June is Seniors Month
June 11, 2008 09:23 AM
MARIA TZAVARAS Scarborough Mirror
Whether we like it or not it happens to each of us: we get older.
If we're lucky, we will live long enough to survive our golden years enjoying retirement and with a rich personal life. That's right, a personal life.
Nowhere does it say that when we hit a certain age that our desire to be in an intimate relationship with a special someone diminishes. But that is one of the misconceptions of seniors - they don't date, let alone have sex.
"People cannot put those two concepts together (seniors and dating)," said Michele Cauch, executive director of SageHealth Network, a Toronto-based sexual health promotion and education company that hosts workshops for seniors. "They cannot imagine it and if they do they're disgusted by it and it's so pathetic, and it's sad and discouraging."
Cauch said she hopes that through her work with the SageHealth Network she'll change those misconceptions about seniors.
"We're all going to get older and for God sake's if anyone judges me because of how I look because I have wrinkles or grey hair, I think that's horrible, you're really dehumanizing a person because of their age," she said.
Ruth Goodman, senior social worker at Baycrest Geriatric Health Care Centre in North York, agreed. She said many people have stereotypes about seniors, with the impression they are somehow different when it comes to love.
"There is a lot of misunderstanding and gender bias as well," she said. "If older men have grey hair that's an attribute, but a woman with grey hair is seen as somehow losing her sexuality and that's unfair."
According to Statistics Canada, the 65-plus age group accounts for 13.1 per cent of Canada's total population, which means, Cauch said, for the first time ever this country will have more older than younger people. By 2050, that number will be at 26.3 per cent.
This number can be attributed to people living longer, advances in medicine and healthier lifestyles, and, Cauch said, a solid emotional and social life certainly adds to that longevity.
Goodman said meeting a new person, having someone being interested in you and having fun are things many older people are hungry for and it contributes to their general emotional well-being.
"Some things are core for everyone no matter the age and that is you want to be acknowledged, validated, and we get that through our relationships," Goodman said. "These things are lifelong, the need to love and be loved, cared about and wanted."
That's not to say that seniors may not face challenges.
For example, if a person has been out of the dating game for awhile she may not only may not only be hesitant, but out of practice.
Goodman said once a senior is ready to date again, the No. 1 thing to do is be socially involved so you have the opportunity to meet people.
Cauch's workshops touch upon all kinds of topics, including the best places for seniors to meet people.
"Volunteering, it's a great way to feel good about yourself and give back to the community; special interest classes; there's going out with friends; faith-based groups; singles travel, which is huge right now; and senior centres," Cauch said.
One area that has exploded, Cauch said, is online dating for seniors, which recently has expanded to include online speed dating.
Goodman also suggested meeting people at church or synagogue, as any social gathering equals opportunity.
That being said, if a senior has been absent from the dating game for 30 to 50 years, some things have changed.
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