Third Age
The dance of dating has rules which provide common expectations between two strangers and limit the number of uncomfortable situations. After all, it can be disastrous when a man and his date have very different expectations about when he will get a kiss (or more), who will pay for dinner, and when to meet the parents. These rules are fairly simple for young people, with a primary purpose of preventing unwanted pregnancy.
Dating after divorce is far more complicated, involving big money, mortgages, career compatibility, integrating children, and emotional scars from being burned by a bad relationship. The game has changed for middle age dating, and so have the rules.
Know what you want
There seem to be two kinds of late-life daters: Those who want to marry again and those who absolutely refuse to consider the possibility. Know which type you are and don’t mix with the other kind because someone will get hurt. If you want to get married again, allow yourself to learn from the process of dating. After each date or relationship, take the time to think about what you liked or didn’t like in the relationship, and hone your list of desirable qualities in a mate.
Talk about religion, politics and money on the first date
At this stage of life, we have established world views which aren’t likely to change. Don’t waste time avoiding topics that help you understand the perspective and thinking process of your date. A Catholic Republican and a liberal Buddhist simply aren’t likely to click, and that’s okay.
Since money is the leading cause of divorce, you need to have a sense of your date’s spending habits, income and debt. No, you don’t need to ask outright. However, you can make some basic determinations as you learn about his career, his complaints about paying bills, and whether he winces when you order an appetizer or dessert.
Have the guts to ask the big questions
Life is too short and we are getting too old to wonder what our date is thinking, so ask. Ask everything you’ve always wanted to ask starting on the second date. Are you interested in marrying again someday? Do you want more children? What are your career goals? What do you think about me? You may have been terrified to ask these questions as a young adult, but maybe having asked these questions would have steered you away from a bad marriage. At this stage of life, there is no sense in wasting time. If your date is offended, then he or she is not serious, and that’s your cue to move on.
Protect the kids while testing your date
Every family therapist says that your kids don’t need to know about your dating life, so don’t introduce your kids to your date unless you are very serious. The problem with that approach, according to author and comedian Steve Harvey, is that you won’t know how your date truly reacts to children. He may say he wants your children, but he may run away screaming when he finally sees them in person. Harvey says you need to know before you invest too much time in a relationship. If you’re getting serious, arrange for your date to see your children in a public place where your children won’t notice him. A soccer game, a playground, church or a friend’s party all offer innocent ways for your date to see your children in action, and allow you to gauge his reaction.
Sex?
Because virginity and the newness of sex are long gone, there are few rules about sex when dating after divorce. When to have sex becomes a personal choice and ranges widely, so you need to know what your plans are. More spiritual individuals often choose to avoid sex until commitment, while others view it as yet another personality test, and fun to boot. It is certainly revealing to learn that your date has no idea how to sexually pleasure the opposite sex after years of marriage.
There are also conflicts over birth control methods. Many formerly-married men spent years having sex without condoms or have a vasectomy, and they detest using a condom. Yet the high rate of sexually transmitted diseases among divorced singles should be enough for you to think twice. Incessant demands may also providing interesting insights into your partner’s character.
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Source URL: http://www.thirdage.com/dating/dating-after-divorce
Article Source: McClatchy Tribune
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Bawdy boomers often cast condoms, caution to wind: survey
By Pamela Fayerman, Postmedia News
Ottawa Citizen
VANCOUVER — Baby boomers — especially those newly single — are rediscovering their zest for sex as their children are leaving the nest, a new national survey shows.
But they aren't always practising what they preach to their kids when it comes to safe sex: 70 per cent of survey respondents say they tell their kids to practise safe sex, yet 30 per cent of unmarried boomers admit they've had unprotected sex with a new partner.
An equal proportion said they aren't worried about contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
According to the survey, commissioned by the Canadian Liver Foundation (CLF), those aged 46 to 64 are boldly going where they likely told their kids not to — with one-night stands, multiple sex partners, online dating and failing to use condoms.
"Perhaps it's not surprising that there is a lot of risk-taking going on, judging by the frequent commercials for (male-impotence) products on . . . apple pie mainstream shows like Hockey Night in Canada," said Dr. Eric Yoshida, University of B.C. head of gastroenterology, who is also chair of the CLF medical advisory committee.
