by Gloria G. Brame
03/31/2009
One of the most difficult conversations for new lovers concerns the sticky issue of sexual health. At the same time, finding out your partner's STD status it is the single most important sexual conversation you may ever have. So here are tips on getting the info you need to make that critical talk go smoothly, and ensure that you are left with a happy memory and not an unhappy disease.
Why You Gotta
No one WANTS to have this conversation. It's clinical and embarrassing and thwarts spontaneity. Unfortunately, you gotta. STDs are at an all-time high in all age groups (particularly college-age kids and the elderly), and some of them (HPV, herpes and HIV) are incurable. If you get one of those diseases, your life will change for the worse. Sterility, pain, cancer, and even death are the price Americans are paying for their inability to talk about STDs. So learn to make the STD conversation a healthy priority in your sex life. The benefits of staying healthy far outweigh any temporary awkwardness.
Time It Right
Talk to your partner about STDs before the sex-play begins. Don't wait until your clothes are off and your desire is boiling. Arousal and nudity have a funny effect on people: it makes them fib, fudge, and get fuzzy about specifics. It also makes them willing to take crazy risks. Talk about it on the drive home; discuss it by phone. Just don't wait until your brain is clouded by lust. Also important: It may be fun to have sex when you're tipsy or high, but this conversation should only take place when you and your partner are stone cold sober.
Take the First Step
A diplomatic approach is to start the conversation by telling your partner about your own status. Remember that if you want honesty, you must give honesty: if you have any concerns about former lovers or if you haven't been tested for something you think you could have picked up, it is your moral obligation to inform a potential partner of the risk. So set the example: give your partner a clear picture of your sexual health. Most people will volunteer the same information in response. If your lover refuses to have this conversation, walk away. In my clinical experience, people who conceal their STD status have something (big) to hide.
Deal With It
It's human nature to want something so much that we overlook red flags. This is especially true when we're dying to sleep with someone. But be prepared to deal with reality if you don't get the answers you were hoping for. Ask how many partners they've had; ask if they regularly use condoms or others types of STD protection; ask if they've been screened for STDs. If your partner is vague or treats the subject as if it isn't important, don't brush it off. If they can't discuss the subject openly with you they probably didn't discuss it with their former partners and that is very bad news for you. Sexually active adults who don't make an effort to prevent STDs usually end up getting them and infecting their partners.
Don't Over-React To It
So your hot and sexy partner just revealed that he or she has an STD. Don't freak out: it doesn't mean you can't have great sex. It just means you have to have safe sex. There are many happy, long-term couples out there where one partner is infected and the other never catches it. Virtually every known STD can be prevented so don't think someone's STD means the end of your sex life together. Educate yourself on the particular STD, and follow the CDC's guidelines on prevention. Meanwhile, don't hesitate to explore safe-sex options, such as mutual masturbation, using adult toys, and role-play.
Source:www.loveandhealth.info
1 comment:
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