirement home last winter.

Age and illness often cause the body's sexual machinery to get a little rusty. After his prostate cancer, “it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night,” Mr. Hersch quips, with Borscht-Belt timing. But nothing diminishes the basic human desire for companionship, the yearning to love and be loved.

Given the cultural taboo regarding elderly sexuality, as well as the physical impairments that come with age, it's amazing that seniors have the bravery to put themselves out there and look for love. But they do.

One recent Saturday night, Mr. Hersch took Ms. Long Term to the movies, then to a burger joint for dinner. On Sunday, he rested because his angina was acting up. He knows it's bad, he says, when he gets breathless without even seeing a pretty woman. On Tuesday, he took his newest lady friend (as he calls them), a resident of the Terraces, for hot dogs at Costco. Other romances have blossomed over coffee, during a concert at the residence or on an outing to the mall.

The level of physical contact varies from couple to couple. Some express affection by holding hands, while others get hot and heavy.

“Completely depends on the person,” Mr. Hersch says. “One lady, on the second date she attacked me, and we went all the way!”

At the Terraces, 90 per cent of the residents are single. Women outnumber men 4 to 1, but a recent influx of single men such as Mr. Hersch has injected a jolt of excitement. Some men work the lunch room like Casanovas, throwing winks and smiles to women in all directions, and some women are happy to take the new men under their wings, shepherding them to activities and fussing over them the way they used to do with their husbands.

When Mr. Hersch arrived at the Terraces, his daughter announced to an elevator full of women that her father had just moved into apartment 310. They asked two questions: Does he have a car? (Yes.) And is he single? (Oh yeah, baby.)

“So,” Mr. Hersch says, “you can see how their minds work.”

Retirement homes have struggled to acknowledge senior sexuality. In the past, elderly people who were “caught” making out or even masturbating in their own beds were chided like naughty teenagers. That's changing, with more private rooms, better training for staff members and more open discussions of intimacy and sexuality.

“Attitudes are changing, slowly,” Baycrest social worker Ruth Goodman says. “The residents do have rights to have meaningful relationships with the people they choose. … People's need for emotional connection, social connection and intimacy is a lifelong need.”

If it's hard for workers to deal with romances among the residents, it can be even harder for sons and daughters to accept that their elderly parent has sexual needs. Some get angry at what they see as a betrayal of the deceased parent, or question their parent's judgment.

Mr. Hersch's daughter, Randi Kwinta, not only accepts her father's busy social calendar, she's constantly setting him up on blind dates. It's a little bizarre to be checking out 70-year-olds on behalf of her father, Ms. Kwinta acknowledges, but more than anything she wants him to be happy.

“He loves women and he loves to be in the company of women,” Ms. Kwinta says. “No one will ever replace my mom. But I want him to be in a relationship where there's mutual respect, where he can have fun and laugh. I would be very happy if he had a woman in his life he could take out to the movies and dinner, and maybe she would have him over once a week and cook him some chicken soup. I think he longs for that.”

Rebecca Hoch, 96, has lived at the Terraces for nine years, and although she's not interested in playing the dating game, she still keeps score. From her wheelchair, she notices which couples linger together after lunch and who's on the prowl. When an 80-year-old man says hello to her in the hallway, she nods back and whispers: “He likes the ladies.”

She says many women of the women here read Harlequin romances – “that's where they get their kicks” – but she prefers Jane Austen. (She's particularly partial to Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.) She read one Danielle Steel novel to see what the fuss was about and was scandalized. “It wasn't even grammatically correct,” she says.

Mrs. Hoch sees how some women flirt. “They touch a man on the shoulder, on the arm. Maybe they want a man,” she says with some disapproval. But on second thought, she softens: “They're only in their 80s, they're young.”

Heather Lisner-Kerbel, a social worker at the Terraces, recalls one woman who fell in love with a man who had memory problems. Their relationship followed a frustrating pattern: They'd make plans, he would forget and stand her up, and her feelings would be hurt.

On top of the usual dating dilemmas – does he like me as much as I like him? – the elderly carry a lifetime of emotional baggage into each new relationship. Those widowed after a long and happy marriage often feel the most eager to start dating again, but new loves can discover it's difficult to compete with a memory.

Mr. Hersch keeps a full dance card, but his heart still belongs to his beloved Sylvia, his wife of 49 years. They met on a blind date when he was 17, and he loved her from the moment he saw her.