Yoshida's patients are those with advancing liver disease, many of whom don't even realize they might have contracted hepatitis from sex or that the main three types of the virus (A, B and C) can be transmitted through sex.
Apart from using condoms for protection, there are vaccines to prevent hepatitis A and B, but not for C. Across Canada, there are 250,000 cases of hepatitis C.
Yoshida said 45 per cent of hepatitis B infections are diagnosed in baby boomers.
Younger people have a much lower risk of getting it because of immunization programs for infants and school-age children.
Newly single baby boomers who have been out of the dating scene should realize the risk of contracting several types of sexually transmitted infections, he said. But the national survey of nearly 1,000 baby boomers found that many people are naive about this.
While the liver foundation is mostly concerned with hepatitis as an STI, public health agencies like the BC Centre for Disease Control track other reportable STI's like HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. STIs like herpes and HPV (human papillomavirus) are considered common but aren't subject to mandatory reporting.
Dr. Mark Gilbert, physician epidemiologist at BCCDC, said baby boomers who are being bolder about their sexual behaviours constitute one factor driving the rising incidence of some STIs — but does more frequent testing.
"There is a need for anyone, regardless of age, to think about STIs because people can get infected at any age," he said, adding that even though baby boomers may not worry about pregnancy, condoms are the best insurance against STIs.
If baby boomers are in new relationships or having sex with multiple partners, they should tell their doctors so that they can do routine screening for such infections, he suggested.
According to the 2009 BCCDC STI surveillance report, there were 11,173 new cases of genital chlamydia in B.C. (including 320 women over age 40 and 458 men); 1,307 cases of gonorrhea, (50 women over age 40 and 244 men); 216 cases of syphilis (eight women over 40 and 83 men); 338 cases of HIV (29 women over age 40 and 145 men); and 91 new cases of AIDS (20 women over age 40 and 55 men).
The survey of 877 baby boomers' sexual behaviours and attitudes was sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, one of the makers of hepatitis vaccines. The sponsorship was given as an unrestricted grant to CLF.
Leger Marketing says the survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3.3 percentage points and is considered accurate 19 times out of 20.
Some of the findings in the survey:
-82 per cent of baby boomers believe it's important to have an active sex life at every age.
- 57 per cent feel freer about sex.
- 81 per cent say it's important their kids use protection during sex; 70 per cent have doled out such advice.
- 16 per cent admit they don't always follow their own advice to practise safe sex.
- 30 per cent of unmarried boomers have had unprotected sex with a new partner.
- 33 per cent of unmarried boomers have done online dating.
- 40 per cent of men and five per cent of women are open to one-night stands.
Original link: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/story.html?id=3624878
Ottawa Citizen
VANCOUVER — Baby boomers — especially those newly single — are rediscovering their zest for sex as their children are leaving the nest, a new national survey shows.
But they aren't always practising what they preach to their kids when it comes to safe sex: 70 per cent of survey respondents say they tell their kids to practise safe sex, yet 30 per cent of unmarried boomers admit they've had unprotected sex with a new partner.
An equal proportion said they aren't worried about contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
According to the survey, commissioned by the Canadian Liver Foundation (CLF), those aged 46 to 64 are boldly going where they likely told their kids not to — with one-night stands, multiple sex partners, online dating and failing to use condoms.
"Perhaps it's not surprising that there is a lot of risk-taking going on, judging by the frequent commercials for (male-impotence) products on . . . apple pie mainstream shows like Hockey Night in Canada," said Dr. Eric Yoshida, University of B.C. head of gastroenterology, who is also chair of the CLF medical advisory committee.
Yoshida's patients are those with advancing liver disease, many of whom don't even realize they might have contracted hepatitis from sex or that the main three types of the virus (A, B and C) can be transmitted through sex.
Apart from using condoms for protection, there are vaccines to prevent hepatitis A and B, but not for C. Across Canada, there are 250,000 cases of hepatitis C.
Yoshida said 45 per cent of hepatitis B infections are diagnosed in baby boomers.
Younger people have a much lower risk of getting it because of immunization programs for infants and school-age children.
Newly single baby boomers who have been out of the dating scene should realize the risk of contracting several types of sexually transmitted infections, he said. But the national survey of nearly 1,000 baby boomers found that many people are naive about this.
While the liver foundation is mostly concerned with hepatitis as an STI, public health agencies like the BC Centre for Disease Control track other reportable STI's like HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. STIs like herpes and HPV (human papillomavirus) are considered common but aren't subject to mandatory reporting.
Dr. Mark Gilbert, physician epidemiologist at BCCDC, said baby boomers who are being bolder about their sexual behaviours constitute one factor driving the rising incidence of some STIs — but does more frequent testing.
"There is a need for anyone, regardless of age, to think about STIs because people can get infected at any age," he said, adding that even though baby boomers may not worry about pregnancy, condoms are the best insurance against STIs.
If baby boomers are in new relationships or having sex with multiple partners, they should tell their doctors so that they can do routine screening for such infections, he suggested.
According to the 2009 BCCDC STI surveillance report, there were 11,173 new cases of genital chlamydia in B.C. (including 320 women over age 40 and 458 men); 1,307 cases of gonorrhea, (50 women over age 40 and 244 men); 216 cases of syphilis (eight women over 40 and 83 men); 338 cases of HIV (29 women over age 40 and 145 men); and 91 new cases of AIDS (20 women over age 40 and 55 men).
The survey of 877 baby boomers' sexual behaviours and attitudes was sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline, one of the makers of hepatitis vaccines. The sponsorship was given as an unrestricted grant to CLF.
Leger Marketing says the survey has a margin of error of plus or minus 3.3 percentage points and is considered accurate 19 times out of 20.
Some of the findings in the survey:
-82 per cent of baby boomers believe it's important to have an active sex life at every age.
- 57 per cent feel freer about sex.
- 81 per cent say it's important their kids use protection during sex; 70 per cent have doled out such advice.
- 16 per cent admit they don't always follow their own advice to practise safe sex.
- 30 per cent of unmarried boomers have had unprotected sex with a new partner.
- 33 per cent of unmarried boomers have done online dating.
- 40 per cent of men and five per cent of women are open to one-night stands.
Original link: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/story.html?id=3624878
Saturday, October 2, 2010
National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day is September 18, 2010
By Elizabeth Batt, September 14, 2010
September 18, 2010 marks the 3rd annual National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. The campaign highlights complex issues of HIV in aging populations.
In a statement released on September 13, 2010, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), issued details about the third National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. Set to take place on September 18, 2010, the campaign focuses on challenges that older people infected with HIV or AIDS currently face. With the emphasis on research, development and quality of life issues, the NIH and other government entities, hope to raise awareness for the virus nationwide.
People with HIV infections are now living longer but aging faster
Changes to the way HIV is being treated allows many HIV individuals to live into their 50s and beyond. The use of powerful combinations of antiretroviral drugs, which suppress HIV replication, is keeping the HIV virus in check for many and is preventing progression to AIDS. Unfortunately, says the institute, treatments are causing a growing number of HIV-infected adults in their 40s and 50s to experience symptoms resembling premature aging.
Premature aging, reports the institute, is just one issue of many caused by extended exposure to HIV and antiretroviral drugs. Long-term, HIV adults face increased risk of illness and death from cardiovascular, bone, kidney, liver and lung diseases as well as many cancers. With HIV progressing more quickly in older groups, it's important says the institute, that HIV testing is encouraged in older groups, particularly as an early diagnosis lessens the risk of progression to AIDS in older adults.
New AIDS cases rising faster in middle-aged and older people than those under 40
The National Institute on Aging (NIA) says that almost one quarter of all people in the US with HIV/AIDS are aged 50 and older. Furthermore, adds the NIA, new AIDS cases are on the rise for this age group, which has now surpassed the 40s age group in testing positive. Reasons for the rise, says the NIA, is partly due to a lack of awareness of HIV/AIDS, and partly due to embarrassment. Older generations are less inclined to publicly share details of their drug use or sex lives and health care workers seem reluctant to ask.