“Something clicked,” he says, a faraway look in his eyes. “I don't know what it was, but it lasted a long time.”

Mrs. Hersch died on July 4, 2002. Mr. Hersch still wakes up in the middle of the night and reaches for her.

While he longs for companionship, sometimes he feels like a magnet for the wrong kind of woman.

“That's my problem, I always find these women with problems,” he complains. And not stuff like being a close talker or having ugly feet – they've got issues such as Parkinson's, arthritis or senility. One girlfriend broke up with him because he didn't visit enough at the hospital after she broke a hip.

“It might sound hard, it might sound bad, but I've had my share of hospitals,” he says.

Mrs. Hersch struggled with chronic illness and spent the last seven months of her life in hospital. He stayed by her side through every needle stick and intubation, watching his first and only love fade away.

“You can only take so much,” he says.

So he plays the field. His newest companion is Sylvia Miller, an elegant 89-year-old who moved to the Terraces from Florida two years ago. One night, he didn't feel like eating dinner in his room alone, so he called her up and they went to Costco for hot dogs.

“Cheapest date I ever had – $4.18,” Mr. Hersch says.

“A real night out, whee!” Mrs. Miller says sardonically, raising her eyebrows and twirling a finger in the air.

Honestly though, she says, it was a treat. She loves to banter with Mr. Hersch even if she doesn't think there's much romantic possibility. She's been married three times, and people at the Terraces gossip that Mr. Hersch is next on the list. But she insists she's not looking for No. 4.

“It suits me absolutely perfectly,” she says. “No commitment and no obligations.”

Mr. Hersch finds irony in the fact that Mrs. Miller, 12 years his senior, is in better physical shape than any of his other girlfriends. She's good-looking and a sharp dresser – almost the perfect woman. But she has memory problems. When he asked for her phone number, she couldn't remember it.

“She's a nice lady … except for her mind,” Mr. Hersch says, adding with a shrug: “You can't have everything.”

Both say they're content to be just friends. But they also both seem to revel in the spark of flirtation that jumps between them.

At a piano concert and singalong at the Terraces one night, Mr. Hersch swivels in his chair to wave at Mrs. Miller two rows back during a heartfelt rendition of Besame Mucho. She smiles and waves, but he turns back around quickly.

“There's two women sitting between me and her and now they think I'm tied up to them,” he whispers, glancing nervously at the two rows of nearsighted women who are now smiling sweetly at him.

Such are the perils of being a retirement-home player. Still, Mr. Hersch says he'll never give up on his search for love. Who knows, if he meets the right woman he might even get married again. But she'd have to be pretty special.

“Most of the women just want to be taken out and shown a good time. A percentage of them want to get married, they don't care to who. They want to live in the style to which they've become accustomed,” he says, summarizing the 70-plus dating scene. “I'm not looking for a business arrangement. I want some emotions, I want some feelings. I want love.”

***

Sex and the single senior

And you thought the "sex talk" with your teenagers was awkward. Try discussing condoms and hookups with your elderly parents.

But as seniors live longer, healthier lives, they're more likely to stay sexually active.

This isn't just a Viagra-fuelled revolution. Though drugs do help with the mechanics, the real drive is deeper. "People's need for emotional connection, social connection and intimacy is a lifelong need," Baycrest social worker Ruth Goodman says.

So what do adult children need to know about their elderly parent's sex life - even if they're too afraid to ask?

Accept that they have one. A 2007 study of 3,005 adults published in The New England Journal of Medicine found that half of people aged 65 to 74 and a quarter of those 75 to 85 reported being sexually active (defined as "any mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves sexual contact, whether or not intercourse or orgasm occurs").

"A substantial number of men and women engage in vaginal intercourse, oral sex and masturbation even in the eighth and ninth decades of life," the study's authors concluded.

Intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, dancing: All help people connect with their sensual selves, which can decrease loneliness and boost self-esteem.

If your parent is widowed, it can feel like a betrayal of the deceased spouse when they start dating. But people who had happy marriages are actually the most likely to pursue relationships.

Take your cue from them. If a relative wants to share with you, great. But they have a right to keep their sex life private. And if they want information, give it without judging. Your parents know their way around sex, but much has probably changed since they were last on the dating scene. While pregnancy isn't a concern, sexually transmitted diseases are.

Get over your hang-ups. Pop culture socializes us to think of old people having sex as icky or laughable. But remember, we'll all be old some day.

Rebecca Dube