Reticence by both patient and doctor, says the NIH, results in older people with HIV completely unaware that they carry the virus. As a result, family members are also placed at risk and early treatment of the virus with antiretroviral drugs is prevented. Minus drug combinations, HIV progresses faster, eventually evolving into AIDS. The NIH therefore is urging all individuals to emphasize the importance of testing and knowledge for older adults.
Helping in the fight against HIV and AIDS
AIDS.gov is asking local organizations to get involved on September 18, and offers several options for promoting the fight against HIV and AIDS at Aids.gov. Ideas on event hosting for National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day include town hall meetings with local media and school participation. Organizations may also want to consider arranging for free HIV testing coupled with incentives to boost turnout.
Testing for HIV is a simple procedure, says the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), who report that 97% of persons develop detectable antibodies within the first three months of contracting HIV.
Untested and minus treatment, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus attacks so many CD4+ T blood cells, that it leaves people vulnerable to infection and consequently AIDS. With early treatment, reports the CDC, HIV-related illness and AIDS can be prevented for several years.
Sources: National Institutes of Health; Nih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Centers for Disease Control; Cdc.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
National Institute on Aging; Nia.hih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Aids.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/18.htm
September 18, 2010 marks the 3rd annual National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. The campaign highlights complex issues of HIV in aging populations.
In a statement released on September 13, 2010, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), issued details about the third National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day. Set to take place on September 18, 2010, the campaign focuses on challenges that older people infected with HIV or AIDS currently face. With the emphasis on research, development and quality of life issues, the NIH and other government entities, hope to raise awareness for the virus nationwide.
People with HIV infections are now living longer but aging faster
Changes to the way HIV is being treated allows many HIV individuals to live into their 50s and beyond. The use of powerful combinations of antiretroviral drugs, which suppress HIV replication, is keeping the HIV virus in check for many and is preventing progression to AIDS. Unfortunately, says the institute, treatments are causing a growing number of HIV-infected adults in their 40s and 50s to experience symptoms resembling premature aging.
Premature aging, reports the institute, is just one issue of many caused by extended exposure to HIV and antiretroviral drugs. Long-term, HIV adults face increased risk of illness and death from cardiovascular, bone, kidney, liver and lung diseases as well as many cancers. With HIV progressing more quickly in older groups, it's important says the institute, that HIV testing is encouraged in older groups, particularly as an early diagnosis lessens the risk of progression to AIDS in older adults.
New AIDS cases rising faster in middle-aged and older people than those under 40
The National Institute on Aging (NIA) says that almost one quarter of all people in the US with HIV/AIDS are aged 50 and older. Furthermore, adds the NIA, new AIDS cases are on the rise for this age group, which has now surpassed the 40s age group in testing positive. Reasons for the rise, says the NIA, is partly due to a lack of awareness of HIV/AIDS, and partly due to embarrassment. Older generations are less inclined to publicly share details of their drug use or sex lives and health care workers seem reluctant to ask.
Reticence by both patient and doctor, says the NIH, results in older people with HIV completely unaware that they carry the virus. As a result, family members are also placed at risk and early treatment of the virus with antiretroviral drugs is prevented. Minus drug combinations, HIV progresses faster, eventually evolving into AIDS. The NIH therefore is urging all individuals to emphasize the importance of testing and knowledge for older adults.
Helping in the fight against HIV and AIDS
AIDS.gov is asking local organizations to get involved on September 18, and offers several options for promoting the fight against HIV and AIDS at Aids.gov. Ideas on event hosting for National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day include town hall meetings with local media and school participation. Organizations may also want to consider arranging for free HIV testing coupled with incentives to boost turnout.
Testing for HIV is a simple procedure, says the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), who report that 97% of persons develop detectable antibodies within the first three months of contracting HIV.
Untested and minus treatment, the Human Immunodeficiency Virus attacks so many CD4+ T blood cells, that it leaves people vulnerable to infection and consequently AIDS. With early treatment, reports the CDC, HIV-related illness and AIDS can be prevented for several years.
Sources: National Institutes of Health; Nih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Centers for Disease Control; Cdc.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
National Institute on Aging; Nia.hih.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Aids.gov; (accessed Sep. 13, 2010).
Original link: http://www.globalaging.org/health/world/2010/18.htm
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